Out of the Ashes (25 page)

I searched his eyes for doubt, indecision, dishonestly. I was scared when I couldn’t find it. At the same time his words, like before, mended a little piece broken inside me. This terrified me because if he had the power to fix me, he also had the power to break me all over again.

“I’m certain too,” I whispered, breaking the long silence. Despite the fear, the worry, I was. I had never felt more safe, more alive than when I was in his arms. I had never seen my daughter look up to someone like she looked at him. And the way I caught him looking at her, like he would protect her with his last breath, it took my breath away slightly.

His body jolted at my declaration, as if he was expecting something else. Then I witnessed something beautiful; his whole face softened and the menace and coldness seeped right out. He watched me with this new beautiful face, unmasked, before his mouth reached mine in a tender kiss. The kiss deepened and his hand tightened on my ass. I felt him press into my stomach and I moaned into his mouth. I didn’t think I would have been able to take more, but at that moment, I felt like I wouldn’t be able to take not having him.

Zane must have felt the same because he flipped me over, mouth not leaving mine, then proceeded to make love to me in the most impossibly tender way.

I awoke with a feather light kiss on my jaw. My back was pressed to Zane’s front, his huge hand cupping my breast, his mouth moving along my neck.

I relaxed into his body, enjoying the feeling of waking up to desire and a tender version of my favorite biker.

“Fuck,” he groaned in a gravelly voice, “Don’t do that Wildcat, you need to get up.” He gripped my breast, tweaking my nipple.

I moaned slightly. “I respectfully disagree,” I whispered back. “I do not need to go anywhere.”

Zane flipped me so I was on my back and he hovered over me. “I wanna fuck you so bad right now, Mia,” he growled.

“No one’s stopping you,” I said in a low voice, desire pooling in my stomach.

Zane’s jaw clenched. “That’s stopping me.” He nodded over to a clock on a bedside table.

My sleepy eyes followed his and I jerked up when I saw the time. “Holy Cheese Whiz,” I half yelled. “Lexie will be up in like, minutes! I’ve got to go.” I struggled to get up from underneath the human version of a paperweight.

Zane’s hand spanned my throat, holding me down firmly. Another wave of arousal tickled through me at the way he held me down. I could tell he felt it too by the way his eyes flared.

His other hand reached down to cup me between my legs. I struggled not to let my eyes roll to the back of my head. “Zane,” I whispered.

His hand started working my clit. “Know you need to go, babe, but you also need to come,” he said roughly, still holding my neck.

His hand moved faster and I lost all coherent thought. His rough, callused, fingers quickly brought me to orgasm faster than I thought possible. It may have been quick, but it was still earth-shattering.

Zane slowly moved his hand off my neck and leaned down to claim my mouth. “Fuckin’ hottest thing I’ve ever seen, watching you come, still shakin’ off sleep. Never knew anyone to look that sexy right after they woke up, baby,” he murmured against my mouth.

I smiled lazily, enjoying yet another full sentence. “You’ve yet to wake up with a Victoria Secret model. I’m sure they’ll give me a run for my money,” I replied.

“Don’t plan on wakin’ up with anyone else, Wildcat,” he replied with seriousness.

My eyes snapped open. We may have talked certainty and “you are mine” last night but we certainly didn’t talk long term “you are my last” type crap. Commitment phrases like that might be better than coffee than waking me up.

Zane didn’t seem to notice my reaction; he rubbed my nose against his. “Need to give Lexie the lowdown, babe,” he ordered softly. “Then we can actually wake up together without you having to rush off.”

I narrowed my eyes. “I agree Lexie needs to know we’re
dating
.” I emphasized the last word. “In which a certain amount of time will go by before we even begin to contemplate sleepovers,” I told him firmly.

“Babe. I don’t date. Lexie knows her mother isn’t a virgin. I’m not fucking around with that. I’m in your bed tonight,” he said with a tone that brokered no argument.

“I’m sure that’s the tone you use on infidels you beat into submission, but I’m not budging,” I said snippily, sliding out from the bed to gather my clothes.

Zane watched me get dressed and didn’t say a word. Once I was dressed, I put my hands on my hips and stood at the bed. “I didn’t know it was possible to wake up deliriously happy, have a great orgasm, then get pissed off within the space of,” I glanced at the clock, “fifteen minutes. But you, Zane....” I paused. “Holy shit. I don’t even know your last name.” I put my head in my hands. “I’m a terrible example for Lexie. I’ve been sleeping with a guy and I don’t even know his last name. Or his favorite movie. Or his stance on....”

Zane ended my tirade by reaching over and pulling me to lie on top of him. “Williams,” he said. His hand brushed the hair out of my face. “Other stuff, not important. To me, anyway. If it is to you, we’ll get to it. For now, you gotta get home to your girl.” He kissed me lightly on the mouth, then it got deeper. “Tonight I’m in your bed,” he told me firmly.

Drunk from the kiss, I nodded distractedly and pushed off the bed. I wandered home in a kind of trance. It wasn’t until I had finished my first cup of coffee that I realized what I agreed to.

“Hey there, sleepyhead,” I greeted a rumpled and disheveled-looking Lexie as she stumbled into the living room, clinging to a coffee cup.

She didn’t answer, merely sank into the sofa beside me and nestled into the crook of my arm, her eyes on the TV. I squeezed her shoulder and silently treasured the last moment of cuddles from my soon to be grown up daughter. We were affectionate, Lexie and I. But she was getting to an age when snuggling your mother on the couch was getting to be a rare thing. I knew one day it would become nonexistent. We were silent for a moment.

“Your body finally realized that it’s a teenager and it cannot get up at six a.m. after a night on stage,” I joked.

Lexie sipped her coffee. “I’m not planning on commencing said lifestyle until I learn how to function without eight hours of sleep,” she declared, making it known that the past two days had caught up with her.

“As long as coffee is the only substance you abuse to get through lack of sleep, that’s fine with me,” I told her.

“Okay, so I should throw out the cocaine I scored on Friday night then?” she deadpanned.

I pretended to think. “Just leave it on my nightstand,” I told her with seriousness.

We lapsed into silence and I stroked her head.

“Got something to talk to you about, kid,” I said quietly. I was dreading this conversation. Yes, Lexie seemed to think Zane hung the moon, but this was more than a man who seemed interesting and cool and slightly exotic. This was a man coming into our lives. It had always just been me and Lexie. We were best friends. Our lives were happy and full of laughter. I was wondering how she would react to someone shaking that up. Someone who didn’t exactly live a life of sunshine and laughter like we did.

“Does it start with a Z and end with an ’ane’?” my perceptive daughter asked, lifting her head.

“You’ve got more brains than I give you credit for, Dollface,” I said.

“More than just a hat rack.” She tapped her head. She was silent and gave me a look. “Mom, it’s like totally obvious. Even the guys in the band saw it. I saw it
way
before then,” she said impatiently.

Of course she had. Batman had it right. Double lives were hard. Hence the mask.

“And you’re not mad? Don’t have questions?” I probed.

Lexie fully sat up, placing her coffee on the table. “Mad? No way! I’m ecstatic. You deserve someone, Mom. You’ve had years of bringing me up, working your butt off to give us this.” Her hands gestured around the house. “I would always worry you didn’t have someone. Now I get it, you were waiting for the right person. Zane’s your person,” she told me confidently.

I shook my head. She saw what even my broken soul stopped me from seeing. “Yeah kid, he’s my person. But you’re my one and only, you know that, right? My main person. No one ever knocks you off that spot,” I told her firmly.

Lexie rolled her eyes. “Well, duh. I’m like the most amazing daughter ever. Even a hot biker couldn’t knock me off that spot,” she said. “Plus, I’m your meal ticket for when you retire. You need to stay on my good side.” She smiled at me brightly before standing up. “Got homework to do. Glad you’re happy, Mom,” she added the last bit quietly.

“Was always happy, kid,” I answered honestly.

She winked at me and sauntered out of the room.

Before I had time to think much about how awesome that conversation went my phone rang.

“Hey babe, Gwen gave me your number. Hope you don’t mind,” Amy’s voice greeted once I answered the phone.

I smiled and sank back into the sofa. “No, I don’t mind at all,” I told her honestly. I was happy these women had injected themselves into my and Lexie’s life so easily. We were social. I was social. I needed girlfriends only slightly less than I needed coffee. Although I sporadically talked to ones from home, I was lonely until these women came along.

“Saaweet. Well, I am calling to ask you and Lexie to come with me to LA to show me your sweet vintage shops, but I also have ulterior motives,” she spoke quickly. “Me, Gwen, Rosie and Lucy totally need the rundown on you and Bull. And I also wanted to make sure he didn’t like kill you and bury your body under the cover of darkness—he looked pissed at Lexie’s gig.” She paused. “Well, more pissed than usual.”

I laughed. I hadn’t wanted to talk too much about Zane to anyone. Maybe it was because I was ashamed, or because I didn’t feel full confident spilling my guts to people who were so close to him. Whatever it was stopping me, the barriers fell away and I found myself blurting the whole thing to Amy over the phone.

“So now he’s declaring me ‘his’ and talking about sleeping over here on the day I told my daughter about us and I’m worried this will send her the wrong message about sleeping with people and label me as a brazen hussy,” I finished, slightly breathless.

There was a full ten seconds of silence at the other end of the phone. “I’m coming over,” Amy declared finally.

I tried to protest that Lexie was within hearing distance, but I only got dead air. “Shit,” I muttered.

I decided to quickly tidy the house. It wasn’t exactly messy, but whenever I had company coming, I couldn’t help but straighten things up. Within minutes of finishing, I heard a knock at my door. I had checked in on Lexie to give her food and more coffee and she was hard at work with headphones in. Hopefully that meant the possibility of her getting scarred for life while overhearing her mom describe her sexscapades was significantly lower.

I opened the door to not only Amy, but Rosie and Lucy.

“Gwen can’t come ‘cause she had a baby doctor appointment,” Amy explained as I let them in the house. “She was going to try and get out of it but Cade gets all protective and pissy about that kind of stuff.” She rolled her eyes. “So I brought reinforcements.” She gestured to the women, then unearthed two bottles of wine out of her Celine handbag.

I gaped at her. “Amy, it’s barely lunchtime,” I told her.