Read Surprise Online

Authors: Tinder James

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Edited by Tinder James









A Racy Pages Book
Published by Rubicund Publishing LLC
Duluth, MN USA




Copyright © 2010 Tinder James


Racy Pages is a trademark of
Rubicund Publishing LLC
419 South 19th Ave East
Duluth, MN 55812 USA



All rights reserved.
Except for brief passages for review, no part of this publication may be reproduced in any form or by any means without the written permission of the publisher. Each author retains the copyright to his or her individual work.

ISBN 978-0-9843714-0-2

Printed in the U.S.A.




To Bill for his love and support and to
Astrid for her help and astute observations.



Midnight Rodeo

Lux Zakari

Filthy New Romantics

Harper Hull

Adam Gets Perspective

Kyoko Church

In Real Life

Janine Ashbless

As Good as it Gets

E. C. Jarvis

Burden in Hand

Jake Barnes

Leslie Goosemoon Rides Again

Giselle Renarde

Rush Hour Squirm


Temptation Like a Muthafucka

Alicia C. McGhee



The Best Defense

Lee Minxton


Miel Rose


Janine Ashbless

Goddard's Curse

Paul L. Bates

Why Zombies Make the Best Lovers


Detachable Penis

Stephen Smith


Felix Baron


Theodore Carter

In the Night

Penelope Friday

The Senator's Perfect Wife

S.T. Clemmons

Surprise Party

Giselle Renarde

Tea and Kink

Sam Jayne

Old Flames

Keesha Marie


Alex Wayne


Stephanie Campisi

Temporary Tattoo

Annabel Eastland

Restraining My Love

Drake Benton

About the Authors



Few things are more intoxicating than letting ourselves be drawn into the hearts, minds, and imaginations of other people's sex lives, and there is no more intimate way of indulging in that feeling than through the intellectual act of reading. Add interesting characters and a compelling situation and you have a story that satisfies not only your primal appetites, but your cerebral preferences as well. Now that I've characterized erotic literature as an essential part of every thinking and feeling person's life,
(and I believe it is)
what makes this erotic anthology worth your time and money? Let me begin with the
surprise package

has an inconspicuous cover design that won't call attention to itself in public. Therefore, you can read it on your daily bus or train commute, at a café during your lunch break, while relaxing in the park, or on a leisurely vacation without revealing the nature of your reading selection to the people around you.

While you're enjoying the freedom of reading
anywhere you like, you'll discover the best thing about it is its variety. I cast a wide net with the theme surprise to capture the most desirable selections from a vast pool of talent. Gladly, it returned a bountiful catch with more than a few pearls. The rich array of characters and situations is such, however, that I am almost at a loss to find commonalities among the stories in order to describe the book. For example, I could say that the sex in
is vanilla—except for the threesomes and LBT stories of course. I could say that the stories are all contemporary with nothing supernatural in them, no fiends lurking in the paragraphs—but there is actually one or two. And the characters in
aren't kinky—unless you take into consideration their fondness for bondage, devices, hot wax, and tuberous roots. See what I mean?

The ribbon that does bind this array of stories together is its theme: surprise. Still, surprises can occur in many ways. In one scenario, a person springs a surprise on another, like the young man in Harper Hull's “Filthy New Romantics.” He announces his carnal intentions at the top of the Eiffel Tower where he then ravishes his lover with the joyful exuberance of a true libertine—and
isn't even the surprise.

In some stories the surprises just keep coming, as in Janine Ashbless' “In Real Life.” Her character is surprised to meet the man with whom she has already had cyber sex, surprised by the quiet fellow he turns out to be, surprised by her own feelings and undoubtedly surprised to find herself in such a hot story.

Every story in
has its own astonishing situation, unexpected turn of events or gratifying surprise ending. Without giving away any surprises, what follows is a little bit about each of the remaining stories. A few may even elicit tears—of laughter. Humorous stories in an erotic anthology are somewhat surprising, which is why they feel so at home here. In “As Good as it Gets,” E. C. Jarvis masters the nearly impossible by successfully combining quirky humor with hot sex. “Detachable Penis,” by Stephen Smith, is a darkly humorous account of a horrific fad in male accoutrement, and Theodore Carter's “Enhancement” takes a sly look at the reason for a man's newfound confidence.

On the flip side of the humorous stories are the cautionary tales. Paul L. Bates creates a tortured predator in “Goddard's Curse” and “The Senator's Perfect Wife,” by S.T. Clemmons, is a chilling interpretation of
The Stepford Wives
that ends with a double twist.

A problem-solving theme best describes these next three stories. Jake Barnes' “Burden in Hand” is about a family man who uses his sex appeal to stave off the ill effects of a financial slump. “Adam Gets Perspective,” by Kyoko Church, details a no-nonsense housekeeper's solution to her employer's difficulties with writer's block and noisy neighbors. “Addiction,” by Felix Baron, reveals the strategy that allows a woman to cope with her unusual dependency.

sports two cowgirls. The first, in Lux Zakari's “Midnight Rodeo,” works as a hotter than hot entertainer at a western bar. The second is the namesake of “Leslie Goosemoon Rides Again” by Giselle Renarde. In this story, Leslie rides roughshod over conventional society
gets the girl.

Continuing in the spirit of women who get what they want, Kelly risks the wrath of two other people in her love rectangle because she has no choice but to pursue her desire in “Temptation Like A Muthafucka” by Alicia C. McGhee. Miel Rose's “Shopping” follows two women on a shopping trip in which one does the giving and the other does the getting, yet both get what they want. “Temporary Tattoo,” by Annabel Eastland, illustrates a chance encounter at a tattoo parlor and Keesha Marie casts a fiery glow on May-December lovers in “Old Flames.”

New sensations are the common element in these next four stories. First, Drake Benton's “Restraining My Love” is an up-close and personal account of a man who pleasures his lover beyond reason using a carefully selected cache of adult toys. “Unions,” by Alex Wayne, is the strange tale of a coed and how she discovers her sexuality vicariously through her sister. “Tea and Kink,” by Sam Jayne, tells how a woman's intuitive husband revives their sex life by being assertive and
sertive, and Megan, the masseuse in “The Best Defense” by Lee Minxton, gives a hockey player a back-check he'll not soon forget.

Lastly, the smart and stunning flash fiction provides transition between stories and in most cases, a reason to smile. Lilycat creates her special brand of witty naiveté in “Why Zombies Make the Best Lovers” and “Rush Hour Squirm.” Jax really delivers a punchline in “Penpals” and Stephanie Campisi brings out the sexy side of an everyday situation in “Explorations.” “In the Night,” by Penelope Friday, points out yet another danger associated with sleeping aids and “Cherry,” by Janine Ashbless, smashes the myth of the good kisser. Finally, Giselle Renarde's birthday girl in “Surprise Party” had no idea about her man's ability to arrange a soiree.

Thanks to these twenty-four daring men and women,
is packed with entertainment value. Their talent for storytelling captures your imagination with likeable characters and interesting situations. Their stories touch your heart, head, spine, funny bone—
make you tingle in all the right places.


Tinder James

The shore of Lake Superior, Spring 2010




Midnight Rodeo
Lux Zakari


Luke slunk into the dimly lit bar, his chin pressed against his collarbone and his stormy eyes on the scuffed, wooden floor. He hoped he didn't look as out of place as he felt, but supposed it hardly mattered in a place like High Noon. Voices belonging to lonely, country crooners and the sounds of sad banjos floated out of a dented jukebox near the pool table while a few of the regulars occupied their usual seats, evenly spaced apart at the counter. They stared thousands of miles into their beers and wrote names they haven't spoken in years on the wet countertop with their callused fingers.

Choosing to avoid the rest of the patrons, Luke sat alone at a small, round table near a mechanical bull, which was positioned right in the center of the bar. He lit a cigarette just as the forty-something waitress shuffled over wearing a frown, too much turquoise eye makeup, and a leather butterfly barrette. She took his request, a shot of Jack, and when she returned with the drink and a cloth to wipe down his table, he'd already smoked half of his second cigarette beneath the wide, mysterious brim of his cream-colored hat. He mumbled a request to start a tab and she wandered off again with a pursed mouth and a half-hearted roll of her eyes that resembled a lazy flutter.

He downed the whiskey and let it warm his throat and gut as he glanced around at the other few patrons. He wasn't sure what he was doing there—only that last week his friend Tad had advised him, with a wink, to go to High Noon. “Trust me,” he'd assured him, a sloppy grin on his unshaven face. “It's the best kept secret in town. One night at 'Noon and you'll be asking, ‘Mary who?'”

It'd been months, yet he still had her photograph, signed “Love, Mary” on the back, in his truck tucked up in the passenger side visor. Just thinking of her name had Luke feeling like the rest of the men in the bar looked. He supposed that they had their own Marys—girls with blonde sausage curls, thin cotton shirts unbuttoned to the tan valley between their breasts, quartz necklaces at their throats, and legs that seemed designed to wrap around a man. But if these men all had their own Marys, Luke wondered how special and original his own love was.

Before he could dwell on the matter further, the lights in the bar dimmed and a single spotlight cut through the darkness, illuminating the mechanical bull. His heart started pounding without explanation. The heartbreaking twangs of the music playing on the jukebox came to a halt as a brassier, more brazen tune began, complete with saucy trumpets and suggestive guitars. He turned his head around for a glimpse of the expressions on the other men's faces, but saw nothing except a long stretch of blackness. It was as if he was alone, surrounded by curiosity, fear and a lack of useful expectations.

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