Over the Moon (6 page)

I would show him! I would never look at him again. No more
rejection for me. Two could play this game. I wouldn't even think
about him anymore. I was done. It was over. The fact that it had
never begun was completely beside the point. Who was I kidding?
He probably hadn't even noticed that I was ignoring him. When the
bell rang, I beat him out the door, and I didn't look back. I had to be
strong. I had to forget the feelings he had stirred up in me. He was
just a boy, just an attractive boy with a smile that could melt solid
rock into liquid lava. I had to be the dumbest girl on the planet to let
myself fall for that unachievable and impossible dream.

Thursday, I didn't want to go to school. I was tired of trying to avoid Jordan, and I definitely didn't want to suffer further rebuff tactics from Andrew. Why did he bring on such an emotional reaction
in me every time I saw him? I went to history determined to ignore
him, but I snuck a quick peek when I dared. He looked unhappy.
Maybe it wasn't me. I was realistic enough to know that I wasn't the
center of the universe. Everything didn't have to be about me. His
unhappiness had nothing to do with me, did it? I wanted it to so
much it hurt. There they were again, showing their ugly heads. My
emotions were wreaking havoc once more.

I got to English first and pretended to be engrossed in Shakespeare when he came in and sat down. I willed myself not to look up.
It took more strength than I would have ever imagined. I wanted to
see his brilliant, perfect smile, but I couldn't tolerate another frown
or an icy look from him. Why couldn't I suppress this unwanted
turmoil? I knew it was crazy to feel this way. I couldn't help myself.
I'm just that insanely stupid.

"Hello, Tiana," he whispered.

"Hi," I answered coldly, though politely, without looking at him.
I just couldn't deal with rejection today, and I knew if I saw his face,
I would be despondent all over again. It was better to let my naive
obsession with him die now. I felt him stare at me. I felt his unbelievably intense magnetism pulling at me, willing me to falter in
my determination to ignore him. The force of it was much stronger
than I thought possible. I called on every ounce of stamina I had to
refrain from staring back. Time seemed to crawl at a glacial pace.
Years crept by. Centuries fell away. I could almost hear the clock
ticking lethargically in an unnaturally slow motion. Tick tock, tick
tock, tick tock drummed on sluggishly in my ears. It lagged behind the
beating of my misused and badly abused heart that pounded in my
head. Miss Cole's lecture went on and on and on. Would she ever
stop talking? No one was listening. I couldn't stand it. Would this
class never end? I had to sneak a peek at him just once.

He looked as miserable as I felt. I hoped he was really depressed.
He deserved it. Maybe there was some kind of poetic justice in the
universe after all. My insanity was kicking in again. I wanted to act rationally. I knew I shouldn't let myself be so affected by a stupid
boy. Why was I so attracted to this particular stupid boy? Okay, he
wasn't the stupid one; I was. Why was I allowing him to influence
my feelings? Why had I sent my hormones and my heart on a hike
through hell? What was wrong with me? Had I left half my brain
in Chicago? Was it the half that stayed in touch with reality? By the
end of class, I was mentally exhausted. I grabbed my books and ran
from the room. At least I wasn't screaming. I wanted to scream.

On my way home, I actually did scream. It made me feel a little
better. Anger felt better than the confusion I was feeling. It was hard
to be angry with him. It wasn't his fault he was appealing. I was
angrier with myself for being so unbelievably vulnerable. I wasn't
one of those boy-crazy girls who allowed the opposite sex to have
the power to control their moods. I was going to be better than that.
I was going to be happy if it killed me. I was going to swear off boys
and get on with my life.

What life? I wasn't happy. I was miserable. I was infuriated. I
wanted to be angry at someone besides myself. I wanted to be mad
at my father for making me move. I wanted to denounce destiny
for dumping me into this dismal place in the desert. Was karma to
blame for this colossally exasperating and senseless situation that I
found myself inextricably entangled in? What had I done to deserve
this? I'd always tried to live a good life. I went to church and said
my prayers. I was kind to children and small defenseless animals.
I recycled plastic and aluminum cans. I donated my old clothes to
charity.

I knew it was never a good thing to place the blame on God, but
I wanted desperately to blame someone else for all this emotional
chaos I was experiencing. I wanted to move back to Chicago. I hated
Hurricane High. I hated the desert. I hated this unbearable heat.
I hated the way I was feeling. I hated small towns. I hated myself.
I hated my life. I hated Hurricane. I hated Andrew Martin, and I
especially hated having to hate him.

On Friday, my family was going to Lake Powell to spend a last weekend with Mark before he finally finished moving his last boxes of
stuff-he-couldn't-live-without to his college dorm room. He and his
best friend and future roommate, Jeremy, were going early. I begged
to go with them so I could ditch school. I wouldn't miss much, as
Fridays were catch-up days, and I was caught up. Okay, I was being
a coward. I was running away. I never wanted to set foot in that
stupid school again. I wanted to banish Jordan and Andrew Martin
from my life forever. I took a bunch of books to read-mysteries, not
romance. I needed to escape and vowed not to think about Andrew
or my stalker. I wanted to forget all that extreme emotional turmoil.
I wanted three long days of stress-free living. I would help fictitious detectives solve made-up, abominable crimes. I would swim in the
warm, comforting waters of Lake Powell and ride a jet ski recklessly through the deep, blue waves in the amazing and magnificent,
sandstone-surrounded, man-made lake. I was anticipating a great
getaway, floating on a houseboat in the center of the spectacular,
supersized reservoir. I would be out in the middle of nowhere, and
I would worry about nothing. I would not think about boys. Who
needed them anyway? Certainly not me! Not anymore!

"How do you like your new high school?"Jeremy asked as we sped
down the interstate. Mark was driving too fast as usual, but I didn't
care. Maybe we would crash, and I would die and never have to go
back to Hurricane High. That would solve a lot of problems. That
would show Andrew. He would be sorry. He would never be able to
reject me again, and Jordan would have to annoy someone else.

"I'm not liking it at all right now," I admitted. That was an
immense understatement. I hated it with every fiber of my being.
I was determined never to go back to the scene of my most recent
traumatic experience with the opposite sex. I planned to harness my
hormones and close down my heart. Then I would evict them all
from my body. I was swearing off boys for the rest of my life.

"Why not?" he demanded.

"There is this boy who won't leave me alone, and the boy I like
is ignoring me. It's very frustrating," I answered honestly.

"Tell me about the stalker," Mark said. He had always been
more than a little overprotective. It was probably good he wasn't
still in high school. He might embarrass me trying to solve my boy
troubles for me. The only thing worse than having boy problems was
having your big brother intervening on your behalf, no matter how
well intentioned he might be.

"Jordan asked me to go to the dance next Saturday, and I agreed.
That was a big mistake. He walks me to all my classes unless I can
avoid him somehow. He's extremely persevering. Now, Andrew
won't even look at me."

"That's it!" they said in unison.

"What's it?" I asked nervously.

"He's jealous!" they both exclaimed, laughing and giving each
other high fives and knuckle punches.

"How do you know? I'm sure he doesn't even like me." I was
incredulous. They had to be wrong. He couldn't possibly like me. It
went against all the rules of teenage angst. He was hot. I was not.
We were incompatible. End of story!

"You wouldn't like him if he hadn't shown any interest in you
before," Mark explained. "I know you, Tiana. You don't fall for boys
who haven't given you a reason."

"Yeah, it's obvious; he's sending you a message. We've been
there. Jealousy is an ugly emotion. Guys tend to ignore girls they
like when it looks like someone else has the upper hand. They need
time and space to figure out what they're willing to do about it,"
Jeremy agreed.

"If he's good enough for you, little sister, he'll fight for your
affection. Give it a rest. Be nice to him. He'll get over it," Mark said.
"You probably should make it clear to him that you don't like this
other guy."

Jeremy added, "Ah, let him be jealous for a while. If he has to
fight for you, he'll know that you are worth it. He'll appreciate you
more. We always value what we have to earn. If things are too easy,
they aren't as treasured. And we always want what we can't have. It
makes it that much more desirable."

"Shut up! When did you guys get all wise?" I was amazed at
their insight. "I never would have thought he was jealous."

"If you want, I'll beat him up for you, or I could get rid of your
stalker," Jeremy offered jokingly. "I could come to your school and
really make him jealous."

"No, I think you've done enough. I'll handle it. Thanks for your
excellent input." I smiled happily at both of them. They had given
me something to think about. I wanted to believe that Andrew was
jealous, as impossible as that sounded. How could he be jealous of
Jordan? I didn't even like him. Of course, he didn't know that. The
idea had merit. I really, really wanted them to be right about Andrew
and this jealousy thing.

I had a lot of time to think while floating on the tranquil waters
of Lake Powell, surrounded by vermilion cliffs and sandstone spires.
I was awestruck by the grandeur of this canyon that had been intentionally flooded to create this popular recreation spot and to provide
water for the thirsty southern Utah and northern Arizona cities.
Mark and Jeremy had given me a new and different perspective. I
didn't know if they were right, but it made sense, and it made me feel
a whole lot better. I hoped they were right. I wanted Andrew to be
positively racked with jealousy.

Jeremy was especially kind and extra attentive. Mark had to
pry him away to ride the jet skis. I was beginning to think I might
have a little magnetism of my own going on. He was fun to talk to
because he really listened to me. He confided some of the challenges
he would be facing as a college student. He had to decide what he
wanted to be when he grew up and take the necessary classes to
prepare him for the real world. I didn't know what I wanted to do
next week, and I certainly didn't know what I was going to do for
the rest of my life. I guess life doesn't get easier; it just changes. My
problems were beginning to seem less severe. I overheard Jeremy
talking to Mark about me.

"Your sister has grown up," he acknowledged. "She is looking good!"

"Forget that! Leave her alone," Mark warned. "There is no way
I'll let her go out with you."

"Why not? I would treat her right. I would be a model boyfriend
for her."

"Jeremy, you're not dating my sister. She's off limits to you. You
may be my best friend, but I don't trust you with Tiana. I know you
too well. Besides, she likes this Andrew Martin, and I'm not sure
he's good enough for her, but I'm going to find out."

"I could make her forget this guy. I can't believe you don't trust
me. Why don't you think I'm good enough for Tiana?"

"I've seen you in action. Just forget about it. It's not happening
ever! Besides, I thought you liked that girl you met at freshman orientation last week, Monica or Melissa or something."

"Oh yeah, I forgot about Melissa Lee. She is sizzling hot! I'll
have to follow up with her when we get back to campus."

So, Jeremy was a little fickle. I was okay with that. I didn't need
another admirer. It was the thought that counted.

That conversation made my weekend. Things were going to
get better. At least I had found some much-needed self-respect. I
thought I was ready to go back into the hallowed halls of Hurricane
High. I was actually almost psyched up and excited to venture back
into Hurricane, Utah. How crazy is that?