Out Of The Ashes (14 page)

The tops of her thighs were riddled with scars. The skin there was glossier than the rest, stretched tightly the muscle. Her eyes rose to meet mine, and her cheeks flushed a deep scarlet.

I read the question in her eyes, the determined challenge. She thought I was going to be turned off.

The realization sent me straight over to stand directly in front of her. I held her eyes with mine, and I wanted her to see that I was here to stay. No amount of scarring on her skin could make her any less beautiful to me. Not any less sexy, either.

I opened my mouth to tell her so, and she covered my lips with a finger. Then she tugged my hands and we settled back on the floor.

“It’s my turn to ask a question,” she said softly.

Paige

My stomach was clenched into a tight fist of anxiety. I was completely comfortable in my skin with Clay, but I still couldn’t be sure he wouldn’t walk out after tonight. I was giving him his chance to run, if that was what he chose to do.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” I asked.

He swallowed. I wished I knew what he was thinking as I watched his Adam’s apple bob. He worked his mouth a few times before he answered.

“I’m majoring in architecture,” he finally said, his voice lower than normal. “When I was nine, my dad took me to Washington, D.C. for the first time. The buildings there, along with the history that went along with them…it made me want to use my mind to create something like that one day. I decided then that I wanted to design buildings for a living.”

I nodded, never dropping his gaze. I was glad to have this piece of information about him; it explained a lot, knowing what he wanted to do with the rest of his life.

“Can I ask now?” he said.

I nodded again, waiting. Praying.

“When you took off your jeans, did you think I was going to get up and leave?”

I rocked back on my heels. That was not the question I’d been expecting. But I knew I had to be honest with him. That’s what tonight was all about.

Honesty.

“Yes,” I admitted.

He reached up to stoke my hair. He pushed back the piece that hung over my imperfect face. He touched me there, his fingertips brushing softly against the sensitive skin.

Resolution gleamed in his cerulean eyes, and at first I didn’t understand what it meant.

“I’m not going anywhere. I will tell you that every single day, every single hour if I need to. Until you believe it. You’re gorgeous. The sexiest siren of a woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of being with. I mean it, Paige.”

I stared at him, the fact that I was lucky enough to be with someone who said things like that to me not lost on me. It would never get old.

“My turn,” I whispered. “Would you like to know how I got these scars?”

“More than anything,” he said, his voice thick with emotion.

Twenty

Paige

“They’re not really scars,” I said. “They’re burns.”

I stood up again, pulling the hem of my shirt up with me. I pulled the top over my head and let it drop to the floor beside me. Standing in front of Clay in my bra and underwear, he was able to see me fully, in the light.

He could see where I’d been burned: my legs, my stomach, my chest, my back. After months of reconstructive skin graft surgeries, the skin was nowhere near the ruinous mess it had been. But it was still affected. It was still obviously different than normal skin.

I took a deep breath and looked at Clay.

“They’re burns,” I repeated in a clear voice.

He stood in front of me and ran his hands up the sides of my thighs and over my panties. I shivered as his hands encircled my waist totally, enclosing me literally in the palms of his hands.

He paused there, his thumbs rubbing small circles on my skin. I shivered again, and he pulled me closer. Leaning down, he kissed my shoulder.

“You. Are. Stunning,” he whispered into my ear.

Each word was a hammer, pounding away at my insecurity. He pulled back and my eyes never left his as he gazed into them.

My heart broke, beautifully, when I saw the emotion puddle up in them.

“Still the softest skin, the most beautiful person these hands have ever touched,” he whispered fiercely, holding my gaze. “Nothing changed, Paige. Nothing.”

I couldn’t help it then. I pressed my lips to his so fervently I thought I might knock him over. He held me steady as I kissed him, never easing the strength with which he held me.

When I pulled back, my cheeks were wet with tears. Mine or his, I wasn’t sure.

“You’re seriously not repulsed?” I asked softly.

“No,” he said simply. “I want you more than ever.”

I nodded, wondering what had taken me so long to show him the real me.

“Paige?” he asked quietly.

“What?” I said, still distracted by the fact he hadn’t gone running for the hills.

“What happened to you?”

I looked back at him, startled. That was right. I’d have to explain now. The hard part wasn’t over.

Suddenly, he picked me up and cradled me in his arms. I squeaked, startled by the abrupt movement.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“I’m done with this game,” he said. “I want to be able to cuddle up with you as you tell me your story. I know how hard it is for you.”

He carried me to the couch and sat down, quickly unbuttoning his shirt and pulling it off. Then he pulled me down into his lap.

He read the question in my eyes.

“So I can feel your skin against mine.”

I nodded slowly, just taking him all in. I leaned my head against his shoulder and took a deep breath.

“My house caught on fire,” I began. “And I’m the one who set it.”

Clay

I tried to keep my face neutral as I listened. I didn’t want Paige to think I was forming any opinions. But I was shocked when she said she’d set a fire. More than shocked.

“What do you mean, you set it? Paige, I know you. You wouldn’t set fire to anything.”

“I guess I shouldn’t say I set it. But it was my fault. I just got the cause report a few weeks ago, the day Gillian called you over. That’s why I was so freaked out. I found out that the fire I lost everything in a little over a year ago was caused by a candle left burning on a bed. My bed, in my room.”

I sucked in a breath. No wonder she’d been so distraught that day. I felt like shit when I realized I’d walked out on her and she’d been suffering through this alone.

“But it was an accident, Paige. You couldn’t have known—“

“You can’t do that,” she interrupted. “Please don’t let me off the hook that easily. You don’t know everything yet.”

I nodded, rubbing a hand up and down her back. I’d keep quiet while she got this off her chest, if that was what she wanted. But then I was going to comfort her, dammit. She shouldn’t be blaming herself for an accidental fire.

Was her family letting her go through this alone? Why did the report come to her? Her parents should have gotten it, and then shared the information with Paige in a way that would make her feel blameless.

“I can’t really remember that night. So I don’t even know how I came to leave a candle burning on my bed. But I must have. I loved candles; I had them all over my room. I lit them all the time. So it must have been me.”

I considered that for a moment. There wasn’t a single candle in her room now. I didn’t think anything of it before, but it was odd. Girls always loved candles.

A tear rolled slowly down her cheek, leaving a dark trail of mascara in its wake. I wiped it away with a thumb. My heart was starting to crack a little, but I clamped my mouth shut and just listened.

“Clay,” she said. “I lost everything that night. My whole family died in the fire.”

When she said it, the reality slammed into me like a thick wall of water. Like I was surfing and was upended in the middle of a wave, and the salty water was washing through my lungs. Keeping the air from entering. When I surfaced, Paige cradled her head in her hands. Her whole body shook with sobs, and I held her as tightly as I could.

“God, Paige. Holy shit…I didn’t know. I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t know. Your entire family? Gone. God, I’m an idiot.”

I kept murmuring in her ear, hugging her tightly, and then I just succumbed to my own sadness. Tears streamed down my own face, and as I cried for this girl I knew I loved, I felt myself breaking into tiny little pieces on her couch.

I don’t know how long we sat like that, just holding each other up. Without the other one, I think we would have sunk to the floor in a heap. Eventually, I heard a key in the lock, and Gillian walked through the door. Paige didn’t move in my arms. She was still, but I could feel her chest heaving as she struggled for breath.

I met Gillian’s stunned eyes with my moist ones and her expression was stricken. She pointed to Paige, and I nodded numbly.

“She told you?” she mouthed. I nodded again.

She took in the sight of us entwined in a pile of arms and legs on the couch, then tiptoed to her room and shut the door.

Okay. She trusted me with her best friend. All Paige had was Gillian.

Until now.

I sucked two deep breaths. I had never dealt with anything this monumental. Not even a grandparent had died in my family yet. I had three sisters, all alive and kicking, and two parents who loved me and supported me, no matter how much they despised each other. Maybe Paige had all of that before, but now she had none of it.

If I had lost everything the way she had…it was difficult putting the loss and emotional trauma she had suffered into perspective. The fact that this girl was functioning as a single entity without the support of a family, starting college, living life, was nothing short of a miracle in my eyes.

Paige was a miracle. And if she could get through all of that, basically alone, then I could get her through the rest.

I would stay with her. Until she kicked me out, I was going to fucking stay.

I picked her up and carried her to her room, where I lay her down on the bed and pulled the covers over her. Then I climbed in on the other side of her and lay down, staring at the ceiling.

She moved beside me in the dark, and I turned to face her.

“Why are you still here?” she whispered.

I swallowed, wondering how to articulate the feelings inside my heart. If I told her I loved her, would she run?

“There’s nowhere else I need to be right now,” I finally said.

“No?” she asked. “There’s got to be somewhere happier you can be. I’m dragging you down, I can feel it.”

“You could never do that. I don’t think you realize what an upper you are. You’re like a phoenix, rising out of the ashes. I can’t even understand how you stand up every day, much less do everything you’re doing. I’m humbled by you, Paige. Perfectly humbled. You’re amazing.”

She sniffled. “What choice do I have? I’m not amazing. I started the fire that killed my whole family. I’m an abolisher. Maybe you should stay away from me.”

I reached out and touched her face, and felt that it was slick with tears again. I wiped them all away, took her face in my hands, and kissed her. Tender at first, to show her the softer side of my feelings. My mouth moved against hers so slowly, I could feel each tiny line in her lips. I gently prodded her mouth with my tongue, and she opened up to me fully. The kiss intensified, and after a minute we were gripping each other tightly, our hands moving over each other’s bodies in a furious exploration.

“Clay,” she gasped, pulling away.

“I love you,” I told her simply. Whether I’d meant to spill the words then or not, it was the truth.

Thrusting me aside, she sat up. It was dark, but I could make out her shape sitting up in the bed next to me, facing straight forward. I sat up next to her, waiting.

“Are you saying that because you feel sorry for me?”

“I would never do that,” I answered. “I’m telling you I love you because it’s true. I don’t think I thought enough about it before tonight to realize it, but I do. I love you, Paige. I love everything you stand for. I love you for everything you’ve been through, and the way you’ve responded to it. I love everything that is Paige Hill and if you’ll let me, I’ll spend every day proving it to you.”

Twenty-One

Clay

She turned and straddled my lap. Her thighs squeezed my legs on either side, and damn, the pressure was spectacular. She pushed against my chest, and I fell back onto her pillows. She leaned over me and rained a trail of kisses over my chest. My body started to hum with the pleasure of it. Nothing had ever felt as good as Paige’s body on top of mine.

“I love you, too,” she whispered. Then her lips met mine again, and this time there was nothing gentle about it. We were hungry for each other. We’d been dancing carefully around this for too long, and now we were unleashing all the feelings we had bottled up inside.