Only Love (32 page)

Her eyes lit up. “Yes,” she said back.

I smiled and slapped his hand away, rolling onto my side to reach one of the bags. Digging down inside it, I pulled out the gift I’d gotten for his moms—it was a plate with a poem about a mother’s love engraved in the center.

“I saw this and thought it’d be perfect for them to hang on the kitchen wall. You know the spot by the fridge? Joan mentioned wanting to find something to fill up that space the last time they had us over. Now she has something.”

Adam read over the words etched on the brass disk, a smile touching his lips when he did. “They’ll love it.”

“Good. I hope they do.”

He handed the plate back and I returned it to its box. When I shoved it back inside the bag, another gift caught my attention and this one I hesitated to share.

The other person I wanted to shop for without Adam around was Abby, his daughter. I’d gone up to his apartment the night before to get his gray dress shirt to iron for our Christmas Eve dinner, when I came across a bag down at the bottom of the closet. I didn’t look inside it, but enough of the gifts were showing and I could easily see they were all items appropriate for an eight year-old girl.

“And I found this, too,” I said quietly as I pulled out a cute little canvas hat with the matching bag. It even has supplies and jewels inside for decorating the fabric. “… for Abby,” I added.

Adam was quiet.
Too
quiet. I started to wonder if he thought I’d overstepped my boundaries. My stomach churned a little as the silence wore on, but then my hands were eventually relieved of the gift. I watched Adam’s reaction closely as he looked it over, not so much interested in the item itself. I fidgeted while waiting for him to say something. Rissa filled in the quietness with her jabbering, toying with my fingers as she decided to rest her head on Adam’s leg.

“Was that okay?” I asked. “That I bought her something?”

Adam stared at the gift a moment longer and then his expression softened when his eyes met mine. “It is. It’s
more
than okay.” Next came a look of uncertainty. “I just don’t know if… if I’m ready.”

My hand went to his and squeezed. “There’s no rush. You know that,” I explained. “But I think the only one still hesitant is you.” And I honestly felt that way.

After Adam opened up to me about his past, he shared with me a letter the next day—the one his ex-wife had written and sent to his moms’ house. The overall tone of the correspondence was forgiveness. I gathered that his ex, Lia, finally saw Abby’s accident for what it was—
an accident.
Still, it’d been hard for Adam to relinquish the guilt completely although he’d definitely come a long way. The fact that he’d taken the step to buy gifts for Abby at all meant he wasn’t as closed to the idea of contacting her. That meant something—showed his strength.

“She deserves to know you, Adam. She’s got a great dad.”

It took a moment, but he eventually nodded, leaning down to where I still rested on the bed, touching his lips to my forehead. When he did, Rissa pushed his face away from mine and giggled, pointing a finger at Adam. “No, no!”

The corners of his mouth lifted as he stared at her, running his fingers over her wild curls, I believe still pondering our conversation, thinking about his next step.

“I’ll send it,” he said, sounding sure despite hesitancy in his tone. “I’ll send it.”

Dinner was done and we had about an hour before everyone was due to show up—Adam’s moms, Javi’s mom and cousin, plus his brother’s daughter and her mother… and I hoped even Gabby. Things with she and I were rocky for a few weeks after I blew up at her for inviting Adam to my apartment without my permission, but I eventually tracked her down and apologized like I’d been wanting to do. She heard me out and, being a bit wise beyond her years, she understood where I was coming from. We were good. We really were.

Things were apparently going better for her and her at home, too. Lately, Gabby had been spending more time with her mom than I’d ever known her to do since I moved in. That was a good thing. A
great
thing, actually. Gabby was a really good kid—funny, smart, responsible, opinionated—all things I’d grown to love about her. It was about time her mother took some real interest in her, too, though. Hopefully the increase in quality time would do them both a world of good. Although Gabby mentioned that her mother had already made dinner plans for the two of them, I still left room at the table for the pair and an open invitation—just in case they showed. A large part of me hoped they would. I missed my
other
little girl more than she knew. On many occasions I’d held back from telling her so because I didn’t want to discourage her from bonding with her mother. Still, I’m pretty sure she could see it on my face.

Adam’s hands braced my shoulders as I took the last of the cookies off the sheet to set them onto a plate. His touch startled me from my thoughts.

“The last of Rissa’s toys made it to her toy box, but, between you and me…” he paused and looked around as if making sure she wasn’t lurking close by before he leaned in to whisper the rest, “…she didn’t help very much.”

I burst out laughing despite my mood being a bit dim about the possibility of Gabby not making it to dinner tonight.

“Well, good thing she makes up for what she lacks in the cleaning department with her good looks,” I countered.

He kissed my shoulder and backed up, stealing a cookie first. “Touché.”

I pretended to swat at him with the spatula when his phone sounded off on the counter. His eyes went to it and mine followed. A sigh left him when we both realized it was work. Before he even picked up, I knew what was about to happen.

“Yeah, hello?” he answered, leaning his hip against the counter as he reached for another cookie, only to get denied by me and my spatula. He gave a silent laugh while listening to whoever was on the other end of the phone. “Yup. Gotcha. On my way.”

And there it was. I tried to hide my disappointment, but it was written all over my face. When I pouted, Adam pulled me to his chest and grazed his lips over the top of my hair.

“Promise to come back as quick as I can.”

I rubbed both hands down his back. “I know. It’s fine.” And it was; I just hated when he got called in on days I’d been thinking I’d have him all to myself. Duty calls, though.

I pulled away and went to the cabinet where I kept the Tupperware. “I’ll at least fix your dinner to go so you don’t have to worry about grabbing anything.”

The corner of his mouth hitched up and he thanked me.

The next moment I was alone in the kitchen while Adam readied himself for work. I’d done my best not to let him see just how disappointed I was, but now that he was out of sight, I didn’t have to hide it. Tonight was going to be special for more reasons than it being our first Christmas Eve dinner together; he was supposed to meet Javi’s mother, too. Now that Mrs. Ruiz and I had made amends and she saw Rissa regularly, I felt like it was finally time for her to meet the man in my life; the man who also played a big part in her granddaughter’s life. With Joan and Cindy coming as well, I was really looking forward to everyone getting to know one another. Now all of that was going down the drain.

Adam came back with a duffle bag in hand, still opting to change into his uniform at work instead of at home although I told him that it no longer bothered me. We kissed, but when I backed away to zip his coat a few inches higher, I think he detected the sadness in my eyes.

His hand went to my hair and then came to rest on the side of my neck. “I’m sorry I can’t be here for this. I really am. It meant a lot to me too, meeting Javi’s mother. I promise I’ll make it up to you soon.”

Now I felt bad. “This isn’t your fault. There’s nothing to make up to me.” I touched my lips against the corner of his mouth twice. “I’ll just set something up some other time.”

He nodded. “Sounds good.” Handing off Adam’s dinner, we said goodbye for the evening.

I gathered Rissa and we knelt on the couch together, watching him get into his car and take off.

“Bye-bye,” Rissa waved even though Adam didn’t see us, but this time she didn’t cry. In fact, she
never
cried when he left now—because she knew he’d be coming back here.

Back home.

The first knock sent Rissa racing toward the door. I knew she couldn’t have had any idea that it was a holiday, but I swear she was way more excitable tonight than usual. Maybe she was feeding off my energy. Adam snuck in a call just after his shift started, wanting to make sure I was really all right with him having to leave and to remind me of all the good that would come of tonight even though he couldn’t be here. His pep talk rejuvenated me and I was now focused on our guests.

“Who is it? Who is it?” Rissa said just clear enough for me to make out—no one else would’ve had a clue what she was talking about.

“I don’t know, baby. Let’s see,” I smiled back as she stood there, waiting.

My eyes lit up and so did hers. I took Gabby into my arms before I could even greet her properly. If she didn’t know already that I missed her, she did now.

“Merry Christmas,” she said. “Well, it’s almost Christmas.”

I let her go and looked her over, something I found myself doing a lot now that she wasn’t eating here as often. It mattered to me that she was well taken care of. She looked good, though. Her hair was freshly braided and it looked like she had on new sneakers—maybe a gift from her mother. I didn’t pry, though.

“You’re staying for dinner?” I asked when she didn’t step inside.

She glanced down the hallway toward her apartment, pointing a finger in that direction when she spoke. “Actually, no. Mom cooked,” she said with a smile, clearly excited about this newfound maternal instinct her mother had tapped into. My heart sank at her reply, but I didn’t let it show through.

“Oh,” I said smiling with the words. I really was happy for her. “Okay, that’s cool. If you decide to come for dessert or just to chill afterward that’d be fine too.”

Gabby gave a half-smile, I believe noticing the sadness in my expression. “I would, but… my mom said we have plans tonight.”

I frowned by accident and then fixed my face. It was already nearly seven, but I recalled taking Gabby to a special viewing of
A Christmas Carol
on Christmas Eve the year I was pregnant with Rissa. So, I imagined there were things,
legitimate
things, she and her mother could have planned for the evening. I kept my thoughts and questions to myself, though.

“Hey, girlie,” Gabby said when Rissa wriggled her way past me and out into the hallway. “You all ready for Santa Claus?” she asked.

Rissa smiled and nodded, having heard me mention that name so many times over the past month—even though she wanted no parts of it when Adam and I took her to get pictures with Santa at the mall. She cried the whole time on the old man’s lap. We had the adorable pictures to prove it.

“I’ll bet you’re gonna get a whole bunch of presents,” Gabby added, holding Rissa tight in her arms. Her words reminded me of something.

I stepped away from the door and retrieved the sparkly silver bag and a wrapped box with Gabby’s name printed on the nametags from beneath the tree. “One’s from me and one’s from Adam. We couldn’t agree on what to get you, so we both chose our own gifts,” I said with a smile.

Her eyes lit up with surprise as she handed Rissa over and accepted the presents. “Thank you,” she said warmly, tearing through the paper cloaking the box right there in the hallway. Her teeth flashed as a grin crossed her face. “An mp3 player!” She screeched at the sight of what Adam picked out for her. “Where is he so I can thank him?” she asked, never taking her eyes off the device.

“He got called into work, but I’ll make sure to tell him. Or better yet, stop being a stranger and come by to tell him yourself.” I smiled.

She nodded, agreeing. “I will. Promise.”

Next she dug inside the bag from me and the smile dimmed just a little, transitioning to a somber stare as Gabby’s eyes watered. The gift was simple—simple enough that I honestly wondered if she’d even fully appreciate the thought behind it. But the look on her face told me that she knew where my heart was when I chose this particular gift.