Opposite Sides (32 page)

“Meet me at
Anne’s. She’s on our side. She could bring you up to London for a
day. Think of it, my love,
mein
Schatz
.” He squeezed her soft, round
breast and it made his pulse race. She gently removed his
hand.

“
Not
yet.”

How his body ached for
her. He never knew a body could ache so much for what it most
desired. He took her hand in his and kissed her again. He stepped
backwards, backing out of the doorway until their fingers could no
longer touch. Then he doffed his hat slightly, turned on his heel
and hurried away. He did not look back. He did not want to be
reminded that he had to leave her behind.

His apartment in London
was small, only a couple of tiny rooms and a small kitchen on the
first floor of a converted house. He was glad that he was able to
walk to work especially when the cold, dank London fog rolled in
from the river. Sometimes it was so thick, he had to feel his way
along the buildings until he rounded the corner into Chancery Lane
where the traffic moved faster. Bus and motorcar lights glowed dim
and pale through the impenetrateable gloom but it was a place he
could now think of as ‘home.’ Until he had worked his way up the
ladder a little more, and had spent at least another year with the
firm, the premises he called ‘home,’ the two-roomed apartment down
the narrow crowded side street would have to suffice. But, at least
it was better than the slums closer to the river bank.

He was desperately trying
to put a portion of his weekly wages in a savings account for the
day when he would be able to afford taking Caroline on as his
wife.

Shortly after New Year,
the storm hit. Slashing rain and howling gales made travelling to
work one of the most difficult things he had done in his life. The
entire city was on a knife-edge as the dark waters of the Thames
began to rise. On the night of the seventh, Hans was woken by
shouting and banging somewhere down in the street under his small
bedroom window. He peered through the opaque glass panes but it was
difficult to see anything through the pouring rain and refracted
weak light of the street lamp two doors away.

Hans switched on his
bedroom light and tried to focus on his clock. It was shortly after
one thirty. Everyone should have been asleep.

Someone was banging
furiously on his front door as though they wanted to break every
board and rush inside.

“
Mr Resmel!
Mr Resmel, are you awake?” the voice of the outsider shouted above
the howling wind.

Hans cracked open the
door, leaving the safety chain securely latched. He was still
feeling groggy from sleep but aware enough to realise the figure
outside was meaning no harm.

“
What? What
do you want? Do you not know it is one in the morning and I have to
be at work in another six hours?”

“
Not this
mornin’, you won’t, sir,” the man replied. “Many ’ave halready ’ad
to leave their ’omes ’cos of the rising wa’ers. The Thames is above
the wall, sir ’n’ the Embankment is all under a foot or so of
wa’er. So, we’re warnin’ ev’rybody t’ take care!”

It was almost a week
before Hans was able to walk to work again but then Mr Scrimager
did not mind for the storm had brought many areas of central London
to a standstill.

Miss Turner’s advice
concerning financial arrangements had made sense and Hans was
grateful to her for that. Uncle Karl had always encouraged the boys
to save a little by themselves and when they had been able to prove
to him they could, he had added that little extra. Until money went
crazy, that was and Hans had seen his precious savings lose their
value. Yes, he remembered that part now. But it could never happen
again so in the meantime, there were the long hours of work, the
weekly visits to the bank and making the remainder of his money
stretch out until the next pay day. He did not forget to drop spare
pennies into the jar for he knew that when they reached the line he
had painted on the outside, the accumulated pennies would be enough
to buy the next train ticket and that ticket took him to
Caroline.

He managed to make
several visits to see Caroline during the winter months but it was
difficult to find warm, safe places where they could meet in
secret.

“
I adore you,
Caroline Grace,” he murmured in her ear. His tongue rolled around
the warm inner surface of her ear. But, there was always the clock
ticking, always the appointment to keep at the station and the sad
drawn-out farewells as the London train began to pull out of the
station. They held hands as long as they could and as Hans leaned
out of the open window of the carriage door and as the train
gathered its breath to rent them apart, they held on until only
their longing for each other could be felt in the stretched out
tips of their fingers and at that point they lost sight of each
other in a swirl of steam and smoke.

One day he missed that
parting appointment. The rain that afternoon came down heavily,
forcing them to seek shelter like stray cats in a nearby barn. They
squeezed through the doorway and discovered they could climb into
the loft over a tangle of farm implements and tools. It was warm
and dry and had the smell of sweet hay which had been stored there
for the winter. Hans pulled at the hay and moulded them a cosy nest
where they could lie down.

Hans smoothed the
crinkled dress. Caroline was warm and her thighs were soft and
silky. His fingers fumbled to unbutton the top of her dress and his
hands snuggled gently against her rounded pliable breasts. She
sighed and willingly allowed herself to yield to his attentions and
for the next hour, they caressed each other and found delight
discovering desirous aspects of each others bodies they had
previously no knowledge of. Then suddenly, the rain stopped and
ouside was quiet, except for an occasional drip that fell from the
roofing iron and landing with a muted squalp on to the concrete pad
in front of the barn doors.

In a flash, they realised
the time but it was too late. The last train had already left and
after Hans had seen Caroline home, he retraced his steps back to
the barn where he spent that night curled up like a vagrant,
wrapping himself in hay in order to keep himself warm. And
throughout that long night, he could hear the dull creaking of the
rafters and in between the lull of the pounding raindrops on the
iron roof.

He kept in touch with
Anne. He managed to write every few weeks so it was no surprise
when a letter arrived saying that Anne would be driving up to
London. She would be visiting a friend for a day or two. Then, as
he read through the first page and began on the second, his heart
made a leap when he read that Caroline had decided to accompany
her. His own sweet Caroline coming up to London to visit him. It
would make such a change from him always travelling south to find a
few precious hours during which he could be with her.

He must get his rooms
tidied and made respectable for he did not want her to see the
usual muddle he had been living in lately. Work had been so
demanding and Mr Scrover had insisted he stay at the office until
mid-evening which did not leave him much time to keep the apartment
clean and tidy. It looked more like student accommodation than the
rooms of a respectable young man with reasonable prospects of
advancement.

Hans managed to find a
packet of biscuits to have with their tea. He had developed a
liking for English tea and always kept some handy should anyone pay
him a visit. When he could, he still preferred to drink coffee or
make himself a peppermint tea; without milk, of course. Caroline
was surprisingly quiet this time. She left most of the talking to
Anne who talked constantly of things that were happening in town.
Then, there were snippets concerning the school and Miss Turner.
Finally, Anne blurted out that she and Gerald were now formally
engaged and that Gerald had secured himself a wonderful job with
one of the flying schools.

So Gerald has
found himself the job of his dreams as well as getting one of the
best girls in the world
, thought Hans. He
hoped that his own life and prospects would turn out just as
well.

Too soon, Anne announced
that they must be getting back. She did not want to be driving
after sundown and after all, it had only meant to be a fleeting
visit to show Caroline where Hans lived.

Another few weeks passed
and this time Hans had been so busy at Mr Scrover’s that he did not
have any time to get away from London. He had worked all Saturday
morning as usual but then had to put in extra hours in the
afternoon. He was determined to rest on Sunday so after a very late
breakfast, he decided not to attend church but to stay in and
listen to the wireless. Besides, when he opened the front door to
collect the milk, he noticed a few spots of rain on the step and
now that it had begun to rain, there did not seem much point in
going out. He lay back in his armchair and closed his eyes as the
voice coming from the speaker described one of the small
picturesque villages one could find in the Wordsworth
countryside.

Suddenly, there was
tapping on his door and when he did not immediately respond, the
tapping became a much louder and more frantic knocking. He walked
over and opened the door on to the stairwell. Standing before him
was Caroline and a large suitcase. She was wet, exhausted and very
upset. She almost fell forward on to him.

“
My goodness!
Caroline! What are you doing here?”

“
My father
threw me out!” Tears began to flow down her face.

Hans pulled her and her
bag into the room and proceeded to take off her coat and hat.
Caroline did not resist and it was like undressing a rag
doll.

As soon as Hans had made
her more comfortable and she seemed more willing to talk, he began
questioning her until she admitted that she had been sick for
several weeks and when her mother had noticed that she had stopped
needing rags because the monthly curse was not turning up, there
had been more and more questions until both her parents had come to
the conclusion that she had been a wicked girl and brought disgrace
upon the family through her disgusting wayward
behaviour.

“
I’m so
frightened,” she continued, tears already filling her eyes and
beginning to form droplets, wetting either side of her cheeks. “
Father called me such dreadful names and told me I was only fit for
the workhouse. He said he couldn’t bear to look at me and said I
was no better than might be expected of a slut and that I was no
daughter of his any more. Oh, Hans, I’m in a delicate
condition.”

“
Bitte
?”

“
I’m going to
have a baby!” Caroline blurted out.

Caroline’s mother never
said anything about babies other than they were found in the
cabbage patch and then only after a couple had been married for
many months. That is what happened to good girls from good
families. And now Caroline was about to disgrace hers but how could
she be a good girl when no one had told her how babies were made or
where they came from. They just turned up one day, mysteriously,
for she had looked under the cabbage leaves and had never, never
found a baby there. Maybe she had not looked properly or maybe you
had to be grown up, for she could remember that whenever she had a
new brother or sister, she and her older siblings had been quickly
dispatched like parcels and sent to some aunt for a holiday and
when they returned, there was their mother nursing a new baby. From
then, all household chores revolved around the newest arrival and
mother was so occupied with her little one that she hardly noticed
she had the other children. And after a while life continued as it
had done before until the next time when another little one arrived
just as mysteriously as the one before.

“
Father said
I have bought shame to the family and have allowed myself to be
tempted into a disgraceful life by the Devil.” She covered her face
with her hands for a few seconds as if trying to keep the Devil
away. “He called me
‘wicked’
.” She looked at him with
soft, pleading eyes and he loved her, oh how he loved her. “Do you
think I’m wicked?” she asked him.

“
No, I don’t.
You’re beautiful and I love you, every single bit of you, Caroline
Grace.”

He kissed with a loving
gentleness on her eyes. He wanted to share her feelings and hold
her close to him for ever and ever and never let her go. Hans
pulled his handkerchief out of his pocket and tried to dab her
tears away. He led her to the setee and and they sat down
together.

“
You’re not
afraid at being a father?” she said when she had composed
herself.

“
A father?”
He jumped up as his voice went up several octaves. He had not been
ready for that. Not yet. The shock of her news must have registered
over his face for Caroline immediately burst into tears.

“
I
am
really wicked!” She
cried. “Even mother said I will grow fat and ugly. I am afraid that
you won’t like me any more. Father said that no-one will want me.
Ever.”

She pulled up her jumper
and smoothed her blouse tight around her pregnant form. It was only
a very small enlargement as if she had eaten a huge meal. Hans did
not know what to say. This was right out of his depth of
understanding but he did realise that two people were needed to
make a baby and if Caroline was one, then he would have to be the
other. He looked at Caroline’s stomach again and wondered how much
of a baby might be in there.