Operation: Endurance (When the Mission Ends) (4 page)

Cassie and Jake cuddled for a moment. Both her brothers looked mildly disgusted. For Julie, it just made her feel incredibly sad again. She was happy for Cassie and Jake, but watching them just seemed to drive home her guilt and sorrow. Gah, it was time to get back to her lists.

“So anyway, can you meet with them Monday afternoon,” she looked down at her notes, “say around 4:00?”

Cassie reluctantly drew her gaze from Jake. “Sure that should work. My last class that day ends at 3:00.” She was a military history professor at Texas Tech.

“Okay, I’ll let them know. And don’t forget, we have our fittings this afternoon at 2:30.”

“No problem,” Cassie agreed. “At least that will be the case if we get to work. Come on guys, eat and drink up. The day’s a wasting and we have a couple of trucks to unload.”

* * *

Julie and Penelope sat on a small velvet settee sipping champagne while waiting for Cassie to emerge from the dressing room in her wedding dress. Julie checked things off her lists while Penelope glanced around the quiet store.

“I think Colton and I are going to elope,” Penelope said.

Julie looked up from her notebook, her mouth gaping open. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, that’s what we’ve been talking about. If we did a traditional wedding my mom would take it over and turn it into an event. We thought we’d just grab the gang and head out to Vegas on the Mad Rob jet.”

“You make it sound like it’s already a done deal.”

Penelope wrinkled her forehead as she looked at the binder in Julie’s hands with concern. “Yeah, it pretty much is. I know you like to plan ahead so you probably should mark it on your calendar. June 19-
21st. The wedding will actually be June 20th.”

This seemed awfully fast. Julie glanced suspiciously at Penelope’s untouched champagne. “Wait a minute, you aren’t…”

Penelope looked up at her with stricken eyes. “Damn,” she muttered. “I wasn’t supposed to let anyone know yet. Colton’s going to kill me.”

Julie sucked in a shocked breath and let it flow over her like a physical blow.
Breathe. Just breathe. Don’t think about Nugget. Don’t think about all she’d lost. Not now.

She knew this was going to happen to one of her friends eventually. She just wasn’t prepared for it to happen to Penelope, who’d never even wanted kids or a husband. She forced a strained smile for Penelope’s sake. “Congratulations, Pen.”

“Shh, thanks, but we aren’t telling anyone yet.” Penelope beamed at her. “We didn’t want to wait since both Colt and I want kids, but we don’t want this to overshadow Cassie and Jake’s wedding day. Don’t mention it to Chris or Cassie. Colton wants to be the one to tell them.”

Julie sat there, stunned. How did this happen in such a short amount of time? Within the next month and a half, both her best friends would be happily married and she’d be alone. She was happy for them. Really she was, but it just left her feeling like her life was spinning out of control…again. She searched in her purse for a fresh notepad and started scribbling furiously, the new list involving things she would need to do to help Penelope prepare for an elopement and a baby.

Penelope’s hand settled over the pen to stop her. She looked up, “What—”

“Julie, it’s going to be alright. Relax.” Julie gazed into Penelope’s concerned eyes. “I want you to focus on me. Breathe in slowly and then breathe out.” When she wasn’t running the
bookstore or writing, Penelope taught yoga and she used her soothing instructor’s voice on Julie. “That’s right. Just keep doing that. Slowly and methodically.”

Julie’s nerves settled as she watched Penelope and focused on her breathing.

“Why are we doing yoga breathing? What’s happened?” Cassie asked, concerned.

They turned in unison and gasped. Cassie stood there, absolutely stunning in her Italian lace bridal gown. Of course, they’d both seen it before, but that had been the store sample pulled together across Cassie’s slender build to make it look like it fit. This one was the one made for her and it fit her like a glove.

Julie rushed over to Cassie’s side and admired her reflection in the mirror. “Jake’s not gonna know what hit him when he spies you coming down that aisle.”

Penelope had begun to sob quietly into the tissue the saleslady handed her. Cassie turned to her in disbelief while Julie tried to hide her smile. Penelope and Colton weren’t going to be able to hide this pregnancy for long at this rate. Penelope was obviously suffering from a huge case of out-of-control hormones.

Unfortunately though, Cassie wasn’t aware of that. She jumped down off the pedestal and rushed over to take Penelope into her arms. “Pen, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. You just look so gorgeous.” Penelope sucked in watery breaths as she pushed Cassie back. “Stand back. I don’t want to get snot all over you.”

All three of them giggled, but Cassie continued to study at Penelope nervously. “Are you sure that’s all it is?”

“Yes, of course it is. I’m just so happy for you and Jake.” Penelope started sobbing full out, so the words were barely decipherable.

Julie decided it may be time to step up and deflect some of Cassie’s attention. “It looks gorgeous, Cassie. Does everything feel like it fits right? Lift your arms. Can you move okay? What about your bra? Does it work okay with the dress? Are you wearing the shoes you’re planning to wear on your wedding day?”

Cassie rolled her eyes. “Everything’s perfect except for the fact that Pen continues to sob her eyes out. What’s going on?” She eyed them both suspiciously.

Penelope sniffled, but managed to pull herself into some semblance of normal. “I’m fine. Sorry, I guess this is just what love does to me. You look so beautiful.”

Cassie regarded her skeptically. “Thanks.” She studied Penelope a bit longer before turning back towards the mirror. “Do you think Jake’s going to like it?”

Penelope and Julie both nodded. Penelope said, “I think he’s going to swallow his tongue.”

Cassie spread her hands down the front of her skirt, her gaze catching on the sparkle of her engagement ring. “I can’t believe this is actually going to happen in two weeks.”

Penelope immediately started sniffling again.

“Okay, enough of that. Cassie, you look gorgeous.” She shoved Penelope’s full champagne glass into Cassie’s hand and pushed Penelope toward a different changing room. “I’m going to take sniffles here to try on her bridesmaid dress.”

* * *

An hour later and all three girls were in their normal everyday clothes and headed into a local wine bar. It had been a rough day, but Julie had almost made it to the end. To celebrate, she took three long gulps of her wine. Probably not the best idea since her stomach had been too nervous all day to eat, but the idea of a little bit of numbing was alluring. She drank more.

Her head felt floaty as she listened to Cassie and Penelope discuss the merits of honeymooning in a beach locale versus a mountain hideaway. Since she hadn’t had sex in fourteen months, she couldn’t add much to the conversation. Fourteen months since she’d had an orgasm. That was a depressing number. Chris. Twenty-four hours with him and now she knew what she was missing. She missed hot orgasms.

She’d never had the courage or trust to go there with Aaron. Besides her own monumental sexual issues, even when Chris was “dead”, it felt like a betrayal for her to have sex with someone besides him. She’d never been ready.

She continued to drink her wine, making the appropriate sounds in the girls’ conversation although she wasn’t really paying attention.

Chris. Those orgasms he’d given her had been amazing. Would a battery-operated-boyfriend compare? Maybe she should ask Penelope. She knew about these things.

Damn, her wine glass was already empty. She needed more so she flagged down their waiter.

In her wine-induced haze, she’d lost track of their conversation, but there was a lull, so she jumped in. “Pen, what BOB do you recommend?” She took another deep drink of wine. Liquid
courage, it was a good thing. She glanced back up at her two friends to find them staring at her with their mouths hanging open. That was a little offensive.

“Hey, that’s not fair. No judging. I like orgasms as much as the next girl and it’s been fourteen months. I need help.”

“Wait, what? Fourteen months?” Penelope voice reverberated with shock, carrying out over the bar, before Cassie shushed her.

Damn, she really hadn’t meant to let that slip.

Pen continued in a quieter tone. “How is that even possible? Aaron was gorgeous. You can’t tell me he was that bad in bed that you never had an orgasm.”

Julie felt the blood rush to her face as she rubbed the stem of her wine glass. She’d never planned to tell them, to tell anyone what an awful girlfriend she was, but she couldn’t hold this in anymore. She hadn’t loved Aaron enough to sleep with him and it had been so unfair to him. “I wouldn’t know. I never had sex with him,” she mumbled.

Before, there had been gasps and stuttered exclamations of shock, but now both her friends had gone deathly silent.

Oh God, she probably shouldn’t have drunk anything tonight, or else done it alone where she couldn’t blurt out her secrets to her friends. Tears filled her eyes.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.” She couldn’t meet their pitying gazes as she stood to stand. “Ignore me. I’ll just leave.”

But it was Cassie who grabbed her arm and wouldn’t let go. “You’ll do no such thing,” she hissed as she pulled Julie back down into her chair. “Okay, you can’t just drop that bombshell and leave. Come on, Julie. We’re your friends. Explain to us what happened.”

Julie finally found the courage to look at her friends again. Curiosity and confusion filled their gazes. They were her friends. Maybe it would help if she talked about it. Maybe if she got it off her chest, some of this crippling guilt would ease. She took a deep breath before answering. “I thought we had time. I was dealing with something and Aaron was so amazing about it. He kept telling me he was fine with waiting. We had all the time in the world and he knew I was worth it. God, he was such a wonderful guy.” She took another deep drink of wine.

The lump grew in her throat. “Why? I just don’t understand. Why him? He didn’t deserve that.” 
Why Chris? He didn’t deserve what happened to him either.
She took another deep breath. “Why do such awful things happen to such great guys? I just don’t understand it.” The tears rolled unchecked down her cheeks and she didn’t even care. It was all so wrong. Everyone she loved suffered and lost.

She drew in another deep breath, ignoring the slight hiccup that came with it as she pleaded her case with Penelope. “So I need a BOB. Guys just die. If a BOB dies, I can just replace its batteries or get a new one. No harm, no foul.” She went to take another drink of wine and realized her glass was empty….again. How did it keep getting empty so fast? She scowled down at it, before saying, “I need another one of these.”

Penelope smiled gently. “Julie, honey, I think you need coffee and food, not more wine. And don’t worry; I’ll get you a list of BOB’s that have high recommendations.”

She grinned sloppily at Penelope. “Thank you. You know I like lists. They help in every way.”

She ignored the look of concern that passed between Pen and Cassie. What did they know? They had boyfriends who loved them
and
managed to stay alive. Yessir, a BOB was all she needed from now on.

He’d followed the three girls from the wedding boutique to the darkened wine bar, where they’d spent the last hour chatting and drinking. The dark corners were perfect for him to maintain his vigilant watch without her ever knowing he was there.

He watched as she laughed with her friends and then as she slowly lost it. Her emotions were always right there below the surface, her sadness and grief, but he would help her with that. On the surface, she looked perfect, completely self-assured and at ease with her place in life. Her dark, short hair perfectly styled, her clothes and sexy high heels perfect for a night out on the town with the girls. She even usually laughed in all the right places. She laughed, but it never reached her eyes. Those eyes maintained the heavy shroud of sadness that was there all the time now. There was no hiding that depth of sadness from him because he understood it. His Julie was sad. Just like his Jocelyn. Just like him. Hiding, always hiding.

He needed to help free her from her pain. Only he could do that. A thrill of anticipation snaked its way down his spine, but it wasn’t time yet. He had others to take care of first before he could free her from her pain. But soon. Soon, it would be her time.

Chris stepped out of his front door into the dark morning. As he stretched out his legs, he glanced over at Julie’s townhouse and noticed her kitchen light was on. Cassie had come by after their night out and mentioned to him that she didn’t think Julie was sleeping either, so he wasn’t surprised to see her light, even though it was barely 4:00 in the morning.

Maybe when he got back from his run, he’d see if she wanted to come over for coffee, although he wasn’t sure if the coffee pot was unpacked yet. Maybe he’d just head over there to bum some coffee off her instead. They were friends and friends could do that. Right?