Operation Christmas (11 page)

Jess scuffed back his chair. “She has plans. Tamara already asked.”

“Oh.” Crystal folded her cheese pizza and took a bite.

Madeleine got up to help and tried to avoid Jess’s eyes in hopes he wouldn’t ask what those fake plans might be. Somehow she knew he suspected she’d be twiddling her thumbs but didn’t embarrass or push her to rearrange her blank schedule.

“What’s wrong,” he asked while working alongside her. Did everyone in the universe read her thoughts?

“Nothing.”

“The job?”

“Not really. My parents are going to make me work in the bakery. This is one of the busiest times of the year.”

“And that’s bad?”

She shrugged. “Not really. I’ve worked plenty of hours in that bakery as a teenager. Danny would even help when things got crazy or we were short of help. When he died, my parents closed the bakery for a week even though it was two weeks before Christmas.”

“That would be this week.”

“Two years ago tomorrow.”

“Ah hell...” He gathered her close to press a kiss at her temple. His release was quick. She imagined he made the same gesture with his sister many times over.

Crystal stood at the table her face pale. “I didn’t know you were married. Would it be rude to ask how he died?”

“Yes, Crystal. It would be rude—”

Madeleine put up her hand. “Hush, Jess. Iraq, Crystal. Humvee bombing.”

“Oh, God. How horrible.” Tears brimmed in her blue eyes. “I thank God every night that Jess only lost an arm or I don’t know where I’d be...”

Crystal walked into Jess’s open arms and got a tight squeeze with a kiss at the temple same as Madeleine. “Come on, Crystal. Buck up. You’re making us sad.”

Crystal swiped away her tears and turned to Madeleine. “Jess lost his arm in an attack outside of Kabul. December nineteenth. Weird, huh? Just a few days after your...well, it...gosh. Five men died.”

“Five good men. How about you do your homework while I drive Madeleine home?”

Crystal lowered her eyes. “I hate war.”

Madeleine’s eyes glistened. “We all do, Crystal.” She gave the teen a hug.

“Freedom comes with a price,” Jess said in the background.

“Indeed.” Madeleine couldn’t agree more.

As Jess drove her home, he apologized for Crystal’s bluntness. Madeleine shook her head. “Wait until you meet my grandmother.”

“I have. At the bakery.”

“Not the real Grams. She’s on her best behavior at work because she’s happy there. My grandmother doesn’t like getting older. Then when Gramps died, she became a real pistol and moved in with my folks.” Madeleine smiled at him. “I like that we talked about Danny and what happened to you. I know there’s a lot you don’t want to share because the memories are too painful, but that was a nice moment back there with Crystal.”
Very nice. Private and cozy. Like family.

The long day ended with them talking in her driveway. The box of work trinkets heated the top of her legs. The rest of her sat leaden unable to get out of the truck or leave the comfort of his presence. “I owe you an apology.”

She turned to face Jess. He’d already done the same. In the soft glow of the Christmas lights, she knew they were going to kiss. The time had come to face her fears—her own elephant.

After the stress-filled day, she wanted a kiss to sooth away the turmoil. Their lips met in one unspoken decision. Drawn together by the natural force of nature, she closed her eyes to savor the kiss. She murmured, and they kissed again. Soft and warm, his lips whipped her body into waves of desire.

Jess made a low guttural moan, cupping her jaw with his warm hand. Each kiss pulled her deeper into a swirling pool of desire so delicious it made her dizzy.

She pulled away to grab a breath. Their chests heaved. Jess licked his lips. She wanted to take hold of his face and taste more of him yet she didn’t dare. The libido Grams talked about openly, and made her mom roll her eyes and her dad laugh, awakened from a long sleep. “I’ve got to go.”

“I’ll call you tomorrow. See if I can talk you into having dinner with us.”

She nodded. Tomorrow she would try to figure out what to do with all the emotions churning inside her.

Jess eyed the box. “Let me help you inside with that.”

“No need. It’s not heavy and Dad’s at the door.” Her gaze flicked that direction.

Jess raised his left hand to wave. His coat arm lifted and the end flopped over. With a laugh, he arched an eyebrow in her direction. “Guess that won’t work. It still waves in my mind.”

Madeleine pressed her lips together and shook her head. “You’re special, Jess.”

“Funny. I’ve thought the same of you the moment we met in the bakery door.”

Leaning over the box, she kissed his cheek. The residual grin it produced stayed with her as she walked to the front door where her dad widened it to let her pass. “What’s so funny?”

“Jess waved at you.”

“I know.” He tipped his head around his daughter and waved again. “Why’s that funny?”

“He doesn’t have an arm.”

“How’s
that
funny?”

“You had to be there.”

“I’ll take your word on that one.” He relieved her of the box and gave it a slight lift. “Come tell us about this, and Mom will tell you about her fender bender.”

“In a minute.” Madeleine stood in the door watching Jess drive away. Her heart raced, thinking about their kisses. “Oh, Danny. I really like him. I hope you approve.”

Her whispered breath steamed against the storm door. She lifted a finger to draw, what? The outline of angel wings took form. Tingling ran down her spine. She worked to swallow the lump in her throat as she closed the large red door against the image. Silly to think such a thing, that a Guardian Angel would bring an answer. But it felt like Danny had given his stamp of approval to move forward when any fool knew the chill came from the cold glass door.

She preferred to think she wasn’t totally on her own in a confusing world. When Jess called to see if she wanted to go to dinner, she’d say yes. See where things led from there.

Grams poured tea into her waiting mug when she entered the family kitchen. “Did you hear? Old man Harris plowed right into your mother. Tell her, Janet. Tell her what the old fool had the chutzpah to say.”

“Well,” her mom’s eyes glittered, “he backs out of his drive right into my back fender.
Bang!
” She clapped her hands like two great cymbals. “Didn’t know what hit me. Gets out of his car, shakes his fist at me through the window...I’m in shock mind you...and says, ‘Stay in the house if you can’t drive that machine,’” she said in a deep voice.

Everyone laughed.

“Old fool,” Grams grumped.

Madeleine didn’t want to split hairs with Grams, but Mr. Harris had her by only a couple of years. Not to mention losing the keys to the Mini resulted after two traffic fines and running down their mail box twice in one month. She bit down on a grin and shared a knowing look with her mom. “Pie?” Her mom made a slice in the pecan pie on the table.

Madeleine shook her head. “I’ll pass.” She sipped the hot tea feeling pleased with the newfound strength to resist the ever-present bakery at the center of the table. Maybe she would find new strength in other areas of her life as well.

She glanced at her dad trying to determine if he’d witnessed Jess kissing her. He winked without any mention or tease in front of the family.
Thank you, Dad
. Their eyes talked in secret code much as she and her mom had moments ago. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t share what he saw with his wife in bed. She often heard the soft murmur of their conversations before the lights went out. One nighttime ritual she missed.

Madeleine daydreamed about Jess and hoped he would make good on his mention of calling her tomorrow. She would be so very disappointed if he teased because she had refused him so often.

Chapter Nine

Jess rocked his office chair back and noted several smudges on the ceiling while thinking about Madeleine. Their kiss had been everything he’d imagined and more. Had he really thought it would be less? The kiss just happened. Cut short but enough for him to know he wanted a lot more of Madeleine.

The problem, as he saw it, was his dogged pursuit with a full court press. Her sudden change of heart left him wondering if she’d given in out of frustration and the awful day she’d endured or had a sincere desire to see him as date material. He wasn’t sure he could continue to see her in a platonic friendship when he wanted more.

Coercing her into a relationship because he happened to show up at her lowest point made his skin crawl. He wanted her there because she saw more than an amputee in need of pity.

In spite of the obvious change last night, she still ballet danced on a tight rope. One moment she took a chance. The next she changed her mind about seeing him. Did he really want to call and hear her swing on the side of rejection when all his heart hoped he’d gained enough of her trust to date?

And she definitely was the one who pulled back at the precise moment they wandered into the deep waters of passion. When the tip of his tongue teased her soft lips so warm and moist and inviting him in. Another change of heart?

He berated himself. Madeleine made it clear from the get go that she wasn’t ready to move on. The kiss might have said more to him than her, a girl whose pride had been stripped by a really bad boss. He had no idea if she wanted another one.

What had he thought playing tongue tango with his mind drifting to their getting naked sometime soon? She’d pulled back and tremors of dread cooled his body. Had the change of heart been her realization that one day they might actually make it past kissing?

This wasn’t a woman you stripped of her panties to satisfy physical needs. He’d had enough of those experiences. He wanted a total relationship. If it took endless patience to overcome her fears and gain her trust, then he’d had plenty of experience honing that skill in the military. He wanted time together to build a friendship that led to intimate companionship with commitment.

With the possibility to explore that world at his fingertips, he felt a wall of uncertainty build. Make no mistake—he wanted what the man before him had had—a woman who loved him so much she’d spent two years before dipping her toe in the dating pool.

He put a lot on her shoulders in what he hoped, suspected, might lie in a deep connection with her. For once in his life, a meaningful relationship hinged on Jess, the person, and who he had become. No longer could he rely on his physical appearance to tip the scale. He didn’t have the swagger that made him the old Jess. He had a chest peppered with silky scars like his hand.

None of this compared to the other—the damned stump. Talk about a kick to the balls. He still had trouble seeing the stump and not feeling it belonged to someone else. Then above that, where muscles once bulged, a bicep half the size of his other arm no matter how much exercise he attempted to reverse the atrophy.

Could Madeleine handle it and still see him as a man? Was he brave enough to find out?

The thought made his shoulders slump. Up until bumping into Madeleine in the bakery door, he’d preoccupied himself with his job. Work that piled up because his mind focused on the pursuit of a woman who had repeatedly rejected him then did a 360 last night.
The day before the anniversary of her husband’s death. After a lay off. Her mother in an accident.

Never one to kid himself, there remained another more destructive fear.
Did he try to win her heart because he knew she would reject him? Then he wouldn’t have to face the moment he stood before her without the security of clothing or a fake arm? From her, that rejection would do severe damage.

Jess released the hard hold of the cell phone in his hand and set it on the desk. Maybe he should back off and take a breather. Make sure he knew what he wanted. Tunneling his fingers through his hair, he hauled in a deep breath. Letting it out slow, he hated to admit with the prize in his sights, his insecurities were raising their ugly heads.

He needed time to think.

The question became, how much time could he take to regroup before she changed her mind again?

A pile of work sat before him. Picking up a small box of parts sent him by a customer, he headed back to the shop and his foreman’s glassed-in cubicle. If they could tool the small gear to precision, it would be a good order. One that would repeat itself over the years to come with reorders.

His mind wandered.

In order to wrap his energy around work, he needed to figure out how to respond to Madeleine.
Tonight wasn’t going to work. Not on the anniversary of her husband’s death. He had to tell her something. He told her he would call. No different than his father, he would blame work for being unavailable.

He stepped into a quiet corner to tap out the text message.

Let the holidays pass, he thought.
Then he’d check back with her the first of the year and see how things were going. See if she’d gotten a job or would work in the bakery for a spell. Try asking her on a date again. If she refused, it was over.