Origin (8 page)

His hands suddenly clenched on my hips and he helped me move against him, arched up a little against me.

I started to retreat, to back away, but the tingling between my legs had turned into a huge sensitive, throbbing ache and I couldn’t bring myself to stop. I slid one hand behind his head and the other I dipped back down into the opening of his shirt to touch that curly hair again.

Anders groaned softly and opened his mouth. He didn’t jab his tongue inside my mouth like anyone who had kissed me in the past. He didn’t do anything but open and leave himself as an offering. One I couldn’t stop myself from taking. I slid my tongue inside and touched it to his.

He tasted of that fruit juice he’d given me the day before and I took a deeper taste even as my hips began to pick up speed. Gasping, I pulled back, stared at him with eyes that felt huge and wild. “I need something. I feel something. I don’t know what to do.” Frustration burned through me and I clasped his arms, unable to get my fingers around his biceps, just digging into him before I realized I might be hurting him. Instead, I slapped my palms on the wall and pressed the front of my body against his, rubbed against him and groaned.

“Siri,” he gasped out, his hands tight on my hips. “Sweetheart, have you ever had an orgasm?”

“No.” The word came out on a long moan as that restless feeling grew until I felt like I was going to crawl out of my own skin. “Help me.”

“I’m not going to fuck you, Siri. Not yet. You’re not ready.”

I shook my head. “Not asking for that. I don’t even know what I’m asking for. I just need…do you know how to help me?” I opened my mouth on his neck and sucked on his skin and he cursed, clamped his hands down on my hips and moved me against him. He changed the angle, pressed up and his cock slid between my folds—through the pants. When he pushed my hips back, he held me there and moved faster against the front of my sex and I cried out, threw my head back as a wave of something hit me. It was this powerful, scorching tightness, like I imagined standing on the edge of the worlds would feel. Then came the jump, the release of letting go completely. All that lovely, lovely tension just flew out of me in a rush of pleasure that had me gasping.

Trying to catch my breath, I slumped against him. “Oh.” It was all I could get out between shaky gulps for air.

He was breathing hard, his hands higher on my waist and hanging on to me like he was afraid I’d move.

I couldn’t move. Shock had shut me down to the point of utter stillness. Except for my chest as I gulped deep breaths, and my heart, which felt like it was about to take on separate life.

“Oh,” I breathed again.

He slid his hands around to my back and up to cradle me close, tucking my face into his neck. He was still hard beneath me and I knew I needed to do something about that, but I couldn’t seem to do anything other than breathe.

“Oh, Siri, you are sure gonna liven things up around here.”

Embarrassment hit me mid-center like a punch, leaving a knot of shame in my gut.

“I can feel you tensing up and have a feeling you’re already starting to worry. I don’t need anything if that’s the problem. Is that it?”

I shook my head no, my face still mostly buried in his neck.

“Ah, let me see then. Never was much good at guessing women’s thoughts and feelings, but I’m willing to try. That wasn’t a good enough orgasm?”

Grinning into his neck, I shook my head again.

“That’s not it. Hmm…” He pressed his lips to my temple, left them there a few moments. “You want to do it again?”

I shook my head, then abruptly sat up.

“Now, never doing that again would be a real shame. You haven’t even tried it naked.” The corner of his lip turned up as he framed my face with his hands. “You okay, Siri?”

“I’m embarrassed,” I finally admitted.

Genuine surprise raised his eyebrows. “What for? That was hot as hell.”

“I should do something for you.” I waved my hand toward his cock, still obviously hard as it pressed out his pants.

“There is absolutely nothing you
should
do at this point other than revel in your first time.”

“That wasn’t my first time. I’ve had a lot of sex over the years.”

“Oh, that’s where you’ve got it totally wrong. You’ve never had sex. You’ve been used against your will. You were, and pretty much still are a virgin to real lovemaking. Next time you’re feeling adventurous, come find me.”

I mimicked his movement, framing his face with my hands. Leaning in, I kissed his lips softly, loving the way he pressed back, the way his lips felt soft yet firm against mine. “You are kind.”

He pulled back. “Yeah, well don’t tell anyone that. You’ll ruin my ruthless pirate reputation.”

I couldn’t help the snort that escaped. Then I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him as tightly as I could. “I really like you, Anders Sullivan,” I whispered into his neck.

He stroked the back of my hair. “Feeling’s mutual, sweetheart.”

Chapter Six

Nine days after stepping foot onto the
Ultio Ultionis
, I found I couldn’t stand being closed up in my small bunkroom so much anymore, but I also didn’t really belong anywhere on the ship. Everyone stayed busy, and witnessing the constant friendly banter and affection between the crew made me feel alone. I wanted to join in the conversations, but I knew nothing about what they revolved around. Being locked up the majority of one’s life left little in the way of knowledge. I began to wander the short passageways. The ship wasn’t that big and a lot of the panel doors stayed closed, so I had no idea what was behind them. Then one day, I passed an open door and discovered the best place.

An observation deck. The room was half the size of my bunkroom—so it was tiny—and it held only a long, plush set of black cushions on a window seat under the only see-through wall on the ship I’d seen other than the one the pilot used. I made it a point to walk past every day for a three days and though it was usually open, I never caught anyone else in there, so on the fourth day, I took the blanket Anders had given me and a vidscreen filled with books, shut the door, and curled up on the soft cushions.

Reading had been the only pleasure given to me over the years, but the choices in reading material had been few and slow to change. Clay had given me a personal screen and opened up his library to me. When Anders had seen how excited that made me, he’d added his to the mix. His offer had come with a naughty wink and I understood as soon as I opened his files.

Anders liked the dirty stuff. The first few books had my face burning and me squirming uncomfortably on the cushions. He also had a lot of nonfiction and I smiled to find a few romances in the mix. The most surprising were the children’s books. Anders loved children’s adventure books, old ones. He had books about a boy named Peter Pan in six different files—which were so unorganized and haphazardly stuffed, I was surprised he could ever find something to read more than once. Of course, that could explain all the copies about Peter Pan. They were obviously his favorite.

Clay went for a lot of tech books, but he had all his books organized into files so it was easy to find the fiction. I kept trying different genres until I discovered his adventure books. He had a lot of twentieth century books about superheroes and crime fighters and so many under the label science fiction and fantasy, it took me three days to glance through the first half. But I loved them.
Just loved them
. Suddenly, huge worlds were open to me. Interplanetary intrigue, new creatures, new races of beings. I sailed on a water ship on an Earth ocean and flew through the galaxies as a space pirate. I cheered on humans and strange beings called hobbits as they battled scary creatures called orcs in a book by an author named Tolkien.

And when I tried Peter Pan, I fell in love.

My owner had never given me books like this to read.

The second week, I stated bringing snacks and sometimes even Fagra wine into my secret place. When my heart wasn’t beating in excitement from the stories, it was for the view through the wall-sized window of space. Or for the myriad of possibilities available to me now. Always before I’d had nothing to look forward to, no reason to dream, and now entire worlds were out there. I could pick anything, go anywhere.

Freedom tasted sweet on my tongue, made my heart swell and knock about until I thought it would burst through my ribs.

It took another week for Clay to finally search me out. He’d been busy spending a lot of time trying to break into the codes on Lashin’s files. I’d been spending time with Anders. Not sexy alone time like in his cabin, but sharing meals with him or taking short strolls through the ship. Short because it really was small. We’d walk from one end to the next and sometimes, he’d hold my hand. The man dwarfed me, but there was something in his touch that made me feel safe and kind of cherished. I was starting to want more—more of what he’d shown me in his cabin, but my fear had returned when I realized I would have to take off my clothes, and always in the past, nakedness led to pain. The first few times Anders had come to get me for a walk after that afternoon in his bunkroom, I’d blushed and stammered around him, but he was just too easy to get along with and he went out of his way to make me comfortable. After nights lying awake and reliving how that orgasm felt, how he’d felt under my fingers and my lips, I was getting very close to asking him if I could do the same thing again. Clothes on and everything.

The last three times Anders and I had taken our short walk, I’d caught the captain watching us, an inscrutable expression on his face until the night before. He’d turned away and I’d caught a brief glimpse of pain.

He hadn’t been looking at me, but at Anders.

Today, he searched me out. When the door slid open, I looked up guiltily, clutching my tube of wine and the vidscreen against my chest.

His instant smile made me relax. I set the screen on my blanket-covered lap and watched him walk to the other end of the cushions. They were wide and long enough to let him stretch out his legs while mine were crossed. “So this is where you’ve been disappearing.”

“I like it in here.”

I kept the lights low because my screen had a built-in glow, so when he turned to look out of the window, some of his face fell into shadow. He looked at the huge expanse of black much the way I did, with excitement and anticipation making his eyes glitter—even in the near darkness.

“Did you always want to spend your life traveling?” I asked, then bit my lip. “Sorry, the wine loosened my tongue.”

“You can ask me anything you want.” He turned back to me with that same smile and intense gaze that made me fight to keep from squirming again. “And actually, the answer is no. I like it—like the adventure, but I had planned to settle down once. On Kithra, in fact.”

I blinked at him and he chuckled.

“The destruction of your world devastated more than just Gwinarians. I loved it there, loved the planet itself with its glowing moon flowers and tall, tall trees. And there isn’t another race of beings like yours. So lovely and accepting of people and other beings. Anders liked it, too. We used to visit my brother when he was working there.”

“You’ve been with Anders a long time then.”

“We’ve been friends since we were teenagers.”

“Friends?” I frowned because I was sure they had been a lot more than that—despite the fact they had different rooms now.

He didn’t answer, just turned his gaze back to me with that force that had struck me silent the first day, when he’d busted into my owner’s room. Those blue eyes did something crazy to my stomach.

“What do they do to your stomach?” he asked softly.

My mouth fell open as heat swamped me. I had done it again. “I keep saying stuff out loud when I don’t mean to.”

He chuckled and leaned his head back against the wall. “Fagra wine makes Anders think out loud too. Promise to drink it later with him in the room. I can’t even imagine the wicked fun of the two of you drunk together.”

I looked down at the tube, frowned. “Guess I’ll be avoiding this in the future then.”

“Please don’t. It’s nice to know I affect you. You do the same to me.”

I stared at him for what felt like forever. A part of me felt guilty about what I’d done with Anders because I had a feeling his enforced celibacy was a bid to get Clay back. I knew the two of them had been together at some point in the past and I knew they wanted each other still. I was dying to know what had happened to tear them up, so I thought I’d dig a little.

“What about Anders?”

He lifted a black eyebrow. “What about him?”

“You said friends but it seems to be more.”

“Whatever gave you that idea?”

“The way he looks at you? The tension? The very real bodily response I’ve seen happen to you both around each other?” I covered my mouth with my free hand and closed my eyes. No, no more Fagra wine for me.

His chuckle floated across the space between us to make me shiver. “So you’ve been looking. Good to know.”

“The eye is automatically drawn to movement.” I opened my eyes.

He threw his head back and laughed loudly. “That’s the absolute best excuse for looking at someone’s crotch I’ve ever heard.” He stopped laughing, his expression losing the humor a little too fast. “I’m not with Anders that way.”