Only Love (The Atonement Series) (30 page)

Drake embraced me and held on tight, his heart thundering against mine and it was then I realized how scared he’d truly been of what my answer might be. I needed to stop playing games with this man’s heart and truly get real with him and myself.

That long talk I was supposed to have with Colin now officially became overdue.

I stayed the next day long after my shift ended so I could make sure Colin and I ran into one another. He was early that day since Cassie was with him and they sat outside for a cigarette break while talking to one another animatedly.

I’d quit the dreaded habit after I had gotten pregnant and hadn’t bothered to pick it back up post miscarriage so the smell didn’t really bother me. Besides, when he waltzed inside alone, he didn’t smell like smoke but rather Skulls & Roses Cologne, an Ed Hardy scent I had contemplated buying Drake but I didn’t think the middle notes of lavender would go with his body chemistry. On Colin, it smelled absolutely perfect.

“A gift from your lady friend?” I inquired as he sat across from me.

“What are you doing here past your shift and what are you talking about? What’s a gift from my ‘lady friend’ as you put it?”

“I needed to talk to you and I was referring to the cologne you’re wearing. I don’t remember you owning it when we were together.”

“We weren’t together that long so how could you notice much of anything about me?” Colin snapped back.

“True. I do believe you’ve officially been with Cassie longer than me…even with the whole week-long hiatus when you were banging Mikayla Shevchenko.” I paused and played with the casing over my Samsung Galaxy Note. “By the way, I haven’t seen her since the engagement party Caitlyn and Liam had two weeks ago. What happened if you don’t mind me asking?”

He sat up and sipped casually from his venti caramel frappuccino from Starbucks of all places. “Why do you ask? I took her to the engagement party hoping to make you jealous and it didn’t work out. She got pissed and called me out on telling you guys about the plot against Drake’s life. It was…ugly…and to be completely open and honest, I would rather
not
talk about it.”

I leaned forward in my seat and placed my arms on the table, my Smart phone forgotten for the time being as I slid it next to my handbag, a black canvas Louis Vuitton bucket purse. It looked nice but not overly expensive and that was the image I was trying to convey.

My father had drilled into our heads as children never to look like we had a lot of money because that could put us in the crossfire of a very efficient con artist. So far, the only people who had managed to play me were the various men in my life I had chosen to be with on an intimate level. I guess I hadn’t remembered my father’s rules and lessons as much as I thought I had.

“Why not? You and Liam saved my mother’s life. Had the police not been called in time, Caitlyn and I would have had to bury our only remaining parent. We’re extremely grateful to the both of you for everything you did that night,” I responded in a calm tone.

He sat up in his chair and shrugged his shoulders apathetically before his crystal blue eyes looked my way. “Listen, it didn’t go down as smoothly as you think and…I don’t see how sharing any of the information with you about went really happened that night is going to make your opinion of me any better so I would rather keep it to myself.”

As my heart began to pound rhythmically in my chest with a steady precision, all the pieces began to click in place. Mikayla’s disappearance wasn’t an anomaly at all. Something had taken place in Seattle and Colin was directly responsible. I experienced an ache in my stomach as my heart dropped.

“You were forced to…take care of her permanently, weren’t you? She threatened my family as well as Drake and you didn’t see any other choice. It all becomes so clear. What did you do with the body if you don’t mind me asking?”

Colin’s crystal blue eyes were cold as the Arctic Ocean. “Listen, Liam had to help me and I can’t tell you because I don’t just risk my own miserable life but your sister and her fiancé as well. Let’s just say my brother has friends in high places and her body will never be recovered.” He breathed out loud as his hands wandered through his thick flaxen blond hair. “You weren’t there and you didn’t hear how easily she ordered your mother’s death, your death and Drake’s death. If you two happened to not be there, your mother was supposed to die anyway to send a message to you. I couldn’t let that happen so I did the only thing I could do.

“Was it just or right or fair? It depends on what your definitions are to these empty words we say to one another on a day-to-day basis. I wasn’t just covering Drake’s ass but mostly yours and your mother’s. You’ve both been through enough and I couldn’t justify letting that bitch live when she wanted you dead. If that makes me a horrible human being and a monster then it is what it is and I am one in your eyes.”

My hands reached out for Colin’s as they lay on the table and I clutched them within my own before I squeezed them with all my might. “You’re not a monster, Colin. I can’t sit here and judge you for an action you had a split decision to make. I cannot possibly imagine what kind of position she put you in and all of us—Drake, my mother, Caitlyn and I are all so very thankful how you handled a very unfortunate situation. You couldn’t have known her true intentions. She was working underneath a rogue status and she never got permission from her father to do what she attempted that night.

“Where ever you managed to do with the body, I hope to God it can never be found. She goes down as a missing person and both Drake and I will vouch for you if the time ever comes. You picked up some clothes from your condo and you stayed at my sister’s condo with us that night because you didn’t want to run into her after you ditched her at the engagement party. That will be the official story and be sure to stick to it, all right?”

“Why would you risk your freedom to protect me?”

I glanced at him as if he were truly a village idiot. “Without your help, we could potentially all be dead right now. I don’t know about you but I sure as hell am not ready to meet my maker and I will do what ever it takes to protect you. Drake will too. If we have to lie and say you two never dated and she merely showed up at your condo in Seattle then we’ll say it. What ever you need help with just let us know and we’re here for you.”

Colin finally smiled as the expression on his face softened considerably. “That means a lot to me. I didn’t know…I would have preferred you never found out but now that it is out in the open, I feel a strange sense of calm and relief.”

I stood, reached over and kissed his cheek. “You’re a good person, Colin. I am so very sorry we couldn’t make things work between us at the present but you will always have my heart. That’s not just me saying this because of what went down in Seattle; I’m saying it because it’s the honest to goodness truth.”

“Thanks for saying that but I don’t feel like that great of a person—”

“I
forgive
you. If you haven’t atoned for all the wrongdoings you did to my family before then you have now. There is nothing else between us. No hate, no distrust. Only respect, truth and love. Thank you.”

He looked taken aback as he stood to his feet. I placed my Smart phone in my handbag and embraced him. “I wish something like this could have happened when we were together because God knows I would have taken you back in a heartbeat. For the time being, make her happy. She may not be me but that doesn’t mean she isn’t deserving of your love and respect. I wish you and Cassie all the luck in the world. I’ll see you soon. Bye for now.”

As we separated, his blue eyes glistened with unshed tears but he merely nodded his head and kissed my lips quickly. “Take care of yourself, Deirdre.”

“I will. You do the same.”

“You know what we have isn’t over…don’t you?”

I had begun to walk away but that froze me in my tracks and I turned to look at him. “Of course I do. No one ever said our life is plotted out and fated before hand. We’ll never be through with one another but whether we can have a relationship again is not for me to say. We’ll see what happens and take it from there.”

The smile he displayed was so bright, he nearly blinded me. “Then it is only goodbye for now and not forever?”

“It would never be forever.”

I turned and continued to walk out of the restaurant.

I had left Colin with hope because I desperately needed some hope of my own, and as a woman who now covered her ass like there was no tomorrow, I wouldn’t dare enter another relationship again without a Plan B. It was a selfish and heartless fact to admit but it wasn’t one I would ever deny myself again.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Thanksgiving with Drake’s family was just like I thought it would be except it was louder and there were many more people than I anticipated.

Drew and his family were there along with Aubrey who looked absolutely stunning. We had both gone shopping together before the event since she and Drew came down to La Jolla and spent a couple days with Drake and I before we all left for Massachusetts together.

Drake and Drew’s parents both lived in the Beacon Hill area of Boston but the O’Connell mansion was slightly bigger than the Branaugh Estate so Thanksgiving was held there while everyone spent Christmas at the Branaugh Estate.

I met Drake’s surviving siblings and his mother, who openly wept, while his father looked at his son with a sense of sadness regarding all the time they’d lost. I looked elegant in a pale gray cocktail dress courtesy of Chanel and Yves Saint Laurent Tribute heels but we made a striking couple.

I said nothing as he talked to his parents and finally broke down before them.

“I am so sorry and I know you didn’t have to reach out to me but the last thing I wanted was to never see any of you again. These past eleven and a half years have been hell and if I could bring her back, I would.”

His father, ever the stalwart gentleman from German-Irish stock patted his shoulder. “We know, son. But today isn’t a day for remembering the past, it’s about celebrating the present so why don’t you introduce Deirdre to us again? We knew her when she was dating Drew but it looks like they have both moved on.”

I smiled though I said nothing as Drake walked over and slid his left arm around the small of my back. “Mother…Father, I would like to introduce to you Deirdre Bardot. I haven’t asked her to marry me yet because we have been seeing one another for less than six months and she considers it uncouth. Deirdre, this is my mother and father.”