One of the Guys (31 page)

“What happened?” I ask, picking at my thumb. “She hates me, doesn't she?”

Brian zips up his fancy coat. “Follow me.”

I stand there, shocked, and watch him walk down the hall. He stops, turns, and says, “Let's go, Toni.”

Startled, I jog to catch up, my sneakers squeaking against the floor. As I follow Brian through the parking lot, I keep waiting for him to tell me the official news. Shouldn't he at least express how much I've disappointed my mother? The silence is killing me.

“Drive straight home,” he says, twirling his keys. The wind messes with his thick, graying hair.

As he walks to his car, I yell, “What happened? How long are you going to torture me?”

He just waves. I sigh and run to my car. Happy birthday to me.

I'm expelled.

Mom gets home about ten minutes after we do. Brian had instructed me to wait in the living room so that's what I'm doing when she walks in the door. I tap my feet against the frayed carpet as I sink farther into the couch. Brian rests silent and still in the plaid armchair across the room like a silent king. He won't look at me. I so wouldn't mind if the couch just swallowed me up right now.

Mom takes off her red coat and slings it over the back of the couch. When she's yelling at me, I'll just focus on the cute cartoon kittens stamped all over her scrubs. She folds her arms across her chest, pacing back and forth, and glares. I look away.

“You're going to torture me as well,” I say, swallowing the lump in my throat. I talk quickly. “Okay. I deserve that. I'm sorry about the whole thing. Lying is bad. Lying for money is even worse. I thought I was helping people, but I just don't know anymore.”

I'm out of breath and on the verge of tears. Mom plops down beside me and pats my knee. Her look softens. “You're lucky you weren't expelled, Toni.”

I blink a few times. “I
wasn't
expelled?”

Mom looks to Brian. “You didn't tell her?”

Brian shrugs. “Thought I'd let her sweat a little.”

Oh my God. My life isn't ruined!
A huge weight falls from my shoulders. I exhale, clutching my chest as if to console my worried heart. “I'm not expelled?” I ask. “Really? What about Emma?”

“Emma is no longer implicated in this, thanks to you. But what you did was against Winston code,” Brian says. He stands and rolls up his sleeves. “So you do have detention for the rest of the year. Plus, you have to write Mrs. Kemper a thousand-word essay about your future. She said it can't include anything about boys.”

Relief washes over me, but I hold back my laughter. I don't want them to think I'm not taking this seriously because I am. “I can do that,” I say, nodding. “Wow. I thought I was toast.”

“You were,” Mom says, her voice still in lecture-mode. “Brian has excellent negotiation skills.”

When I look at Brian, he just shrugs again. But he saved me. Without him, I would've been a goner. I jump off the couch and wrap my arms around his neck. He's so surprised he makes this little woof-like sound and pats my back a few times and says, “I think you're crushing my rib cage.”

I pull away and apologize for the bear hug. This is sort of weird so I take a few steps back and contain myself. I don't think Brian and I have ever hugged before. Not even at the wedding.

“I know you're eighteen now, but we've got to ground you,” Brian adds. There's a hint of a smile on his face.

“Duh.” I've never been so happy to be grounded in my life, but I keep a straight face. I dodged a major bullet. But now I can mope about not kissing Micah anymore without feeling guilty about developing the habits of a hermit. This is the happiest punishment ever.

“Well.” Mom rises and clears her throat. “I can't wait to hear more about this business of yours, Toni. But first, who wants pizza?”

The doorbell rings. We all look at each other. “Wow,” I say. “Fastest pizza delivery in the world. Did you order with your mind, Mom?”

Mom finally cracks a smile and goes to answer the door. I'm left alone with Brian. My newfound hero.

“So,” I say awkwardly. “Thank you.”

“You're very welcome.” Brian rolls his sleeves back down. Maybe the turn in our relationship feels as weird to him as it does to me.

“Pepperoni?” he asks.

Excellent timing for a subject change. “My favorite,” I say.

“Toni?” Mom calls from the foyer. “You've got a visitor.”

My first thought immediately jumps to him. He's come to talk things through with me. To figure our thing out together. I run my fingers through my hair, lick my lips, and skip to the door, excited to hear his voice. I hope there's more kissing.

But it's not him. It's Emma. She stands there in her Winston uniform, wringing her hands, her eyes red and puffy.

“Emma,” I say, concerned. “Are you okay?”

“Hey.” Her voice is soft and low. “Sorry I haven't texted you back. I've been a little freaked out. Can I come in?”

“Yeah, yeah.” I step aside to let her through. She enters, close to tears. I tell Mom and Brian we need to head to my room for some serious girl discussion.

“I'll order that pizza,” Mom calls up the stairs as we go.

Emma enters my room first. “Pizza,” she says, shaking. She paces. “Sweet. Wish I could eat, but I feel so sick about all this.”

I close the door. “It's okay, Emma.”

“Shauna wrote a note saying it was us, Toni,” she rambles. “The business. You and me. When Mrs. Kemper questioned me, I said nothing. Not a word. She let me go, but I'm worried she'll find more evidence and then expel me. Did she talk to you too?”

I tell her to calm down, to breathe, and then I fill her in on what happened that afternoon. How Brian saved my butt. How everything's going to be okay. How I took responsibility for the whole thing. When I'm done, she blinks a few times, squeals, and hugs me. A lot of hugs today. This one lasts a while. Finally, Emma peels herself away and wipes a tear from her eye.

“Can I tell you something, Toni?” Her voice sounds soft, feathery.

I nod, kick off my shoes, and plop down on my bed, letting out a huge sigh. What a day. My head's still spinning.

“I've never really had a friend who was a girl before,” she says. She chews on a strand of her honey hair.

“You know what?” I snort. “Me neither. Shocking, I know.”

She lets out a huge belch and sits down at my desk. She kicks off her heels and scratches her neck and smiles. “Thanks.”

“Thank you, Emma,” I reply with a smile. “And I'm sorry I got you into this mess to begin with.”

“Best mess of my life,” she says, relaxing a little. “I owe you. Big time.”

“Don't worry about it,” I say.

I can't say I regret the business—it brought Emma into my life—but I'm glad that it's over. If the guys want to let me go, I'll just have to let them.

Later, Mom brings up the pizza. We eat in my room. I change into a pair of sweats and a long-sleeved T-shirt. I laugh so hard my stomach hurts as Emma does a spot-on imitation of Shauna bragging about linen-scented Ryan in group. Every now and then, I glance at the Texas Chainsaw Massacre Teddy Bear resting on my bed. I cuddle with it at night, which I'd never admit to anyone out loud, not even Emma. It smells like Micah. Like vanilla. There he is again. Invading my thoughts. Emma catches me staring at the bear.

“You've got to figure out this Micah thing,” she says, wiping cheese from the corner of her mouth. “What if you go off to school with everything all up in the air and confusing like this?”

I sigh. “I just want to know what the heck he's thinking. If I knew what he was thinking, I could react accordingly.”

Emma takes one last bite of pizza and wipes her hands together. “Just ask him. Talking about your relationship and defining it doesn't mean it has to end.”

End. I hate the word. The thought of anything ending with Loch—friendship or otherwise—guts me.

Emma stands. “I gotta go.” She adjusts her skirt. “My parents don't like it when I'm so far away from home on a weeknight. Like twenty minutes is
that
far away.”

I nod and walk her downstairs, but my head's still swimming with thoughts of Micah and endings. Today feels so full of luck. Maybe I should march next door and tell Loch how I feel. Or maybe I've used up all my luck for a while. Maybe I shouldn't push it.

At the door, Emma thanks Mom and Brian for the pizza and then heads out with a new skip in her step. I return to my room and lie on my bed and cuddle with the Texas Chainsaw Teddy Bear. Micah. Micah. Micah. I don't want to lose him. I can't lose him. But I'm afraid that if I tell him how I'll feel, he might freak out and distance himself from me. But if I don't tell him how I feel, things will just continue to get weirder and weirder between us and we'll drift apart anyway. I'm stuck.

The doorbell rings again.

“You're popular today,” Brian yells up the staircase. “It's for you, Toni!”

I just want to go to sleep at this point, but I force myself to sit up. It's then I notice that Emma forgot her pink glittery hair tie on my desk. She must've come back for it. I put it on my wrist and head downstairs. I stop on the bottom step. My heart suddenly beats louder. Faster. Fiercer. Because it's not Emma.

“Hey.” Micah smiles. That smile. He's dressed in monster-hunting attire. Dark clothes. Camera dangling around his neck. Snow cap on his head. His stubble could be classified as more of a beard now. “You busy? I was thinking we could go out on the lake,” he says, bouncing a little. “Search for Champ. I just got this feeling, you know? That something special could happen tonight.”

Words. I should say them. I hop down that last step and glance over my shoulder at Brian and Mom huddled in the foyer.

“I'm grounded,” I say. It's the last thing in the world I want to be right now. My punishment is starting to feel like a punishment.

“You're really grounded?” Micah asks, fidgeting with the camera. “On your birthday?”

“She's really grounded.” Mom's standing behind me now.

“I'm really grounded,” I repeat.

Brian walks up, chomping on a piece of pizza. “I don't know,” he says. “It
is
her birthday.”

I look at him. “Dude. You don't have to do that. You've already earned like a million gold stars from me today.”

“We'll leave it up to your mother then,” Brian says with a nod. He returns to the living room to watch TV.

I try to look as pitiful as possible. I widen my eyes at Mom. I slump my shoulders. I prop out my bottom lip a little. If she could hear how wild my heart is beating, maybe she would let me go.

After a moment, she sighs. “Be home before midnight,” she says, pointing a finger at me. “Tomorrow, your grounding begins. No joke.”

I hold in a squeal and manage a polite, controlled nod. Then I grab my coat and run out the door.

thirty-two

M
ICAH DRIVES.
H
IS EYES ON THE
road. Perfect posture. Silent. Focused. He looks like he's taking a driver's test or something. I pull my coat sleeves over my hands and then off again. I keep looking at him, but he doesn't look at me. I hate how uncomfortable I feel in a familiar place. This is super weird.

I clear my throat a million times. Tell him. Don't tell him. I don't know. Maybe I should just blurt it out. Get it over with. Actually, I probably shouldn't tell him while he's driving. What if that causes a crash?

Outside, the sun is setting. Oranges and yellows and purples streak the sky. This is the longest drive in the history of drives. Why aren't we there yet? I steal another glance at him. Micah doesn't move. Just keeps staring ahead. The lake finally appears. I relax, but only a little. I need some fresh air.

I'm out of the car before Micah shuts off the engine. The sun slips between a cluster of dark clouds. Pensive mountains rest in the distance. I look around and soak this all in. I do love this place. The serenity of it. The memories. I'll miss it next year.