Overcoming Fear (Growing Pains #2) (13 page)

When she turned, however, she stood face to
neck with Sean.

She would have rather been whipped.

“Trying out the merchandise?” he asked,
echoing her argument. He stood there, relaxed, acting as if last
night had never happened. He looked at her askew, but was genuinely
smiling.

“I have to make sure it is from the right
stuff, of course,” Krista said, attempting not to slur.

She was handed a drink out of thin air. She
gulped it down, but it tasted like water so what was the point.

“It is water,” Jasmine clarified.

Krista looked down at clear liquid in a
white cup. “So it is. And should you want to know, I am unperturbed
that I am voicing my thoughts. Just so we are clear on that
issue.”

“Now we know,” Jasmine said in her usual dry
voice.

“Yes.”

“Krista overdid it a bit last night,” Kate
said in Krista’s defense. Then, “Hi Sean.”

Sean was still looking at Krista, his face
gone thoughtful and confused. Krista meant to meet his gaze head
on, but she got lost when the second biggest penis she had ever
seen walked by. It wasn’t quite as big as Mr. G-i-ant Penis she had
seen upon first walking toward the fair, but it was a close
second.

“Ouch,” she said, following its progress. “I
mean, with that much hardware, how could that guy ever get a date?
It would rip the ass out of a guy, or give a chick a second
virginity. Neither would ever come back from that. I hope he’s a
bottom.”

“And you think
I’m
blunt?” Kate asked
skeptically.

Krista shrugged. “You brought me. If you
didn’t want my commentary, you should have let me stay home and die
quietly.”

Sean had followed Krista’s gaze until he saw
what she was looking at. He turned away quickly to the person next
to him. It was the first time Krista realized he wasn’t alone. That
was partly because she couldn’t focus.

“I need a toilet, and then my bed, for about
two days,” Krista muttered, bending over at the waist.

“How much has she had to
drink?” a woman asked. Must be Sean’s new
friend.

Krista zeroed in on this friend. It was a
woman a bit shorter than Sean, but tall for a girl, and freaking
drop-dead gorgeous. Jaw-dropping pretty. She had long, blond hair
that one might see on a Swedish person. Real blond, not died and
highlighted blond like Krista’s. She had crystal clear blue eyes,
high cheek bones, and a soft and sultry voice.

Krista hated her immediately, mostly because
she was so beautiful, but also because she was so perfect for Sean.
And also because she would get to have sex with him. And also
because he had moved on without a problem in the world, and found
someone new immediately. And also because she was not as
belligerent as Krista, and Krista looked plenty stupid.

But those were the only reasons. Other than
that, she was probably a real nice girl.

Plus, nothing said “good choice not picking
me” like a belligerent drunk chick looking like crusty dog crap in
the middle of a fetish festival. She was basically saying, “No hard
feelings.”

“She has only had about two glasses of
wine,” Jasmine responded.

“She can hold her liquor better than that,”
Sean said, confused again.

Krista was ignoring everyone, mostly because
they were ignoring her, but also because it was getting later in
the afternoon and all the crazies were coming out. Gay, straight,
men, women--it didn’t matter, there was flogging type sex all over
the place. Krista saw another man being led on a dog collar, this
time by a woman with a strap-on and leather from head to foot.
There was a woman with a ball on a leather strip stuffed in her
mouth. She was being spanked by the curb and loving it. Another
orgy was getting started ten feet beyond the moaning woman.

“From what Ben says, she finished somewhere
between a bottle and a half to two bottles last night,” Kate
explained. “Apparently she woke up in a pile of spit on the living
room floor.”

“Hey guys,” Krista said to
the group, still looking at the woman being spanked. “I was hung
over, now I’m drunk. I got issues. I’m a mess. We all get it. No
new news. Let’s move on, huh? I want this day to be over with so I
can moan in
peach
. PEACE. I meant peace.”

She drank more water, but knew that if she
sobered up too much, she would just be hung over again. And this
time it would be even worse than this morning. She had no idea how
she would get home at that point.

Everyone talked amongst themselves for a
while, and then Krista was escorted up the walk to the main drag.
Here there were more “normal” people mixed in with the leather and
chains. It was a bit more Krista’s speed, thank God.

Time was starting to pass in a haze. An
agonizing, hangover haze. Add to that the emotional insanity. Old
issues, new issues—she was not normal. Nothing about her life felt
normal. Her world was all topsy-turvy, and here she found herself,
in weird, crazy, over-the-top sex land. Where the hell had she gone
wrong?

“It’s not that bad,” Kate said, giving her a
tug.

“What? Do you have ESP?”

“This scene. Your issues. Your life. You’ve
been muttering the whole time. If you don’t want everyone to know
your issues, you should probably zip the lip.”

“Oh. Fuck it.”

“That’s what I usually say, yes. But Sean is
listening pretty closely.”

“Don’t care.

“Now you don’t, surely. Tomorrow, who’s to
say?”

“Argh! You are giving me a headache.”

“Jasmine,” Kate called.

“Yup?” from the back of the procession.

“She needs more wine.”

“Ol
é
!”
Krista
whooped.

“Is that wise?” Sean asked from Krista’s
other side.

“Sorry about last night, Sean,” Krista
slurred, her upper body swinging to him wildly. “And yesterday. And
today. Dodged a bullet, though, eh? I’d give you a high-five but
then I’d fall on my face. Normally that wouldn’t be a huge issue,
but in this place someone might take that as a sign to run over
with a strap-on. I’m a mess!”

“A
hot
mess,” Jasmine amended, handing
up the warm wine.

“Thank you, Jaz. That was sweet. Do you know
that a bum told me to drink hair from a dog? Isn’t that sad? And I
took his advice. Here I am, taking his advice.”

“She should probably go home,” Sean said
worriedly.

“Here, here!” Krista saluted before she took
a big gulp.

She gagged. “It’s warm. And gross.”

“I have tequila?” Jasmine helped.

“Jesus
, girls—I don’t think you’re helping her,” Sean declared,
grabbing Krista when she stumbled.

“There is no help for me,
Sean. Or haven’t you figured that out?” Krista said, leaning into
him. “
God
you
smell good.”

“Enough,” Kate said, ripping her away and
dragging her to a large enclosed area where whipping was going on.
“No pity parties and no pity sex. You’ll stay for a while longer,
then we’ll tuck you in a cab, or on the Muni, and you can go home
and die.”

“Thank
God!”
Krista said, slumping against
the barrier.

The booth they were
standing in front of was not an impromptu affair like the woman on
the side of the road. This was a giant booth with employed
floggers. A person actually had to pay for the privilege of being
beaten. There were a bunch of people watching the proceedings, some
dressed up, many not. A woman was in a thong on some type of wood
contraption. She was bent over as if it was someone’s lap. A man
was standing over her and carefully using his opened hand to slap
her white butt. When he made contact, there was the ringing
slap
, and then her
answering moan of pleasure. He must have been at it a while because
her butt had turned bright red.

None of this turned Krista
on in the slightest, but it didn’t gross her out, either. What it
did do was make her stare in disbelief that this was happening, in
public, in the middle of San Francisco. Insane. The city was
insane
.

In the same closed-off area
were two large wooden posts with a leather thong above head level.
Currently each held an occupant. Their hands were in the thongs,
unable to get out, and being whipped by some fairly large men. Each
stroke had precision and looked well placed. Each person that was
tied to the post was fully clothed. And
loving
it!

Krista decided, in her drunken haze, that
she absolutely had this whole thing all wrong. She had never really
tried this sort of thing with someone who wasn’t hell bent on
torturing her, and possibly her experiences had just been bad.
These people weren’t afraid. Hell, they were enjoying themselves.
One person looked ready to climax.

And then he did climax. Loudly.

“Have you ever done this, Sean?” Krista
asked. He was leaning against the barricade next to her.

Sean looked behind him. Krista followed his
gaze to the gorgeous woman he was with.

“Oh right, it’s a secret. I get it.” Krista
nodded, watching another person who had just climaxed walk away.
“Well, when in doubt, give it a go!”

Krista was inside the enclosure before she
knew what was going on. She took her money out and had a stare off
with the next person in line. She won. Probably they thought she
was crazy, and chose, quite rightly, not to mess with her.

“Are you fucking serious?” Kate yelled after
her.

“Face the fears.” She pumped her fist in the
air as she tied herself in.

“Have you done this before?” the flogger
asked. He was heavy set and had a kind voice. His top concern was
her, which fed her courage.

“No. Well...uh, not…we’ll stick with
no.”

He nodded. “I’ll go light and easy then
increase, okay? At any point you don’t like it, all you have to do
is open your hands, okay?” He showed her the open hand signal.

Krista nodded, determination on her face.
She would meet this fear and put it behind her. She might even like
it without an enraged boyfriend at the helm. It might be a door
that opened into some new experiences.

Her brain was still a bit soggy as she
looked over at her group. Jasmine was talking to the beautiful
woman, Kate was talking to Sean while looking at some hot guy
passing by, and Sean was looking at her. Worriedly.

It did look bad, Krista knew that, but the
guy in charge was obviously a professional, so she wasn’t worried.
Well, not as worried as Sean looked, anyway.

“Okay, here we go.” The flogging man got
into position.

Krista felt the first kiss of the whip. It
felt like someone touching her jeans, nothing more. It wasn’t that
bad. The leather thong wasn’t great—she got scared pretty quick
when she was tied up, usually because she had woken up that way
without giving consent, but she calmed herself with deep breaths.
She had a fail-safe option. She could stop this at any time. She
could yell or open her hand. She was safe.

She felt the next strip. Then the next. She
kept reminding herself that this was her choice. She wanted to be
here. She could get out at any time. She had the power, here, and
was temporarily giving it up. Just temporarily.

She smiled and winked over at the girls, the
whole group watching her now. Only Sean still looked worried.
Worried and poised. He looked like he was about to spring into
action. It occurred to Krista that he was being protective.

It also occurred to her that in all the time
she was ever with Jim, he was often possessive, but not protective.
She was about to ponder that further when the next leather strip
fell. It wasn’t a kiss at all-- unless the kisser had fangs.

The next fell, then the next. They were
falling faster and landing harder, scorching her skin. The pain
lanced through the fog of her alcohol-abused brain. Then the
memories started. Struggling against the rope. The rage. The pain.
Then the harsh sex that followed. Or maybe no sex at all. Or maybe
a beating. Or verbal abuse.

Jim always switched it up. He always found
new ways to vent his anger, or cull his sexual drive. He always
found new combinations to make her squirm, realizing the
unpredictability was what scared her the most.

Krista’s throat closed up as the tears
leaked out of her eyes. She looked over at the group, looking for
help. Blue-gray eyes met vivid green. She silently pleaded for him
to help her, to save her. She couldn’t find her voice through her
fog of fear. She was scared to scream out, to beg, lest more pain
would follow.

In her panic she forgot the signal. She
forgot where she was, who she was. She only knew panic. Panic and
memories—memories of why she hated forced BDSM. Of a girl with no
power of her own; no control over her world; no safe word to make
it all stop. No say when it started in the first place.

Chapter Eight

The next thing Krista knew she was being
carried. She heard herself whimper and felt strong arms constrict
around her. She was put into the back of a car and realized it was
Sean’s Beemer. Sean’s large body crawled in with her. A blond head
sat into the driver’s seat and started the car.

Krista calmed herself. She took large gulp
of air. She found her power again. She found her control. She
forced herself out of the clutch of distant fear, and forced the
memories back to their corner. She blackened Jim’s face before she
put the lid on the Jim box. She’d done it a million times. More
than a million. She’d had to get great at clearing her head and
finding her personal power to have the courage to leave him.