Only With You (13 page)

Okay. Yeah.
I sort of got that from his confession earlier.

“I know.”

“Then what is it?” He pulled back and looked at me.

“Just say what you were going to say before,” I said, looking up at him, drinking in his nearly perfect features. Damn, he was so cute.

“I have finals next week. I pretty much have a test every day, and when I’m not taking a test, I have to study for my next one.”

My whole body relaxed when he said that. I should have known with him it would be about school. He w
as a straight A student with law school aspirations. Of course that would be the one thing that would prevent us from spending the only break I had for a few weeks together. But I couldn’t be upset with him because of that. He loved school, and I’d never ask him to choose me over it.

I watched his expression for a few seconds as his eyes searched mine for a reaction. Then I kissed him. He was tentative to respond at first, but then he relaxed into the kiss, his body going slack as I gently eased him back against the wall and turned, so I was facing him, my legs straddling his.

“You’re not mad at me?” he asked when we came up for air a few seconds later.

I shook my hea
d. “No, why would I be mad? School’s important to you.”

“You’re important to me
too, Syd – so important. You have to know that. I want you to stay, so badly, but I’m torn.”

I smiled. “I think it’s actually really cute and sexy that you’re so focused on your education. It’s fine. I totally understand. We can pick up where we left off when your finals are done.”

“Really?”

Damn, why did he look so apprehensive?
I really wasn’t upset with him. But then I got it. He didn’t trust that I felt the same way as him. But then again, he’d basically said he loved me, and I hadn’t said it back. I was pretty sure I felt it, but I wasn’t sure I was ready to say it out loud. Everything had happened so fast with us, and I was still trying to process it all. But I also knew I wasn’t going to push him away. I wanted this.

I sat up straighter and cupped his face in my hands. “Ryder,
just so you know, this isn’t something causal between us, okay?”

“It’s not?”

God, he really didn’t get it.

I shook my head. “No, I want to be with you.
I told you that.”

“Yeah, but for how long? I mean,
is it really possible? I have school, and you have this amazing career where you travel the world. Everyone knows who you are. Everyone here tonight may have been too drunk or too oblivious to notice you, but I guarantee if I were to parade you around the house tomorrow you wouldn’t want to stick around. And I can’t offer you what other guys can. I’m a sophomore in college, and I’m pretty much broke. In fact, I slept in the backseat of Jake’s car in the parking garage of your hotel last night, because I couldn’t afford a room, and I was too drunk to drive.”

My mouth had opened somewhere in the middle of his diatribe, because I wanted to refute all of it – especially the point he’d made about not being able to offer me anything. He was so wrong, but aside from that I couldn’t believe he’d slept in his car the night before, in a parking garage no less
, when he could have slept next to me.

“Ry, you slept in your car?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I did.” I saw his cheeks color again, so I knew he was embarrassed. “I didn’t have enough money to get a room.”

I smacked his chest.
“I’m so mad at you. You could have stayed with me.”

“I thought you had a boyfriend,” he
defended.

“I know, and again, I’m sorry about that. I should have told you the truth.
But don’t think for a second that you’re not good enough for me. It’s not true.”

He shrugged. “
Sure it is. You’re Sydney Chase. You’re beautiful and talented, and a million guys would kill to call you their girlfriend. You’ve only ever dated celebrities. Why would you want to date a nobody like me?”

I felt like smacking him. Seriously. He had no idea what I saw when I looked at him.

“Because you’re Ryder Thompson,” I said firmly, and he rolled his eyes. “No, seriously, Ry. I meant what I said earlier. I like you so much. I don’t care if you’re broke. I don’t need money. I am so proud of you for going after your dream of stopping global warming and saving the earth.” He laughed, and I shushed him, knowing I’d gone a little too far, but I wanted him to see himself how I saw him. “I want to be with you because you’re the kindest, most honest, stable, caring and considerate man I know. Not to mention the fact that you’re so ridiculously hot. I mean, were you always this good looking?”

He smiled a smirky little smile
, and I knew I had him. “I don’t know. I think so.”

I leaned in and kissed him again. “You’re so cute and adorab
le. Just by being you, you’re offering me more than any guy ever has, and because of that, I want to call you mine.”

“Lik
e I’m going to argue with that,” he said, the smile still plastered to his face.

“You’d better not, but
you know this isn’t going to be easy. My schedule is nuts, and aside from a few days off here and there, I’m pretty much on tour until October.”

“I know. You finish up in North America in September and then go to Australia and a few places in Europe in the fall.
I get it, and it doesn’t matter.”

I smiled. “Did you memorize my tour schedule
or something?”

He shrugged. “
Kind of.”

“That is so adorable
,” I told him, and then he was kissing me again, pulling me down, so we were lying on his mattress.

Ryder’s body half covered mine
as he kissed me into oblivion. He laced our hands together and held them on either side of my head, his lips moving from my mouth to my jaw to my neck.

“How much do you wish Jake would have gotten
lost on the way back here?” he murmured against my neck, and I giggled, his warm breath tickling my skin.

“I think I’d give up half of the money I’m earning on this tour for that to have happened.”

Ryder groaned and pulled back, rolling off of me and scrubbing his face with his hands.

“Where did you go?” I asked, looking
over at him. He looked like he might be in physical pain.

“Can’t do it,” he muttered. “I want to,
but I can’t, because if we keep doing that, it’s gonna lead to more, and nope. I won’t do it.”

He was a little nonsensical, but I understood the gist of what he was saying.

“Do you want to just go to sleep?” I offered.

“Yeah,” he sighed. “No, but yeah.”

“Do you have to study tomorrow?” I asked him, already guessing the answer.

“Yeah, I do. I’ve got my Calc III final on Monday morning at like seven
.”

I was pouting on the inside, but I wouldn’t let him know that.

“Then let’s go to sleep so you can get rested to study for your brainiac math test.”

I reach
ed up to turn the light off, then scooted over to him and threw my arm over his bare stomach, tucking my head under his arm that he lifted to let me in. It settled around me and hugged me to him. I decided then and there that it was my favorite place in the world to be. Inside his darkened cave it was like we were shutting out the rest of the world.

“Hey Syd?”

“Yeah?” I said sleepily.

“
I hate that you’re leaving tomorrow.”

Aww, that was sweet.

“Me too,” I said, looking up at him. “You said you’re done with finals on Friday, right?”

“Yeah, my last test is at seven on Friday morning,” he said, his eyes shifting to look at me.

“What are you doing on Friday night?”

He shook his head. “Nothing really. I have a week break between classes. I was going to go home, but I didn’t book my ticket in time, and when I went to book it, it was like fifteen hundred dollars, so my mom said no. I was just going to hang out here. The house usually empties out over the summer. I think only fifteen of us are staying
here.”

“How do you feel about Philadelphia?”

“As a city? I don’t know. I’ve never been there before.”

I smiled. For a smart guy, he was so clueless sometimes. “How about as the first stop
on the ‘I’m going to visit my girlfriend while she’s on tour’ tour?”

“G
irlfriend?” he questioned, and I could tell he was trying to hold back his smile.

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, your girlfriend. Me.”

“I’ve never had a girlfriend before,” he said playfully.

“Well, you do now.”

“Sweet. My girlfriend is
so
hot.”

I giggled. He was too cute.

“But what about Dillon?” he asked then, and I could have kicked him. I thought we’d established who Dillon was to me. “I mean, he’s your ‘boyfriend’ as far as the world is concerned. How can you date me when you’re supposed to be dating him?”

Crap.
I hadn’t even thought of that.

“I’ll talk to Chris and Laurie and see what our options are. Worst case, we might have to be friends in public for a while until they can orchestrate an official, yet friendly break-up between Dillon and me. His girlfriend will probably be thrilled.”

I knew it wasn’t ideal, but maybe by Friday I could get everything worked out. That way Ryder and I wouldn’t have to pretend. I didn’t like that idea one bit.

Ryder leaned forward and kissed my cheeks in several places
, making me giggle.

“What are you doing?”

“Kissing your freckles. I love them.” Then he kissed my nose. “I also love your nose.”

“Ugh, I hate my freckles. I should just get them lasered off.”

Ryder froze next to me and lowered his head to my ear. “Don’t you dare,” he growled. “I love your freckles. I also love the little lines around your eyes when you laugh. They’re perfect. Don’t get rid of them either, even though I know you hate them because you’ve complained about them before.”

I laughed. “You know that’s a One Direction song, right?”

“Who?”

He had no idea who I was talking about.
Although he tolerated my music, I knew Ryder was rock ‘n roll all the way.

“One Direction.
Really awesome British boy band? They were on the UK X Factor, and Simon Cowell discovered them? They’re ridiculously huge all over the world right now.”

He was still looking at me with a blank expression on his face, so
I sang the first few lines of
Little Things
, so at least he would know what song I was talking about. He laced his fingers through mine and smiled at me through the darkness. I smiled too, because my hand did fit perfectly in his.

“I like that song, but maybe it’s because you’re singing it. I like anything you sing,” he said and kissed me again.

My lips almost hurt from kissing so much, but that wasn’t stopping me from doing it again and again.

“They actually sound way better, because they have these sexy British accents t
hat you can hear in their songs, but I’ll take the compliment.”

He shook his head. “No one sings better than you, but just so we’re clear, should I be jealous? You don’t have some sort of crush on those British guys and their sexy
accented voices do you?”

I laughed. “No way. Not when I can have you.”

“Damn, Syd. You’re gonna give me a big head. You want me over five cute British boy band dudes. I’m flattered,” he said as his fingers teased mine on the hand he was holding. “I think I’m pretty much the luckiest guy in the world right now.”

Jeez.
Make a girl blush why don’t you?

“Were you always this sweet?” I asked him.

He shrugged. “Only with you. No one else ever gets this side of me.”

I smiled. “Are you quoting me back to me?” I asked
, as he recited part of the chorus to one of my songs.

I loved hearing my lyrics on his lips, esp
ecially when it was
that
song.

“Maybe,” he said, smirking at me. “But it’s true. You’ve always gotten this part of me that
nobody else ever has.”

“Not even Jake,” I teased.

He shook his head. “Not even Jake.”

“Then I feel privileged.”

He laughed. “No, I feel privileged. Trust me. There are fifty-one other guys asleep in this house who wish they were in my place right now. They just don’t know it.”

“
I wouldn’t want any of them,” I said softly.

“
Good, because they can’t have you,” he said, as he pulled me closer.

I really liked the sound of that.

I closed my eyes and drifted off with my head resting on his chest, his heart beating gently, his warm body better than any pillow I’d ever slept on. I knew I had a smile on my face as I thought about the fact that I was with Ryder, and finally everything felt right in the world, even if in a few short hours I’d have to leave him again.