Oriana's Eyes (24 page)

Oh yes, Aurek
 …
I was crying over Aurek.

“For what he did to you, any man would deserve the same fate.”

I nod as he lifts my chin with fingers that cause my skin to flinch. Our gazes meet, his eyes so blue the color seems to pour right through me. His face that of a man with great force, a ruler’s face.

“Oriana, now you must sleep, sleep and relax your mind.” He is close to me now, our noses nearly touching. I feel his breath against my lips, but I want to back away, to keep him from moving toward me. His eyes flash with the slightest alarm. His eyebrow twitches slightly. “Oriana.” His voice is sterner, more demanding. “You will sleep.” Odon’s eyes drive further into my own, and I plummet backward, submerging into my subconscious.

I am following Dorian through the forest. The path is so familiar, the forest a friendly acquaintance. I am nearly home, journeying back to the Great Oak. We pass the fruit trees, the clearing, swiftly sailing over the rise and fall of the lush landscape. I am eager to reach her, the Oak, to grasp onto the endless ladder that once frightened me. Now it is a welcome ascent, each rung bringing me further into the Great Oak’s arms, pulling me upward toward the sky where I can scan the horizon of endless trees and the sun setting over the sliver of ocean. Dorian takes my hand and pulls me forward. I see the back of his head, the flow of hair blacker than the night. I notice a familiar opening in the trees ahead, and he guides me toward it.

I wish to slow down, to appreciate the beauty of the forest around us. To listen to the calls of the birds, it is so fulfilling to be back. To be back? Have I left? I remember leaving, but—

Dorian jerks at my arm, but he does not turn to see why my pace has slowed. Instead he shakes my attention back to the foliage ahead. Why doesn’t he glance back at me?

We finally reach it, the base of the hill on which the Great Oak stands. Dorian has taken an even faster pace, and I move into a jog to keep up. It’s all right. I am not tired; in fact, I do not feel a strain on my legs at all. We make it to the top, and I see her, the Great Oak. Rising up above the forest canopy, shadowing all other growth around her. She is truly a sight of greatness.

I search for Dorian, as we are no longer hand in hand. I find him standing a short distance away, standing by the base of the Great Oak, gazing up through the infinite branches above. Placing my hand against his shoulder I attempt to speak his name. No sound escapes me. I wrap my hands around my head, screaming for Dorian’s help, feeling as though I am being suffocated by my own words. Dorian whirls around to face me, and I see that I have been terribly mistaken.

It is Odon I see, the malignant grin already formed upon his face. He begins to laugh, spreading his arms wide enough to encompass the entire tree. His laughter surrounds me, the image of the Great Oak shrinking away as his face fades until only his eyes remain, swallowing up the forest, slicing through the Oak’s roots, and sending her crumbling to the ground. It is only when his eyes close into blackness that I hear my scream, my body wrenching in horror at what I have done. He has tricked me! Deceived me into showing him the way to the Great Oak!

I recoil inward, unable to hold onto my sanity. I feel as though I might die from grief and shame. A dark liquid rises around me, I swallow its thickness, it leaks into my eyes. I sink deeper and deeper, losing any desire to fight against it. My arms float above me, although I have no arms in this place. I have given up, when something grabs me … hauls me upward and out of the pool.

“Dorian …” I am somewhere else, a place of peace and tranquility. He stands before me, his hand still holding mine. I can see his face now, the sapphire eyes, his kind smile.

“Oriana, I thought I had lost you.” He moves toward me, grasping my waist. “Somehow I found you … wherever we are …” He looks around at the endless darkness. Suddenly the world begins to change. Four walls of greenery rise around us, flowers sprout among flat stones that form a pathway. We are in the garden from the University, and yet this one, that Dorian has created for us alone, is far more beautiful.

I smile, wondering how I could’ve ever given up, and then I remember. Despite his glow of happiness overwhelming me, I remember. “Dorian, there is no time. I must tell you …” I feel something or someone approaching. I don’t have much more time unwatched. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am.” Dorian searches my eyes with growing concern.

“Dorian … he … Odon knows where the Great Oak is! He’s going to seek you out! You must tell the others, protect them!”

“But that’s impossible … how could he …?”

“It was me, it was all my fault. I—” I feel myself sinking again, but this time Dorian brings me back. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to.” The image pulls away, Dorian’s touch retreats, our bodies separate. I am rising back into my body, into consciousness. I only hope Dorian will heed my message. If anyone else were to die because of my mistakes … I open my eyes in time to feel the shudder pass over my physical form.

 CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

The orb lights above me glow dimly. It is late in the evening as I reposition myself on the white cushions. I can’t get comfortable no matter how I try. My mind keeps returning to the Great Oak and the safety of everyone there. Did I actually speak with Dorian? Or was it merely a dream? Another of Odon’s tricks? And if it wasn’t, did Dorian believe me? Did he have enough time to warn the others?

Every inhaled breath brings a twisting pain in my stomach that refuses to go away. I hold my breath, tightening my stomach and then releasing the air slowly. The result is a moment of relief before the knot retightens within my gut and the memories replay in my mind.

I look up at the oval door across the room. I get to my feet and climb onto the upper floor, still eyeing the door. I glance backward. Could Odon be watching me? I wouldn’t be surprised, and yet I have to try. I cover the distance to the door and press my hands against it. There is no handle and merely a narrow slit around its edges. After this waste of time, I retreat to the center of the room.

I fall back onto the cushions, sighing openly. The weight of something hard strikes me as I bounce against the pillows. I search my pocket, finding a small piece of bread and Narena’s journal. I chew the bread, which crumbles in my mouth, but at least it fills my stomach.

I adjust my position and open the journal, hoping to find some strand of inspiration within it. My eyes rest upon a page addressed to Dorian.

My son, every day seems to bring further hardships, greater sorrows. You have not yet entered this world, and sometimes I wonder if it is selfish of me to want you to. I feel your heartbeat inside me, the movement of your infant limbs. Your father is so proud. He wants to see you too, but I am frightened. I never thought I would admit that, but I am. Now that you’re here, I am afraid for you, for the future of our world. They say you will be our only hope. I’d rather not say where that path has led others before you. I have lost many friends to this talk of destiny. Somehow I believe you will not follow the same path as those of the past, but I fear in time you may lose your way. It is why I have decided to write this journal, because one day I might not be by your side. One day the weight of fear and anger may overpower you. Dorian, you must admit your fears, your mistakes, it is what separates us from the corrupt. Whatever should happen to your father or me, remember this, if ever you should stray, your only way back is through the eyes of the one who truly loves you.

I shut the book, a shiver passing over me. There is something about those last words that lingers in my mind. Is this information some sort of key for the future? I close the book, feeling satisfied with the passage I have discovered. Placing it inside the satchel, I reach for the canteen that still contains some water. In a few minutes I have finished the rest of the loaf and half drained the canteen. As I am replacing my things inside the bag, the oval door opens. The Odonian enters, a snivel of recognition on his face as he eyes me.

“What do you want?” I ask.

“Master Odon has asked me to check on you. You appear in good health,” he states, sizing me up with distaste.

“That’s a matter of opinion.” I snort.

“You’d be wise to hold your tongue and recognize your place.” The Odonian moves to let the door shut behind him.

“Where might that be?”

The Odonian smirks, watching me from the upper level of flooring, “Below me.”

I burn with rage.

“Control yourself!” he commands and then considers before explaining. “If that simple statement has brought such emotion, then you will most certainly be moved by my further bit of insight.”

I take a breath, holding back my temper and returning to my instincts as a University student, “And what’s that?”

“News of the Great Oak.”

I am completely silent, straining for him to continue.

“Odon’s men have already been sent. In fact, they have probably already done their damage. I wouldn’t be surprise if the whole place is burning to the ground at this moment,” he adds casually.

“You’re lying!”

“You know it to be true. It was you who revealed its location. Foolish Winglet.”

“I didn’t know … how could I … it was a mis—”

“Mistake?” He shakes his head as if I were a misbehaving child. “You’ve been making a lot of those lately, haven’t you?”

I clench my fists, a growl rising in my throat. It is all I can do to keep from lunging at his hideous form. The wraith of a body and featureless face, skeletal in every way save for the streak of blond hair upon his head. It hangs lifelessly to one side like a withered blossom.

I must not let my anger control me. Narena is right, and I’ve experienced it firsthand. I must not resort to anger and give him the upper hand. Yet I’m finding it increasingly difficult, given the situation.

“I can just picture your half-blood burning alive. His lasting memory of your betrayal. Now no one can save you, Odon will live on, and the University will prevail.” His smile is the rictus of a feasting maggot.

“You’d rather Odon win? And I’m the one who’s foolish? You’re just a slave to him! You’re too stupid to realize that! You’re worse than I could ever be!” I jab my finger toward him. I await in pure delight the look of injury upon his face.

But it never shows. The Odonian’s pale eyes look upon me slyly, that slimy smile still wriggling on his face. “Oh, but you are … haven’t you figured that out yet? I should think you might have surmised …” His laugh hisses in my ears.

“What … what did you say?”

“What do you think that scar on your neck is from?”

I reach to brush my fingers against it, recalling the memory of the painful injection. It is still sore to touch. “What is it?” I know I will regret asking.

“You’re one of us now.”

“One of—”

“Little Winglet, you are an Odonian.” In the end he wins, exulting in my stunned stare and then turning and walking out of the room.

 CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

My first reaction is to deny it. How could I be one of them? One of Odon’s mindless servants? I’m not an Odonian, my name is Oriana, I am myself! How can that be taken away?

Yet something did happen in Odon’s cave, they put something in my neck. Not only that. I’ve seen Odon and witnessed his power firsthand. He was able to control my body and kept me from moving. What would stop him from making me a mindless servant?

I shudder. This whole time I thought I was free of him. I believed the Great Oak was a sanctuary, a place where I was safe, where no one was watching. It was never true. Odon was in my head even then, invading my mind. When Dorian came for me, he didn’t save me at all. They had known he would come for me and bring me to the Great Oak. If it hadn’t been for Dorian’s power, Odon would have read my mind and found its location a long time ago. That must have been his original plan.

I look around the room helplessly. Would it matter if I’d never decided to find Lenora? Was I destined to end up in this room? If I had never left the Great Oak on my own, I would still be there living a fantasy. At least now I know the truth. That Odon is too powerful to defeat. He has taken over my mind. He has probably already destroyed the Great Oak, and if they’ve managed to survive, he is already aware of Dorian’s arrival tomorrow. How can we possibly win? I’m useless to them now, and if anything, I’ve caused them even more grief. Now that I’m to become an Odonian, I will most likely lose all consciousness of who I was and any memory of the past. Why even worry about what is to become of the others? There’s nothing I can do to help them now.

I immediately shake my head. Giving up is not an option. Not when all my friends are involved, not when Dorian is. At one time I might have been satisfied with letting Odon think for me, but not anymore. I have fought his powers once. I owe it to the others to keep trying. Tomorrow is the Rebirth, which means that Dorian will soon gain his powers. Maybe my situation is not completely hopeless. It could be beneficial for them to have an ally on the inside.

But Odon wouldn’t be that foolish; he’s too intelligent for that. If he believes I’m a possible threat, he won’t take any chances. Is he keeping me near to watch me closer? Is he planning to use me as Dorian’s weakness? Or maybe I have an advantage that he isn’t aware of … or he is aware but he doesn’t want me to know it!

I bury my face in my hands, and my head begins to hurt. What if Odon is listening to all my thoughts? Hearing me slowly drive myself crazy? He doesn’t have to do anything at all. I will simply sit here, fueling my own insanity in this empty white room.

I get up again and walk toward the windows to distract my mind. It is nearly dark, this last day until the Rebirth. Tomorrow can start a new life—or end many. Meanwhile I remain here, unable to be with Dorian. He must be so afraid, and I won’t even have the chance to see him one last time before he turns into someone else. Will I even know him after his transformation? Odon believes Dorian will become like all the other half-bloods, and why shouldn’t he? Why should he be any different than the others, full of expectations and a flood of unruly emotions? That doesn’t make him evil; Kadin was never evil. But is he capable of handling a sudden burst of power? I have no idea, or maybe I refuse to believe he isn’t.

I wonder for a moment if maybe Odon was different at one point. He must’ve had a mother, a father, perhaps siblings. He was once a young man just like Dorian, and then in one moment, of one day in his life, an incredible burden was thrust upon him, and it changed him forever. Now all he has as company are the mindless subjects around him. Granted, he has a conscience, and he has the ability to change his situation. But perhaps his story runs deeper than I had assumed. Maybe Odon has his reasons for being who he is. I remember what Falda said, how the purebloods sent the half-blood children away and how this created hatred and caused the half-bloods to use their powers negatively. In a way, my own people have brought this upon themselves. It doesn’t mean we should continue to suffer for it, but there is some justice to the situation.

I turn around suddenly as the door opens and Odon enters. I see him in a new light, no longer a tyrant, but a man. Someone who was once a child, someone who has his own emotions. Someone who can make mistakes.

“Why are you looking at me that way?” he snaps. He moves quickly around the room, pacing back and forth. Is he nervous? Has something gone wrong?

I blink, changing my expression to nonchalance. “What has you so troubled?” I ask, attempting to sound casual in hopes he will confess.

He stops, “Troubled? What would I have to be troubled about!?” He laughs as though it is ridiculous. “Child, I am Odon, these are my lands,
my
people!! I control it all!” Odon grasps the air in his hands. “So what would trouble me?”

Suddenly Odon seems unstable, someone possessing too much power, too many emotions. Something has caused him to lose control, unbalance his plans. “You tell me. I know something has happened … the Great Oak!” I shout before clamping a hand over my mouth.

Odon turns on me with fury. “What about it, girl? You think you know everything? What about it?!”

“Nothing … I don’t know,” I look around for some kind of support but fall backward against the window with a thump.

“Your Great Oak is gone! Do you hear me?” Odon raises a finger at me, and I’m unable to move. My body goes numb. He doesn’t even allow me to breathe as he takes over my mind. “Whatever you told that half-blood was pointless! It didn’t save them. It’s gone. All of it!”

I stare at him, screaming inside but unable to show it and feeling as though I might faint.

Odon’s hand lowers, and I fall to my knees, gasping for air. He watches me fight for composure. Is he waiting for my answer? I realize Dorian and I
have
really spoken to one another. That is what Odon is angry about! I was able to contact Dorian before Odon could do any real damage. If this is something Odon was not expecting, then maybe I really do have some kind of an advantage.

Finally I turn to him. “So I’ve surprised you?!” I allow myself a laugh. I, Oriana, have made Odon nervous! “Mighty Odon’s plans were ruined by a Winglet girl!”

He speaks with a clenched jaw. “You realize you are making this worse for yourself.”

“I might as well enjoy this moment then!”

Odon calms, which causes me to falter; his mind is working. “I think I’ll have to pay more attention to you. If you are such a threat, perhaps it’d be better to keep a closer eye on you.”

“But …” I suddenly feel light-headed. I take a step toward him, trying to think of something useful, something that will make him change his mind. I already know it’s hopeless. I have given him the perfect reason to be suspicious of me. I can’t take back what was already said. Instead I redirect the conversation, “Is it true that I’m an Odonian?”

At this Odon’s eyebrows rise, yet he seems pleased. “You will be, at the Rebirth when all purebloods are in their weakened state.”

“Weakened state? You mean because of the transformation.”

He nods. “Yes, yes.” He waves a hand impatiently. “I don’t have time for your petty questions.”

“At least I still have a mind to ask them. I deserve to know what you plan to do with me!”

“You continue to raise your voice when you know I have no problem taking more of your freedom away.” Odon crosses his arms and begins to walk toward me. “Then again, if you prefer to sacrifice your mind to me sooner, I won’t be the one to stop you.”

I stand my ground, glaring at him in fury, which only seems to make his smirk broaden. He takes me by the wrist. I try to pull away but he holds me still, drawing back the hair on the side of my neck and running his fingers across the scar where I was injected. I flinch at the remaining soreness.

“What is it? What did you put in my neck?”

Odon turns his gaze to my eyes, staring down at me tenderly. “A sliver of stone. It will help me concentrate my energy.”

“Why stone …?”

This is something Odon is willing to answer. “Every half-blood is different. We each use some natural item to focus our powers.” He drops my wrist, recrosses his arms, and turns to stare out the window. “For myself, this stone is most sensitive. In one aspect it is white, a powerful color,”

“And secondly?”

“A stone maintains its own coldness; it does not take on the temperature of its surroundings,” he explains evenly.

These descriptions bring more clarity to the University as well as my recent experiences. Even now I feel his icy grip within my skull. If white is what Odon uses to concentrate energy, then it is obviously the reason why the University is flooded with it. The cold floors and metal are ways for Odon to make his power grow.

“You say that every half-blood is different. Then how did you figure out your individual source?” I ask, hoping that his answer may be of help when Dorian transforms.

Odon smiles. “It takes time, a half-blood does not simply figure it out. It develops, and slowly becomes clear as the power refines itself.”

“Does that mean all half-bloods have different powers?”

“No, but there are different ways of using them.” Odon pivots on his feet. “That’s enough discussion for one night. Besides, by tomorrow this will all be insignificant to you, as it currently is for me now.” He chuckles to himself. “Sleep well,” he adds sarcastically over his shoulder. “Tomorrow is your big day.”

The door shuts behind him, and I lethargically move toward the center of the cushions. I’m not tired. There is too much on my mind. Are the others all right? Has the Great Oak really burned down as Odon said? Is Dorian alive? I wonder for a moment whether I might be able to contact Dorian again in my sleep. Then I’d be able to find the answers to all my questions.

I recall Odon’s words. He threatened to watch me more closely. If he means it, then it probably would be best if Dorian kept his distance from my mind. Odon is still the one in control for now.

The lights above have dimmed considerably. In a few minutes they will be completely out. I will be left in blackness. It won’t make any difference. I already feel as though I’ve been left in the dark. I sigh, knowing this whole situation is my own fault. Falda warned me of taking too many responsibilities at once. Now not only have I ruined the plans for the Rebirth tomorrow, but Aurek is dead.

I struggle with the memory. It seems so unreal. As though it was some terrible nightmare. But I know it’s true: Aurek is dead, and that too is my fault.

I slump into a ball, hugging myself tightly. It’s true. I had a strong dislike for Aurek that intensified into pure contempt. I even thought of his absence favorably, but did I wish for his death? Odon said he deserved what he got, and for a moment I agreed with him. I thought, after everything that Aurek had done to me, after what he had tried to do there in the garden, maybe his fate was in fact fairly granted. But I know better. I realize more strongly than ever that his death has not made me happier. Contrarily, I feel worse. Aurek was unaware of the wrongs he had done. The University had made that happen. This whole system has changed everyone, so how could I completely blame Aurek for his actions? Maybe, if he had only been able to witness life outside this place, he would have been different. There is no way of knowing that now.

Perhaps in some way, his death has made something more clear. I understand why Kadin did what he did, but more importantly, I understand why Odon must not die. Why Dorian must not kill him.

Kadin’s hatred for Odon overwhelmed him so much that he turned on his own friends. He was so bent on killing Odon that he couldn’t see what was really important. Odon’s death would not change the past. It would not bring loved ones back. It would only mean becoming like all the other half-bloods, letting their emotions make their decisions for them. We cannot expect to win against them if we become them. We cannot fight death with death. I didn’t intend to kill Aurek, yet I hold it as my own mistake, something I will carry with me for the rest of my life. If I ever believed his death would alleviate my own pain, I know now it is false. Yet Dorian doesn’t see this.

Dorian doesn’t know of the failed attempt. He has never heard of Kadin and all that was lost. I owe it to Dorian to use this experience, this knowledge, to keep him from remaking the mistakes of the past, from seeking revenge. It’s not in our hands to become gods, to decide who deserves to live or die. If Dorian cannot see the danger in this, then I must make him see. Otherwise he is destined to become his enemy.

In the dying illumination of the lamps, I reach once more for Narena’s journal, flipping through the pages until I come across the significant passage, “
if ever you should stray, your only way back is through the eyes of the one who truly loves you.”
Although it’s meaning I cannot completely fathom yet, I reread the passage until I can see the words fully when I close my eyes. By then the lights have gone, and I settle further backward.

Tomorrow is the beginning and the end. Tomorrow we will all be tested, our strengths, our weaknesses, our greatest fears. I must not give in to Odon’s powers. I must not lose myself. I am Oriana, I am a pureblood, a Winglet, and a daughter of the Great Oak. I sift through the memories of what I believe makes me who I am as I slowly slip into sleep. I am Oriana, pureblood, Winglet, daughter of the Great Oak …