Open Your Eyes (15 page)

Chapter Twenty-eight

Nick

I looked at the message on my phone again.

Sorry that I
had to leave in such a rush. Sorry, couldn’t talk. Will call you when I get home. Natalie xo

She said sorry again. Twice.

I shook my head as I went to have a shower. Last night was the best night of my life. Or so I thought. That dreadful phone call changed it all. Turns out that it could be the worst night of my life. What if I never saw her again?

She just
left, barely saying goodbye.

Shit! I read the message again
and threw the phone at the wall in disgust.
She’s gone home to be with him
. Home. That’s what she said.
To be with him.

Fucker! How could I compete with a move like that? A fucking heart attack!

Of course I tried calling her immediately when I got the message. But she must have turned off her phone. She was probably somewhere halfway across the ocean by now. It all happened so damn fast, I didn’t even get to say goodbye properly. To look into her eyes one last time, to wipe her tears. To hold her, kiss her soft lips. Tell her it would all be OK.

Did she even
realize that I would be waiting for her to come back to me?

That the worry gnaw
ed at my insides?

I was glad now that I
’d declared my love, even knowing she wasn’t ready to hear it. Because right now, that was all I had to cling to. That she knew how I felt about her. How could I measure up against a man who’d just had a heart attack, who needed her by his side – the same man who had been with her for two decades – not a mere two weeks?

What if she decided to stay there?
With him
. If what we had was all a dream?
That it was over between us
– just like that.

I wanted to break something – anything. Anger swelled in me,
raised its ugly head and mocked me. Because my fucking heart was breaking.

Natalie. The woman I had waited for all my life.

Gone.

Chapter Twenty-nine

“
You came,” Gabriel rasped as he held out his hand, his arm weak and full of needles and drips. He looked so pale and vulnerable lying back against the stark white sheets. His handsome face had aged since I last saw him, deep lines etched around his mouth as he scowled, his eyebrows knit together. Dark stubble covered his square jaw, his dark brown hair mussed as if it hadn’t been combed for days.

My heart pounded in my chest
at seeing him so helpless. The big, strong, super active man reduced to lying still in a hospital bed, tubes and monitors holding him down. That alone would be agony for Gabriel.

“Gabe,” I whispered as I took his big hand and squeezed lightly, “you gave us such a scare. I came as quickly as I could.
Livy came back with me, but she is sleeping at home – jetlag.” I shrugged, hoping he would understand how tired she was.

“But
you
came,” he said as a small wry smile lifted the corners of his mouth.

“I had to
see if you were OK.” I swallowed hard, averting my gaze.

“I’m glad you came,” he said
quietly as he squeezed my hand back, closing his eyes.

We hadn’t said anything this emotionally charged to one another in
a very long time. It was strange how something like a crisis stripped everything back to the basic truths. This wasn’t a time to be bitter or angry or hurt. It was a time to care and nurture and heal.

“Stay with me, please,” he said softly as his thumb drew small circles on my wrist, his eyes still closed.

God. Please not the small circles on my skin
. It was the one thing that always softened me to him, and he knew what power that simple gesture had over me. How it cut through all the bullshit between us and went straight to the center of my heart.

“OK,” I breathed as I sat down next to the bed. My knees were weak, my head spinning. Jetlag
? I hadn’t slept in over twenty-four hours. I looked like shit, dark circles under my eyes, red and itching from lack of sleep and lots of crying. Had I ever shed as many tears as in the last long sleepless hours?

“You look beautiful,” he croaked
. “I forgot how beautiful you are.” Little circles still going on my wrist. I looked up straight into liquid gray eyes. I drew in a sharp breath, shocked to the core by his words.

“I'm a mess actually. Came from the airport after dropping Olivia and the luggage. Didn’t even take a shower,” I babbled,
straightening my rumpled clothes with the palm of my free hand.

Gabe
just kept on staring at me with his big droopy puppy dog eyes, sadness in their depths. “You haven’t changed much,” he said cryptically.

How on earth had this conversation become about me?

“How are you feeling?” I quickly steered the conversation back on course – to safer territory.

“Like a Mac truck ran over me. It was fucking awful, Nat,” he hissed through
thinned lips. His eyes rolled back in his head and his jaw clenched a few times, as if the memory of the pain was still too much to bear. “
I thought I was going to die
,” he murmured, his face pale, his eyes wide.

I rubbed anxiously at my heart
; it twisted and ached deep inside. The ruggedly handsome man I had married had a weariness about him I had never seen before. Gabe still hadn’t let go of my hand, but thankfully he stopped drawing the little circles that drove me crazy.

“Just before I lost consciousness – you – you were my last thought.” Little circles started again, spiraling out into bigger circles now.
I wanted my hand back. This was killing me.

I pulled my arm back, but he gripped it
and held on tightly.

His dark, brooding gaze settled on my face.
“I’ve been thinking a lot, lying here… I want you back. I want
us
back.” His tone was so serious I had to suppress the sudden nervous giggle that flared up. My breath caught and held as I stared at him.

He could
not
be serious! Why the change of mind? After all this time? Years of trying unsuccessfully to reconcile with him. So why now?
Now that I was falling for another man?
Gabe didn’t want me – he’d said so many times before and after we separated.

My mind was reeling. I definitely couldn’t think straight. Lack of sleep, jetlag and the sheer enormity of his words overwhelmed me.

He leaned back into his pillow and closed his eyes, but his hand still gripped mine, his thumb still. His voice labored as he spoke slowly, his chest heaving. “Don’t say anything. Just think about it.” A long pause. “We were always good together, you and I. I want to go back to what we had.” Another even longer pause. “To how we were before I lost my mind.”

My mouth went dry. I couldn’t speak even if I tried. Sweet Lord, this was the last thing I ever thought he would say when I came to see him.

I sat there stunned, my body ridged, my heart nearly jumping out of my chest. I planned to ask Gabriel to finally sign the divorce papers so I could move on with Nick.
Now this?
Was I going stir crazy?

His grip relaxed and the little circles on my wrist started again. Enough. I couldn’t think straight as it was. I pushed the chair back and
abruptly pulled my hand away.

“Doctor. Need to speak…to doctor,” I stuttered as I left the room without looking back.

I went straight to the unisex bathroom down the hall and locked the door behind me. I rubbed my blurry eyes. My knees were weak, shaking badly, so I quickly sat down on the closed toilet and sank my head into my hands.

What the hell just happened?

Slowly it sank in to my foggy brain
. My husband – who hadn’t wanted me in years – asked me to start over – to take him back.

Just over a
month ago I would have said ‘yes’ without hesitation. In spite of all we had been through, I still loved him then. It was my biggest wish – my heart’s desire – that we would be together again. Even though he had trampled on my heart and left me, had been with other women since we separated and openly told me so, I had trouble moving on.

Which was why I had never pushed Gabriel to sign the divorce papers. I had no intention of ever being with another man.

Until Nicholas Gallagher stepped into my life. Now there was Nick to think about too. Nick said he loved me, but did he want
more
? Or was it just a holiday romance, over as soon as I left? Yet what I saw in his eyes, the way he made me feel – I couldn’t forget that easily.

Gabe might be in crisis because of his physical heart attack. But I was in crisis and having an emotional heart attack all of my own.

The doctor was only scheduled to come two hours later, so I sat out in the waiting room. I needed to speak with him, but I couldn’t face Gabe again. I stayed out of Gabe’s room – a coward.

It took a few hard shakes to wake me up. I had drifted in and out of sleep, exhausted, mentally and physically
. A nurse stood in front of me. “Mrs. Lawson, Dr. Eckles will speak with you now.” I quickly glanced at my watch. I had been waiting over three hours.

The surgeon explained the situation to me. Gabriel need
ed special attention. He couldn’t be left alone for extended periods of time. I could take him home in a week’s time.

My mind wanted to protest: Gabriel wasn’t really my husband any more, we were separated and he lived in a suburb on the other si
de of the river. Currently without a woman. Unless someone had moved in while I was away. But then Daniel would have told me.

But I couldn’t speak the words.

Not until I knew for sure there was no one else to care for him. Even if he had a new woman, I doubted she would be willing to look after a near invalid for several weeks. I mean, what would be in it for her? Sex would be out of the question for sure, a deal breaker in a new relationship.

“Your husband is very lucky to be alive, Mrs
. Lawson. He needs proper care, the kind only a loving wife can give.” He smiled kindly at me. I could see he was tired too, exhausted from taking on more than his fair share of patients. I couldn’t burden him with my problems too.

“But can't he stay here, in
the hospital till he’s fully recovered?” I asked, incredulous that it had suddenly become my liability.

“I'm afraid we can keep him
for another week only. There is a severe shortage of beds in hospitals these days, as well as a shortage of staff. Anyway, it should be relatively easy. Your husband needs to be kept still so he can recover faster. That means staying in bed while his strength builds. He shouldn’t be too much of a handful?”

“I – I guess
,” I stammered.

“Besides, there are strict rules. No sex for
at least six weeks. He has to be kept quiet or he risks having another heart attack. He isn’t out of the woods yet. Any major upset could trigger another attack and this time it could…be fatal,” he said as he raised an eyebrow to ensure I understood the seriousness of the situation.

Dr. Eckles strok
ed his chin as he studied me. “Your husband already expressed a desire to be nursed by you at the family home rather than a nursing home, but we will show you exactly what to do, so don’t fret too much,” he said kindly.

I didn’t have much of an option. I was going to have Gabriel back in the house –
our house
– just as I’d wanted. Except that now, when it finally happened, I
didn’t
want him there anymore. Life sure had a way of thumping me on the head.

‘Be careful what you wish for,’ my mother had always said, ‘it may just come true.’

It finally made sense.
I understood what she meant.

I was so screwed.

Chapter
Thirty

This was going to be harder than I imagined. To call Nick and explain
exactly why I’d had to leave him to go to my
ex
-husband’s bedside. Without a proper goodbye or promises of seeing one another again. Especially after the amazing night we’d had before Daniel called.

Just think
ing about our lovemaking made my stomach flip and heat rise up my chest, over my neck right up to my cheeks. My nipples tingled and heated liquid pooled between my legs, aching for more. I squeezed my legs together tightly.

Stop!
No more!

It was at
the
exact
time we were making love that my husband had a heart attack.

While I
took mind-blowing pleasure from Nick’s tongue, Nick’s hands, Nick making love to me, Gabriel took excruciating pain.

While
I became one with Nick as he rhythmically thrust inside me on the blanket in front of the fireplace, writhing as my body peaked higher and higher toward release, Gabriel clutched at his chest, writhing in pain on the floor in his study. While I basked in the afterglow of the sweetest orgasms, feeling my heart come to
life
again, Gabriel was rushed to hospital in an ambulance, his heart
dying
, his life hanging by a thread.

So. This
really was harder than I imagined. I had seventeen missed calls from Nick since I left him standing in the driveway, not looking back to see him one last time as we disappeared into the night. Seventeen.

I star
ed at my phone as it buzzed through call number eighteen.

It was
late afternoon in Sydney, midnight in New York. But I had to do it now. No more putting it off. The longer I waited, the harder it got. It had taken me days to finally get up enough courage to take the call.

“Hello, Nick,” I said, my voice hardly above a whisper as my heart beat wildly in my chest.

“Natalie!” I heard relief, sadness and anguish. All pent up into one word. “Are you OK? Is everything OK?” he blurted out. No doubt words that had been on his tongue; tormenting him.

“I'm fine. Everything is fine now.
Worst danger is over. We can all breathe now.” Suddenly a dam wall burst inside me at the sound of his voice, hot heavy tears falling on my lap as I lowered my head.

“
Baby
. I was so worried…” My heart swelled at the concern in his voice. “You left so suddenly.” It wasn’t an accusation, just a fact stated.

“I know. I’m –
”

He cut me off
, muttering a curse. “Don’t say you’re sorry. I understand why you had to. I just wish it happened differently. That we could have said goodbye properly. These last three days – ”

I
finished his sentence. “…were a nightmare. And I
am
sorry. Sorry I had to leave so rushed and sorry if I hurt you.”

“I'm coming to Sydney
the end of next week. I need to see you. When you didn’t answer my calls I nearly lost it. I have to see with my own eyes that you are OK.”

“Nick!” I breathed
. “It's awkward. Gabriel is staying in my house when he comes out of ICU so I can care for him. It's my duty…as his…wife.” My voice choked on the words, they were strangling me.

“I get it. You are kind and sweet, of course you would take care of him
,” he said flatly, “but that’s also why I love you as much as I do…” His voice was gravely. “I’ve already made the arrangements to stay at a hotel in the city. Please say you’ll meet me there so we can…talk.” He sounded tired, at the end of his rope.

“Of course I’ll come to see you. We really do need to…talk,” I said past the lump in my throat.