Out of My League (10 page)

He picked it up, flipped through the pages, and then threw it back down on the table. He parked his hands on his hips. “You went into my suitcase.”

“It’s a really good paper. Why didn’t you turn it in on time?”

“I told you I was working.”

“It’s a brilliant idea. You’ve laid out your research strategy so well it would only take a few tweaks to turn this into a real study. What do you do that’s so important you couldn’t stay home and finish this?”

He smirked. “Don’t you think your opinion is a little biased? After all, I put a bit of that theory into practice, and I think you enjoyed it.”

Heat crept up her neck and bloomed on her cheeks, but she wasn’t going to let him derail the conversation. “Kaelen.”

“I’m a firefighter. We had a three-alarm blaze. They needed me.”

Mia recalled seeing reports of the fire on the morning news. It had taken them all night to get the blaze under control. Fifty-two people were now homeless. One person had died, and three others had been hospitalized. The thought that Kaelen had been there, had likely been inside the building as it burned, scared the hell out of her. She closed her eyes to tamp down the after-the-fact worry.

“About the time class started, I was showering off a night of grime and soot. Then I headed home and fell into bed. When I woke up, I finished the paper and brought it to Brindley’s office. Most of campus was deserted. I didn’t expect to see you there.”

He sat on the corner of the table, leaned his elbows on his knees, and combed his fingers through his hair. She wanted to put her arms around him and hold him close. “I don’t understand why you didn’t say anything. You were busy saving people’s lives. Even if he refused to take the paper, you had a pretty strong case if you wanted to challenge his decision.”

He jumped to his feet and paced in an aimless pattern. She let him gather his thoughts.

“You already think I’m some kind of idiot.”

Mia’s head jerked backward as if he’d smacked her. In a way, he had. “I never thought you were an idiot.”

“Fucking hell. There isn’t a single time I’ve been up to your office that I didn’t have to manufacture a reason to be there.”

She frowned. Certainly he didn’t need a reason to see Dr. Brindley during office hours, and her boss wasn’t in the habit of sharing the details of meetings with her or anyone else. The man might be a hard-ass, but he had professional ethics.

“I fell for you the first time I saw you standing up in front of my class in that dark blue, shapeless dress with a sweater over it to make it more shapeless. I have no idea why you try to hide how unbelievably beautiful you are, but I don’t really care. Less competition.”

Her heart fluttered. She remembered the first time she saw him, how strongly he’d affected her. His smoking-hot good looks had certainly made him stand out, but when he spoke, she found she liked how his comments lent depth to the discussion. Sometimes she designed questions for the class just because she wanted to hear his opinion on the subject.

He flashed that half grin, but she could tell his heart wasn’t in it. “I wanted to ask you out. But then you opened your mouth. By the time class was over, I’d decided I was going to marry you. We’d have two or three kids, your choice, and a house with a decent-sized yard.”

Mia reeled, and her mind raced. He’d never asked her out, not once.

“Filling out all those questionnaires for Oasis made me realize I’d never have you, not after asking you stupid questions for a year and trying like hell to flirt with you. You never flirted back. You showed zero interest in me. You’re too far out of my league. I’d resigned myself to having the fantasy.”

So had she. “I thought you only flirted with me because you thought I could improve your grade in the class.”

He faced her, his mouth pressed in a grim line. “I don’t need Advanced Methods to graduate, and I don’t need help getting good grades. I took it thinking I’d get up the courage to ask you out even though you didn’t seem interested.”

It had never occurred to her that he might actually find her attractive. The surgery to fix her breasts hadn’t been until last summer. They didn’t make a prosthetic bra that hid her problem, so until her surgery, she’d made do with a push-up bra and stuffing so the left one looked like it was the same size as the right. No man, especially one as good-looking as Kaelen, wanted to settle for a disfigured woman.

She rounded the coffee table to stand inches from his chest. Tension vibrated between them. “I still don’t understand why you didn’t say anything. Dr. Brindley was there. You could have talked to him.”

“Maybe because I can’t think straight when I see you. I didn’t expect you to be there. When I saw you, everything I’d planned to say to Brindley flew out of my head. I focused on you and totally forgot about him. I’m not an airhead, but I can’t seem to come off as anything but an imbecile when you’re near.”

He shook his head. His hands gripped her arms, and he pressed his forehead to hers. She shivered at the intimacy of the embrace and the desperation in his voice. Looking at their interactions with new eyes, she saw that he used cockiness to cover up nerves.

“I’m in love with you, Mia, but I don’t know how to talk to you. Yesterday was the first time I ever relaxed enough to show you a different side of myself.”

She stopped fighting the urge to touch him. Leaning closer, she slid her hands up his chest. “I liked who you were yesterday. I liked who you were Wednesday too. I liked that you flirted with me, even though I didn’t think it was personal. I like that you look me in the eyes when you talk to me. I like teaching the classes you’re in because I like hearing your opinions. I fantasized about being with you. But you’re so far out of my league that I never thought you could actually be attracted to me.”

He wrapped his hands around her wrists, halting her exploration. “It’s more than simple attraction. I’m in love with you.”

“You barely know me.” And once he figured out what a freak she was, he would end the relationship, fleeing just like any other man she’d dated. Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration, but more than one man had ended his liaison with her soon after he found out about her breasts.

“I might not know what you like for breakfast, but I know you love Philly cheesesteak. You take two sugars in your coffee. You’re smart, ethical, opinionated, stubborn, sexy, and short. I know how to touch your sides to make you shiver. I know how hot you get when I kiss you. And I know how to make you scream my name.”

“You like short women?”

“I’ve had a thing for Sarah Michelle Gellar since I was fifteen, but you’ve got the number one spot, babe. She fell to number two the moment I laid eyes on you.”

He kissed her, soft and slow, full of passion and tenderness. Mia pushed aside her doubts and all the reasons it couldn’t work, because even if he changed his mind when they got back, she would have this weekend forever etched into her memory.

Chapter Eight

He scooped her up and carried her to the bed. Even after he settled his weight on top of her, he continued kissing her, drowning her in his version of slow love. She ran her hands over his hot flesh, luxuriating in the texture of his skin and the solid feel of him under her fingertips.

Until he captured her hands and held them immobile above her head. Breaking the kiss, he lifted his head and regarded her with solemnity.

She wiggled her hands, but he didn’t let her move much.

He ignored her protest and searched her eyes for something. “I have a few questions before we make love.”

She hoped he wasn’t going to ask if she loved him. She found him attractive, addictive even. She hadn’t lied before, but she couldn’t utter the words until she was sure he wouldn’t run the second he found out about her breasts. He’d noticed the scars before, though he hadn’t commented.

“First, you said no oral sex on your survey. Did you really mean that?”

“I told you, that was because I was expecting a stranger. Oral sex is just so intimate.”

“So that’s back on the table, then? I can go down on you?”

She nodded.

“What about light bondage? I’m not into hanging you from the ceiling or anything, but I’d like to tie you to the bed frame every now and again.”

She had the same objection to bondage. Not with a stranger. “Okay.”

“And anal sex?”

Her eyes grew so large she thought her eyeballs might escape. “I’ve never done that before. I can’t say it sounds like fun.”

That half grin made a reappearance, and this time he meant it. “I’ll work on changing your perspective.”

“I’ll try it, but you’ll stop if I don’t like it?” She waited for his nod. “I’ll turn your paper in. I’ll tell Dr. Brindley it was my mistake.”

He shook his head. “I’ll talk to him Monday. I seem to have overcome my inability to access my thoughts around you.”

Transferring his weight to one elbow, he shifted to hold both of her wrists with one hand. With the other, he untied the bow behind her neck that held her bathing suit top in place. He peeled it down and looked at her breasts.

With one finger he gently traced the scar on her left breast. “Tell me about this. Tell me why you wear shapeless clothes that hide your luscious little body.”

She tried to cover herself, but he wouldn’t release her wrists. “Kaelen.”

“No. You’ll cover yourself and lock me out completely. I know how stubborn you are, babe. I can be just as stubborn when I really want something.”

That had been the plan. At this point, she had everything to lose. If she told him nothing, her silence would damage their new relationship. He wasn’t shallow or self-centered. She could find the courage to trust him, couldn’t she?

After swallowing several times, she finally managed to speak. “I had surgery. Breast augmentation.”

He continued tracing her scars, alternating between breasts. “Why? I know you didn’t do this for vanity’s sake. Otherwise you’d wear tighter clothes and low-cut shirts to show them off.”

Though he didn’t mention it, his gaze fell to her two-piece bathing suit, which covered far more cleavage than most one-pieces.

This time when she struggled against his hold, he let her sit up. She pulled her top over her chest. She drew up her legs, and he knelt on the bed in front of her.

“Mia.”

“It wasn’t what you're thinking. If it had been health related, insurance would have covered the surgery, and I wouldn’t have had to save up for six years to pay for it myself.”

When she didn’t continue, he traced a path along her inner thigh. “I noticed the difference right off the first time I saw you after summer vacation, though I doubt anyone else did. You’ve spent a lot of your life working at fading into the background. I’m glad to hear it wasn’t serious. I was so worried about you. I didn’t want you to suffer alone.”

And now she felt even more self-conscious. “They were deformed, okay? One was an A-cup and one was a C-cup. Our family doctor kept telling my parents it was normal, it happens to some girls, so my parents wouldn’t help pay for surgery. They think I’m blowing it out of proportion, but they don’t realize how much trouble I had to go through to hide it from everyone. You’re the first person I’ve taken my bra off in front of since sophomore year of high school.”

The hand on her thigh rose to cup her cheek. “So you split the difference. A B-cup looks great on you. They’re the perfect size to hold in one hand, leaving my other hand free to do other things.”

She batted away his hand. “You joke about it now, but six months ago you would have taken one look and never called again.”

“In case you don’t remember my heartfelt confession, I’ve been looking at you for a hell of a lot longer than six months.”

“With my clothes on.”

“Only because I lacked the courage and finesse to ask you out.”

“Kaelen.”

“Mia.”

“You would have encouraged me to have the surgery.”

He scratched his chin. “Probably. You were very unhappy, babe. You were thinking surgery would make you feel sexy.”

“It made me feel comfortable enough to call Oasis.” If she hadn’t made that call, they wouldn’t be together now.

“But not sexy. Tell me, did you feel sexy yesterday?”

She nodded. She’d felt more than sexy. She’d felt downright desirable.

“Do you feel sexy today?”

“No.” Her frustration came out in her voice. If her breasts were fixed, why did she still feel like the same girl who had hidden her body with baggy clothes for the past eight years?

“That’s because feeling sexy is about what’s on the inside, not the outside. Yesterday you let go of all your inhibitions to play a role. I think the role you played let the real Mia come out and express herself.

“You put too much emphasis on your looks and not enough on what’s attractive. I fell for your feisty attitude and your wickedly intelligent brain before anything else. Your pretty face might have drawn my attention, but it’s what’s inside that kept me coming up to your office to ask stupid questions for the past year.”

“Wow. You sound like a shrink. Are you sure you’re a sociology major?”

“Smart-ass. The sociology major part of me says you’re hung up on this because society has taught you that women should look a certain way. You feel like you have to live up to some ideal. But in the real world, real men want real women.”

“Again, you can say that because I look normal.”

“Mia, if you took off your shirt and had two different-sized boobs, I’d probably be surprised. Then I would want to play with them for hours because that’s how I am. I like you because you’re different from other women. That would just be another difference. But it isn’t one anymore, so I really don’t know why it’s still an issue.”

Because the image of herself she kept in her brain didn’t look any different. “Because I don’t feel like anything’s changed.”

“I don’t want you to change. As stubborn as you’re being right now, I still love you. If you need validation of what your outsides do to me, I have that right here.” He took her hand and put it on his damp swim shorts. Already semierect, his cock jumped and lengthened under her palm. “The only thing you need to change is your perspective.”