Out of the Woods But Not Over the Hill (36 page)

The owner of a butcher's shop in North Yorkshire died. His friend, a lugubrious character called Tommy, attended the funeral tea along with the other mourners. Amongst the spread on the table, he observed some sausages on cocktail sticks.

‘Come along, Tommy,' said the widow, ‘will you not have a sausage?'

‘No thank you,' came the reply. ‘I'd soon as not.'

‘Don't sausages agree with you then?' asked the widow.

‘Well,' said Tommy, shaking his head, ‘I've got nowt against sausages as such, but I think black pudding would have been more seemly at a funeral.'

The undertaker, having been upstairs to measure the corpse, joined the silent and sorrowful family group in a Wensleydale farmhouse. He waited for a moment before asking in a solicitous voice: ‘And when would you like the funeral to take place?' There was a long pause. ‘Might I suggest Saturday?'

‘Aye, that'll be all right,' sighed the widow, sadly.

Another long silence ensued, then the eldest son announced: ‘Nay, that'll not do.'

‘May I ask why?' enquired the undertaker.

‘It's t'bull sale at Hawes on Saturday,' came the reply.

 

A Precious Gift (a Smile)

It cannot be bought or borrowed

It cannot be stolen or sold

But this precious gift

When freely given

Is a pleasure to behold.

For it reassures the frightened,

It soothes those who are sad,

And comforts the dejected,

And makes the mournful glad.

 

It brightens up this weary world

And lightens up our life

Brings sunshine to the shadows

At a time of pain and strife.

Acknowledgements

With thanks to the
Yorkshire Post
newspaper, the
Dalesman
and the
Countryman
magazines in which publications some of these articles appeared; to my editors Rowena Webb and David Moloney for their advice, patience and encouragement, and to my long-suffering wife and children who have heard these views expressed and listened to the anecdotes so many times around the dinner table.

‘See With My Ears’ by Ruth Meachin. Reproduced with Ruth’s kind permission.

‘On a Frosty Morning’ by Thomas Hood. Reproduced with Thomas’ kind permission.

Richard McCann’s teachings reproduced here with his kind permission.

‘When I Was a Young Lad’. A traditional Yorkshire folksong.