Our Kind of Love (35 page)

Sydney felt alien to him this time, which was strange given how much it had become his hometown. He’d picked up a copy of his old paper at the airport newsagency to see if it had gone on without him. It had, of course. He’d tried to hide the schadenfreude he felt at the fact that it was much thinner than it had been when he’d been shafted. He’d glanced through the first few pages, read a couple of bullshit stories about Sydney’s latest reality TV sensation and a celebrity divorce and tossed it in the nearest bin.

The double doors off the living room opened with a creak and fresh air wafted in to the house. Motes of dust drifted around him making him sneeze. The small courtyard at the rear of the house had high walls and no view; bamboo grew tall and green along one side and lush palms had grown crazily in the other garden beds. Nothing like this grew in South Australia, the driest state on the driest continent on earth. The part of Sydney he lived in never looked parched or dry or brown. It was always green and humid and wet. Standing out in the small space, looking at the lush growth and the back neighbour’s high wall, Joe felt hemmed in. The whole space wasn’t more than three metres by four. He wasn’t used to it anymore. The wooden table and two chairs were covered in bird shit and the brick paving under his feet needed scrubbing to remove the moss that had grown slick and slippery. He craned his neck up to find the sky, a small square of blue above him.

This had been his house. But it didn’t feel like home. It was walls and a floor and stuff. Stuff that he’d managed to live without for months and months. And if he came back to Sydney and scored a job anywhere near as high profile as the one he’d had? He’d be in the office more than home anyway. He waited to see if that thought got his adrenaline pumping. Nothing.

‘Middle Point Bloke Falls Out Of Love With Sydney’

Now, that was news.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and searched for the name of a furniture removalist.

Anna pulled her winter coat tighter around her shoulders and stared out at the view from the Middle Point lookout. She couldn’t count how many times she’d been down there but why had she never really noticed it before? Even in winter, it was spectacular. Ten metres below, coastal shrubs in greys and dark greens hugged the spaces between the rocks. Below her, the beach seemed to go on for miles and miles, and even the ribbons of dark winter sea grasses on the sand couldn’t take away from its wild beauty. The sea mist fudged the distance, like a soft, hazy cloud hugging the beach. To her right, the jutted coastline swept in and out in rounded outcrops, craggy rocks and crashing waves, and she knew that Victor Harbor was off in the near distance. Above, the sky was a cool grey, full clouds overhead moving slowly in the wind. It wasn’t just the blue summer skies that made Middle Point such a beautiful place. In winter, it was untamed and wild, as if by standing here and looking at it you could come face to face with nature and let it sweep through you.

Anna pulled her collar high to protect her ears, already frozen, and pulled her hair into a twist, tucking it inside her lapels so it wouldn’t flick and flap. The weather was fierce but she couldn’t seem to get up from the weather-worn wooden bench. This was a nice place to sit and think. The only voice in her head was her own, the wind having blissfully blown out her mother’s, her father’s, her sister’s, her brother’s, and everyone else who believed that, because she was their doctor, they had a say in her life.

It was refreshing change to have that silence. A space to just be. To think about everything that had led her here, to Middle Point, sitting on a wooden bench staring out at the pulsing Southern Ocean, and everything that might happen from this moment on.

When she’d slept with Joe the first time, she’d justified it by creating a mantra for herself, one that somehow gave her licence to do something she’d never done before.

Tonight I have no history. Tonight I have no past. I have only this moment
.

It had been naïve to think that your history and your past could be wiped away like a smear of blood from a cut on your finger. There was always a scar, no matter how invisible to the naked eye. Anna knew that she was an accumulation, not only of cells and muscles and bones and vital organs, but she was the sum of every second, every minute of her life.

Joe had told her that no one else had a say in who she was. That it was up to her.

So what did define her? Her family. Her career. Her marriage. The babies she would never have. Yes, even her time with Joe. Each of those moments had shaped her and formed the way she thought and felt right now. And how did she feel? Calm. Accepting. At peace with her circumstances. Enough to be able to come down to Middle Point and see Joe and not think about what might have been.

She’d accepted Julia’s invitation and had driven down through the southern Adelaide Hills early on a Saturday afternoon after work. She glanced behind her and smiled at her red sports car. It seemed to know the way on autopilot by now, something Anna would never have imagined a year ago. Now when she got in her car she had a peaceful feeling knowing that Middle Point was her destination. The vines of McLaren Vale always signalled she was only half an hour away, and her thoughts turned to wine, instead of concerns about her patients and what the next week might bring.

And when her car purred up Flagstaff Hill Road and hit the top, every deep breath she took seemed to sing of the ocean and of a different way of living her life.

Wasn’t that a surprise.

Five minutes later, Anna pulled her car to a stop outside Ry and Julia’s home. It had just begin to spit with rain and dark clouds had blown in from the east to dull the afternoon. ‘You can do this,’ Anna told herself. They were adults. And the concept of breaking up with someone you were never officially with in any formal sense seemed like high school instead of mid-thirties sensibleness.

With a blip of her keypad to lock the car, she gripped the handles of her overnight bag and jogged in the rain to the front door.

Ry welcomed her with a hug. ‘Welcome.’ He ushered her inside and quickly closed the door against the wind. He whisked the bag from her hands and within about five seconds, her coat was off, she had a glass of red wine in her hands and a comfortable spot near the fireplace, glowing red and orange.

‘What have I done to deserve all this?’ Anna asked.

‘Isn’t it obvious?’ Julia waddled over and joined her on the sofa. ‘You’re the only one of us who’s had to work today and you’ve driven all this way to be with us for Dan and Lizzie’s party.’

‘Where are they?’

‘They’re picking up Harri first, then heading over. It’s just us tonight.’

Anna tried not to interpret what Julia meant. ‘Right.’

‘Yes,’ Julia met her gaze. ‘Me, Ry, Dan, Lizzie and Harri.’

No Joe. Anna felt like a deflated balloon. She’d worked herself up to feel so strong and now that she didn’t need that resolve, she withered.

‘Sounds fabulous,’ she replied with a forced smile.

‘Joe is in Sydney.’

So he’d gone back home. Just as she thought he would. Good for him. She was half thrilled for him and half in agony for herself. ‘And how are you feeling? How’s the
bambino
?’

‘Tickety-boo. Kicking a lot.’

‘That’s great news.’

Julia smiled and nodded. ‘Yes. Oh, here they are.’

Dan, Lizzie and Harri arrived in a gust of wind through the front door. Dan walked right to her, leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. ‘Doc. Glad you’re here.’ He tugged a strand of her hair and smiled. She gave him one right back. ‘You heard our news? Lizzie’s agreed to marry me.’

Anna leapt to her feet. ‘Oh Dan.’ She went to him and playfully slapped his cheek. ‘You be good to her.’

‘Oh, he is,’ Lizzie said with a happy sigh.

‘Congratulations. So how was the trip? Tell me all about it,’ Anna said.

‘Oh my God, Anna,’ Lizzie’s smile was beaming. ‘We loved Italy. The Italians? They’re crazy.’

‘Elizabeth,’ Dan chided. ‘You might not remember that Anna is actually Italian?’

‘You know I didn’t mean—’

Anna waved it off. ‘Don’t explain. I know exactly what you mean. Gorgeous country, amazing sights, language and culture. But sometimes they even drive me nuts.’

‘We brought you a present.’ Lizzie held out her hand and presented Anna with a small box wrapped in black paper.

Anna stared at it. ‘What? No …’

‘It’s for you,’ Dan said. ‘From the both of us.’

Anna stood and walked around to the other side of the sofa. Lizzie handed her the present and Anna gently tugged at the wrapping. It gave way to reveal a jeweller’s box and when she flipped it open, she found a ring inside.

Lizzie peered at it, their heads almost touching. ‘We found it in this amazing antique market in Paris and we knew it would be perfect for you, didn’t we, Dan?’

‘Lizzie wouldn’t let me escape until we’d bought it.’

Anna couldn’t stop looking at it. It was loud, over the top and as bright as the flashing lights at Sideshow Alley at the Royal Adelaide Show. In the centre of three rows, flat gold swirls curved into twists and on each side, there was a row made up of rhinestones, faux pearls and other costume stones in azure, emerald, yellow, and forest green. Anna lifted it from the padded velvet case and watched it, turning it so it caught the afternoon light through the tall windows. Her heart swelled.

She looked down at her left hand and her naked ring finger. There was a faint white line against her olive skin and an indentation there, like a scar. She slipped on the new ring, held it up to the light and it seemed to sparkle and shimmer even more now it was on her finger.

When Anna looked up, Ry and Julia had joined Dan and Lizzie in a line in front of her. Watching. She tried to find something to say but there was a huge lump in her stomach that had tied her tongue in knots.

Dan nudged Ry. ‘You ever seen that before? Anna Morelli speechless?’

Ry thought about it. ‘Maybe once, in the Adelaide Uni bar in 1998.’

‘Stop it, you too,’ Julia said.

‘Do you like it?’ Lizzie asked.

‘Oh my God.’ It was all Anna could say and she opened her arms wide to hug them all.

CHAPTER
41

Anna checked to make sure the door to her consulting room was closed and then she googled him. Again.

She’d tried not to be curious about where Joe was and what he was doing, about whether he’d moved back to Sydney and got another job. He hadn’t called to say goodbye, not that she’d expected him to. Was kind of glad he hadn’t, if she was honest. Wasn’t it better that he’d simply disappeared? No emotional scenes, no more what-ifs. No more doubts about whether she’d made the right decision.

When she pressed the return key, a list of references appeared on her computer screen. One in particular caught her eye. She clicked on the link and as the words swam before her eyes, her head began to pound.

A million thoughts came crashing in at Anna all at once. She couldn’t make sense of any of them, but her fury at the callous and cruel way the gossip columnist from that online site had described him made her blood boil. Nothing about that story reflected the Joe she knew. She pushed her chair back and began pacing around her surgery, arms crossed, using every Italian swear word she could remember to ease her rage.

Without thinking, she grabbed her phone and pressed his name.

‘This is Joe Blake. Leave a message.’

Anna hesitated, the reality of what she’d just done hitting her like a cold shower. Why was she cyber-stalking this man? What would he think of her? And how pathetic did she feel? She ended the call with a jab on the screen without uttering a word. She wanted to throw the phone across the room but, instead, dropped it on her desk with a clunk. Those bastards. How could they say that about anybody, much less someone who was one of them?

The door to her consulting room opened and Grace peeped in. ‘You all right? I heard swearing.’

Anna shrugged. ‘I’ve had better days. Is Mrs Amato here yet?’

‘She’s in the waiting room. Shall I send her in?’

‘Thanks.’

Half an hour later, Anna was done. She checked her watch. It was almost six. Her phone intercom rang and she pressed the speaker button.

‘Yeah?’

‘You have another patient.’ There was something strange in Gracie’s voice. As if she was performing. ‘I’ve tried to tell the gentleman that we’re closed for the day but he insists he needs medical attention.’ Anna sighed. It wasn’t in her nature to send anyone away but she was almost spent. Seeing the article about Joe, after a day full of patients, meant all she wanted to do was go home to a hot bath, a glass of wine and her regrets.

‘Can’t you refer him to the after-hours clinic in the city?’

‘He’s quite insistent.’

Anna slowly pushed her chair back from the desk and stood, a feeling of tiredness washing over her in a wave from her eyes to her toes. She flicked her hair behind her shoulders, set her shoulders back straight and smoothed her pencil skirt down her thighs. She rounded her door and looked out to Grace in the reception area. The waiting room to her right was still hidden from view. Grace was standing, wide-eyed and cocking her head in the direction of the waiting room with a tight-lipped grimace.

‘It’s him,’ she whispered almost under her breath.

‘Huh?’

It was Joe.

CHAPTER
42

Anna stood in the doorway with her fists perched on her hips. She looked like she wanted to kill someone. Joe hoped it wasn’t him. ‘You called me?’

Her hands lifted, her cheeks flushed, and she walked towards him. All flaming cheeks, pursed lips and fast breathing.

‘Have you seen it? The story? It’s absolutely appalling. It almost made me want to leave a comment online, which is something I never do. Scumbags.’