Overcoming Fear (Growing Pains #2) (11 page)

“Please stop saying that, Krista.”

“Okay, it was all your fault, and I hold you
totally accountable.”

“Now
that
I am used to
hearing.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t be.” Krista was still
looking out the window. Sean looked at her with wide eyes. She was
dead serious.

Sean didn’t know what to say, and into his
speechlessness, she changed the subject. “How is the rest of my
department dealing with bringing on two new people? Have you
heard?”

“From what I’ve heard, they’re pleased that
the company realizes how much work they have, and finally got them
some help.”

“And what do the big bosses say?”

“They’re wondering why we still employ
people like Mr. Montgomery and his minions.”

“Am I included in that?”

“
No, you are now the model
of who they think should be in your department. The secret is
finally, officially out.”

“Oh great, so I’ll have a workload that
dramatically outweighs my pay grade. Lucky me.”

“Yes, that is still a problem. The good news
is, the big bosses, as you call them, first heard about you from
Mr. Hartling. It made them mad that they didn’t know about you
first.”

“How is that good?”

“It meant that they needed to get familiar
with your work so they knew what was being praised. In other words,
they were focusing on the positive, and ignoring the negative. If
you had asked for a raise before you were noticed, it would have
been the opposite.”

“So, as long as I keep up with excellence,
I’ll be endeared?”

“Basically, yes.”

“Oh good, that is
much
better, yeah. Too
much work for my pay
plus
pressure for perfection.”

“You could still be working in a dark hole
as a bored representative of a department no one wants to talk
to...”

“And you could be still trying to find your
way into the client’s back pocket.”

He was quiet for a moment, “Sounds like
we’re lucky we found each other, then.”

“
Too bad soon the student
will outstrip the teacher...”

“Dream on Geek Girl. You are a far cry from
my caliber!” he laughed.

“
Okay, well…” She opened
the door and stuck her foot out.

Sean got the distinct impression she was
trying to get away. She blamed herself for earlier; it was riding
her. This was a pivotal moment. If she walked away like this, she
would never come back. He knew it as well as he knew his own
name.

“
Beach in thirty? Same
spot?” Sean said firmly. He was not planning to let that
happen.

Krista shook her head, then looked at her
watch. Her shoulders heaved with a suppressed sigh.

“Exercise will make you feel better,” Sean
pushed.

She looked back into the car, analyzing
again, calculating. She was getting herself back online. “Alright.
Thirty.”

She shut the door and slowly went inside.
Sean got out of there before she could change her mind.

~*~*~*~

As Krista got to the beach, tears still
unshed but feeling better after having talked to Kate, she saw Sean
waiting in the usual spot. He turned around as she walked up behind
him and gave her a quick scan.

“Ready?”

Krista nodded, still self-conscious about
her freak-out earlier. It seemed as though Jim had made it
impossible for intimacy. While she didn’t have one episode with
Paul, she had to admit she hadn’t invested too much. Her time with
him had all been on the surface of her emotions, never scratching
deep.

It was extremely disconcerting, then, that
Sean had easily reached the danger area and they weren’t even
involved. Or, they weren’t supposed to be, anyway.

Could nothing ever go her way?

Tendrils of white drifted by, making the
beach look like the set of a horror movie. A couple of people ran
or walked their dogs along the debris-cluttered sand, but largely
the two-mile stretch along the ocean was deserted.

Sean waited in running sweats that hugged
his athletic legs, and a white T-shirt that didn’t adequately hug
his torso. When she showed up, he didn’t allow her time to dwell.
He immediately started running, going as fast as he could sustain,
and not mentioning once the fact that a girl was beating him.

After that it went the same as before; all
things muscle Sean completed without much fuss. It was all based on
one’s body weight; push-ups, sit-ups, squats. When they were done,
Krista was panting with fatigue and he was mildly put out.

When they were nearing the end of the
routine, the sun was nearly touching the ocean. The only reason
they knew this was because the eerie, foggy light was dimming
rapidly. No one was out to watch the sunset. The locals realized
they wouldn’t be able to see it, and the tourists must have taken
the hint.

Krista stripped off her soaked shirt, mostly
wet from fog juice rather than sweat, and sauntered down the beach
in her sports bra and yoga pants. Sean followed suit, both of them
mopping their faces, and both indiscriminately checking the other
out. Krista could just make out Sean’s smile with her peripheral
vision. Obviously he knew she was checking him out as he was her,
and thought it just as funny. Neither of them commented.

They went through the yoga poses again,
which were the same as the last time. Krista still hadn’t been to a
yoga class to learn more. This time, surprisingly, Sean had the
easier ones down, and was a great deal better at the harder
ones.

“You’ve been practicing,” Krista accused,
definitely feeling better about her life after the run.

“I couldn’t have you drowning. Been running,
too.”

“Just can’t stand someone beating you at
something, huh?”

“I’ve not really had a lot of experience
with it, no.”

She laughed at him.

“It could be worse I suppose,” he said as he
attempted to balance with this right foot resting on the inside of
his left thigh. “You could be stronger as well as faster and
prettier.”

Krista gave him a “hmmm” at his flattery. It
was hard to tell if it was true or autopilot. She let out a
cleansing breath as she focused and balanced her body in the final
yoga pose. She centered herself, gathered herself, and felt peace
within herself. She could love Sean in an asexual way. There was no
need to get physically involved. She could love herself in the same
way. She didn’t need to have it all—she just needed to find peace
somewhere.

When she opened her eyes, the sun was
tucking its light into the belt of the horizon. The sky was lit in
fire and ice filtered through shifting bursts of white. Krista
noticed Sean was staring at her. His taut body fully faced her, his
large hands at his sides, his eyes lost to shadow. The pull of him
was so strong she wavered where she stood, desperate to keep
herself from taking those two steps and letting him put his hands
on her. This wasn’t his tricks. He was radiating an animalistic
hunger. A hunger to mate; to pick her up where she stood and take
her back to his bed. To consume her. To be consumed.

“Shall we?” she asked, her voice distant and
hoarse.

Sean started, not realizing he was staring
at her like a poor man at a treasure map, and nodded, taking two
big steps toward home before stopping himself. He waited for her to
catch up, and then kept pace back to the path that would take her
home.

“Okay, well...” Krista said, taking a step
toward her house.

“If you aren’t doing anything, how about
dinner?”

Krista could have sworn he sounded nervous.
For a man with the ability to drip charm from his every word, he
sounded like a lost little boy. But then, he might have been
worried she’d freak out again. He wasn’t the only one.

She just shrugged, “Your house or mine?”

“Mine.”

They went back to his house and called for
Thai food. Neither of them wanted to talk about work so instead
they sat on the couch and debated which movie to watch. They
finally chose an action movie. It was free, it was on, and it
didn’t take any brain power.

Throughout the movie, Krista could tell he
wasn’t paying attention. Something was distracting him. He didn’t
even notice her watching him, which wasn’t usual. She heard his
phone vibrate a couple times, and after he checked the caller, he
silenced it.

As far as she knew, there were two big
issues in his life at that moment. One was getting the account, and
the other was Monica badmouthing and stalking him. Being that Sean
would never silence a call from Tory, and also his jaw clenched
when he saw the name, she figured it was the latter.

“It really bothers you, huh?” she asked.

“What’s that?” he asked, snapping out of his
current reverie. His eyes were a vivid green. Piercing. They pinned
her to the couch. Heat rose and spiraled out of that look. Krista’s
body quivered in response, sweat pricking her brow, wetness in her
crotch. Something was going on with Sean emotionally. Intense waves
of desire seemed to be crashing over him. He looked at Krista not
like he needed saving, but like he wanted to drag her in with him.
To drown her in whatever he was feeling. The urge to let him take
her was so strong she barely stopped herself from opening her legs
and begging for it.

“M-Monica,” she stammered, starting to feel
slightly uncomfortable.

Sean’s eyes caught her
stammer and parted lips, misread the cause, and his strength of
will magnified. She saw his hunger plainly. His
want
.

Danger!
Her brain screamed.

Flashbacks of her life in Seattle came
crashing down. Like that cold ocean wave, she was unexpectedly
dragged under the icy waters of memory. Her ex-boyfriend Jim was as
good as they came at enchanting women. Better than Sean. Sean at
least had a human core. He was a gentleman when it counted. There
was a goodness about him that not even his sexual exploits could
tarnish.

Jim had no goodness. At
heart he was a mean, emotionally train-wrecked, manipulative
bastard who hid his true self behind a glamorous, charming façade.
Before Krista ever got to know the real him, she was reeled in by
his charisma. He was older, out of college—he’d lied when he said
he’d gone--which made him seem more sophisticated. Besides that,
though, he just had a
way
about him. The way he looked at her, the way he
whispered her name, the way his body leaned over her and claimed
her. Not to mention tall, dark and incredibly handsome with a hint
of danger.

In the beginning she’d thought of him as a
reformed bad boy. He was irresistible, and everyone who knew her
was jealous that she got him. That was in the beginning. That was
when he was trying to woo her, when he was being gentle, but just
that little bit wild. He was desperate to have her, but still gave
her the control. He was mad to throw her under him and take her,
but waited for the green light to do so.

And it was exciting when it happened the
first couple times. When she’d finally given in to him. When he
loved her with all his heart, treated her well, and said he’d be
with her forever. She liked getting down and dirty with him, doing
it all over the city, waking up to a sexual maniac who was just
that little bit too rough, but still yielded to her if she pushed
back.

It was after she was firmly under his thumb
that the sadism came to the forefront, and he took all the control
away. He held it all. With his emotional manipulation and physical
abuse, he trapped and held her in a prison of fear. That was when
he advanced on her even when she didn’t want it. When he threw her
under him even when she was crying from the pain of his version of
foreplay. It was when he struck her down, then took her.

It all started from a look slightly
unhinged. A look off kilter. A look like Sean was giving her.

The memories coalesced with the present,
Jim’s liquid black eyes overlaying Sean’s vibrant green, squeezing
out the primal fear she’d thought she buried too deep to find, but
that found its way up for the second time that day. Sean had gotten
too close, and now she was in too deep. She was in a position to be
masticated again; chewed up and spit out at will.

Her chest tightened up. Suddenly she
couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t relax.

Bottom line, she wasn’t recovered where it
really mattered. She was still that lost little girl who needed to
be picked up, hugged, and kept safe from the monsters of the world.
From the guys that would use her up and spit her out. From the
Jims.

From the Seans.

She wanted to go running back to Paul. To
the safety of not feeling.

She forced herself to keep her head calm.
She didn’t want to unlock Sean’s anger. She didn’t want him to use
his substantial muscle on her. She was sure he might not want to
hurt her, but Jim always said he didn’t, either. Sometimes it was
best to keep quiet, accept all blame, and wait for it to pass.

“Monica stalking you really bothers you
doesn’t it?” Krista said, pushing down her memories and fear and
trying to keep Monica as the focus. “It’s hard when you get
involved with someone at work. You can’t repair what inevitably
breaks.”

As he realized the double meaning, the spark
in his eyes dulled. His desire pulled back into himself.

“Maybe you should give in, make her stop,”
Krista continued with regret. She was chasing him away, but it was
for the best. For both of them.

“It was always going to end like this
anyway,” Sean said robotically, looking at Krista with a sober
expression. “I was shortsighted for thinking we were two adults
about all this.”