Only With You (16 page)

Cutie-pants? What the hell?

Wait, did she say guy?

Jesus, did everyone think I was gay?
Yeah, they probably did, because Sydney had no doubt told them that at some point over the years. Funny that none of them had ever brought it up to me until now, and I wondered why that was.

Denise nodded. “You’re so
adorable. Why are all the good ones gay?”

Okay, I couldn’t do this
.

“Guys,
I’m not gay,” I told them, and they both looked at me with wide eyes. Shelly had frozen in her application of Syd’s make-up and whipped her head around to look at me.

“Did he say what I think he just said?” she questioned.

Then they all looked at Sydney who was staring at me in the mirror with wide eyes. I mouthed ‘I’m sorry’ to her, but she didn’t respond. I hoped she wasn’t pissed at me, but I wasn’t going to lie about something like that. I had my limits.

“What do you mean you’re not gay?” Denise asked,
and then she turned to Sydney. “Syd, you told us a few months ago that he was gay. You said that’s why you two had never hooked up.”

I watched Sydne
y’s face turn red in the mirror as Denise turned to me. “We personally thought that you two would be totally cute together,” she said. “Remember, Syd, it was right after you broke up with Whit.”

“I do believe I was the one who told her to date Ryder,” Clea chimed in, elbowing me playfully, “since I’ve always thought he was so freaking hot
and so nice! But she said he was gay.” Then she turned to me. “I had no idea. I thought you guys would make such a great couple.”

And I would have to agree.

“Okay! Enough,” Sydney said then. “I actually just found out last weekend. And I honestly thought he was gay. That’s why I told you all that.”

“
What do you mean you ‘thought’ he was gay?” Shelly asked. “He’s your best friend. Is that something you should know?”

“I don’t know!
Probably!” Sydney refuted. “We never actually talked about it. I just assumed he liked guys, I guess.”

“Why would you assume that about someone?” Denise asked and then turned to me. “Ryder, do you make out with boys on a regular basis
or something? Are you bi?”

“No!” I said quickly, wanting to squelch that rumor before it started. “No, definitely not.”

“You apparently assumed wrong,” Clea chimed in, looking at Sydney in the mirror.

I thought I heard Syd mutter ‘
No shit,’ but I couldn’t be sure.

“
Oh, so this is great!” Shelly squealed, an excited look coming over her face. “Syd, you should have told us! This is really good news.”

“Yeah, totally, Syd,” Clea chimed in
. “I still think you guys would be so cute together.” Then she elbowed me a few times.

“
Oh, my God,  guys. It’s not that big of a big deal,” Sydney said exasperatedly, waving her hand in dismissal. “I was surprised to find out, but Ry and I are cool. We’re
just friends
. You guys know I’m with Dillon.”

Well that stung a little bit.
Did she have to say it like she was actually repulsed by the idea of dating me?

Shelly rolled her eyes, but she didn’t say anything, and I
wondered what she was thinking. Unfortunately she didn’t share her thoughts as she started working on Syd’s make-up again. In fact no one said anything else on the matter for a few minutes.

“You like her, don’t you?” Clea
finally whispered to me, and I looked over at her in surprise. I’d been staring at Sydney.

“Uh, what do you mean?” I asked, playing dumb.

“Ryder, come on,” Denise said, leaning over to whisper it in my ear, completely on to me. “We’ve all seen how you’ve looked at her over the years, and we actually found it hard to believe that you were gay, but Syd was adamant. If it’s any consolation, we all think you’re better for her than Dillon. I’m glad to hear you’re available and straight.”

“You should totally go for it with her,” Clea encouraged.

“What are you guys whispering about back there?” Sydney asked, and both Clea and Denise straightened up.

“Nothing,” they said in unison before they
stood and moved away from me, both of them pretending to do something related to their jobs.

My phone beeped a few seconds later.

Hey cutie-pants. What were they saying to you?

A wide smile spread across my face when I read the text from
Sydney. I didn’t so much mind it when she called me cutie-pants. She could call me that all day if she wanted.

Hi yourself.
Nothing you need to worry about. We’re ‘just friends’ after all.

That might have been below the line, but I was only teasing – sort of. I looked up to see the reflection of her frozen with her thumbs over her phone and a frustrated look on her face.

After a minute, my phone beeped again.

You know I was just saying that. Now t
ell me what they said!

I smiled.
Maybe later.

A part of me kind of wanted to tease her just a bit.

Fine! Did you have a good flight?

Sure.

I wasn’t going to get into the details of my anxiety ridden flight. She didn’t need to know what a pussy I was being, since now that I was here I knew it was probably all for nothing. I didn’t think I really had anything to worry about.

It’s good to see you. I’ve missed you.

I smiled to myself.

Me too.
So, I guess you’ll be tied up until you go on-stage?

Unfortunately, yes.

I wished my flight had gotten in earlier, but since I’d had to connect through Atlanta and had a layover, it hadn’t been possible. The Gainesville airport didn’t fly directly to Philly. But I told myself we’d have plenty of time alone in the coming week.

How’s Jake?

Huh? Why was she asking about Jake? I’d been about to text her how much I wanted to kiss her, and she was asking about my roommate? Talk about a conversational left turn I didn’t want to take.

Same old Jake.

Yeah, I’d responded good-naturedly. It was just who I was.

Horny and inappropriate?

I laughed, but her mention of horny made me realize how horny
I
was, and I shifted around a little. It had been a while since I’d had sex, and I wanted that with Sydney more than anything. I’d thought about it all week, and as much as I’d wanted to jerk off at the very real images of her in my head, fraternity house showers weren’t exactly conducive to getting your rocks off discreetly, and I wasn’t jerking off into sock in my cave. I wasn’t that desperate.

Yeah, totally.
My response was on the vague side, and I knew it, but she deserved it after asking about Jake. What the hell was that all about?

Want some Twizzlers?

Sure.

Our
conversation suddenly felt very reminiscent of the ones we used to have when we were just friends, and I wondered if it should be different now that we were . . . whatever we were. Together, I guess. She had called herself my girlfriend, after all. But even knowing that, I wasn’t exactly sure what I was looking for in a text message conversation with Sydney as my girlfriend. Did I expect her to start sexting me or something? Her team was around, after all.

I decided I’d turned into a girl and was reading way too much into everything. Then I decided to just sit back and enjoy the fact that I was there with Syd, I was going to get to see her perform, and then I’d get to go back to the hotel with her
, and we’d be alone. And she seemed truly happy to see me. I didn’t need to worry over nothing. I’d probably just imagined that I heard something in her tone a few days before, and I was letting that affect me now.

“Here you go, sweetie,” Clea said, handing me a few
ropes of Twizzlers.

I munched on them as I watched everyone transform Sydney into the flawless beauty she became
for her fans. Not that she wasn’t normally perfect, but in her stage make-up that was waterproof, sweat-proof and probably natural disaster-proof, she looked like a living doll – a very hot and dirty doll if I was being honest, because her outfits for this tour, let’s just say I wouldn’t mind her wearing them for me later when we were alone.

A few minutes before six when I knew the meet-and-greet was about to start, Syd finally got out of the chair and walked over to me. I stood and took in how gorgeous she looked as she leaned forward and hugged me. Her scent enveloped me, bringing back the sweet memories of her
on my couch, in my bed, in my arms. I wanted so much more than a hug in that moment.

Then she winked at me before heading over to the partition in the corner of the room. Behind it she shed her robe and traded it for black leather leggings and a flowy
white top of some sort. She slipped on silver flats and was deemed by Denise as ready to go.

As she walked past me again,
she grabbed my hand and tugged on it. “Come with me,” she said, smiling, and I followed, trying not to seem as eager as I felt.

Of course she dropped my hand almost immediately, but I had the memory of her touch as we
walked through the hallway of the arena and finally stepped into the part of the tent where her fans would come through, get to meet her and get their picture taken. I stood in the back corner and took it all in, loving how she smiled and radiated this energy that was impossible not to catch as she hugged and posed with each one of them. She was so in her element, and I couldn’t have been happier to be there sharing everything with her.

Chapter Fifteen

Sydney

I smiled as a little girl and her mother stepped into the area where they’d get to meet me. The meet-and-greet was almost over, and I should have been tired of smiling and posing
since I’d been doing it for an hour and a half, but this was kind of what I lived for. My fans were the absolute best, and if I could put a smile on their faces, then it made me so happy.

The little girl, who couldn’t have been more than eight, put her hands over her mouth and froze as soon as she saw me
, her eyes growing wide. This happened a lot, so I knew exactly what to do.

I leaned over so we were eye-to-
eye and smiled. “Hi! I’m Sydney. What’s your name?”

I chanced a glance at her mother who smiled at me and put her hand on her daughter’s back, nudging her forward.

“Tell her your name, Syd,” she encouraged, and I looked at the girl in surprise.

“Is your name Sydney too?” I asked, and she nodded. I smiled. “That’s so cool. You have the best name ever.”

At that she beamed at me, so I reached for her hand. She let me take it.

“How about we take a picture together,” I suggested, and she nodded. I lined up on the X on the floor and put one arm around the girl, then extended my other arm for her mother to step into.

“She’s a huge fan of yours,” her mother told me.

“Okay, smile everyone,” our cameraman said and then snapped two pictures in quick succession.

“Good luck tonight,” the little girl named Sydney said softly as she and her mother were handed the card they’d used to retrieve their photo online.

“Thank you so much,” I told her,
as I reached forward to hug her. That was sweet of her to say. “I hope you have fun at the show.”

She beamed at me as she left the tent.

It was moments like those that I cherished. When everything got overwhelming and too hard to take, I thought about the girls who knew every word to my songs and who looked up to me. When I did that, everything I was doing made sense.

As two teenagers started to step up to have their picture taken with me, I looked at the back corner of the tent where Ryder stood looking so incredibly delicious in jeans
, a white t-shirt and a gray, short-sleeved, open button-down. I wasn’t sure how he could be so casual and sexy at the same time, but I loved it. I’d wanted to kiss him, or actually lay him back on the couch he’d been sitting on in my dressing room, and make out with him since the moment I’d seen him. But I’d reconfirmed in front of everyone that we were just friends, so I had to stick to that.

I told myself I could take everything I wanted later, when we were alone,
and that put butterflies in my stomach. A part of me wasn’t sure if we should take the step we’d eluded to the week before. I wanted him, so bad, and I could tell he wanted me too, but did I want to take that step with him if we weren’t going to end up together? What Chris said earlier in the week had resonated with me, and I couldn’t stop thinking about how a relationship with Ryder could never work in the long run. I wanted it. I wanted it so bad, but our lives were so different, and I knew Ryder would eventually realize how hard it was to date someone like me.

He’d see over the next week how my life was dictated by schedules that I didn’t create and how I was always on the go. Just in New York alone, on the three days I
had off between shows, I had an interview with a magazine, I was performing on two different morning shows, and I had a photo shoot for a cosmetics line. My life never stopped, and he’d soon realize that he wouldn’t want to be a part of that.

I mean, who wanted a girlfriend who couldn’t put her boyfriend first? Ryder deserved more than that, and as much as it would kill me to let him go, to know that some other girl was going to
end up with him, because he really was the complete package that any girl would want, I couldn’t keep him. I wouldn’t make him happy, and the last thing I wanted was to drive him away. I’d rather us be friends than go through not having him in my life. I’d done that and hated it. I wouldn’t go back to it, but I also knew I couldn’t have it all.

That
gut-wrenching reality plagued me throughout the rest of the meet-and-greet where I went through the motions of meeting my fans, smiling and taking pictures with them, but my mind was elsewhere. As soon as the last fan had left the tent, Elisa motioned for me to head back to my dressing room. I knew I had about forty-five minutes until I had to head to the on stage. Paul and the rest of Star Finger were getting ready to go on for their opening set, and I had to get my hair and make-up done for my first few numbers.

As we started back to my dressing room, I stopped and turned, looking for Ryder. He came out of the
tent with Elisa, who I knew he’d met earlier in the night. She’d shown him to my dressing room. They were talking and laughing, and I felt a twinge of jealousy float through me, so I waited for them to catch up.

I knew Elisa thought Ryder was cute, but thanks to me, she also thought he was gay. She’d actually asked me who he was and if he was single earlier in the week. I’d wanted to shout at her that he was taken, that he was mine, but I couldn’t do
that. Instead I’d kept up the pretense that I’d believed for so long and told her he essentially wasn’t available. Of course now I couldn’t help but think how much happier he might be with someone low-key like her, who didn’t have to hide him from the public eye. I hated doing that, but until I was sure what I wanted in the long run, I couldn’t let anyone know about us. And that made me feel like shit. Ryder would feel like shit if he knew the truth.

“Hey you,” I said,
hooking my arm through his.

He looked surpr
ised by the gesture and stopped for a second to look at me. I smiled back, and I knew it looked as if we had a secret to anyone who was passing by, but the good thing was that we’d probably always looked at each other that way. The only difference was that now I really just wanted to kiss his face off.

It
was like my mind and body were at war. My brain was saying, ‘Be careful’, but my hands were ready to rip his clothes from his body.

As we walked, Ryder leaned over and kissed my temple in more of a friendly gesture. “You were pretty amazing in there,” he said, giving me one of his bright
, dimply smiles that I’d always loved, even when I didn’t feel the way about him that I did now.

“I love meeting my fans,” I said sincerely. Then I looked up at him through my lashes. “But I’m glad my number one fan is here tonight.”

He smiled. “You’re taking about
me
, right,” he said, feigning ignorance.

I squeezed his arm tighter, wishing I could do more, but there were too many people milling about. “I’m glad you’re her
e. That’s all I’m saying,” I told him.

“I’m glad
you’re glad,” he said, leaning over to whisper in my ear. “But I was sort of hoping I could give you a proper hello.”

Damn
, I wanted that too, but as soon as we entered my dressing room, I knew that wasn’t possible. We weren’t alone at all. My styling team and their assistants were all hanging out.

“Hey everyone?
” Ryder suddenly said, very loudly, and I looked up at him in surprise, along with everyone else. He was usually so reserved around my team. “Can I have Syd for five minutes? I need to talk to her about something.”

“Yeah, sure,” Clea said, speaking on behalf of the group.

“Just five minutes, Ryder,” Denise warned him, and I knew we were on a tight schedule.

He smiled at her. “I don’t need more than that.”

As soon as the room had cleared out, he turned to me.

“Well that was brave of you, telling everyone to clear–”
I started to say, but his lips were on mine before I could continue my sentence, and then he was walking me backward. My calves hit the couch, and I fell back, pulling him down with me, careful not to break the kiss.

“We only have five minutes, and I’ve been waiting a
ll week to do this. No talking,” he said against my lips.

Okay, that was hot. I liked aggressive Ryder
, I thought as my hands splayed out over his back, feeling the muscles under his shirt as I pulled him closer to me. His hands were in my hair on either side of my head, holding me in place as his lips assaulted mine over and over again in a really nice way.

When I sna
ked my hands up the front of his shirt, he groaned into my mouth, and it might have been the hottest thing I’d ever heard. I quickly lifted the t-shirt he was wearing under his gray shirt and ran my hands up his bare stomach, feeling the ripples of his abs as my hands slid over them and up to his hard pecs.

“Damn, Syd,” he said, as he pulled away from my mouth and dropped his head onto my shoulder, his lower half grinding against me
slowly as I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him closer.

He moved his lips to my neck then, kissing and sucking gently, and I let my head fall back as my hands stayed where they were but my thumbs rubbed rhythmic circles over his flat nipples. I could feel the hardness of his erection between my thighs, and the heat between us was practically unbearable.

“I want you so bad,” he hissed against my throat that I had angled so he could reach it with ease.

Knock, knock.

“Fuck,” Ryder hissed, pulling back almost instantly.

Our five minutes were
apparently up, but we were just getting started. How the hell was I supposed to get through two hours of performing when I was practically on fire? My concentration was going to be shot. All I’d be able to think about would be continuing what we’d started. Five minutes was not enough time. I wanted so much more, and at that moment all I could think was fuck the consequences. Forget about the long term implications if we slept together. I wanted Ryder, and he wanted me. For once in my life, I was going to live in the now and take what I’d wanted for way too long.

“One second,” I called out, really not wanting anyone to walk in on us in that moment.

Ryder sat up and flopped onto the other side of the couch in frustration, running his hands through his now messy brown hair. His lips looked swollen and shiny pink with traces of my lip gloss around his mouth. I stole a glance at his crotch as he grabbed a pillow and placed it on his lap.

I smirked at him. “That’s not obvious or anything
,” I told him, and he couldn’t help but smirk back.

“I just need a minute,” he said, and my ego swelled just a bit.

I loved that I had that kind of power over him, but of course, he had the same power over me. I was kind of aching for him, but it just wasn’t obvious to the naked eye.

“
Do I look like I was just making out?” I asked, as I got up and walked over to the vanity mirror. Yup, I sure did. I didn’t even need him to answer me. My lip gloss had completely come off, and the make-up around my mouth had faded. How the hell was I supposed to hide this?

“I kind of like that look on you,” Ryder said from behind
me, the pillow still on his lap.

I shot him a look
as I grabbed a make-up remover wipe and started to scrub my face clean. Shelly would just have to start over.

“Yeah, you would,
” I said sarcastically, as I smiled at him in the mirror. “And you might want to wipe my lip gloss from your face. Just saying.”

His hand immediately flew to his mouth, and he scrubbed it a few times
as Denise opened the door and walked in, followed by six other people.

“You two about
done?” she asked, smiling at me. Then she winked at Ryder.

“Yes
, we were
just talking
,” I said adamantly. “Ryder’s having girl problems.”

“I’m what?” he asked from the couch, his eyes wide.

I shot him a look that said, ‘Just go with it!’.

“Were you helping him with those
‘problems’?” Clea asked, not holding back.

I smiled. I couldn’t help it. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I
insisted. “I told you, we were just talking.”

Then Denise turned to Ryder. “
She’s such a bad liar. Way to go.”

Ryder fought a smile. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said, but he couldn’t keep a straight face
.

“I
knew it,” Shelly burst out, pointing at Clea. “I told you they were going to hook up. You owe me ten bucks.”

I swatted Clea’s arm. “We’re
just friends
,” I told her, possibly with more emotion in my tone than was necessary. “Jeez, he’s like my brother.”

I
hated that Ryder’s face fell when I said that. Perhaps I’d taken it too far, but he couldn’t have thought I meant that. His tongue had literally just been in my mouth.

He shot me a look that told me he wanted me to just tell them.
He knew Clea, Shelly and Denise were like family to me, and it wasn’t like they hadn’t already figured out that we were hooking up. I should have told them, but the words got stuck on my tongue.