Out of the Dark (27 page)

My heart cracks. “Yes. You do.” I crawl over the console into his lap so I’m as close as I can be to him. I brush my fingers along the side of his face as he stares at me. I have to tell him what’s in my heart. “Enzo, I
love
you. I’m in love with you and that’s why you can’t go. That’s why I can’t leave. I love you.”

He kisses me, and our lips are warm in spite of the freezing air. I feel him grip my jacket, holding my body to his as we kiss.

“I love you, too,” he says against my skin.

“I want you to stay here with me, and I want Stefan to go to Italy alone. While he’s away we’ll figure out what to do about everything.” I’m amazed at how diabolical I’ve become.

“I don’t want to be with anyone but you.” He kisses me again, and I get lost in his touch.

“And I want you, Enzo. Your body, your heart. I want all of it.”

“Tell me you love me.” He moves his mouth to my neck.

“I love you, I love you.”

He slips his warm hands beneath my coat and up my back.

The words I was afraid to say race from my lips now. “I love you. I love you.”

Kissing and touching everywhere, our bodies rub together in the cramped space.

I hear a click, and his seat slides back. He opens my pants. I feel his fingers inside me.

He tugs at my clothes and then enters me. He kisses my flesh, my breasts, my neck, as I move my body over his.

“I love you, Enzo. I love you.”

We are slaves to our shared passion, victims of its wrath, and he can’t seem to get enough of me as his hands move from my waist to my neck, my hair, my face. His hot breath is against me, his tongue in my mouth. He pushes deeper and deeper inside me, and I envelop him, arching my back as he touches me, watches me.

“Say it again, Cari.”

He feels so good. He’s so beautiful.

I feel my heart recognizing the person it was meant to be with. “I love you, I love you . . .” Now that I can, I can’t stop saying the words, and with each utterance, I mean it more. I feel it more. Each time I say it, I move further and further away from the person I was. Each time I say it, I move closer and closer to the dark depths, wishing harm on the man who stands between me and feeling this feeling forever—of being with Enzo forever.

“I love you, Cari.”

Each time I hear the words, I know that he’s changing, too. We’re like creatures in a cocoon, morphing into something else, but without knowing what we’ll become. With each word, each kiss, each touch, each breath, we’re moving closer to doing anything to keep this true and forbidden love alive.

Sex with Enzo is just . . . more. More comfort, more desire, more pleasure, more everything. A delivered promise. A deep lust satisfied. Enzo doesn’t just make me feel. He makes me
become
. I become elated and consumed and ecstatic and desperate and more in love with him. My head fills with thoughts of him, like a jar of candy that would burst if you added even one more piece. There is no room for anything else, for anyone, but him.

I’m resting on top of his body, my head against his chest, and he’s still warm and throbbing inside me. He runs his hands over my hair, and I listen to his heart. I love the sound.

Eventually, the cold air seeps into our secret nest, almost choking us with its icy arms, and we’re forced out from under the snowy blanket.

Cloaked once again in my coat, I pull my hood over my head and walk around the car where Enzo waits for me. As my feet sink into the heavy snow, I feel a chill run through me, a chill not related to the temperature outside.

Lucy’s story at dinner
.

“Feetprints.”

I stop walking as if that will reverse what has been done.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

“What if someone sees?” I point to the incriminating evidence we have left on the ground.

“It’s still snowing. I don’t think anyone will notice our footprints by morning. Don’t be paranoid.”

I nod.

He’s right
.

Still, I can’t help searching the quiet woods and the darkened house, looking for shadows.

Enzo takes my hand. He squeezes me tight. “We’ll figure this out.” He draws me into him and kisses me as the snow falls around us. “You’re mine, Cari. The one I’ve been waiting for. I won’t let anyone take you away from me now.”

When I get upstairs, Stefan’s still not in bed, and it’s a good thing. He didn’t find me missing, but knowing that he’s roaming the house somewhere—still playing chess with Frank, or in the basement watching television, or in his office—makes me unsettled.

Enzo and I were quiet when we entered the house—me first and him five or so minutes later. I heard him close the door to his bedroom after I climbed under the covers.

Stefan comes to bed about an hour later.

I pretended to be sleeping, and he didn’t try to touch me.

Chapter Nineteen

In the morning, I wake to an empty bed. Something feels wrong. I go downstairs. No one’s there. I look out the window and see all the cars are in the driveway. There’s only one reason why the house would be this quiet, and there’s only one place that everyone could be.

Nonna’s room
.

I’m breathless by the time I reach the third floor, panicked that the worst has come true.

I see nothing but grave faces from my place in the doorway, but I also see Nonna’s chest rise and fall, so I know she’s still with us. Frank has his arm around Nora as she strokes Lucy’s hair. They look as though they’ve been crying. Gemma and Stefan are whispering in the corner of the room, and Enzo . . . Enzo is kneeling beside the bed, his hands clasped together, his head bowed low.

Stefan sees me and excuses himself. He doesn’t look well, but I see the usual unwavering strength in his eyes. He wraps his arm over my shoulder and leads me from the room. “She’s been doing so well lately, it’s almost like we’d forgotten how near the end she is, but I’m sorry to say Nonna took a turn for the worst last night. After you went up to bed, she rang her bell, and we all came up to see what was wrong. She was confused. She didn’t know where she was and then she lost consciousness. I’m afraid it’s just a matter of time until she passes.”

“Oh, Stefan. I’m sorry.”

He embraces me, and it’s not because he wants to comfort me. It is he that seeks comfort.

Over his shoulder, I see Enzo has risen. He stands beside Nonna, stroking her hand. His attention is focused on her face. Whatever happened to her last night came about while he and I were together, and this truth brings guilty tears to my eyes.

“Don’t cry, Carina. Gemma and I think it’s best if she’s allowed to just fade away here at home, but Enzo and Nora want to take her to the hospital. I think it’ll be pointless, but they want to try. They’re distraught, so we’re going to abide by their wishes.”

Sorrow washes over me at the thought of this family having to suffer through the difficult time they are about to face. “You’ll be cancelling the trip to Italy then?”

“No. I can’t do that. I’ll be calling every day, and if anything happens, I’ll be on a plane as soon as I can. I’m going to leave today so I can try to take care of things as soon as possible.”

“You just said Nonna may not have much time left. I really think you should cancel it, Stefan. This is your
mother
.”

“Don’t tell me how to handle my affairs, Carina! If I could stay here, I would. I can’t. That’s the end of it. I’m leaving now, so let’s just say goodbye, all right?” He places his hands on my shoulders and presses his lips to mine then wraps his arms around my back. No permission is sought with this kiss. He takes what’s his.

I wish I could resist him but I can’t.

Someone clears his throat.

Enzo
.

I can feel the skin on my face catch fire while my body freezes.

“So, you’re leaving then? Both of you?” He doesn’t meet my gaze or his uncle’s. His jaw is clenched and so are his fists.

I wonder if I’m the only one who notices. I manage to step away from Stefan.

“No. Carina is going to stay and help. I’m going to Tuscany alone.”

“Fine.” Enzo spits out the word and brushes past us.

“This is really getting to him,” Stefan says.

I nod, feeling as though I was caught cheating on the man I’m cheating on my fiancé with.

This is getting to me, too
.

“I’m going to be leaving in an hour. I’ll find you to say goodbye.” He moves to kiss me again, but I avoid him this time and hug him instead.

After Stefan has gone, I find Enzo in the basement family room, sitting beside the small bar. A glass of amber liquid sits half-empty before him.

“I was looking for you,” I say.

“Were you?” I sense some venom in his tone.

I know that seeing Stefan kissing me after finding out Nonna isn’t going to make it must have been painful for him, and if the situation was reversed, I would be crushed.

I feel terrible and quietly say, “Yes.”

“I figured you’d be helping Stefan pack, or saying goodbye, or—whatever.” He gulps the rest of his drink.

“Enzo, I’m sorry that you had to see tha—”

He turns toward me and slams the glass on the bar. “Are you? Are you sorry I saw it, or are you sorry you did it?”

“Both.”

He jumps off the barstool, and his face is an inch from mine. His breath reeks of whiskey, and his eyes are enraged. “Are you really, Cari? Are you sorry for kissing your fiancé this morning after
fucking
me last night? Because you shouldn’t be. You shouldn’t be sorry for me. You should be sorry for my uncle.”

“I
am
sorry for him. Enzo, this is really hard—”

“Yeah. I’m sure. It must be hard having two men fall all over you! It must be hard knowing that you’re dividing a fucking
family
!”

His words cut me. They hurt. They hurt because he’s right. This is all my doing. I cover my face and turn to leave.

“No, don’t go. I’m sorry I said that. I didn’t mean it.”

“No. You’re right. I’m destroying everything. Everyone! I’m so sorry . . .” Tears fall from my eyes in a steady stream.

He grabs my shoulders. “You’re not. We’re doing it together. No one forced me to fall in love with you.”

I hear a creak behind me and turn toward the sound to find Gemma standing at the top of the stairs.

“Um, Lorenzo, we need your help getting Nonna to the car. We’re going to head over to the hospital now,” she says in an uncomfortable voice.

Enzo flashes his gaze to mine.

Gemma knows. What will she do?

My body is motionless, but I’m flailing inside.

“I’ll be right there,” he answers.

***

I wake from a dream, and I’ve forgotten who I am and where I am. I’m a woman with no past and no memories.

I become aware of the bed beneath me, and the soft white comforter covering me.

I stretch.

Something rises in my mind and takes shape through the blank state left by sleep. I open my eyes and I remember. I look at the dresser where his things should be but aren’t. I touch the empty space beside me, and I remember.

He’s gone—and it feels good.

I sit up and more memories, more pieces of who I am, float to the surface. The house is quiet, and I know it’s because Nonna’s not here. She’s at the hospital, and so is everyone else. I remember Enzo and how much I love him. I remember the pain on his face yesterday when confronted with not just the prospect of losing the woman who raised him, but of seeing the woman he loves kiss another man. I remember his anger. I remember Gemma and the nauseating chill that ripped through me when I heard her voice at the top of the stairs. Enzo thought it would be better if I stayed home and avoided a confrontation by taking care of Icarus rather than going with them all to the hospital.

“I don’t know how much she heard. I’m going to feel her out. Stay here, and I’ll find you as soon as I come home,” he said.

Now it’s morning, and he hasn’t found me. He hasn’t returned.

I lie back down and stare at the vast, white ceiling. I pray for Nonna. I pray for Enzo. I think about what will happen if Gemma tells Stefan, and I pray for myself . . .

I must have fallen back asleep because I feel myself rousing again to the door creaking open.

I lay with my arm draped over the edge of the bed and my back to the door. I hear soft footsteps, and I know it must be him. I don’t move because I’m afraid of hearing bad news, and I want him to find me sleeping. I want to see what he’ll do. How he will wake me.

The bed sinks beside me.

I feel my skin being stroked, down my arm, toward the floor. The touch stops at my fingers, and I feel my hand being lifted up. I feel a soft kiss on my knuckles, and with my eyes still closed, I smile.

“Cari?”

I lace my fingers with his and open my eyes.

He squeezes my hand. “You look beautiful.”

“How’s Nonna?”