Only Love (The Atonement Series) (19 page)

“Don’t mention it. I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t genuinely want you to be happy,” he replied quietly.

“Then in that case, can I show my appreciation by taking you to bed? You can make love to me all night long,” she cooed in his ear playfully before she bit the lobe.

“I can’t think of a better way to spend the evening.”

The ironic part about his comment was he genuinely meant it. If he was having sex with Cassie then he wouldn’t think about Deirdre’s deception and for a small moment in time, he would be at peace with himself and what he had allowed to happen in their relationship.

Although their lovemaking
should have lasted for a while, two hours later, Colin was dressed in a pair of ripped black jeans and a faded Rolling Stones black tee shirt. Cassie still laid in his bed, asleep, while he drank another double shot of Macallan and reached for his Samsung to call his brother.

Liam answered shortly after the second ring. “What’s up?” he inquired without the usual preliminaries.

“Deirdre has been here to see me and she basically told me in strong words she has no use for me and we will never be a couple again,” Colin replied before he swigged from his whiskey. “I’m so broken up about the whole situation, I have no idea what to do. I really did think we would have another chance. I can’t believe she would treat me this way over some man she barely knows.”

“Well, she didn’t know you either but it didn’t stop her from hopping into bed with you shortly after you two met one another.”

“That’s beside the point. Drake is nothing but bad news. He has connections to a goddamn mafia family for God’s sake and she sees nothing wrong with that. He took her to Mexico a month ago to pick up drugs and disguised it as a romantic getaway for the day. I told her about it and she shrugged off the whole episode because she doesn’t want me and now I am stuck in a situation that angers me. It wasn’t supposed to be this way!”

Liam laughed on the other end. “It never is but what can you do? Perhaps you need to give her some distance so she can see the situation properly. It can’t be easy with you crowding her all the time.”

“I don’t crowd her. I haven’t bothered to stop by her place and the only time we see each other is at work. Unfortunately, she had to choose today of all days to come by my house and Cassie was here. I think it gave her some sort of sick fascination to tell me we’re through. She told me to have a nice life with my current squeeze in no uncertain terms,” Colin explained passionately. “How come she gets to get laid but the moment I do it, I am evil personified and don’t deserve a second chance? It’s pure lunacy.”

“Well, all’s not set in stone yet. According to Drew, they haven’t consummated their relationship. Drake is very…serious about her and wants it to be special. In this case, you are kind of screwed because she has only been dating someone while you are in a full fledged relationship with another woman. What do you expect her to do? And the anger was good. It means she still cares about you and perhaps she was a bit dismayed you could just forget about everything you two had together and carry on with another.”

“I am not carrying on with another woman, Liam—I am merely getting my rocks off. Cassie means
nothing
to me,” Colin growled through the phone.

“Well then maybe you shouldn’t have been foolish enough to let your ex catch her at your house. I’m not saying it can’t work out but you have some major
groveling
to do if you want to get Deirdre back. Face it, baby bro, she is a major loose end. This involves more than you and your love. You have to make everything okay because if you don’t then we can’t just have her running around, knowing what she knows.”

Colin paused with the glass mere inches from his mouth. “What exactly are you trying to say? If we don’t end up together then she has to die too? I won’t be involved in anything like that, Liam. Her father’s death already eats me alive. I can’t cause that kind of damage to anyone else let alone the woman I love.”

“I didn’t say anything about murder or killing anyone for Christ’s sake. Just remember you jumped to that conclusion. She’s involved with dangerous people so if I wanted something to happen to her, I would let them do it and our hands would be clean—”

“Seriously, you could do that and not feel a shred of guilt? You are engaged to her sister for fuck’s sake. The child she carried and lost was
yours
, not mine! I never thought the day would come you could be so cold and heartless. How can you sleep at night?”

“I will have you know I sleep just fine because in no way was I suggesting the woman you are in love with perish. You jumped to that conclusion and it is entirely
unnecessary for that to happen.” Liam paused and breathed into the phone. “I have Caitlyn and she has already warned her sister in no uncertain terms that if she says anything to anyone in the law enforcement department then they will no longer have a relationship. Believe me, Deirdre isn’t willing to risk the only family she has left.”

Colin sighed out loud. “Thank God for small favors. I am asking you now—as my older and wiser brother—what can I do to convince Deirdre I still want her and would like to gain her trust again? I love her with all my heart and she constantly rejects me. I can only deal with so much and I feel as if…I’m on the edge of a cliff. I need to get Drake out of the way, damn it, and I have no idea how to accomplish that goal. I am completely at a loss here and I don’t like where my emotions are taking me.”

Liam laughed out loud. “You always were the sensitive one. I think you inherited all your feelings from our mother and nothing from our father. Alas, I will put you out of your misery once and for all. If you really want Deirdre and are willing to do what ever it takes to get her then use Drake’s weaknesses against him. She will see in no time he is nothing but trouble and will bring her little besides heartache and pain.”

Colin paced the sitting room and swallowed the rest of his whiskey. “Okay, I’m waiting. How can I possibly convince her of that?”

“Go to the source,” Liam began in a quiet voice. “Drake’s greatest love in La Jolla was Mikayla Shevchenko. Imagine how much dirt she has on him. Her family must be holding something over his head, after all, why was he making a drug run for them in Mexico? You want dirt on this perfect, infallible, sexy guy Deirdre has fallen head over heels with then simply go where you must. It might mean beginning a love affair with her so be ready to get rid of this chick you’re shacked up with because I have a feeling she is the type who doesn’t like to share.”

It was Colin’s turn to laugh as he poured himself another whiskey. “That, my dear brother, won’t be hard at all. Cassie is already a distant memory…pity she doesn’t know it yet.”

They ended their call and before Colin returned to bed, he called Rouge and asked to speak to Ms. Shevchenko.

“I’m afraid she is busy at the moment, sir,” the hostess said with professional courtesy.

“Believe me, she’ll want to take this call.”

“Hold please.”

Colin was put on hold and had to listen to an awful muzak edition of The Rolling Stones “Heart of Stone” before a California accented voice came on the line. It was silky, purring and something told him she was as great in bed as her voice suggested.

“Mikayla Shevchenko?”

“Yes? Who is this?” the young woman demanded on the other end of the line.

“My name is Colin van der Meer and I have just realized that we should meet as soon as possible.”

She was silent for a second before she continued, “Why is that?”

“You want Drake back, don’t you?”

“Now why would I tell a stranger any of my personal business, Mr. van der Meer?”

“Because…I want Deirdre back and together, I think we have a lot to discuss.”

Colin heard her as her talons hit the counter. “You’re right. We should meet very soon.”

He leaned on the counter in his kitchen. “Name the time and the place.”

Chapter Fifteen

I couldn’t deny how hard it was seeing Colin again but the thought of him with that cheap slut took the cake. How could he have chosen someone like Cassie from the coffee shop? Was he that desperate for sex he’d started on the employees? The sooner he left for Seattle, the happier I would be I realized.

The last thing I wanted to do was go back to Drake’s place with any animosity or bad feelings. I walked back to my condo first and had a long hot shower before I poured myself a stiff Absolut vodka and swallowed a Xanax along with the first swig.

By the time I dressed in simple yet lovely turquoise, strapless dress in chiffon courtesy of J. Crew which ended just above the knee and a pair of black three-inch sandals which matched my small clutch purse, I felt like a million bucks and looked it too. I had kept my makeup to a minimum and pinned my hair into a French Twist because I knew how much fun Drake would have taking it down to reveal my wavy, silky hair.

Although I had a key to his condo—the same way he had a key to my place—I still knocked before I used it. His place smelled delicious as he’d lit large candles everywhere and they all were scents of vanilla and various intoxicating spices. The fireplace was lit, whether for warmth or ambience didn’t matter because it made the place feel alive and cozy.

“I’ll be right out!” Drake called to me as I sat on the sofa casually in his sitting room.

I loved his condo because where mine was sterile and cold, his was warm, filled with muted colors with names like peanut butter and sand, cream, brick and caramel. The walls were the same way, painted in different yet warm colors which were seductive and inviting. I couldn’t lie; every time I visited his place, I felt like I was coming home.

Moments later, he walked into the sitting room wearing a pair of blue jeans ripped at the knees and black wife-beater with his tats on display. They were works of art, interesting symbols and every one of them meant something.

He had a shamrock tattoo with the colors of the German flag to symbolize both his German-Irish heritage on his left shoulder; a Celtic symbol meaning eternal love on his left forearm while on his right forearm, he had the Celtic symbol known as the “Knot of Eternity” which represented a closed cycle of life, death and reincarnation. Along his shoulder blades was the phrase “That which doesn’t kill me makes me stronger” in Japanese characters (unlike a lot of Americans who ended up marking their body with phrases that were nonsensical in Chinese Mandarin, Cantonese or Japanese characters, he knew the translation was correct because Drake had spent three years in Japan as an adolescent while his father was the American Ambassador to Japan).