Only You (A Sweet Torment Novel) (19 page)

His hand slid up my thigh . . . slowly . . . slowly. It was dark. I turned to see him. Eerie eyes and haunting face.
Frank.
He pinned me down and tugged at my nightgown—

“No!” I said, but the words didn’t come out. His sick grin made me want to retch and his hands dug into my thighs, parting them.

“Help!” I screamed and kicked. I clawed at his eyes, his skin—

“Paige . . . Paige . . .”

My eyes opened and I saw Leo next to me, cupping my shoulders. “It’s okay.”

It took a moment to realize where I was. In Leo’s bed. With him.

“You were having a nightmare.”

He looked at me and made any lasting sleep fade quickly. My body shuddered hard from the anxiety pumping through my veins.

“I . . . I-I’ve got to go.” I tried to get out of bed, to stand, but I stumbled and hit my knees on the floor.

“Hey, hey,” Leo said softly, kneeling with me on the floor. He reached for me but I pushed at his chest.

“I need to l-leave.” But I was breathing so hard, I could barely get the words out.

I hadn’t had a nightmare like that in a long time. Where I’d felt Frank’s hands on me, realized he was so close. Close to . . .

I felt sick. Cold. Shivering. Weak. So fucking weak it was embarrassing. I wanted to get out of there. Didn’t want Leo to look at me the way he was right then. With pity.

“I’m here. I won’t hurt you,” he said, inching closer and rubbing his hands along my arms.

I cupped my forehead. I realized I was naked and it was dark out still.

“I’m so cold,” I said around a shaky breath. Leo reached behind me and yanked the covers off the bed and wrapped them around me.

“Wait right here. I’ll be right back.”

Closing my eyes, I tried to ward off the nightmare. I heard the bathtub turn on from the other room and Leo was back.

“Come here, angel. Let’s get you warm.”

He picked me up and I cuddled into his side. That moment was when my breathing started to regulate. It was a nightmare. It was scary, but unlike real life, I woke to an ally. Leo was there. Holding me. And it eased the ache.

Gently peeling the blanket from around me, he didn’t let me go, just sank with me into the huge tub, the hot water dancing around us and warming my skin. I stayed in Leo’s arms. Clinging to him while the water poured, filling the tub more.

He sat there with me. Just holding. Stroking my hair and whispering something in Greek. I didn’t know what it was, but it was soothing. His words tugged at something in my chest and made me want to melt into him. Made me want to forget everything.

“No one knows . . .” I whispered.

No one knew about my past—rather, no one believed me. About what Frank had almost done. How it hurt me. How it terrified me every day. I’d spent my whole life running from that feeling. The feeling of being powerless. The feeling of being alone. The feeling of being betrayed.

My need for control, my issues with trust, the desire to be believed—all of it hit hard in that moment. Every day I buried it. Just focused on the future. On my job. On what I could control. And yet, it was too much. I was spinning. And now I was clinging to something that I couldn’t ever keep.

But I clung anyway.

“I’m here, Paige,” Leo whispered, and kissed the top of my head. He didn’t ask me to explain. Didn’t push for anything. Just held me.

I would be embarrassed. I would be standoffish. I would even deny this moment as anything more than a mere nightmare with no meaning and never discuss it again. And I’d do all those things tomorrow. But for now, I let the warmth envelop me and tried to hang on to my last ounce of dignity and not cry.

Because the moment I cried, it made it real. Gave Frank power. Gave Bill power. Gave my mother power. Everything and everyone who had ever hurt me, ever looked at me with disbelief, would know they’d won. Would know I was weak the moment I let the tears come. And I’d be damned if Leo ever saw me as anything but capable.

“Tomorrow,” I whispered against his chest so he couldn’t hear me.

Tomorrow I’d deny everything and brush this moment off. For now, I’d stay, and enjoy the fact that he’d stayed with me.

Chapter Eighteen

E
verything is all wrapped up for today,” I said, looking at my tablet.

I felt Leo’s eyes on me from where he sat behind his desk. After the nightmare incident from the other night, I had purposefully kept all the talk between us professional and thankfully, Leo didn’t bring up anything personal at work in front of others. Which was why I made a point to never be in the same room alone with him. Until right then. Six o’clock on a Friday.

“Well, I’ll let you get going to get ready.”

“Ready?” I asked.

“For the party tonight at Roman and Amy’s.” Shock ran through my veins and it felt more like ice than anything else. “It’s not on the weekend docket. I figured because you knew about it.”

“I, ah . . .” I glanced down to my tablet for any kind of answer, but found none. The truth, however, was blaring: I wasn’t invited.

Roman and Amy were having some kind of event. Leo was in the know about it and I wasn’t. It also explained why I hadn’t heard from Hazel at all today. She usually called me on Fridays and we talked about when we’d get together next.

Standing there, I felt like a fool. A fool who was losing her friends.

“Paige?” I didn’t realize Leo was now standing right in front of me. “I was hoping we could go together?”

“No, I’m sorry.” I looked up and met his eyes. “We can’t go together.”

“Why not?”

I took a deep breath. “Because I wasn’t invited, Leo.”

He frowned. “But Amy is your friend, I thought? And Roman speaks highly of you.”

I shrugged. “Some things don’t work out. Have fun, and I’ll make sure you have a car waiting and—”

“No, fuck that. I’m not going without you.” He gripped my hand in his and the sentiment made me feel a little warmer. But the gnawing hole in my chest was still pulsing from the realization that I wasn’t invited to my best friend’s house. Because of who I was. Because of what was going on. I shouldn’t take it personally, but damn it, I did. And it hurt.

“You should go. I had other plans for tonight anyway,” I said.

“Oh? Hot date?”

I laughed, pretending for a moment that Leo would ever be the type to get jealous. But he wasn’t. He was, however, the majority of my social life.

“No hot date,” I said. “I wanted to go into Albany to see an old friend.” I had thought about Jane so much over the past couple weeks. I didn’t want to add to her stress so I had waited, but I wanted to make sure she was recovering okay.

It may not have made much sense—we weren’t super close, only casual friends. For some reason, I wanted to offer any kind of comfort I could, even if it was just a smile or listening if she needed someone to talk to.

Was it right to have an affair with a married man? No. But she didn’t deserve to be humiliated. Between the scandal, Leo’s family, and now my only two friends drifting further away, I needed to get out of there for a bit. Get some space. Think some things through.

“Can we talk about the other night at least?” Leo asked.

“I’d really rather not.”

He didn’t say anything. The long pause of silence forced me to glance up and meet his eyes, which was what I’d bet he was going for.

“Paige, what happened the other night—”

“I had a nightmare. I apologize for my behavior.”

He frowned. “I don’t want you to apologize. I want to know. To help.”

“I don’t need help. I’m fine.” I cleared my throat and kept his stare, no matter how hard my body was desperately wanting to run from this moment.

“You say that a lot. That you’re fine.”

I bit my lower lip to keep it from trembling. “Because I am.” I had to be. My strength was tough to find since all my brain could churn out was the memory that I had been so vulnerable in front of this man. “I hope that incident doesn’t hinder your judgment of my ability in my job.”

He scoffed. “That is what you’re thinking about?”

“We’ve been over this.”

“Yes, we have. I get it. I understand your priorities. Clearly.” He stressed the last word. “What I don’t understand is you.”

“I don’t want you to understand me,” I said softly. “Because it doesn’t matter.”

His face softened. “It matters to me, angel.” He walked around his desk, his tone understanding, and made me want to believe him so bad. “You’ve been hurt. I’ve known this for a while but until the other night, I didn’t know the extent.” Something dark flashed in his eyes. “I don’t know the details, but I saw your face. Felt you tremble. I understand how hard it is to trust.”

On that admission, I looked at him and saw so much pain, the kind you got from firsthand experience of having your heart ripped out.

“I wouldn’t hurt you, Paige.”

And once again, I wanted to believe him. What was worse, I wanted to tell him the same thing. I’d gotten just enough details from him to realize just how betrayed he’d been in the past. How much he’d lost. I couldn’t offer any kind of future. Not only was I not one of the women on his list, but I wasn’t the kind of woman he, or his family, was looking for.

I wasn’t a family person. Leo may want me or say he wouldn’t hurt me, but in the end, we’d part ways. And at least for me, I was beyond amicable. He was another man in my life that wielded power over me, yet I almost trusted him not to burn me with it.

“Is there anything else I can do for you before I head out for the day?” I said.

Disappointment laced his face. Whether it was because I didn’t want to talk about the other night or whatever, I couldn’t bear to look at him.

“No. Thank you, Paige. Have a good weekend.”

I knew right then, that wasn’t bound to happen.

“Are you a reporter?” The older woman, who I assumed was Jane’s mother, sneered at me upon opening the door.

“No, ma’am. I worked with Jane. I just wanted to stop by and bring her this.” I held up a small plant and her mother eyed it warily.

“If you’re trying to get more information out of her . . .”

“I’m not, ma’am.” I glanced down. Truth. Stick to the truth. “I was Bill’s personal assistant and I know the kind of man he is. I just wanted to tell Jane that she’s not alone.”

Jane’s mother’s eyes softened and she took the plant and let me in. Though she looked to be in her mid-forties, the dark circles under her eyes and pale tint to her skin made me think she had been through a lot. Jane had mentioned her mother battling cancer and I hoped she was at least on the path to recovery, but I didn’t know and didn’t want to ask.

She led me to Jane’s room, knocked once, and opened the door. Jane was sitting on her bed, reading a book, when she looked up and saw me.

“Paige?”

I smiled. “Hi.”

“I’ll be right outside,” her mother said. “Would you like something to drink, Paige?”

“No, thank you.”

She nodded and shut the door behind her.

“I suppose you’re here because you heard,” Jane said, looking down at her now closed book in her lap.

I nodded and glanced at her bandaged wrist. “May I sit?”

“Sure.” She scooted over.

It was the first time I’d seen her in something other than business wear. Looking at her in a T-shirt and pink sweats, I realized how young she was. She was fresh out of college when she was hired a few months ago. Twenty-two, I thought. Granted I was only a few years older but she looked so innocent. Like life hadn’t hardened her yet. Until recently that is.

“How are you feeling?” I said.

She bit her bottom lip and mumbled, “Stupid.”

A deep despair radiated from her and I scooted closer. “I know we didn’t spend a lot of time together, but I just wanted to tell you that if you ever need to talk, I’m here.”

“What am I supposed to say? I had an affair with a married politician.” Water laced her eyes. “I made a mistake. It was wrong and I feel terrible about it. And there was a video . . .”

When the tears fell, I found it hard not to want to cry with her. To tell her it was okay. She’d be okay. But I couldn’t. Because in truth, some things stuck around and, though I hoped Jane could one day move on, this was one of those things that may be dug up and thrown in her face over and over.

That was why I was here. To let her know that if there was anything at all I could do to make her feel better, let her know there were people in her corner, I would. Obviously her mother loved her and supported her.

“I didn’t know he was taking the video, but that doesn’t matter. I can’t take it back. I’m ruined.”

“No, you’re not.” I grabbed her hand. “You’re a good person. People make mistakes.”

Jane shook her head. “I should have known better. I just . . . Bill said this was the only way. That if I wanted to keep my internship, get a job down the line, this is what all interns had to do.” She sobbed a little harder. “I needed that job. It’s just me and my mom and she isn’t doing so great. The chemo really takes it out of her and I want to help her. There are so many medical bills, she can’t work the way she used to, and I have so much debt in student loans—”

“Shhh.” I rubbed her back when her words cut off from a violent sob. “It’s okay.”

“I wanted . . . something better. Wanted to help my mom . . . wanted to save her.”

“I know,” I whispered.

I wanted to smash Bill’s face in. He used this poor girl. Made promises and threats. Then humiliated her.

“Everyone thinks I’m a terrible person.”

“I don’t think that, Jane. And your mother doesn’t think that either. You are a great person.” I patted her hand.

“Y-you really think so?”

I nodded.

There was a look of relief in her eyes and in that moment, something struck me so deep it was like seeing clearly for the first time. One person’s honest belief in you could change the scope of your world. You just had to be brave enough to admit the whole truth.

“Thank you for coming, Paige.”

I nodded. If there was any comfort I could have offered Jane, I was happy to do it. But she left me with something greater than I could ever explain. Reality.

It was time I stopped being afraid.