Out of the Dungeon (9 page)

Vanessa groaned. "Sounds icky."

"It only gets icky if you don't stand up for
yourself."

"All right. I'd better get up there, before I
think about it more and decide to slip out the back."

Dare brought Vanessa's clothes down a few
minutes later, and she went into the locker room to get dressed.
She looked at herself in the mirror and laughed. Her hair was a
mess and she had the whole 'just fucked' look going on. Well, why
hide the truth?

R
oman led Vanessa up
the stairs and back into the club.

"Keep your chin up, kid," Roman said, and
winked at her.

She nodded, took a deep breath, and went
around the bar into the club proper.

Roman watched her look around. He looked
where Vanessa was looking and saw Suede, still on the stage.

"What time is it?" Roman asked Dare.

"Almost one o'clock," Dare answered. "They've
been lining up for her abuse for almost two hours now. I'd call Doc
to come do some aftercare, but I'd hate to have him park somebody
in my room."

Roman knew that it was a near constant worry
of Dare's that Doc would take on a submissive and kick Dare out of
the apartment. He studied Dare, and decided not to take offense at
the room comment. It wasn't fair that Dare didn't have a place to
call home, and Roman didn't think Dare intended the comment to be
snide.

Instead he asked about Suede. "She done any
aftercare at all?"

Dare shrugged. "Not that I've noticed. Does
she ever?"

Roman sighed. Suede was a good Domme, in the
sense of technique and the ability to read her subs well. But she
tended to stay in top space long beyond her bottoms could stay in
sub space, so once one was done, she'd be looking for the next
victim. And the next. And maybe even the next, creating a string of
exhausted submissives needing care, rest, and water.

Suede hadn't even noticed Vanessa's return,
and Vanessa slumped on a bar stool looking forlorn.

Roman asked Dare what his plan was for the
night.

Dare shrugged. "Doc's night off. I gotta
close the club. Are you staying till close?"

Roman nodded toward Vanessa. "She's wrecked.
I think I should take her someplace. If you're coming home, I'll
tuck her into her own bed. If you're not, I'll tuck her into
mine."

"What, going straight for the night?"

"Funny, Dare. No. I'm just looking at Suede,
and she looks wasted. And I'm looking at Vanessa, who's still
over-stimulated. Seems like a bad combination. I'm not sure
Vanessa's back enough in her own head to take care of herself. And
it doesn't look like Suede's going to be in any condition to
provide additional aftercare. If Jeff were here, he'd make sure she
got taken care of. Seems like the right thing to do."

Dare shrugged. "I can stay with Doc. No
problem. You know I like a little space in between."

Roman nodded. "All right, then. I'm going to
take Vanessa out of here."

"Probably going to piss off Suede,
though."

Roman laughed. "And I care about that
why?"

"Just warning you."

"Suede might intimidate millions of minions,
but she doesn't intimidate me. It's one thing to not provide
aftercare for an experienced sub, but not providing it for a newbie
is inexcusable. Jeff would never forgive me if I failed to protect
Vanessa."

Roman went over to Vanessa, who still looked
forlorn. "You look like you're ready to leave."

She jumped a little. "Is it that
obvious?"

"It is to me. But I'm used to watching for
sub drop."

"What's that?"

"It's a low mood that sometimes hits people
after a major adrenaline rush."

She nodded. "Yeah, I was just wishing I could
call Jeff."

"I wish you could call him, too. How about I
take you home?"

She turned to look at Suede, flogging yet
another person on the stage, off in her own head-space and
oblivious to Vanessa's distress. "Do you think Suede will be upset
if I leave?"

"I think Suede is perfectly capable of taking
care of Suede."

"But not me?"

"Jeff would kill me if I left you here after
the astounding sub experience you've had tonight. You should be
taken care of, babied, held tight and safe."

Her face crumpled and she started to cry.

"Come on." Roman put his arm around her and
led her outside. He hailed a cab, and was leading her into his
apartment within ten minutes.

She'd stopped crying, but she had the
hiccups, and he parked her at the kitchen table and poked around
the cupboards for some hot chocolate. Because when women were
upset, chocolate was usually the right answer.

"How are you?" he asked, while he waited for
the microwave to heat the water.

"I am hurt and angry."

"Good. You should be."

"I trusted her. I want to trust her. But it
was like she did her thing, used me to get the party started, and
then didn't need me anymore. This was a big fucking deal for me.
I've never been totally out of control and at someone's mercy,
ever. And publicly like that? Oh. My. God. I could die of shame.
Doesn't she know that?"

"She got a few more drinks in her while we
were downstairs," Roman said. "I suspect she got to that perfect
place where alcohol defeats judgment."

"She should have followed us downstairs,
kicked you out, and taken care of me."

"Of course she should have."

"She's supposed to know this stuff, right? I
mean, she's supposed to be one of the good ones."

"Her technique is great," Roman said. "I
mean, you can't argue that she knew how far and when to push you,
right?"

Vanessa blushed. "Right."

"She is one of the good ones."

"But not like you. It was like she forgot
about me."

Roman sighed. "For one thing, most of what
you know about BDSM is from Jeff, yes?"

"Of course."

"And I am particular about my own protocol.
Almost obsessive compulsive. But I can't speak for what works for
anyone else. No matter what, I honor the person who puts their
trust in me, who submits to my will. Male, female, fat, thin,
plain-faced, or goddess; a person who submits deserves respect and
honor. They're honoring me, after all, by saying
I trust in you
to keep me safe.
And granted, most of them want a fantasy
fulfilled, and they want to get off. The point is that what you've
heard from Jeff is specific to how I do things. It doesn't
translate to how Suede does things."

"So now what?" Vanessa asked.

"So now, don't forget about this. Don't
convince yourself that it was an anomaly, a one-time mistake on
Suede's part."

Vanessa sighed. "I'm really attracted to her.
I mean, really, really. Just looking at her makes me wet."

Roman laughed. "Well, there's always that.
And that's okay. But be aware that ultimately Suede is out to have
fun. And sometimes her brand of fun hurts. You should figure out
how to protect yourself."

"I don't know if I can. I've had a crush on
her for a long time. And now that she's paying attention to me…"
Vanessa shook her head. "I mean, wow. I think I could be in love
with her."

Roman nodded. "Yeah. Sometimes even if we
know the train wreck is coming, we can't stop. I know that
feeling."

"What's her problem, anyway? I mean, how
could she dismiss me like that, almost like she forgot I was even
there?"

"She's an addict, Van. An alcoholic for sure,
but even more than that, always seeking the ultimate high."

"Seriously? People have told me a lot of
things about her, but nobody has ever told me that."

"Have you ever been out with her and had her
not get wasted?"

Vanessa seemed to think about it. "Well.
We've only been out together a couple of times. Out drinking, I
mean. We've been texting and talking on the phone a lot. And over
the last couple of weeks we've spent a few afternoons curled up in
bed together, watching movies. Making out. Falling asleep in each
other's arms."

"Spending afternoons in bed is kind of
typical morning-after behavior."

Vanessa looked shocked. "Well, fuck me.
Shit."

"Sorry." Roman said. And he was. It wasn't
fair of him to damage Suede in Vanessa's eyes. In fact, if Suede
spoke negatively about Roman, it would surely piss him off. But
Vanessa was Jeff's best friend. Jeff was incapacitated in the ICU.
Jeff would point this stuff out to Van, if the situation warranted,
if he thought Vanessa was going to get hurt. Diversion of
loyalties. Be loyal to the community of Dominants, to maintain
their professional façade, or be loyal to the fact that Jeff would
want Vanessa to have key information so she could protect herself.
Protect the community or protect the newbie?

It was a no-brainer. Roman would always speak
up for the newcomer, look out for her, give her enough information
to make smart choices. As the owner of a dungeon, it was his duty
to make sure people played safe. Informed consent was on fair.

Roman brought two cups of hot chocolate to
the table and they both sipped.

Vanessa sighed. "I hurt all over."

"I bet. I would be honored to take care of
you tonight."

She looked doubtful. "It seems like a lot to
ask."

"All I have on my plate otherwise is a night
tossing and turning and worrying."

"But what about Dare?"

"Dare is not Jeff. Dare likes his space,
needs his space, even, and gets stressed and frustrated when I make
too many demands on him. He was agreeable to staying at Doc's
tonight."

"I can't turn off my head. I keep thinking
all kinds of angry things about what I'll say to her tomorrow. Or
if I'll even talk to her tomorrow. Or if I'll ever talk to her
again."

"You'll talk to her again. You'll feel better
after some good sleep."

E
very time I went
to sleep, I had this dream. Sometimes when the dream started, I was
running. Sometimes pedaling my bike. The weather was… perfect.
Perfect early summer morning, and I appreciated it. I was breathing
in the air, and even though it was still city air, it was somehow
better than usual. I had that sense in my chest, almost a physical
ache, of being happy to be alive. The sky was pink and the sun was
coming up. I kept looking at the sky, the sun, astounded that it
became more beautiful every minute. But then there was a shadow,
only it wasn't a real shadow, it was more like the shadow was
inside me, inside my heart, and it was going to devour this
beautiful day, this stunning moment of hopeful joy. My contract, I
realized, was no longer bright and shiny, was no longer a source of
happiness; it was the shadow. And then suddenly I was flying,
really flying, and for a moment I was utterly confused, because
people can't fly. Not like this. And then I hit something, hard,
head first, and there was no pain, but there was a sound. A
sickening crunch that seemed to come from the base of my skull. And
I thought, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! as the terrible noise tried
to wake me up.

Sometime I woke up, thinking I was flailing
in my bed, only to realize I couldn't move. But sometimes I
couldn't manage to wake, even though I wanted to, and the dream
would start all over again.

The worst part about the dream was that I
knew parts of it were real.

E
verything was
surreal, especially the part where Roman put his arm around her
shoulders and led her to his bedroom, the same way he'd led her out
of the club.

Before Suede, Vanessa had teased Jeff about
getting in line for an application to be Roman's slave. Hopefully
Roman didn't know anything about that, or Vanessa would be
mortified all over again. But Roman was the best, that's what Jeff
said, the Top of all tops. And because Vanessa had a very high
sense of esteem and self-worth, she'd thought for a while that if
she were going to be submissive to anyone, it would have to be
Roman.

Until she got Suede's attention. Vanessa
looked into Suede's eyes, saw the raw hunger in her face, and that
was it, she couldn’t look away. Even on a stage and in front of
dozens of people. Yikes. Her mind slid away from examining that
scene in any sort of detail. There would be plenty of time to
obsess about that. Later. Starting tomorrow.

The surreal thing was that a part of her was
terrified of Roman. She had imagined kneeling at his feet,
surrendering her will to his, and she could almost see it
happening, except, even in her fantasies, Jeff walked in. And then
the fantasy died.

She let Roman steer her toward the bathroom
in his bedroom, stood at the door way and watched him open a drawer
and pull out a tee shirt, then open another drawer and pull out
jogging pants. He offered them to her. She took the tee shirt and
passed on the pants, then closed the bathroom door and changed.

When she came out of the bathroom, he was
already in bed, and he lifted the blanket so she could slide in.
She lay stiff for a half a minute, until Roman tucked an arm around
her and pulled her close, urging her onto her side so her ass was
tucked against his belly. Spoons.

She wanted to go right to sleep, but started
weeping instead.

Roman didn't say anything. He didn't shush
her, or try to comfort her with words. But his arm tightened around
her, and his chin tucked into the hollow between her head and
shoulder. He held her tight and let her cry.

It all felt so anticlimactic. When she joined
Suede on stage, Vanessa had soothed herself with the idea that
whatever was about to happen, it would endear her in Suede's heart
and make them closer, even more intimate than they already were.
This romance with Suede preoccupied her to the point where she
could barely function in the morning before talking to Suede, and
the minute they hung up, she started counting down the minutes
until they would talk again. If a day went by and they couldn't
manage to get together, Vanessa felt let down. If Suede had plans
with someone else, Vanessa was almost insane with jealousy. She hid
it, of course, because she didn't want Suede to think she was
crazy, even if she was. She'd been clearing her schedule, and even
cancelling plans with Jeff, in case Suede wanted to hang out.