Only You (A Sweet Torment Novel) (20 page)

Chapter Nineteen

A
fter talking with Jane until well into the evening, there was only one other place I needed to be. I burst through Leo’s bedroom door, not bothering to knock. He was standing with a towel around his waist as drops of water sluiced from his chest to his stomach. It took everything I had not to get caught up in the wet Greek’s amazing body.

“I need you to shut up for a minute,” I said when he opened his mouth. He clamped it shut and I quickly recapped my thoughts. Because if I didn’t make this fast, I’d never do it.

“You were right. I don’t let people see the real me, because the real me isn’t a good person.” He took a step toward me but didn’t speak. “Something happened when I was younger. My stepfather tried to . . .” I closed my eyes for a moment and mustered the courage to say the word out loud. The word I had thought, but hadn’t spoken since my mother denied what I was saying.

“He tried to rape me.” I heard what sounded like a growl from Leo but I went on. “I fought him off, and when I told my mom, she didn’t believe me.” I shook my head. “No one knows all the details. Not even my friends. I have my own life now and I like being in control. I don’t stay the night, I don’t like people, I don’t even like myself a lot of the time—”

My throat caught on that last part, because the honesty was staggering.

“I walk away, Leo. That’s what I do. And I operate with logic and reason. And I don’t trust. I make decisions based on effect and impact and damage control.” I looked him in the eyes. “And I don’t give anyone a reason to think I’m weak.”

He took another step toward me, blue, blazing eyes fused to mine.

“So, I just wanted to tell you. I don’t expect anything from you, but I thought I would just . . . say this out loud.”

When he was right in front of me, I could smell his damp skin, sweet with soap.

“Thank you for telling me,” he whispered. I looked up at him, frowning, and he grinned. “Just so we’re clear, I’ve known from day one there isn’t a damn thing weak about you, Red.”

He ran his thumb along my lip.

“Something that happened today made me realize I wanted to tell you,” I said.

“I’m glad you did.”

“Well . . .” I looked down at his wet chest and abs and I had to bite my lip. “I guess I should let you get back to your evening.”

“I was just going to bed.”

“Then I should let you go.”

I glanced at the fresh sheets. Sheets I’d been on. Slept on. Had Leo on.

His blue eyes seared mine. “Will you come with me?”

He took a single step and the way his hips moved dared the low-slung towel to scoot a little lower.

“I want to,” I whispered. But reality weighed heavily.

I stood before him, more vulnerable than I’d ever been with anyone. I told the truth. Not a spun version or a condensed version. I told the whole truth. If I wasn’t already at a deficit against Leo, I was now. Especially when what I wanted and what I’d end up getting were two different things. Because once again, the truth was blaring in my face: I wanted Leo. All of him.

“Will you tell me something?” I asked.

He nodded.

Taking a hard swallow, I pushed for just a little more. I wanted to know him. To understand. Help him the way he had helped me these past several weeks. Whether he knew it or not, he had been a beacon of support I hadn’t had in a long time. I wanted to support him back.

“Tell me about your son, about your wife.”

A sad smile laced his face. “I haven’t seen him in five years, but he was incredible. So smart.”

“Can you see him now? Try to reach out?”

He shook his head. “I have no legal rights. And if I tried, it’d only confuse him. I don’t want to do that. I fought for him, and lost. Sara wasn’t my wife, though I had proposed. She married the man she was having an affair with and that’s who Dax knows as his father. It wouldn’t be fair to him for me to step in now, even if I could. There’s not much more to the story than that.”

“So Sara was your fiancée?”

“Yes.”

“Will you tell me about her?”

Something dark flashed over his face. “Before her, I wasn’t aware what true betrayal felt like. Dishonesty. Certain dreams faded with her when she left.”

“Like what?”

He looked me dead in the eye. “Like love.”

I knew right then that was why the list was made. Between his family and Leo obviously not risking himself for love again, there was still a means to an end. And I had to remind myself once more that I was not on that list, and never would be.

“What is it you want?” I asked softly.

He grinned, his eyes roaming the length of me. “You.”

The word tied with that hot stare made me shudder. “I mean, what do you want long term?”

He kept his eyes on mine. We both knew I was temporary, but he was decent enough not to say it out loud. Instead, he leaned down, his lips brushing mine and said, “For now, I’ll be happy with tonight.”

I closed the last whisper between us and kissed him. We both knew long term wasn’t in the cards. My job, our future, had an expiration date.

I would be gone in two weeks. He was pursuing things beyond the life I would end up leading. He’d have a woman who came with a nurturing nature, well-bred background, and class. A woman who would make the finest wife and mother. A woman who spoke softly and didn’t come with a shattered past. A woman I never was, and would never be, no matter how hard I tried.

My heart broke a little in that moment. Because in a matter of minutes, I’d shown more of myself to a man who was everything I could never have. We didn’t fit in the real world. We fit one night at a time. And for now, that’d be enough for me too. Because these nights with Leo were the only moments I’d ever felt truly alive, safe, and understood.

I wanted everything I could get. Could reach. Could taste. I wanted to experience him in any way he’d allow. He let me be in control once. Had let me feel like the brief moment we’d have together would forever be ours.

I wanted more of those brief moments.

He cupped my hips, but I grabbed his wrists and put them at his sides, giving a little squeeze to have them remain there. I looked up at him and the hot look in his eyes told me he understood.

He stood still and, once again, let me have control as if he understood I needed it.

I grazed my palms up his chest, marveling at the soft skin and hard muscles beneath. Just a hint of dew covered his tan skin and I couldn’t go a second more without tasting it. Rising to my tiptoes, I opened my mouth and licked the base of his neck, sucking gently before sliding my tongue down to his sternum.

His head lolled back for a moment when I trailed my tongue ov
er his nipple and sucked. His fists clenched at his sides, but he kept them there, letting me explore him. I wanted to be the only woman he thought of. The only woman he felt. The only memory of a woman. Call it selfish or crazy, but I wanted to be whatever he needed. Everything he needed. I just wanted him to feel me. Feel how good he made me feel. Feel how much I loved—

My eyes snapped open. Breathing against his chest, I took a moment to get rid of that train of thought. Because that train led to nowhere except to a really bad ache in my stomach.

I
liked
Leo. Not love. Love stung too badly.

And if I had to repeat that word over and over until I got it right, I would.

Like.

Yet, my ribs hurt as if my lungs decided just then to protest my need for air.

“Are you okay?” he whispered.

I looked up at him and nodded. “I just want to make you feel how you make me feel.”

He grinned. “Well, you’re driving me crazy, but I like it.”

“That’s exactly how you make me feel, so deal with it,” I said with a grin, and bit his nipple gently.

His laugh was cut off by a hiss. I licked from his chest to his abs. Nipping and sucking on all the hard ridges of muscles until little goose bumps broke over his skin. When I got to the knot of the towel, I yanked it open and let it fall to the floor.

Hitting my knees, I looked at him. Truly an amazing man. Strong, toned thighs with a light dusting of dark hair and lean hips that led to an impressively hard cock.

“Keep your hands where they are,” I said.

He clenched his fists for good measure and stared down at me.

I leaned in and tasted him. The crown was slick with his arousal and as I slid farther down, the more powerful I felt. His muscles bunched and corded and little growls and moans came from him. I took him over and over, sucking, licking, and biting a little. Until he was on the brink and nearly buzzing from the intensity of what he was trying to hold back.

“Up, angel.” I frowned and looked up. He lifted a brow at me but kept his hands at his sides. “Undress.”

I blinked a few times, then rose. With each piece of clothing I shed, I became hotter, more aware of what was happening . . . and it made me nervous. I had never undressed in front of a man before. Sex was always fast, usually dark, and purely mechanical. That was, until I met Leo. And truth be told, I didn’t have time for a lot of male encounters, so I never bothered with feelings, or intimacy. But standing there in my bra and panties, being stared down by a large Greek man, I suddenly felt very small, and very noticeable, all at the same time.

“All of it, Red. Time for me to see you.”

There was something so raw in his voice, like he understood this was different for me. Realized this was not the norm. With a deep breath, I unhooked my bra and let it fall with my panties to the ground.

A tremble surged through my body and it made my knees weak. A little panic rose. Leo just stared at me until finally he met my eyes again.

“I see you, Paige.” He reached out with one hand and I didn’t stop him. He ran his fingers from my neck, down the center of my chest, to my belly button, leaving tremors in their wake. “All of you.”

I had to close my eyes for a moment because that stupid sting was back. Leo did see me. More than most. Maybe more than anyone. And it was terrifying. Because it not only affected my body, it affected my soul.

I went to cover myself but he picked me up before I could, and I had no choice but to wrap my legs around his waist and arms around his neck for balance. He walked to the bed and gently laid me down.

His skin was pressed against mine. All his heat and warmth wrapping around me. His weight felt good. Like I was protected. He cupped my face and stared at me.

He said something in Greek that sounded so beautiful, it brought that sting from behind my eyes to water dancing along my lower lashes. Then he repeated it in English.

“Paige, I see you, and you are beautiful.”

I threw my arms around him and kissed him hard. So much I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t want to. Didn’t want this moment to end. The ice in my chest was melting. Piece by piece and Leo was setting it on fire and leaving something warm in its place.

Hope.

It was a dangerous thing. All I could do was pray he didn’t take it back. Didn’t shatter the small ounce of that feeling.

I kissed him harder, faster. Hugging him closer and lifting my body so every square inch of skin could feel his.

Raising my hips, and locking my feet around him, I did anything and everything I could do to keep him close.

I gasped loud when the last space between us was extinguished and he slid inside of me.

Loving how he felt, like it completed something in me that I never knew was truly broken until he came and made me whole.

“Paige,” he groaned my name, and thrust deeper.

I arched into him, wanting more. Needing more. Running my fingers through his hair, I pulled him down for another kiss. He sounded like he was in pain and growled against my lips, pushing himself up to draw away.

“No,” I said, but it came out mute because I couldn’t find my voice. “Don’t leave.”

It was all I could think. All I could beg for. But the words didn’t hold a volume because they were too vulnerable to say.

“I’m sorry, Paige,” he said.

Opening a drawer from the bedside table, he pulled out a condom and quickly put it on. Relief hit that he wasn’t leaving. I hadn’t realized we missed a step. The moment was too intense and I had gotten caught up.

He sheathed himself in the latex and positioned himself back on top of me and just barely breeched my entrance but held still to look at my face.

“I’m clean, but I should have been more careful,” he said.

I gave him a shaky smile because my body was so on fire I could hardly take it. “I’m clean too, but I’m not on the pill. I um . . .” I glanced away. “I haven’t needed to be since it’s been a long time.”

He kissed me and slid all the way inside, effectively shutting off my breath and pulling me closer.

“Please don’t stop,” I said.

“Never,” he promised. And that was what it was. A promise. That would surely end in two weeks.

My body burned, climbing higher and higher, and Leo was right there with me. We came together and all I wanted was our
never
to turn into
never-ever.