Opposite Sides (33 page)

“
What can we
do?” he asked. “I don’t know what to do in this case.”

“
Father said
I should get rid of it. Find someone who will make the baby go
away.”

Hans was deeply shocked.
He had read about women who were found dead lying in some dark and
dismal alley after trying to get rid of their unwanted child. It
was too horrible to think about. He had not been brought up to even
think of anyone wanting to kill their baby.

“
No! That
would be murder! I will not allow that to happen! It’s against
everything I believe in.”

“
What am I to
do?”

“
You must
have the baby. God has allowed it the right to live.”

“
Well, who’s
going to help me when the baby wants to be born?”

Hans was out of his
depth. Like Caroline, he had never had to deal with a baby before.
The desire to cuddle her was exceedingly strong. He sat close and
took her hands in his.

“
I don’t
know. What normally happens?”

“
I do not
know. I think grandmama was there for my mother. Cynthia my friend
said that was what happened when she was born.” Caroline brushed
back her hair as she swallowed back more tears. “Mummy won’t help
me. Father called me one of the ‘unfortunates’ and said I would be
treated as mentally defective and that if I had the baby it would
be taken away from me and . . .” Caroline was beginning to panic
and lose control.

“
Nobody’s
going to take away your baby. Our baby,” he corrected himself. He
put his arm around the frightened girl and coaxed her towards
him.

“
I don’t want
to go into one of those workhouses where your baby is taken away. I
want to be with you. I want us to keep our baby.”

Hans patted the top of
her head. Caroline snuggled closer.

“
We’ll keep
our baby. I promise.”

She lifted her head and
looked at him. A faint smile relaxed him a little. She said
softly,

“
I’ll have to
find a nurse. I need help with my confinement. Who could we
ask?”

“
I don’t know
anyone.”

Hans bit his lip and
chewed the end of his little finger. He always did when he was
deeply worried or upset about something.

“
We both know
Miss Turner. She’ll tell us what to do.”

“
Mein
Gott
, no. No! She’s the last person to
ask! Miss Turner knows nothing about such things and she already
thinks I’m leading you into temptation. We don’t want her to know
that I already have! She’ll hear of it, sooner or later and the
later she finds out, the better.”

“
Is having a
baby so sinful, Hans?” Caroline asked, hoping for reassurance from
him. “Is it a sin to love each other?”

“
No. Men and
women are supposed to love each other. Adam and Eve taught us
that.”

Hans wished he had the
comfort of the church and priest to help him solve their problem.
If he had been in Salzburg he would know exactly where to go but
this was London and it was difficult to find just the right priest
to talk to. He could ask Father Stevens but that meant he would
have to leave Caroline on her own for a while. He was not prepared
to do that. Or ask her to return home. In the meantime, they would
have to share the cramped conditions of the apartment until he
could hope to find something larger, even if it meant moving closer
to the East End where living conditions were not as good but where
rents were a lot cheaper. Hopefully, he could ask his uncle to send
him some funds and make the situation easier for Caroline, him and
the coming baby but that would mean telling his uncle and aunt
about Caroline and he did not want to do that. Not yet.

“
We will get
married, won’t we?” Caroline hoped that by saying this everything
would be put right and she would become a respectable person
again.

“
Of course.
Don’t worry.”

“
When then,
Hans?”

“
When I have
more savings.”

“
Will that be
soon?”

“
Before the
baby is born, I should think.” He hoped that it would, for he had
no idea how long it took before a baby was born. “My dear Caroline,
do not worry. Everything will be fine.” He kissed her on both her
wet cheeks and used his clean handkerchief to dry them.

They spent the rest of
the afternoon cuddled in each others arms until Caroline had to get
up and prepare supper for them. Hans insisted she take his bed and
that night he wrapped himself up in a couple of blankets and curled
up in the armchair. He heard the gas lighter put his ladder onto
the lamp bar and then the soft glow of the street light filtered in
through the window. Hans slept fitfully, waking early to the
clip-clop of the milk horse and the jangle of milk bottles being
placed on the doorstep.

Each week now seemed like
an eternity: the birth being so near and yet still so far away.
Caroline had so much to do: knitting and sewing, finding a cot for
their baby, gathering a huge pile of cloth nappies and keeping
their tiny apartment clean and tidy. Money was put in his bank
account. Uncle had not even asked why he needed the extra and that
made Hans pleased although it still was not enough to pay rent for
a larger place but at least they could remain where they were.
Besides, Caroline did not want to move any closer to the rougher
streets, saying she would not feel safe, especially during the
evenings when Hans was asked to do more hoursso she was also
relieved to learn they did not have to move. They had enough money
to investing a little in stocks and shares which were rising in
value and providing a healthy interest rate. Mr Scrover had helped
Hans with his decision and there was optimism and hope throughout
not only the office but within the streets of London. Fleet Street
seemed to be humming with business transactions.

Finally, Caroline
suggested that they should visit Miss Turner. The school matron was
the only person they both knew and the closest one Caroline could
call ‘family.’ Miss Turner was knowledgeable in many things, so why
not about babies? With the baby’s time nearing, Caroline hoped that
Miss Turner could give them much needed advice.

It was strange being
driven by taxi up to the front door of the large house in the
college grounds. They had received an encouraging reply from Miss
Turner, who said she would be more than happy to meet with them
both again. No mention had been made of Caroline’s condition so
they were not sure if the family had told her the news.

Hans helped Caroline
carefully out of the vehicle. Her bulging pregnancy had made her
round like a blown-up balloon and movement had become quite
difficult for her.

A young maid answered the
bell. Hans had not seen her before. She took their hats and coats
from them and hung them up on the coat hooks in the foyer. She
opened the front room door and announced their arrival to Miss
Turner.

“
What a
surprise when your letter arrived.” Miss Turner’s eyes focussed on
the expanded belly but she said nothing as she indicated for them
to sit. Caroline carefully lowered herself into the chair, using
her arms for support. Hans paced nervously up and down the room
until he was told to stop his prancing around and sit down. Miss
Turner sat on an upright chair near the table, her torso straight
and erect, just like she always did. She tilted back her head and
spoke to her maid.

“
Millie,
fetch the tea. Oh, yes, you can bring some of those nice biscuits
that you made yesterday. The weekend china will do
nicely.”

Hans looked around the
room. No, still the same. It was as if time had stood still. They
made small talk: the weather, London, things that had happened at
school and in the town since he had left. Millie brought in the
afternoon tea on a tray and set it down on the table beside Miss
Turner.

“
Ma’am.”

“
Thank you,
Millie.” Millie dropped a small curtsey and quietly left. Hans
noticed that the voice still sounded frosty, for Miss Turner showed
very little emotion. “So, you are going to be parents? I do not
remember hearing about any wedding. Not from your parents,
Caroline. I would have thought they would have informed me. I did
not expect an invitation. I know pennies are short in that
household. So, your father did give his permission, then?” Caroline
did not answer. “Was it a registry wedding, then?” Caroline nodded.
Hans did not comment. Miss Turner continued in a lighter tone, “I
still do not approve of the marriage but I hope, for your sakes and
the baby that it all works out most satisfactorily.”

“
We do want
this baby,” said Caroline. “Both of us want this baby.”

Miss Turner clicked her
teeth together. She spoke slowly and deliberately, addressing the
pair of them as she prepared to pour out the tea.

“
Caroline and
you, Resmel, I think you are both too young. Of course, one would
expect the lower classes to begin a family so soon but both of you
should have thought about the conditions and situation the country
is in. Things will be difficult for some time yet but the economy
looks as though we are finally in for some improvement. I just hope
you’ve made the correct decision. Time will tell. In one way, I am
pleased that you have decided to remain in England, Mister Resmel.
You’ve appeared to have settled in.” Miss Turner swilled the tea in
the teapot round three times. She always did that when she was
ready to pour out. “I have been informed that you have a good and
secure job. Put some of your wages away. Invest for the future.
That is what everyone has been told to do.” She handed a cup and
saucer out for Caroline. “Now, you wrote and asked for my help. I
shall endeavour to advise you both but I have the impression your
parents are not pleased with the arrival of this baby you are
having.” Caroline shook her head and took a biscuit from the plate
which Miss Turner had held in her direction. “Mixed marriages
always pose problems.”

“
It’s
father,” exclaimed Caroline. “He did not want . . .”

Miss Turner cut her
off.

“
So that is
why you had to use a registry office? It is always difficult to
know which church to use, too: the Baptist or the Catholic one. I
expect you would want it to be in a Catholic Church. Is that not
so, Resmel?” She inclined her body more in his direction as she
asked her question. Those eyes behind the glasses made him feel hot
and unsettled.

“
Well, yes,
but . . .” he mumbled.

“
Then, I am
not in the least surprised that your parents were upset, Caroline.
I have always thought your father as extreme in his beliefs; a good
church man but he has never tolerated the beliefs of others very
well and your connection with someone of another faith must have
been a huge shock for him.”

“
I thought it
was because I’m not English!” Hans had been taken back by Miss
Turner’s last remark.

“No, not that, although
he would have preferred his daughter to have married an
Englishman.” She smiled to herself, and then added, “Well, part of
you is but whether that would be enough for Mr Grace, one cannot
begin to address.” She took another sip of her hot tea. “It is all
to do with God and what church you worship in. To Mr Grace, that is
a mixed marriage. Wouldn’t that be a fair assessment of the
situation, Caroline?” Caroline nodded and Miss Turner drew in a
deep breath as she put down her cup and saucer. “That is why he did
not want his daughter seeing you, Resmel. He could not bear the
thought of any of his grandchildren growing up in the Catholic
religion.”

“Caroline and I don’t see
it as a problem. We will make our own decision where we worship and
how we want our children brought up. At the moment, we love each
other and want to be together. Nothing else matters.”

“
Yes, I
understand. I have heard those very same words many years ago and
it is exactly what young ones in love say today and have been
saying all the time. But you cannot expect to get your way all the
time. There are others to consider.”

Caroline and Hans looked
at each other for a while before it was Caroline who asked what
they could do regarding the birth when their baby was due. Miss
Turner was in the process of describing the ins and outs of the
various options open to them, when Jan appeared in the doorway.
Hans stood. Miss Turner who was sitting with her back to the door,
called out.

“
Is that you,
Janine? Are you back?”

“
Yes, Aunt,”
came the reply from across the room. She acknowledged Hans in
silence. Then she glimpsed the top of Caroline’s head in her aunt’s
chair. “Hello, Caroline.” Caroline attempted to move. Jan noticed
that Caroline’s new plumpness was not from good food. She tried to
hide her emotions but she was visibly upset by the encounter. She
mumbled something inaudible and at the same time adjusted her
glasses. “Sorry, can’t stop.”

“
Won’t you
wait at least a few minutes, Janine and take some tea with?” Her
aunt held up the teapot. “They have come all the way down from
London to tell us their news.”

Jan stiffened and looked
thoughtfully in Hans’ direction. She adjusted her glasses again.
Hans knew by now that it signified that she was not pleased. Maybe
it was seeing him again after so long or maybe it was seeing her
cousin and not having heard the slightest murmur of their new
family situation. Jan always acted strangely when a situation
confronted her she did not like.