Out of Turn (19 page)

The guilt I’d known I’d feel had returned and now threatened to swallow me whole. It hit me, really hit me, what we’d done.

What
I’d
done.

On autopilot, I got out of the shower and dried myself off. I couldn’t change the past, couldn’t change what had happened between Kade and me. And if I was really honest, I didn’t know that I wanted to. I could live with the guilt, but I didn’t know if I could have lived with turning away from the one chance I had to make love with Kade.

Nothing could come of it, I knew that. But one time with Kade, hearing him tell me how he felt about me—I wouldn’t trade it for anything. And when he left and I never saw him again, I’d have it to remember. I wouldn’t fight him leaving. It would be selfish of me to do that. The only way Blane and Kade were going to regain their trust in each other was if I wasn’t in either of their lives.

I pulled on a pair of the shorts I’d bought and found another shirt of Kade’s to wear. He was still dead to the world, so I ordered coffee and breakfast from room service.

I sipped my coffee and stared out the window at the Vegas Strip, which looked much different in the harsh light of the Nevada summer sun. What was I going to say to Kade when he woke? What would he say to me?

I heard the shower start in his bathroom and chewed a nail as I waited. I was as nervous as I’d been when I’d first met Kade, when his fallen angel good looks and the aura of danger emanating from him had overwhelmed me.

Kade emerged from the bedroom clad in jeans and an unbuttoned shirt, with bare feet. He walked toward me while toweling his hair dry. I couldn’t help my soft smile or the stutter of my heart when I saw him, memories of how he’d been last night flashing through my mind.

“Good morning,” I said cheerily, glad to see him despite my nerves.

Kade winced, glancing up at the windows and squinting. He didn’t answer, just grabbed his sunglasses off the dining table and put them on. Shuffling toward me, he sat down heavily on the couch.

“What time is it?” he asked.

I glanced at the clock. “Pushing noon.”

“Christ,” he muttered, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees while he rubbed his eyes under the sunglasses.

I shifted nervously in my chair. Was I supposed to say something? What were the rules for the morning after? Were we not supposed to talk about it?

“My head feels like it’s going to fall off my neck,” he grumbled.

“Well, that’s what happens when you drink too much,” I replied mildly.

Kade heaved a sigh and leaned back against the couch. I tried, and failed, not to stare at his chest.

“Sorry about last night,” Kade said. “I, uh, usually don’t drink that much.”

I frowned. Was he apologizing for being drunk—or for what had followed? “It’s fine,” I finally said.

“I didn’t act like an asshole, did I?”

I stared at Kade, an inkling of horror dawning. When I didn’t answer, he lifted his head to look at me.

“Did I?”

I swallowed. Hard. “You… don’t remember?”

He shook his head. “I remember us arguing, then I started drinking. That’s pretty much the extent of the replay.”

Stunned, I just gaped at him, the familiar ache in the center of my chest returning with a vengeance. My stomach gave a hard roil and I thought I might throw up.

“What?” he asked, the expression on my face seeming to clue him in on my dismay. “I said something, didn’t I.” He shook his head and rubbed his eyes again. “Fuck. I’m sorry. I’m a bastard, you know that. I didn’t mean it, whatever it was.”

I shut my mouth with a snap. I should be glad about this. Kade had just punched the reset button. Last night never happened. I was the only one who knew we’d made love, knew Kade had told me he loved me, and I didn’t have to tell a soul.

The thought made me want to cry.

“Um, no,” I said, pulling myself out of my stupor. “It’s fine. No worries.” I forced a fake smile. “You were drunk. People do and say all kinds of things when they’re three sheets to the wind.”

The ringing of Kade’s cell phone interrupted our conversation and I gladly got up to get more coffee. Anything to get a moment to compose myself, to realign my expectations and emotions with a reality I hadn’t expected.

I was lost in my own thoughts until I realized that Kade had turned on the television and stood watching it while still on his cell.

“I’m watching,” he said to the person on the other end.

Puzzled, I moved to his side so I could see the screen, too, then about spit my coffee.

A photo of Kandi Miller, Blane’s ex-girlfriend and a member of a wealthy, politically connected family, was displayed on the screen. She was beautiful, with long blonde hair and a tall, willowy figure. As I watched, I processed the voice-over by the news anchor.

“… found murdered in her home in Indianapolis. Police have not yet made an arrest, but sources inside the department say they’re not ruling out anyone, including Indiana gubernatorial candidate Blane Kirk. Mr. Kirk and Miss Miller had a prior relationship and were no longer dating. However, anonymous reports say the two had recently rekindled their romance.”

Video footage of Blane showed him walking from his house to his car. Over a dozen reporters mobbed him, shouting questions as he pushed through. Blane’s eyes were hidden behind sunglasses and his face was expressionless.
He didn’t respond to any questions, just got in his car and drove away.

My knees gave out and I sat heavily on the couch, staring at the screen. Kandi was dead? Murdered? And it seemed the police suspected Blane.

Kade muted the TV and spoke into his cell. “Yeah, I saw.” A pause. “I’ll be back in a few hours.” He ended the call.

“Was that Blane?” I asked hopefully.

Kade shook his head. “Clarice. He doesn’t know she called.”

“Why wouldn’t Blane call you himself?” I knew they were currently on the outs, but surely something like this overrode the petty disagreement about me.

Kade’s jaw tightened. “Because he’s still being a fucking moron,” he said bitterly. “Pack up. We’re leaving.”

I hurried to obey, my mind spinning with the news. It was killing me not to call Clarice, but I didn’t want to take the time, not when it was obviously imperative that Kade get back to Indy as soon as possible.

I pancaked on some makeup as quickly as I could to cover the bruises, glad to see that my eye was no longer swollen. I then threw my stuff into the suitcase and was hauling it out into the hallway not ten minutes later. Kade was already waiting, his shirt now buttoned though sunglasses still hid his eyes. He was staring at something in his hand, but it was little and I couldn’t see what it was.

“I’m ready,” I said.

He looked up and his gaze fixed on me for a moment. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, nervous under his scrutiny.

“What?” I finally said, somewhat testily.

Kade shook his head, putting whatever was in his hand into the pocket of his jeans. “Nothing. Let’s go.”

The flight back to Indianapolis seemed interminable. The same “friend” of Kade’s who’d allowed him to use his private jet for the flight out was also letting us use it to go back. We’d boarded the plane and then I’d had nothing to do for hours except sit and dwell on what had happened, imagining every possible scenario.

The anchor’s words kept replaying in my head. Sources said Blane and Kandi were back together? That surprised me. After we’d found out that Kandi’s hatred for me had indirectly caused her to give a hit man all the information he needed to know to kill me, I’d assumed that Blane had cut all ties with her.

But now I reflected that that had been a naive notion. Blane and Kandi had grown up together, been chosen by their parents to make an advantageous political match. They’d broken up several times, but always seemed to get back together. Maybe after our breakup, Blane had reverted to the original plan that had included Kandi.

I finally ginned up the courage to ask Kade. “So were Blane and Kandi back together?”

Kade grimaced. “I don’t know, but I wouldn’t find it that hard to believe if they were.”

That shut me up. Kade knew Blane better than anyone. If he thought Blane would go back to her…

It was nearly 8:00
P.M.
in Indy, but the heat and humidity outside the terminal made my shirt instantly stick to my skin as Kade put our luggage in his car. I missed the pool in Vegas with a vengeance.

Kade had been driving for a few minutes when I realized he wasn’t heading to my apartment.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“Blane’s.”

Instant panic. “No way,” I protested. “Take me home.” He’d take one look at Kade and me together, another look at the bruises on my face, and then all hell would break loose.

“He needs you. I’m taking you there.”

“Are you kidding me?” I couldn’t wrap my head around this. Kade was offering me up to Blane? “The last thing he needs is more drama, which is exactly what will happen if I go there. Especially if I’m with you.”

“He knew we were together. This isn’t a surprise.”

Of course, neither of them knew how “together” Kade and I had been. I rubbed my forehead, a sudden headache coming on. Short of jumping out of a moving car, which I wasn’t too crazy about doing, there was little I could do. I sat in the passenger seat, fuming at Kade and worried about Blane.

A few minutes later, we pulled into the driveway of Blane’s house. The reporters had left and the house was dark.

“Is he home?” I wondered aloud as I got out of the car.

“Let’s find out.”

I had no choice but to follow Kade inside. My nerves were shot. I swung my hair farther over my face and hoped I could stick to the shadows. Though Kade seemed sure that Blane would want me there, I wasn’t convinced.

Mona was in the kitchen when we entered through the back door. She took one look at Kade and threw her arms around him.

“Thank God you’re back,” she said, her voice thick with tears.

Kade hugged her for a moment, then she caught sight of me. The tears came even faster now as she wrapped her arms around me, squeezing me so tight I could barely breathe.

“Kathleen!” she exclaimed. “I can’t believe it. Thank you for coming. He needs you.”

“How is he?” Kade asked.

Mona released me and I took a deep breath, my own eyes stinging at the warmth of Mona’s heartfelt embrace.

Mona gave a frustrated shrug. “Who knows? He won’t talk to me. Always keeps things to himself. He went to work today, but he wouldn’t eat dinner. He’s been in the library all evening.”

“Has Robert been here?”

I stiffened. Robert. Blane’s uncle. But Mona shook her head.

“I don’t think Blane wants to draw him into this.” Her eyes filled again. “What’s going to happen, Kade?”

Kade gave her another one-armed hug and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Don’t worry. It’ll be okay.”

She nodded, dabbing a tissue to her eyes.

“I could use some coffee,” Kade said.

Mona immediately moved to the coffeepot. “Good idea,” she said. “I’ll make some.”

I had the feeling Kade could care less about the coffee, but it gave Mona something to do, and it was perceptive of him to realize she needed that.

Something brushed against my legs and I reached down to give Tigger a scratch behind the ears. Poor guy. His mom had just up and left him, though it didn’t look like he’d had it too rough. Scrutinizing him, it looked like he’d put on a pound or two.

We ran into Gerard in the hallway. He gave Kade a solid handshake.

“Good of you to come,” he said roughly. When he saw me, he seemed surprised but gave me a hug. “I’m glad Blane didn’t make you hate him forever, sweetheart. We’ve missed you, Mona and me.” He drew back. “Blane, too,” he added with a meaningful look.

“I’ve missed you and Mona, too,” I said. I didn’t know what to say about the Blane part.

“He’s in the library,” Gerard told Kade with a sigh.

“Thanks, Gerard,” Kade said.

As we drew closer to the door, my anxiety ratcheted up. If nothing else, I was sure Blane was upset about Kandi’s death. I had sincere doubts he wanted another ex-girlfriend to share in his misery.

Kade seemed to sense my encroaching panic, taking my hand firmly in his. He rapped once on the door, then pushed it open.

The room was relatively dark. A single lamp gave off a weak glow that didn’t quite reach the far corners of the room. Blane was sitting in one of the matching leather chairs by the fireplace.

I hid slightly behind Kade, embarrassed to be intruding. It felt like Blane and I were strangers now. I shouldn’t be there.

Blane glanced up as Kade stepped inside the room. He stiffened and immediately got to his feet.

“I didn’t realize you were back,” Blane said as Kade walked closer. I remained lingering in the shadows of the doorway.

“News travels fast.” Kade stopped in front of Blane. “How are you doing?”

Blane took a drink of the amber liquid from the glass he held before answering. “Better than Kandi.”

“What happened?”

“They found her, early this morning. Strangled.”

I sucked in a breath at the image he painted, the pain in Blane’s voice evident. I’d hated Kandi, but no one deserved that.

“Jesus,” Kade breathed, turning to pace a few steps away. He shoved a hand through his hair. Then he seemed to recollect something and glanced around. Spotting me in the doorway, he crooked his finger, beckoning me. “I thought you might need somebody to talk to,” he said to Blane, watching me reluctantly walk forward.

Blane turned around as I stepped into the light, the hand holding his glass freezing in place halfway to his mouth.

I managed to make it all the way over to him, each step feeling as though I was wading through quicksand. The pull of Blane like a black hole, drawing me in. After what felt like an eternity, I stopped directly in front of him.

“Blane,” I said, “I’m really, really sorry about Kandi. I know she meant a lot to you.” Once the words were out
of my mouth, I was glad I’d said them. Regardless of our tumultuous history, I wasn’t the kind of person to turn my back when someone I loved was in need. If Blane needed me, I’d be there for him.