Only Ever Yours (27 page)

July

The day of the Ceremony

Dawn is slowly pouring out of the light-lamps, chasing the shadows away.

I get out of bed, tossing my hair back to scan myself in the walls as I do every morning. The bruising has turned purple, blackberries blossoming from my scalp to my temples. My eyes look old in my scrubbed face.

“Happy design date,” I mouth at my reflection. I am seventeen today.

My room has been cleaned. New bed sheets, the surfaces are sparkling, any signs of my time here removed. It won’t be vacant for long. A new tribe of 4th years will move in tomorrow, eves at the beginning of their journey. Some other girl will call this room her own for the next
twelve years until, at last, it is her turn to await her fate in the Ceremony. I wish her better luck.

Inside my wardrobe I peel off my nightgown and throw it into the trapdoor set in the wall underneath the vanity table. The steel trap of the changing room opens, beeping loudly. I step in, the door closing like a greedy mouth around me. Sensor beams emit from the ceiling and the walls, measuring and evaluating my naked body.

“You are at target weight. Close your eyes and remain still.”

After dressing in the chaste black dress that has been selected for me, I stand in my cubicle, staring at my reflection. My hair, slicked into a low bun, looks so beautiful. Why did I never appreciate how beautiful it was?

“The Ceremony is today. I repeat, the Ceremony is today,” the intercom shrieks. “Please leave all your belongings in your cubicle. These are the property of the School. You will receive appropriate replacements once you join your designated third.”

A rustle of clothes, of nervous laughter. Muttered curses, furious commands to hurry.

“What happened to your eye makeup?”

“I m-m-moved my head too soon. Is it awful?”

“Well . . .”

“It IS awful. I should just KILL MYSELF right now.”

I slip into place between freja and daria. We walk in single file, stopping at the checkpoint set up at the main dormitory door.

“I’m not hungry.” angelina puts her hands on her hips, an open-weave knitted dress clinging to her body like a crimson cobweb.

“I’m sorry, angelina,” chastity-anne says, standing behind a display case. There are dozens of bottles lining the glass counter, and individual test tubes under this, each one full of brightly colored capsules. She reaches into the desk, pulls out the vial with angelina’s foto on it and hands it to her with one of the bottles. angelina scowls but unscrews the top and gulps down her meds with the thick beige liquid.

“Good girl,” chastity-anne says. “It’s a high-protein drink. It will keep you full until after the Ceremony.”

“I told you, I’m too excited to be hungry,” angelina says. “Not that other people seem to be having that problem,” she mumbles under her breath as cara swallows the drink down eagerly.

“I’m not hungry either . . .” cara rushes to catch up with angelina, her face reddening with guilt—“but chastity-anne said we had to. I’m too nervous to be hungry.”

The others start to protest as well, claiming stomach pains and cramps, competing to see who is the most anxious. If anyone asked me, I would tell them the truth. I am unaffected by nerves. But no one will ask me.

“You next.” chastity-anne points at me, handing me my meds and a glass bottle. I hold the bottle up to her in salute. It slides in chunks down my throat.

I follow the others through the cloisters and up the long nave, counting the tiles beneath my feet.

“Careful!” daria snarls when I bump into her. She smooths down the brocaded satin of her clinging cheongsam.

“Sorry.”

She doesn’t acknowledge my apology. We’re waiting at the entrance to the Hall, chastity-bernadette flapping her hands in worry.

“Oh, for goodness’ sake, girls, do you ever walk in sequence properly?” she asks, splitting the twins up and raising her voice to be heard over their complaints.

“The twins don’t, but the rest of us do,” agyness pipes up cheerfully, and jessie and liz narrow their eyes at her.

“Thank you, agyness,” chastity-bernadette says. “Ordinarily it’s not that important, but today—”

“chastity-ruth said the rules are always important,” megan says, pulling at the emerald gemstone necklace tucked neatly underneath the buttoned-up collar of her sleeveless shirt dress. “Especially after recent
events
.”

“Of course,” chastity-bernadette splutters. “Excellent point.”

“And now, freida.” She’s calling us out alphabetically. “Between daria and freja.”

“Unfortunately,” daria stage-whispers, smirking as the other eves giggle.

“Isn’t isabel next?” heidi asks jessie. “Where is she?”

“How am I supposed to know?” jessie answers petulantly, tousling her hair over the left side of her face to cover up her botched eye makeup. “Can you still see it?” she bleats to liz, a few places back.

“chastity-bernadette?” heidi can’t let it go. “Isn’t isabel supposed to be before jessie?”

“Oh,” chastity-bernadette says, her cheeks tingeing with pink. “isabel won’t be here today.”

“Why not?” megan says gleefully. “Is she going to be a chastity, like freida?”

“eves!” chastity-bernadette’s entire face is flushing with heat now. “Enough of this. Get in sequence.”

Is isabel going to be a chastity too? I catch my breath but I will not hope. I have learned my lesson about hope.

We take our seats in the Hall and I lean back to look at the soaring ceiling, the murals etched in gold paint, the colors sparkling in the crystal chandeliers. How much did it cost to build this room? It’s a relic, the vestiges of a lost fortune. They could have used the money for the Engineers’ research, to make the eves prettier and prettier and prettier. There’s always room for Improvement.

I drop inside myself, urging the Somnolin to weave its magic spell, to blow like fairy dust into my brain.

The lamps sink, the chandelier light dappling around us as if we’re moving through water. A few of the girls laugh, coiling their hands in the air to watch the lights rippling against their skin.

The national anthem curls beneath us, the triquetra blazing onto the huge screen, each triangle of the thirds sliced into the other. The chastities sweep past us, marching silently up the marble steps. They line the stage, six on each side of an opulent jewel-encrusted gold throne. Gazing at the triquetra, they fall to one knee, their heads
bowed low. The music reaches a crescendo, drum rolls booming throughout the Hall as the screen draws apart like curtains.

“Is it?”

“oh my . . . it is . . . it is . . .”

“IT’S THE FATHER!”

Girls are screaming, clutching at each other wildly as they jump to their feet. I am the only one who is unmoved. It doesn’t matter anyway. No one turns to grab my hand, to hug me with excitement.

The Father stands in the spotlight, one hand raised in salute. He’s wearing a plush gold-colored cloak, an oversized gold medallion around His neck. He slicks back His gray hair as the screen closes behind Him again and the triquetra divides into separate triangles with a swishing sound.

“Thank you. You are too kind,” He says as the Hall rings with applause. He settles into the throne, His bejeweled fingers resting on the velvet-covered armrests. His black shoes are poking out under the cloak, not quite touching the ground.

“Thank you,” He says again. “You may be seated.”

The chastities get to their feet and form a single line behind him. freja claims our shared armrest as her own. She, like all the others, is on the very edge of her seat, feet tapping restlessly against the floor. They are excited, I tell myself. I try to remember what excitement tasted like.

“I am delighted to be here today to welcome you into your thirds. I know how eager you are to finally make a
contribution to the society that has done so much for you.” He licks his lips, His tongue flickering briefly out of His mouth. “I must admit, I’m looking forward to testing that contribution very soon.” miranda and karlie nudge each other at this. “I know there have been issues this year,” He says, peering into the spotlight. He is looking for me.
I should feel embarrassed
. I can feel the fury radiating off the other eves.
I should feel guilty
. I have ruined everything.
I should feel worried
.

“But let’s not allow one girl’s selfishness to ruin the day.” This provokes another round of applause. He waits until it settles before continuing. “We will begin with the third of the companions, the eves who shall bear the future sons of the Euro-Zone. In tenth place, Socrates has chosen heidi.”

Rumor has it he had to choose heidi because of my disqualification. megan was wrong. A girl who had sex before marriage
has
been chosen for the companion third.

heidi doesn’t look very happy as she shuffles onstage to accept her ivory cloak from the Father, taking her place beneath the white triangle of the companions. She throws longing glances at her former friends, glances that are duly ignored.

“Inheritant #9, Abraham, has chosen cara.”

cara gets to her feet a little unsteadily. I know she expected to rank higher than that.

“Better be prepared,” rosie yells from the row behind me, her voice crystal clear. “Abraham likes to use the back entrance!”

Confusion colors cara’s face as she accepts her cloak and stands next to heidi, a determinedly composed expression on her face. There is no room for hurt feelings in the thirds.

A name and a name and another name. One girl walks up the steps to receive her cloak, then the next. I can’t remember which Inheritant each eve has been paired with and I doubt the other girls do either. What does it matter? We may be interchangeable, but so are the Inheritants, in their own way.

“And now, our last Inheritant. Darwin Goldsmith,” the Father announces. I look around at the thinning group of girls. It’s only megan and me left from this year’s original top ten.

“He has chosen . . .” The Father stops to mouth His thanks to chastity-anne, who has broken the rank of the chastities lined up behind his throne to place a bottle of EuroCola at His feet. He slowly removes the cap from the bottle, sniffs the drink and wipes the bottle neck carefully. He looks at each of us in turn. Maybe Darwin chose christy. Maybe he chose naomi. “. . . megan.”

megan’s hands curl into fists of victory and she takes her place onstage, wrapping the cloak around herself, her hair almost blue-black against the material.
I should feel resentment
.

“All of you have been chosen to join the noble third of the companions. Do you swear to devote your lives to fulfilling your purpose as women? To be the best companions and mothers that you can be?” the Father solemnly asks.

They swear to honor and obey their future husbands and to bear as many sons as their wombs will hold. I repeat,
That should have been me
, to myself over and over, as if I’m
worrying a broken tooth with the tip of my tongue, waiting for the pain to come.

“And now, for the third of the concubines, we have rosie . . .” She jumps up, clapping in delight, “and angelina . . .” The two girls embrace each other onstage, ecstatic smiles on their faces.

More names. Increasingly lethargic applause. Stifled yawns becoming louder the further down the list He goes.

“. . . and lucy . . .”

“It’s liu, sorry,” she murmurs, her dark eyes downcast. He hands the cloak to her without further comment. He has no need to learn the name of a lesser concubine.

“. . . and finally, as concubine #17, we have christy.”

The stilted clapping jolts me out of my stupor as christy joins the large group of girls standing beneath the red triangle, her jaw clenched.

“This year’s Inheritants have recommended that you all join the third of the concubines. Do you swear to devote your lives to the physical gratification of the good men of the Euro-Zone?”

“We do,” the girls chorus. The original Heavenly Seventy girls are crowded toward the front, the leftover eves lurking behind, tugging anxiously at their scarlet Ceremony cloaks at the thought of what is in store.

“And for the first time in years . . .” the Father gestures at the chastities, “actually, I believe it’s the first time since your inauguration, magdalena. Am I correct?”

“You’re
always
correct,” chastity-ruth says as chastity-magdalena nods.

“. . . we have an eve with the vocation to become a chastity. Can you join me onstage, agyness?”

My name has not been called, but I follow agyness anyway. We move as one. There is no individuality in the third of the chastities.

“So this is the girl that caused all the fuss,” the Father says, His eyes narrowing as He hands me my raven cloak. agyness and I stand beneath the black triangle, wrapping the robes around ourselves. I bury my hands in the deep pockets, feeling the coarse material against my skin. I am one of them now. “You’re lucky you have such good friends in high places, girl.” He turns to chastity-ruth. “I will make the announcement now,” he says, and she nods in automatic agreement.

“Your attention, eves.” He hops onto His throne, sweeping His golden cloak back over His shoulders. All the eves stare up at him in rapture. “My current wife, after providing Me with two sons, has sadly become
inefficient
a little earlier than expected. She has graciously decided to bow out with honor . . .”

“Step on the pyre, he means,” daria mutters to freja.

“Well, she’s like thirty-four,” freja replies.

“. . . so I have chosen a new companion from this batch of eves.”

megan’s face pales. A Judge is one thing, but to be a companion to the Father himself? She looks around wildly. Who is the eve with the audacity to beat her?

“The lucky lady is isabel.” He waits for the clapping to begin, a bemused look settling on his features when none
is forthcoming. “Did you hear Me? isabel is to be My new companion.”

isabel.

Even if Darwin had chosen me, I still would have lost.

“What?” gisele croaks, her queasy expression replicated on the face of each eve onstage as they realize the girl that they have spent the last School year tormenting is going to be the most powerful woman in the Euro-Zone.