Only You (The Mephisto Covenant Series) (22 page)

She reached for the knob and halfway closed the door. “I have to go.
”

“Where?”

She huffed out an impatient breath. “I have to
go
. And when I open this door, we are not talking about kissing. We’ll eat dinner, Viorica will come for a visit, then I’ll take a shower and go to bed. If you’re in it with me, fine, but don’t tell me again how much you want to kiss me unless you plan to follow through.”

She didn’t exactly slam the door, but she wasn’t quiet about it.

I turned and went to the fireplace to wait for Mathilda, and think very seriously about whether Mariah’s idea had merit, or whether I should go ahead and kill myself and be done with it.

Chapter 11

~~ Mariah ~~

All the comfort Phoenix had given me about Viorica flew right out the window as soon as she walked into my room. Tonight, not only was she wearing her fake smile, her sweater was inside out, and her ponytail was crooked. I suspected she’d just come from Key’s room, and while I didn’t want to think about why her clothes were on wrong, I noticed she had puffy eyes. She’d been crying. I hoped Key was kind and helpful to her. If I ever learned he wasn’t, I’d hurt him. I wished I could be helpful, but she was determined to treat me as an honored guest who was set to leave soon. She had no clue what had happened in my life since Sunday night, but she’d know soon enough, and for now, if it made her feel better to think of me as a guest on holiday, what was the harm? At least I was one less worry for her.

And she was extremely worried. She
took a seat on the chair opposite mine and instantly began picking at the tear in her jeans.

Mathilda
had walked in right behind her, bearing hot cocoa and oatmeal cookies, clucking as she set the tray on the desk. She stood straight and folded her hands in front of her apron while she said to Viorica, “I won’t be easy until you are here with us for good.”

“Just over a week to go,” she said as the hole became an inch bigger. “Thank you for the hot chocolate.” She beamed at me. “Mathilda’s cookies are to die for.”

“I know.” I’d eaten my weight in them yesterday after snowshoeing.

“Enjoy y
er visit, girls.” Mathilda disappeared.

“I can’t stay long,” Viorica said, waving away the plate of cookies when I offered it to her. “I have a ton of homework.”

“Why does doing homework matter if you’re about to leave the real world?”

She shrugged and sat there stiffly, picking at that tear. “I can’t help myself. It’s a compulsion to do what people expect of me,
and my dad thinks I’m going to Yale in the fall. He wouldn’t understand if I blew off school. Besides, slacking isn’t who I am. What about you, Mariah? Do you intend to go to college?”

I lied like I was born to it. “I’m saving to enroll at university next year. I’d like to be a doctor
. A pediatrician.”

She lied equally well. “How wonderful! You’ll make an exceptional doctor.”

I decided I hated this. I wanted to have a real relationship with her, and all the subterfuge was driving me crazy. For a hot minute, I considered fessing up.

But I
didn’t. I went along with her rambling, surface, pointless conversation for another painful twenty minutes – and ate the rest of the cookies – and when she stood and said she had to go, I hugged her more tightly than usual.

“Is everything okay?”

I clung to her. “I love you, Jordan.”

Surprising me, she squeezed me so hard, my breath came out in a whoosh. “I love you, too, Mariah,
so much
, you have no idea.”

Then she was gone and I had
a premonition of something about to go horribly wrong. I passed it off as nerves over Lucifer’s omen and seeing Viktor Petrov’s lookalike face.

After I showered, I sat by the fire and read more of the romance novel I’d picked up earlier while I was waiting for Viorica. This one didn’t hold my attention as well as the
first two, maybe because the heroine was too perfect. I wanted her to have some flaw, some characteristic that made her human. I didn’t get what the hero saw in her.

Then, around page
forty, it became clear that she’d been programmed to be perfect because part of her brain was robotic. She’d had a head trauma in a car wreck and it was assumed she’d die, but the hero, who was her husband, had taken her to a crazy doctor who fixed her by replacing part of her brain with machinery. She was gracious and charming, entertained beautifully, had crazy hot sex with the hero, and never argued with him, no matter how belligerent he was. He picked fights on purpose, and she went along with whatever he said. The poor guy was crazy with grief, because he had his wife, but he really didn’t. I was well and truly hooked by the time Phoenix came to my room, dressed in long cotton boxers and a motorcycle T-shirt. His feet were bare.

“Another one?” He
came close and peered at the cover. “Why would a woman like that drive a race car? She’s wearing a suit. It’s a nice suit. But it’s a suit.”

“The hero is a race car driver. He thought he was
invincible, but he had a wreck and she almost died.” I told him the premise, and he was intrigued, so I read it to him until just past chapter ten, when he said, “It’s late. Save the rest for tomorrow night.” He watched me bookmark the page and set it aside. “Do you think he knew she’d be like that when he took her to the mad doctor?”

“At first, I thought it was because he wanted to keep her alive at any cost, but after what happened at the dinner party she hosted for his sponsors, I wonder if he wanted her to
have no opinion of her own. She was against his racing before her accident. Now, she’s on board, but it’s obviously killing him she’s such a robot.”

“Be careful what you wish for?”

“Something like that.” I eyed the book. “Isn’t it a male fantasy to have a woman with no opinion, who goes along and does what she’s told?”

“For some
men, probably. Some would like a very strong woman who takes care of everything and tells
him
what to do. Still others want an equal partnership. And the rest would be happy with a sheep.”

“You mean a woman who follows without question?”

“No, I mean an actual sheep.” His black eyes were laughing. “I’m kidding. It’s just that some guys are so awkward, they don’t know what they want.”

“Like Zee.”

He nodded. “It’s going to be insanely interesting when an Anabo lands in his life.”

“He’ll tell her he doesn’t believe in love.” I saw his questioning look and said, “He told me his views while we were waiting outside that club in Moscow.” I smiled. “I predict she’ll tell him she doesn’t believe in it before he can. Then he’ll try to prove her wrong.”

“Like I said, it’s going to be interesting.”

“If you could choose, what sort of girl would you go for?”

His eyes were no longer laughing. “You do realize that’s a loaded question coming from you?”

“
You’ve already told me I’m out, and I have no expectations anyway, so just be honest.”

He stared at
the fire and said quietly, “She’d go with me to out-of-the-way places to see unusual, beautiful things, and try different foods, and meet interesting people, and sail and surf and ski and hike Everest and ride bikes across Mexico, and kiss me a lot, and never cut her hair, and tell me stories, and let me make love to her once a day and twice on Sundays.”

“Never cut her hair?”

He looked at me. At my hair. “Every guy has a thing. Mine happens to be hair.” He cocked a smile. “Of all that, the only thing you comment on is the hair?”

“None of it surprised me. Not even the hair, really. But I had to say something.”

“You think you know me, Mariah?”

“I survived until now by being extremely observant
.”

“What kind of guy would you go for?”

“I wouldn’t. I don’t like guys.”

“Only because you’re afraid of them.”

“I’m not afraid. I just know what they’re all about, and I’m not interested.” He looked as though he couldn’t decide if he was sad or argumentative. The play of emotions across his handsome face was fascinating. “With one exception, I’d do all of your things, Phoenix.”

“Then we’d be friends and not lovers.”

“Isn’t that what we are now?”

He was thoughtful before he nodded slowly. “Yes, we are.”

“But you won’t do any of those other things because you think giving up everything you enjoy is what you have to do to make amends.”

“Something like that.”

“What about me? Suppose after I become immortal, when Eryx is no longer the threat he is now, that I do all those things? Would it bother you?”

“It wouldn’t bother me.”

I could see that it would, and he was lying. Remembering the day we skied, his grin, his laugh, his obvious enjoyment of every moment, I knew he was never cut out to be an indoor, bookish sort of person. Just like me, his love of books was solely because he’d figured out a way to live vicariously through fictional people. If he couldn’t climb Everest, he’d read about someone who did. He built motorcycles for everyone else on Mephisto Mountain because he wanted one, but wouldn’t allow himself. I wondered if he went to all the trouble just for the excuse of test-driving each one he built?

With a vague idea to shake him up a little,
I sat up a bit straighter and went off, becoming more enthusiastic as I talked. “You know, if I have to stay here, I might as well take advantage of who and what I’ll be. Key says he has piles of money, and with the ability to transport myself, I can go anywhere and do anything, can’t I?”

“Yes.”

“I always wanted to see the pyramids. I’ll go there first, and land right on top of one, then I’ll ride a camel, and eat lamb kebobs. After that, I think I’ll learn to scuba dive and go to Australia and swim with sharks. I won’t care if one bites me because I’d heal right away. Oh, and then I’ll rent a Jeep and hire a guide and drive across the Outback. How awesome would that be? But first I have to learn to drive. Will you teach me?”

“I’ll teach you.” He was completely deadpan.

“There are thousands of museums in the world. I’ll see them all, and go on a photo safari in Africa, and take a raft trip through the Grand Canyon, and ski in Switzerland. Maybe I’ll jump out of an airplane.” Just the thought of it made my heart race and my face flush with excitement. “Can you imagine flying through the air like that?”

“No.” He looked depressed.

I kept going. “I won’t want to do all of this by myself, so as soon as I become a Lumina, I’ll get to know the others and find someone who’d like to go adventuring with me.” What began as a way to point out that he should move past Jane and reclaim his life had turned into honest enthusiasm. I really could do all those things. I
would
do them, with or without Phoenix.

Suddenly, without consciously deciding, I was one hundred percent on board with staying with the Mephisto. I’d have to work, of course, but I’d have time off. I imagined all the marvelous things I could do and felt like laughing with joy.

He was staring at me.

“What?”

“You’re happy right now.”

“Yes. I’m just realizing that staying here will have definite benefits.”

He stood and said abruptly, “I’m going to bed. I’m tired.”

I got to my feet and met his gaze. “Why are you so aggravated? Would you like it better if I didn’
t do any of those things and never left this mountain?”

“Yes.” He scowled. “
No.
Of course not.” He turned and stalked to the bed, turned back the covers and waited for me to get to the other side. The lights went off, but I could still see because of the fire, which he’d stoked with a new log a little earlier. He peeled his shirt off and tossed it to the chair by the bathroom door, then turned and sat on the bed with his back to me. “Are you going to get in, or stand there and stare at me all night?”

He was beautiful. I couldn’t stop staring. “You have the same tat that Zee does.”

“It’s a birthmark. We all have one.” He looked over his shoulder at me. “When did you see Zee’s arm?”

“He was getting dressed when I went to find you.”

Olga jumped on the bed and meowed at him. “She’s not understanding why I’m here.”

“She’ll get used to you in a bit.” I
petted her, then nudged her out of the way so I could get in bed. Once I was under the covers, he turned and stretched out on top of them, his very big feet just reaching the end of the bed. “Are you comfortable?”

He crossed his arms behind his head. “I’ll be fine. Don’t fret, okay? Just go to sleep and I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

I snuggled into the covers because I was cold, and frowned at Olga when she curled up next to Phoenix. “Traitor.”

“She likes me.”
He was quiet for a while before he turned his face toward me. “You don’t have to find a Lumina. I’ll take you to do those things.”

“That would be wonderful, I’m sure, but
I wouldn’t want you to change who you are on my account. You stay here and build your bikes and read and plan takedowns and be true to yourself. I’ll be fine on my own. Or with a Lumina. Maybe Jordan would go with me. She’s already been lots of places, though, so maybe not. Maybe Sasha. Or, you know, Zee would go with me. I think Zee and I are going to be very good friends.”

“You don’t want me to go?”

I heard the hurt in his voice, and while it bothered me to cause him any pain at all, I inwardly celebrated a small victory. He wanted to break free of his guilt so badly, wanted to live his life and find his own joy, but couldn’t admit it. He would cloak his eagerness behind his supposed duty to me. I decided to let him. “Of course I want you to go. We’re friends, right?” I snuggled in more. “Damn cat. She’s my heater, and there she is next to you and you’re not even under the blanket.”