Only in My Dreams (32 page)

He didn't immediately answer. When he moved back to her right elbow, he glanced at her face. “There's not much to say.”

“Seriously? You have two sets of parents, three brothers and a sister, and there's not much to say?” Why hadn't she broached this with him before? Clearly there was something up with him and his family. “Your mom just set you up without your knowledge. You have to have plenty to say about that. I would.”

He finished with her elbow and settled back in his seat. “What would be the point of bitching about it? She won't listen. I'll just be careful not to go out with them anymore. Hell, I knew better than to do that in the first place.” He muttered the last part, but she heard him.

She buckled her seatbelt. “So you take the path of least resistance? It's better to ignore them or pretend they don't exist than to deal with the situation?”

He started the truck. “Yep.”

Sometimes he could be so damnably uncommunicative. “It really wouldn't help to talk to her?”

He pulled out into the one-way street and got into the right lane so he could turn and double back toward Ribbon Ridge. “I've tried, and it never changes anything.”

“Will you tell them who I am? About why you left them to take me home?” She practically held her breath.

He slid her an inscrutable glance. “I'm sure I'll say something.”

The sadness over her mother's departure and the shock of seeing Dylan on a freaking
date
bubbled up inside of her and threatened to make her explode. “Let me know what you plan to say so we can keep our stories straight because, unlike you, I'll be giving Tori and Kyle a real explanation for what happened tonight. They likely already figured it out.” Her voice had climbed, so that she sounded pissed and shrill. She didn't care.

“I know they did,” he said quietly. “Tell them whatever you think is necessary. I plan to tell my mother that you're my employer and that you're going through a rough time. I helped you out tonight.”

She turned in her seat and gaped at him. “
What?
My siblings can think we're together but your mom has to think I'm your employer? Are you embarrassed by me?” It had been years—since she'd left Ribbon Ridge—since she'd worried that people thought of her as weird or quirky. And she was. She couldn't change who she was and she didn't want to. Moving away had taught her to accept her differences and even value them.

He cast her a long look as they drove out of Newberg. His brows were pitched low over his eyes, which currently reminded her of the ocean during a winter storm. “No, I'm not embarrassed by you. Why would you think that?”

“Oh, I don't know, because you don't want your mom to know we're fuck buddies?” She'd gone for crudeness on purpose because he was being an ass. “That is what we are, isn't it?”

“Sara, that's not fair. We agreed to keeping this secret because of your family and because of the work situation.”

“That's what I thought, but maybe it's secret because you just don't want anyone to know.”

He swore under his breath, but she caught it. “My family is completely fucked up. I don't share my life with them on purpose, and that has
nothing
to do with you.” He looked over at her. “
Nothing
, okay?”

The ferocity in his tone and the intensity of his gaze made her nod. She was quiet for a few minutes, turning over what he said in her mind. At length she asked, “Why is it so effed up?”

He exhaled loudly, his fingers tightening around the steering wheel. “It just is. I grew up with two families, neither of which felt like a real family to me. It's not like you and your family, how you all have this shared experience. Sure, I'm close to my siblings, but it's different. There are things my brothers shared growing up, experiences my sister enjoyed—all things I wasn't a part of as I was shuffled back and forth.”

Sara's heart twisted for him. His voice was full of disdain, but there was an underlying hurt. “That sounds very difficult.” She was hesitant to say more, lest she stop him from talking.

“That's why I don't share things with them. It isn't about you. I realize this
thing
between us is more than a thing now. But that doesn't mean they have to know about it.”

So he acknowledged their relationship was something more, but not enough to tell his family about her. That should bother her—hell, it did bother her—but she was trying to understand where he was coming from. If he didn't place a lot of value on his family, sharing his personal life with them wouldn't be important. But how did she feel about the lack of regard he had for his family when hers was so critical to her?

She studied his profile as he drove. Looking at him pulled at her heartstrings and she wondered if she might be falling in love with him. She abruptly turned away. That wouldn't help anything right now.

The cab of the truck was eerily quiet as they drove into Ribbon Ridge. As they passed through the main part of town, he adjusted in his seat. “Neither one of us planned for this to grow into something more. This isn't good timing for you, and it isn't really for me either. This job is really important to me and to my crew. My main focus has to be winning the next phases. It will mean everything for our futures.”

Wow, this sounded like a breakup speech. Sara gripped the handle on the door and dug her fingers into the leather.

Silence took over again until they neared the long drive to the house.

“You're awfully quiet,” he said.

She shrugged, her body still careening out of control. When she got inside, she was going straight for the tire swing that hung in the gym downstairs. Swinging was one of the oldest sensory tools in Sara's experience, particularly rotating instead of being propelled just back and forth. That would slap her back into shape.

He pulled into the circular drive and put the truck into park in front of the stairs leading up to the main door. She noted he didn't turn the engine off, which was fine. She had no intention of inviting him inside.

She opened the door and the gurgle of the water rushing through the fountain in the middle of the circle greeted her. A soothing, familiar sound that took the edge of her frayed senses.

“Can I call you later?” he asked.

“Tomorrow.” She didn't want to talk to him anymore tonight—she knew her limits and she was just past them. She stepped out of the truck.

“Sara?”

She turned to look at him and wished she hadn't. Maybe she was already in love with him. “What?”

“Whatever happens, I hope you know I care a great deal for you.”

His words should've warmed her, right? She ought to feel encouraged or at least calmer. But she didn't. And maybe that was just the accumulation of everything that was currently heaped on her. “You're right though, the timing sucks. I gotta go.” She slammed the door and ran up to the house without looking back.

Inside, she went through the foyer and up the short set of stairs to the central hall, dropped her purse and jacket, and jogged down to the gym. She'd been swinging for a good several minutes and was already feeling better when Tori and Kyle came in.

“Hey there,” Tori said, looking around. “No Dylan?”

“He just dropped me off.” Sara twirled around in the swing.

Kyle dropped down onto a weight bench. “You want to talk about it?”

“Dylan?” She'd told Dylan what she planned to say, but now she considered his tactic. But no, that wasn't her. “What do you want to know? Am I seeing him? Not formally, but yes, we have a
thing
.”

Tori crossed her arms as a smile tilted across her lips. “You lied to me about seeing someone.”

Sara dragged her feet to slow the swing. “We'd agreed to keep it secret. It seemed best with everything going on, especially the job.”

“Are you happy?” Kyle asked, stretching his legs out in front of him.

“I was. Am.” Sara gripped the heavy rope cord that held the swing and ran her hands up and down over the ridges. “I like Dylan a lot.”
Too much
.

Tori's smile slipped away. “This makes things a bit awkward for the project.”

Regardless of what happened, Sara didn't want Dylan to suffer. “It shouldn't. He's a great contractor. In fact, I think we should go ahead and hire him for phases two and three.”

“I don't know if that's wise,” Tori said, “now more than ever.”

Sara swung herself around again. “I hope it's not because of our relationship. He's the right guy for this. He's already demonstrated he's capable, and it just makes good business sense to go with the guy who's been involved since day one. Plus, he put together a fantastic proposal for the underground pub.”

Kyle glanced over at Tori. “She makes a valid argument.” He pinned Sara with a serious stare. “But is it going to be a problem if you guys don't work out? What then?”

Sara couldn't answer that. It was already starting to crumble, but she wasn't really letting herself register it. Not today. She had to limit what she let inside or she'd have a total meltdown—or more of one than she'd already had at the restaurant. “Please don't factor my personal feelings into a business decision. I'll handle whatever happens with Dylan. I still think he's the right contractor.”

Tori dropped her arms to her sides and moved closer to Sara. “I have to ask, sorry, but are you being objective here? If you have feelings for the guy, how can you know he's the best choice?”

Sara used her feet to bring the swing to a complete stop. Her initial reaction was to snipe at Tori for being unfair, but Sara had learned to measure her responses when she was spun up. She inhaled and fed oxygen to her brain in the hope that she could develop a regulated answer. “I understand why you'd question me, but please don't. I'm being perfectly objective. And I'll manage the situation, okay? Don't be overprotective.” She gave both of them stern looks.

They exchanged glances, and that was enough for Sara to be done with this conversation. Needing to be alone, she stood up from the swing. “Thanks for your votes of confidence in my abilities. You both suck.”

She strode from the gym and climbed the two flights of stairs, stopping on the main floor to grab her purse and jacket. Her bedroom was at the end of the house, directly above her parents' suite. Sara's bedroom was one of the largest because it housed sensory equipment in a long, somewhat narrow adjoining chamber that ran beneath the front eaves. She flopped down on a pile of pillows and pulled one of her weighted blankets over herself.

She knew in her heart that Tori and Kyle were just trying to look out for her, but she was also tired of being babied. Even Dylan had rushed to help her tonight and maybe only because he'd registered that she was in meltdown mode. She had no way of knowing if he'd been prompted by something more.

Normally she would talk to Mom, but she was en route to France, unavailable. Maybe that was for the best. Maybe it was time for Sara to work through this—really manage things—on her own. She'd thought moving away would give her independence and self-reliance, but maybe this was what it really meant.

The weight of the blanket pressed into her chest and legs, grounding her. She had no idea what was going to happen with Dylan, but she resolved to deal with it head on.

Chapter Twenty

A
FTER SPENDING
S
UNDAY
dodging his mom's calls and texts, sending several unanswered texts to Sara, and ultimately spending the afternoon at the job site, Dylan was eager to get back to his weekday routine. He appreciated the nondrama of his crew and the steady progress of working toward their daily goals.

This morning he was more than content to be framing a large pantry in the kitchen of the cottage. However, Sara was hovering at the forefront of his mind. He'd hated how things had gone on Saturday. And since she wasn't returning his texts, he had to conclude he'd absolutely fucked everything up.

He'd meant what he said, that what they shared had progressed past “benefits.” He liked her. A lot. Cared for her like he hadn't cared for anyone in a long time. But he also meant what he'd said about the timing being bad. For both of them. Her life was incredibly convoluted right now, and he only added another layer of difficulty. And if he was being honest, he wasn't sure he wanted that added complexity either. Honestly, her family scared the hell out of him. He didn't
do
families. His mom had one thing right—he was a loner and he preferred it that way. He didn't disappoint anyone, and no one disappointed him.

His phone vibrated in his pocket. He slipped his hammer into his belt and withdrew his phone. A shaft of disappointment shot through him when he saw it was Kyle and not Sara.

K
YLE
: Can you come up to the office for a quick meeting with me and Tori?

Now what? Were they going to fire him outright for his dickish behavior? No, he doubted Sara had told them about that. He just didn't see her throwing him under the bus. He texted back,
Be right there
, and he left the cottage. With his and Sara's secret outed, anxiety splintered through him.
This
was why he didn't want a relationship. It overcomplicated everything.

A few minutes later he walked into the trailer. Tori was seated behind her desk while Kyle stood leaning against the counter of the tiny kitchenette behind her.

“What's up?” Dylan asked. They looked circumspect, which only heightened his defensiveness. Was he about to fight for his job?

“We wanted to talk to you about the project,” Kyle said.

Apparently, yes
. His stomach clenched. His worst fears were realized: that his inability to keep his hands to himself was about to cost him something very important.

Tori coughed as she clasped her hands together on the top of the desk. “It's time for us to hire someone for the next phases.”