One To Watch (28 page)
Authors: Kate Stayman-London
Then his hands were in her hair and he was kissing her, a hard, fast release and there was nothing false about it, nothing pretend and nothing safe, swirling laughter and panic and comfort and free fall and every, every second captured on the whirring cameras, their bodies warm and intertwined against the chill spring air.
It felt like terror. It felt like freedom.
It felt like the beginning.
Time stamp: 3:17pm
Producer:
I understand you spoke with Nash and Cooper in the kitchen earlier today. What did you three chat about?
Sue:
Oh, the real estate agent! And that surfer, I wish he would wash his hair. We had a lice outbreak in my class this year, and we learned how important it is to check your scalp regularly. If that Cooper doesn’t watch himself, he could be absolutely
covered
in lice.
Producer:
That’s good advice, Sue. Is that what you talked about?
Sue:
Yes, as a matter of fact! Oh, and then I asked those nice boys if they would run out and get some ice cream for the group. I thought the kids would love that. I certainly would have picked some up if I’d been allowed to cater this affair.
Producer:
Sue, we’ve been all through this, the production uses outside catering for our events. We can’t have you cooking all day, we need you free to talk to us, like you’re doing now!
Sue:
That’s fine, but
I
would have picked up some ice cream.
Producer:
So you sent Nash and Cooper to the grocery store?
Sue:
Heavens, no! We only buy from the nice dairy farm up the road. It’s the most marvelous place, you can see all the cows, and they make the ice cream fresh every day! I sent them there with Tim.
Producer:
But Tim is here, playing capture the flag. And Nash and Cooper aren’t back.
Sue:
Well, that’s ridiculous. They went together. If Tim’s back, they’re all back. Maybe you should check again.
Time stamp: 6:41pm
Producer:
When did you have a sense that something might be wrong?
Nash:
It seemed weird that they wanted us to go get food. Like, aren’t there assistants for that? We’re
on the show
.
Producer:
So why did you go?
Cooper:
I don’t know, man. Bea’s brother was there, and he’s so fucking creepy. He was waving the truck keys at us. We just got in.
Producer:
What happened then?
Nash:
He said the place was just up the road, but he didn’t mention it was this long, winding backcountry dirt road with maybe fifteen turnoffs. And when we got there … the smell.
Cooper:
I’ve never seen so many cows in my life. The stench, the manure … it was so much.
Producer:
So did you get the ice cream?
Cooper:
No, man! Tim dropped us off at some random gate, said we just had to walk through the cows and the ice cream shop was right there, that he was gonna go park. Then he fucking took off! We had to wade through a literal field of shit. A field. Of. Shit.
Producer:
(laughs)
Nash:
Hey, fuck you, man. It was
not
funny.
Producer:
Come on, guys. It’s kind of funny.
Nash:
We were in the middle of nowhere, with no humans, no directions, no phones—
Producer:
No cameras.
Cooper:
Exactly! It took us, what, three hours to find our way back to civilization?
Producer:
And you smell like cows.
Cooper:
(turns to Nash) Hey—do you think they did this because you called Bea a cow?
Nash:
(realizes) Motherfucker.
“DESERTED”
(5 men left)
Shot on location in Marrakesh, Morocco
TRANSCRIPT OF CHAT FROM #SQUEEZE-MAINIACS SLACK CHANNEL
NickiG:
Has everyone seen last night’s ep yet?? Bc I am ACTUALLY DYING here I don’t want to spoil but I need to discuss!!!!
Enna-Jay:
Hard same
Beth.Malone:
Hey, you guys know we don’t spoil any episodes until noon PT on Wednesdays, that’s the policy
NickiG:
BETH CAN WE MAKE AN EXCEPTION
KeyboardCat:
I’ve watched! Beth, have you?
Beth.Malone:
I have, which I guess just leaves Colin. Colin, did you watch yet?
Colin7784:
What, like I’m so into the show I watch it immediately, you think I have nothing better to do on a Monday night?
Beth.Malone:
Colin7784:
Yeah, I watched
NickiG:
GREAT, so Asher has kids?!?! Omg who saw this coming??
Enna-Jay:
He was obviously hiding
something
Enna-Jay:
But this is like, so endearing
NickiG:
Is it?? Or is he just abandoning his children to be kind of a douche to a nice lady on TV?
KeyboardCat:
His son is the one who submitted him in the first place!
NickiG:
Please Cat you’re a well-documented Asher apologist
KeyboardCat:
Maybe I’m just a Bea stan and Asher is lit’rally her only viable option
Beth.Malone:
Ummmmmm beg to differ how cute was her kiss with Luc?
KeyboardCat:
Wait come on you don’t actually think Luc is there ~for the right reasons~ do you?
Beth.Malone:
He’s the hot French chef we need in these dark times and I stand by him
Colin7784:
Does Bea actually want to be an insta-mom tho?
Enna-Jay:
She did say she wanted kids eventually
Colin7784:
Sure, but eventually is different from like, right now
Beth.Malone:
That’s actually a really good point
Colin7784:
Wow Beth did it hurt you inside to say that
KeyboardCat:
But also can I get a hallelujah that Nash and Cooper are finally gone?????
Enna-Jay:
I know, how nice is it going to be to watch this show without any villains left? Just guys who ACTUALLY like Bea?
NickiG:
What I don’t get is it’s not like Nash and Cooper were even that hot—they had good bodies and everything but their faces were okay at best
KeyboardCat:
Isn’t that always the way tho??? It’s the not-hot guys who are fucking obsessed with dating the hottest possible women to validate their existences
Colin7784:
Okay actually, in men’s defense—
Beth.Malone:
No. Colin. No.
CAST SPOTTED BOARDING FLIGHT TO MARRAKESH
posted on
TMZ.com
JOHN F. KENNEDY AIRPORT, NEW YORK CITY: The cast and crew of
Main Squeeze
were spotted boarding a flight to Marrakesh at New York’s Kennedy Airport. TMZ can exclusively confirm that
Bea Schumacher
was eating a Cinnabon at the flight’s gate—guess she really does ignore her critics!
(CLICK THROUGH FOR PHOTOS OF BEA WITH CREAM CHEESE ICING ON HER CHIN.)
If you’re reading this from Marrakesh and see the cast and crew around town, send your descriptions and photos to [email protected].
“So”—Lauren twisted the cap off a bottle of iced tea with a sharp pop—“it seems like you’ve fully abandoned our plan not to go falling for any of these men.”
“I guess that’s true.” Bea tried to look contrite, but couldn’t quite muster it—her lips kept quaking into a smile as she luxuriated in her first-class seat on their transatlantic flight to Morocco. “How were last night’s ratings?”
“Huge, obviously.” Lauren grinned. “People love that romance shit. But you realize we have a new problem now? If you’re going to try to make things work for real with Asher, you need to do the same with the other four men.”
“What?” Bea was incredulous. “Why?”
“Because you’re a terrible actress!” Lauren hissed, lowering her voice as a flight attendant walked by with warm washcloths. “If you’re genuinely falling for Asher, but just pretending to date the rest of the men, all of America will be able to see it. We’re only halfway through this season, and if everyone knows from this week on exactly who you plan to end up with, believe me, we will
hemorrhage
viewers. Not good for you—not tenable for me.”
“Okay,” Bea conceded. “What do you want me to do?”
“I know for a fact that Asher isn’t the only guy here who has feelings for you. In fact, I think any of the five guys you have left would be open to a serious relationship.”
Bea raised an eyebrow. “Even Luc?”
Lauren laughed. “Okay, well, inasmuch as Luc is capable of having a serious relationship with anyone, I think he’d be down to try with you. He likes you, Bea. How do you feel about him?”
