Outsider (Outsider Series) (33 page)

I turned in his arms to get a clear view of his face. “This is special,” I argued. “I’
m getting to spend it with you. This is perfect,” I said.

He smiled and said, “I love you, more and more every day.”

“I love you too,” I said. He cleared his throat and wiggled a bit in his spot. “What is it?” I asked.

He gave me a sheepish smile and his adorable dimple peaked out. Caeden was all man but that one little dimple always managed to make him look a cute little precocious boy. I would never tire of seeing it. “Well…” he started. He wiggled again and cleared his throat.

“Spit it out, Caeden,” I said.

“It’s nothing bad,” he said. “But I think that come spring break we should go see your parents. There’s more we can learn about being mates and maybe they can help us understand why ‘them’ and why ‘us’.”

“That’s a great idea,” I said. “Why were you so scared to ask me?”

He cleared his throat. “As soon as I came up with the idea I got the insane fear of being on an airplane. I’ve never been afraid of flying
before so I assume it’s coming from you.
Are
you
afraid of flying?”

I gulped. “Yes.” In my excitement of seeing my parents I had completely forgotten their location. Germany. No car could get me across the ocean and boats were just as bad as planes. When I was younger we went on a particularly bad flight that I still had nightmares about. I never quite got over it and so my parents started avoiding planes as much as they could for my sake. “You know… it’s kind of weird you knowing stuff about me that I haven’t even told you.”

He chuckled. “You can do it too you know? I mean, we did already test this theory.”

“So what are you afraid of?” I asked.

“Just think for a moment it’ll come to you,” he said.

I closed my eyes and just thought for a moment. What could Caeden possibly be afraid of?

“Snakes? Really?” I said.

“Flying? Really?” he mimicked and we both laughed. He rubbed my arm soothingly and rubbed his nose against
my neck. “Don’t worry. I’ll be right beside you on the plane. I’ll talk you through it. Distract you,” he whispered with a brush of his lips against mine. “You won’t remember a thing,” he said, his fingers rubbing my neck.

“Hmm,” I said relaxing against his touch. “I have no doubt that you will be able to sufficiently distract me.”

“Good,” he said. “Since, that’s settled I’ll be sure to book our tickets.”

I groaned.

“You won’t remember a thing,” he said rubbing my arm.

I let out a breath. “I certainly hope so or you’re in for it, mister.”

He chuckled and the motion shook both of us.

A few minutes of comfortable silence passed. I loved the fact that Caeden and I could sit and neither of us felt the need to fill the silence with endless chatter. There are very few people you can be that comfortable with. It was a rare thing to find and I was thankful for it. His long fingers stroked my hair and rubbed my scalp. I felt my eyes getting heavy from the relaxing motion. I wasn’t even sleepy but for some reason, even as a child, someone rubbing my head always put me to sleep. I liked to be petted; maybe it was a sign of the wolf in me. Did wolves like to be petted? No, they were wild. Oh well, I just enjoyed it.

I cracked my eyes open as Caeden continued to massage my scalp. “Are we going to just sit here all day
?” I asked even though I was pretty sure I already knew the answer.

He sighed. “Yes, we both, but especially you, have to conserve our energy for tonight. It’s going to be extremely draining. The more energy you have the easier it will be to shift and then to shift back to your human form. Trust me, I’ve been through this.”

I sighed. “I’m not ready. Maybe next year,” I whined.

He chuckled and kissed the top of my head. “Sorry babe but the moon doesn’t wait for you.”

“I’m scared,” I admitted.

“You’d be an idiot not to be,” he said. “It’s normal to be scared,” he rubbed my arm. “But I’ll be there. Everything will be fine. I wouldn’t tell you
so
if I didn’t think that.”

“What did you mean earlier when you said that I’m part of shifter royalty?”

He sighed and mused his hair. “It’s hard to explain but whenever the first shift occurred it was by a Beaumont. Therefore the Beaumont’s are shifter royalty. Not just among wolves but among all shifters. Beaumont’s are more powerful stronger, faster, quicker. You’re the best of the best.”

“What if I can’t live up to that?” I asked. “What if I suck at being a shifter? What if I’m not cut out for this?”

“Whoa, slow down,” he said. “Of course you’ll be all that. You already possess some of your potential, I’ve seen it. It’ll reach its peak once you shift.”

“Caeden,” I said quietly.

“Yes?” he prompted.

“Who was the second wolf to shift?” I asked.

He swallowed and I could see his Adam’s apple bobbing. “A Williams,” he said quietly.

“I figured,” I said. “Is that why at Thanksgiving everyone looked at us like we
were
a King and Queen?”

“Yeah,” he sighed. “They’re convinced that we’re the answer to their prayers.”

“Why?” I asked sitting up.

“The shifter community has become very disconnected. We used to all mingle together.
Panthers, wolves, eagles
, tigers
.
It didn’t matter. Now, we all separate and stay within our clan. But there’s even strife among communities of the same species. I mean look at us and the Grimm’s. We can’t stand each other. I think the council and the other members of the pack are hoping that we can unite us all again. They also hope that if we are regaining mates then the others will too. That was the cause of a lot of the strife. But even once the idea of mates became nothing more than a legend it didn’t change things.”

“How come I feel like we’re supposed to save the world?”

He chuckled. “This isn’t a comic book.”

“It kind of feels like it,” I said.

“It does doesn’t it?”
he
agreed.

Time ticked by and lunch came along. We made sandwiches and ate in the kitchen. After, we cleaned up and headed to his room. He collapsed into a bean bag and sighed. “At least it’s not as cold as it usually is in January,” he commented.

“That’s true,” I said. It was an unseasonably warm day today. I hoped the temperature didn’t suddenly
decide to
drop tonight. I didn’t want my shift to take place in the freezing cold.
“Caeden?” I asked. “How is this going to work? How do I go all
wolf
?”

He motioned for me to sit in the other bean bag and I collapsed into its air beads. It made a scratchy noise as the beads moved around to accommodate me.  “The first shift is the only one we don’t control. The moon calls to the beast in you and you can’t resist it. It’s instinctual. You don’t actually have to do anything. Your body takes over for your mind.”

“I don’t know if I want my body to take over my mind,” I said.

He chuckled. “We don’t have any say in the matter. Whatever magic it is that we possess that makes us turn takes over.”

“Magic,” I breathed.

“You’ll see,” he said. “When you change it’s like
magic
. Once the pain is gone it’s the best feeling in the world. You feel unstoppable. It’s freeing. You’ll love it. The unknown it what’s scaring you. Don’
t let it.”

He had me pegged. There was no avoiding it. I hated the unknown. Not knowing something made me feel blind and I didn’t like it for one second. Caeden and the whole pack had grown up with the knowledge of what they were. I had been kept in the dark. True, it was for my own safety as well as my parents but that didn’t make it okay. I had deserved the right to know that I wasn’t exactly
human
. Now, my full moon was here and my beast was going to emerge. I got the feeling from Caeden and the others that they weren’t exactly allowed to discuss the transformation. Not just with me but with each other. Like it was taboo to know about what to expect.

Caeden leaned across and took my small hand in his larger one. He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. “It’ll be okay Sophie. You’re not going to go through this alone. I’m going to be there to talk you through it. You have nothing to be afraid of. I promise. I’m sorry I can’t tell you more but we’re really not allowed to discuss it. It’s a very personal experience it and the council really doesn’t want us to discuss it with other first time shifters. We’re only allowed to give words of encouragement.”

“But you’re going to be with me,” I said, “you’re going to see me got through it. I don’t see why you can’t tell me. It doesn’t seem fair.”

“It doesn’t seem fair to me either. But that’s the way it is. Before we change we’re only allowed to know the jist of it.”

I huffed and pouted my lips like a four year old but I couldn’t help it. It was completely unfair to have to go into this whole thing blind. I felt like all I knew was that tonight at midnight I was going to turn into a wolf, it was going to hurt, and Caeden was going to be with me. It wasn’t a lot to go on.

Caeden sighed and leaned back in the bean bag. The air beads crunched with the movement. He rested his hands on his knees. “I’m sorry I can’t tell you more. But tonight I’ll be there to talk you through it. I’ll coach you as best I can.”

“I guess that’s as good as I’m going to get,” I said with a small smile.

He laughed. “Yeah, it is.”

“I’m sorry if I’m bothering you,” I said.

He chuckled. “You’re not. I just about drove my dad crazy just before my own change. I was scared to death. But he told me the same things I’ve told you. Except for the part where I’ll be with you.”

I rubbed his hand more to calm myself than to do any soothing of him.
My mind was on overload. For the past couple of months I had been able to ignore the fact that I was going to turn into a wolf. But now the day was here and I wanted to run in the other direction. I felt like that if I pretended this day wouldn’t happen then it would magically disappear. But the only magic in the world that existed was the magic that was going to turn me into a wolf.

Once I got over the initial shock of Caeden and the others being wolves it didn’t bother me. I thought Caeden was beautiful as a wolf. But for some reason I just couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that I was going to be this beautiful, majestic,
creature too. It just didn’t make sense. With the others I could see their wolf shimmering behind their eyes.
But with me?
I looked in the mirror and saw just plain, old, perfectly normal, brown-eyed, Sophie.
Nothing more, nothing less.
I could see power in the others but I saw no power in myself. I was a weak, pathetic, human.

What if I didn’t change?

As much as I was afraid of the actual changing part I was even more afraid of not changing. What if there was something wrong with me? What if I was defective?

“Sophie, are you okay?” asked Caeden.

“
Mmhmm
. I’m fine,” I murmured.

He looked at me suspiciously. Those blue eyes told me that clearly he knew that I wasn’t but he didn’t push me to be honest.  I was thankful for it. I needed time to sort things out in my head. My hours as a human were dwindling into the single digits. Tonight I would become a wolf. Tonight I would bond forever with my mate. Change was thick in the air like
toxic
syrup.

eighteen
.

“Alright,” said Caeden standing up from the bean bag and stretching his long legs.

“Alright what?” I asked.

“It’s time to go,” he said.

“It’s not dark yet,” I commented.

“Thanks I hadn’t noticed,” he said. He smiled. “Don’t worry I have a plan. I want to make tonight as special as I can since we weren’t able to do anything fun today.”

“Should I be afraid?” I asked.

“Very,” he said.

“I’m in,” I said. He smirked and pulled me up from the lump on the floor that once resembled a bean bag.

He took my hand and led me towards to Bryce’s room. He knocked on his little
brothers
door. “Come in,” said Bryce.

Caeden pushed the door open. The first thing I noticed about Bryce’s room was that it was green. The next thing I noticed was that it was a mess. I had been taking Caeden’s neat-freakiness for granted. Clothes, shoes, soda cans, and food wrappers littered the floor to the point that there was no floor. Caeden glanced back at me with an apology written on his face. Bryce was sitting on his bed with some kind of game controller in his hands. The sound of gun shots rang through the room.

“What can I help you with?” asked Bryce never taking his eyes away from the screen that his game was playing on.

“I need the keys to your
Jeep
,” said Caeden.

“Her name is Stella,” said Bryce pulling out a chain of keys from his pocket. He tossed the keys in Caeden’s direction. “Take care of her,” said Bryce waving us away.