One Week in Maine (12 page)

-12-

Dimly, through the haze of my dreams, I heard my door open and shut quietly, and the sound of Will walking softly across the room, towards me.

“Calista?” he called quietly.

“What?”

Before I could answer
, he slid into bed with me, just like the night before. I wanted to tell him to get lost and to leave me alone after what he had pulled earlier in the evening, but I couldn’t. My anger towards him melted away as he slung his arm around me and nestled his face in my hair.

“I’m sorry. I know I was a jerk tonight, and you didn’t deserve that.”

“No, I didn’t,” I agreed. I was wide awake now, waiting to hear what he had to say.

He shifted beside me, drawing me closer. “You didn’t, and you deserve an explanation. I’m not sure what I’m doing here,” he confessed.

“What do you mean?”

“With you.
We agreed it would be just casual, a no strings attached kind of thing, and I thought I could handle that. But when you flipped the canoe today, and it hit you in the head, I…it was terrifying for me, Calista.”

“I was fine. I had my life jacket on, and got nothing but a bump out of it.”

“I know, but before I knew that, in the one split second before I saw that you would be okay, I almost lost it. That’s not like me. I’ve seen plenty of accidents and dangerous situations, and I’m usually pretty detached. Not because I’m heartless, but because I need to be to keep my wits about me to take care of the problem. I’m a game warden. I have to keep my cool when others can’t.”

“So?”

“So when you were in the water and I thought you were hurt, I was anything but cool. I panicked for a moment. The mere thought of something happening to you…” His voice trailed off, leaving the thought unfinished.

So he did feel it too.
This thing between us, blossoming and growing, taking on a life of its own.

“I know we’re supposed to just be having fun before you leave, and I know I shouldn’t be feeling for you what I do. It scares me, to be honest. It scares the hell out of me. I haven’t had feelings like this for anyone ex
cept Theresa, ever. It’s like you showed up here out of the blue, gave your body to me, and now you’re taking my heart, piece by piece, in return.”

It would have been the perfect time to tell him that I felt the same, like we had fallen through the looking glass and now
we were on a slippery slope towards what, I didn’t know. But I couldn’t. Something held me back, and I lay silently as I waited for him to continue.

“So I’m sorry I was such a jerk tonight, but when you kissed me in the shower, right after we agreed that we wouldn’t stop, I got scared and I kind of lost it. I felt like I had to push away from you to try to keep myself sane.” He paused, and the dark silence around us seemed so large. “I already lost one woman
that I loved deeply, and I’m afraid to care for another,” he whispered into my hair. “I think I could fall deeply in love with you, if I’m not careful here. But there’s no point to it, since you’re only here for a short time. If I fall for you, you’re just going to disappear out of my life, and I don’t think I can stand to go through that again.”

There was no answer for that. I had no guarantees to offer, no words of wisdom to h
eal his aching heart. All I could give him was myself in the time I had with him. I had willingly given him my body, but I hadn’t expected him to take my heart, too. Yet he was, bit by bit, just as I was taking his.

I turned to face him and stroked his hair lazily. “We can stop, if you want to.”

“I can’t,” he admitted in a shuddering gasp. “I couldn’t even if I wanted to, and I don’t.”

His words made my heart sing. This was a dangerous thing, this liaison. It didn’t start out that way, but there was no turning back now.
We were no longer just two bodies acting on mutual lust, we were two hearts beginning to intertwine. But I didn’t want to hurt him, intentionally or otherwise. I knew what I had to do.

“But I want to,” I lied. “You’re
right, this is turning into more than it should. It’s not good for either of us when we know that it’s got to end soon. I think we should end it now, Will.” It broke my heart to lie to him like that, but I wanted nothing more than to protect him. I realized now, after his heartfelt confession, that to save him the pain of my departure when the time came, I had to end it now. Maybe I would spare myself some pain in the bargain as well.

“You want to stop?” He was so quiet that I almost didn’t even hear him, even though his face was inches away from mine.

“Yeah. I think it’d be best, don’t you?”

He didn’t answer me for
a moment but lay there, absolutely still, instead. Finally, he untangled himself from me and slid out of bed.

“If that’s what you really want.”
I heard my door open and close softly once more as he left my room, and then his door close once he was across the hall again.

The tears
came then, hot and unbidden, cutting wet paths across my cheeks as my anguish exploded into the night. No, it’s not what I wanted at all, but it was what was needed to protect us both. I wanted him to be a city guy, one I could fit into my life, not some small town guy from the woods. I sobbed uncontrollably into the pillow, awash in a sea of grief. I hated myself for denying the feelings I had towards him and for hurting him, even if to spare him greater pain down the road. But it was better this way, ending it now. We were both hurting for the moment, but we could take our lumps now and be done with it instead of hurting more in the future if we kept this whole thing going.

If our affair continued, no doubt it would hurt more t
o leave him the closer we became, but it wasn’t myself I was considering when I broke it off. It was Will. He had suffered enough heartache at the loss of Theresa, and I refused to be the second woman that he cared for and lost. I just couldn’t do that to him. But if I was doing the right thing, why did it hurt so much, for both of us?

Damn him. If he hadn’t come in here tonight, full of confessions about his growing feelings for me, everything would have been just fine. If he had just kept up the charade that he was done with me, we
wouldn’t find ourselves in this position right now. But what was done was done, and there was no taking it back. Sleep returned eventually, long after my tears had run out.

-13-

He was gone in the morning, back to work. It was a relief to realize that I had the day to myself, free from the pressures of seeing him around the Inn. His absence gave me time to prepare myself for his inevitable return. I dreaded seeing him again because I knew it would be sheer torture for us both. Maybe I’d make myself scarce and hunker down in my room tonight.

Dottie was in the kitchen putting on a fresh pot of coffee. “Good morning. How’d you sleep?”

“Good morning. Just fine, thanks.” No need for her to know that I was spent so long awake, crying over Will last night, or that when I finally managed to fall asleep, I kept waking up at frequent interludes because of the stress I found myself under.

“Will left you a note, right there.”

Not only did he leave a note for me on the counter, but the keys to the truck, too.

Feel free to go wherever today, just keep it local, please.-Will

His gesture touched me. He didn’t have to leave me his truck to use for the day, yet he did, despite our argument the night before. I had the freedom to go where ever I wanted to today–not that there was anywhere
to
go in this tiny town. I was desperate to get out of the Inn, so I had to think of something.

Janie. Maybe she still needed a ride to the grocery store. Not that I had any way to contact her.

“Dottie, do you happen to have Will’s cell phone number?”

“Right there, on the fridge. Can I help you with something?”

“No, I just need to get a phone number from him.”

“Oh. Well, I’m sure he’ll pick up, if he’s in an area with service. Don’t forget that service can be spotty up here, as he tells it.”

“Okay. Thanks, Dottie.” I poured myself a cup of the fresh coffee and debated how to do this. Texting him would be easiest, I decided. That way we didn’t have to actually talk to each other.

Thanks for truck 2day. Can I have Janie’s #?
Will take her grocery shopping if it’s okay.

The minutes ticked slowly by, and I began to fear that he’d never reply and I’d be stuck at the Inn all day.

It would be great if you could help her out.
He followed up with her number.

I called her, and she sounded happy to hear from me, but her neighbor had taken her shopping the day before. I kind of hoped she’s invite me over, just so I had something to do, but she didn’t. After a brief conversation, we hung up.

I tapped my fingers on the table and tried to come up with something to occupy myself for the day. Inspiration struck. I still needed a job, and by some miracle there was actually interent service at the Inn, so I grabbed my phone and spent the next few hours online, poking around to discover who was hiring at the moment in the Hartford area. Not many, it turns out. Not good.

Dottie made lunch for the both of us, turkey sandwiches on thick, fresh bread with chips and a pickle on the side.

“So why doesn’t a girl like you have a man yet?” she asked nosily as we ate.

“I guess I just haven’t found the right guy yet,” I shrugged.

“Haven’t you?” I didn’t miss the twinkle in her eye as she asked me that.

“It could never work, Dottie. I live down in Hartford, and Will lives all the way up here. Those long distance relationships never work out, at least not long term.”

“I can’t say that I disagree with you, but who says it has to be long distance?”

For just one moment, my heart soared at the thought of Will moving down to Hartford. If he did, we could continue our relationship and see where it might go. But he would never move to the city.
Never. I was sure of it without even asking. He didn’t belong in an urban jungle, he belonged in the woods that he loved so much.

“I don’t think
Will would ever agree to move to Hartford,” I sighed.

“No, I suppose not. But who says it has to be him that moves?”

“I can’t live up here, Dottie. This place in lovely, really beautiful, but it’s just not for me. I’m a city girl at heart, and I would be miserable up here.” Not wanting to hurt her feelings, I added, “But it sure is a lovely place for a break from it all.”

Dottie just smiled and shook her head at me. “I know you two think that you’re stuck in your ways and the lives you’ve always lived, but it doesn’t have to be that way. If you love someone, I mean really love them, you couldn’t care less where you live, as long as you’re together. I was a Boston girl, did you know that?” I shook my head. “Born and raised my first twenty years, always a city girl. But then I met my Leon, and when he asked me to marry him and move up here, I left the city and never looked back. Best decision I ever made. This Inn was his mother’s, originally.”

“What happened to him?”

Her eyes grew distant as she remembered a day long past.
“Heart attack, almost 15 years ago. I lost a part of myself that day…but I never returned to Boston. This is where I lived with the love of my life, and this is where I’ll stay as long as God allows it. Where you start doesn’t matter, only where you land, as long as it’s with the one you love.”

“We’re not in love,” I reminded her gently.

“Not yet,” she mused, “but you two sure look like you’re on your way. Isn’t that worth sticking around for?” And with that, she cleared her dish and left the table, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

It was ridiculous to even consider it.
Me, moving up here. I couldn’t just uproot my life and move to the middle of nowhere on the off chance that the guy I had a few days of great sex with was the ‘one’. Finding your soul mate was supposed to be hard, until you found them, and then everything fell into place. At least, I always had that impression.

Dottie was just a sweet romantic. In her day, you found your Knight in Shining Armor and you rode off into the sunset with him, wherever that led you. Life was a lot more complicated now. I had a home, a career, and all of my friends in Hartford. No man was worth giving that all up, I consoled myself.

But I couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe that wasn’t true. Maybe some things were worth stepping out of my current life for, like love. But while my feelings for Will were growing, there wasn’t love between us. At least, not yet. And it wasn’t like he had even asked me to move up there. It would have been a ridiculous request, anyway. Not that it mattered now. We were done, in the past, finito.

Seeing as how there weren’t a lot places looking to hire a graphic designer in my area
at the moment, I spent the afternoon working on an idea that had been burning in the back of my brain for a while. I had always worked for a company in the past, but I sometimes toyed with the idea of starting my own company and striking out on my own. Now that I was unemployed, it felt like the perfect time to seriously consider it. It was also the perfect distraction to pass the time.

The afternoon flew by, and before I knew it, Dottie was back in the kitchen, bustling about preparing
bite to eat.

“What time does
Will usually get home?” I asked.

“Depends on how the end of his day goes. 5:00 if he doesn’t get held up on a call of some sort, anytime past that if he does.”
It was already 4:30, so he could be home soon. Or not.

“I won’t be here for dinner tonight,” I explained apologetically. Ginger’s was beckoning. Better there with the odd locals than here
with Will. At least Ginger and Blue were friendly, and they both seemed to always be there.

“No? Have you got some big plans?”

“No, not at all. I just feel like taking a walk, so I figure I’ll head over to Ginger’s for dinner.”

Even though Dottie didn’t reply to me, I could swear that she saw right through me.

“I’ll leave my cell phone number, and if Will isn’t back in time to bring you to your friend’s house, I can just take you in the truck,” I offered. She had mentioned earlier that tonight was the night she met up with her friends every week.

“
Oh, no need. Will knows that I have my quilting club tonight. Some Mondays he’s later than others, but he always works it out to be home in time to take me. But thank you for the offer.”

I finished making the notes I was working on about my possible new business and then rose to leave.

“Have fun tonight, Dottie. I’ll see you later.”

“Bye, now.”

The air was crisp and clear outside as I made my way up the driveway to the road. It was the perfect time for a walk, and as I made my way towards the center of town, I realized that this was just what I needed. A little time alone, away from the Inn, in the cool autumn air to clear my head of all the thoughts of Will that crowded it.

Ginger’s was busy as folks popped in and out to grab a coffee on their way home from work. As I walked in, I saw a lot of unfamiliar faces.
Mostly male, all on the younger side. Once again every eye was upon me as I made my way to the counter, but this time was different. The feeling of macho testosterone hung heavily in the air, and I wondered what I had walked into this time.

“Hi, stranger!”
Ginger teased when she saw me. “No Will tonight?”

“No, just me.”
She passed me a menu and I studied it briefly. “Different crowd in here tonight, huh?”

“Yeah, this time of the day, during the week, all the single fellows start trickling in after a long day at work. Well, most of them are single and just don’t want to cook for themselves. A few of them have wives at home, but they’re here just hanging out with their buddies after a long day. Or trying to avoid their Missus,” she joked.

“No Blue tonight?” I hadn’t seen him in the crowd, much to my disappointment. I liked the old fellow.

“He’ll be in soon enough, I’m sure. What’ll be?”

I placed my order for a cheeseburger and fries and then sat quietly at the counter while Ginger bustled about taking care of her other customers.

Someone sat down next to me, just as someone sat on my other side, which I found odd, since I was the only customer at the counter and there was plenty of room. Both were around my age, townies from the looks of it. Someone reeked of booze, though I couldn’t tell which one. Both of the guys were dressed in dirty, greasy flannel shirts, and jeans, and they had matching beards.

“You that city girl?” the one to my left asked me.

I didn’t want to talk to either of them, but I tried to be polite. “Yes, I’m from Hartford, and I’m just up here for a short while.”

“Well, we thought we’d just come over and be friendly like, seeing as how you’re here by yourself tonight,” the other one leered. I didn’t care for where this was going.

“Thank you, but I’m not much in the mood for company, I’m afraid.” Where was Ginger? Now would be a good time for her to come over with my food to save me from this lecherous duo, but she was across the room taking someone else’s order.

“We can fix that, eh, Dean?” one snickered to the other.

“It doesn’t need fixing.” My tone was firm but steady, but I was beginning to get nervous as the two of them leaned in a little closer to me, boxing me in. Much more of this and I’d have to leave, I decided. I could come back and pay my bill later. I’m sure Ginger would understand.

“C’mon now,” the one on the right soothed as he grinned at me. “No need to bring that big city attitude in here. We were just thinking you might wanna party with us tonight, is all.”

His comment didn’t even warrant a response from me as I stared straight ahead, refusing to look at either of them.

“An ice queen, huh? We can cure that!”

“Leave me alone, both of you.” My voice had changed to steel as I sat tensely in my seat. “I just came here to grab a bite to eat.” I heard the bell over the door chime, and I hoped it was
Blue walking in, but I didn’t dare move to look. If I turned to see who had just walked in I’d be forced to face one of these guys. If Blue came in, he could set these fellows straight for me. I could do it myself, but I didn’t want to cause a scene. If they kept pushing me, though, that’s exactly where this was headed.

“I got something you can put in your mouth,” the one named Dean chuckled, “all you
gotta do is go out back with me. I’ll fill you up right, sweetheart.”

Icy fear rushed through my veins. My first instinct was to get up and walk away, leave like I first intended to if they kept at me, but then it occurred to me–I was alone, and it was a bit of a walk back to the Inn in the approaching dark. I had no desire to run into this pair on the side of the lonely road. I suspected it wouldn’t end well for me.

The other one chimed in, leaning close to me so that I could feel his disgusting breath on my neck. “Maybe we’ll even let you decide who goes first.” I felt his hand on the top of my thigh.

That was it. I jumped off my stool and spun around to find Ginger as the two men harassing me chuckled with amusement. I couldn’t spend one more minute next to these filthy creatures.
My eyes darted wildly about the café as I looked for Ginger. She’d help me, if I explained what was going on.

“Calista?
What’s wrong?” Will came striding over from the doorway, right to me. I had never been so glad to see anyone in my life. His eyes flitted from me to the two men at the counter, and his concern became visible. Help had arrived.