Overture (Rain Dance, Book 1) (Rain Dance Series) (21 page)

     
"You've
done that before," he stated. He didn't sound angry, but his sudden
impassive expression made me wonder what he might have been thinking. I had
told him that I'd never had a boyfriend, which was true. I could only hope that
he didn't think I was a liar or a slut. I certainly wasn't going to lie to him
and say no. But if I said yes or even nothing at all, I would still feel like I
wasn't telling the whole truth.

     
"Not like
that," I replied calmly. I smoothed my skirt out and went to retrieve my
iPod.

     
As I was
putting it in my purse, he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my
waist. Then he kissed my temple and began smoothing out my hair.

     
"My
place," he said.

     
I simply
nodded.

     
He didn't say a
single word on the way to his place, but he held my hand the entire time,
rubbing his thumb over my skin and squeezing it every once in a while.

     
When we entered
through the front door, I felt his hands on my waist again as he spoke into my
ear, "I'll get us some food. Make yourself at home." After a quick
kiss, he moved towards the kitchen, taking his jacket off along the way.

     
About an
hour-and-a-half later, we sat on the floor of his living room, using his coffee
table to finish up the last bits of our dinner. Ethan sat with his chin resting
in his hand, studying me.

     
"Did I
tell you how beautiful you look today?" he asked.

     
Leaning over, I
pecked him lightly on the cheek. "I'm glad you think so. What are we doing
tonight?"

     
"What do
you want to do?"

     
"A
game."

     
"Another
one?" His smile was absolutely deviant.

     
I shook my
head. "I want a fair chance at beating you this time."

     
"I think
you covered that earlier."

     
"I'm
serious!" I laughed.

     
"Yesterday's game was perfectly fair, but if you insist. What'll it
be, then?"

     
I reached
inside my purse, which sat conveniently at my side and pulled out a deck of
cards.

     
Ethan stared at
them. "Poker?"

     
I shook my head
again. "Add Poker to the list of things I can't do. Go Fish!" I
grinned.

     
When he kicked
my ass three out of four times, I decided that maybe he just had the Gods of
Good Luck on his side.

     
After our
individual showers, we settled down on his sofa to watch a little nighttime
creepiness.

     
"Don't you
think it's weird?" I asked about twenty minutes in.

     
"It's
supposed to be weird."

     
"
Us
,
not the show. Don't you think things are just…
too
cozy? If you had told
me five days ago that we would be sitting here like this, already having spent
the last three nights together, I would have said get the hell out."

     
"Hm. Well,
you aren't wrong. Are you saying you feel weird about us?"

     
"No. But
that's
why
it's weird. I mean, it's not like we've gone to plaid in
terms of speed, but we're still…I mean…What if we…What even are we,
exactly?" I asked nervously.

     
I felt him sigh
beside me. "What we are is…together. Call it what you will. Whatever we
have going, be it limerence or something else…If it's getting to the point
where it's too much for you, we can always take a step back and slow down. As
for myself, it feels right. Being here with you, like this, feels right."

     
Together
.
It was a simple and easy explanation. It was also entirely accurate. He and I
were together for now - that was all. Leaning in closer to him, I wrapped my
arms around his midsection and focused my attention back to the TV.

I
wanted to see him off again, so I woke up extra early so he could take me home
first. I began to feel a little guilty for having to depend on him for rides
even though he said it was in no way an inconvenience. Of course, we did have
to rush. I had fallen asleep before he'd gotten a chance to take his 'revenge'
on me for the game I had pulled in his office, so he had left it to this
morning.

     
I was still on
cloud nine when he kissed me in the car. As he drove off, I waved goodbye
before going into my building with a lovesick smile. The last few days had been
heaven.

     
When I entered
the apartment, not only did I feel unbelievably giddy, but I also felt wide-awake
for once. There was something I hadn't done since our little
together
thing had started, and I needed it now. I put on a comfortable, grayish-blue
slip that matched the current color of the sky. After gulping down a glass of
cold water, I turned up some music and began dancing.

     
Unlike my other
two loves, time never stopped when I danced. Time was a constant, heavy
beating, ticking clock. It was a living element that I felt within every part
of my being.

     
There's a
moment when you're dancing when suddenly…you become the music. You are the
rhythm. You are the melody. You are the colors. Your senses, all heightened,
begin to blur as they mold together into one. At this point, you are now able
to touch, see, taste, smell, and hear things that are much larger than
yourself. Things that are beyond the physical realm - the same things that
reside only deep within your mind. And soon after that, you begin to feel that
at any moment…you will be capable of leaping outside yourself to take flight.
At any moment, you will be able to be free. So you move faster, hoping that
maybe with enough momentum you'll be able to actually lift up off the ground.

     
Humans don't
fly, though. You know this, of course. But even still - it doesn't stop your
body from moving. It doesn't stop the deep and damn-near guttural,
heart-wrenching need of release that your soul craves. It's like standing on the
edge of a cliff with arms wide open. You're ready to fall - you yearn for it
desperately, even. So you stand there, waiting. Praying for that
one
little
push that will set you free. But it never comes. You're stuck inside yourself,
trapped in a human shell. Alone.

     
I fell to the
ground, trying to catch my breath while watching the room spin around me. My
heart was pounding so hard I could feel it throughout my entire body. I could
see them, beyond all the tiny, moving dots that plagued my vision. Thousands of
tiny fragments, all separate - all unique, but all connected. Every feeling.
Every emotion and thought. Everything hanging above me, circling around with
the room.

     
Don't fall.
Please don't fall. Please, please, please...

     
They did
anyway, of course. They landed on me sharply, like shards of broken glass
cutting through skin. I remembered where I was. I remembered
who
I was.

     
Run.
Runaway.

     
Now?

     
That's what
you do, isn't it?

     
I shot up off
the ground and dashed into the bathroom, tripping over my own two feet in the
process. I kicked the door shut behind me and went straight into the shower,
not bothering to get undressed. As soon as I turned the knob, a rush of cold
water came blasting out onto me. More glass fell, only this time it was
tangible. It washed over me, stabbing my body over and over again. I welcomed
the pain - anything that would distract me from the feelings that were
threatening to overtake me right now.

 
    
Oh God.

     
What the hell
was I doing? It wasn't safe, no matter how right things felt when we were
together.

     
Then leave.
Simple, right? You can handle the pain of leaving him behind. You've dealt with
much worse. Don't let some man get in the way of your survival.

     
But the mural-

     
It's not
like you need the money. Besides, you know he'll grow tired of you soon. Might
as well end it now.

     
He won't…?

     
Are you sure
about that? What…you think that just because he's now a part of your stupid
little 'bubble,' he'll be forever linked to you? Real life doesn't work like
that, Doll. You think that just because he's able to take the place of your
stupid beloved 'ocean,' life will work itself out? What future could you
possibly have together? That's right, you can't even imagine it. You'll be gone
before things ever get that far. If you stay, you know it will hurt you both.
Haven't you had enough pain? Why even bother anymore?

     
The tears began
running wild, their warmth causing deep, burning streaks over my now frozen
skin. Only for these few minutes would I allow myself to feel. After this, I
would continue living in blissful abandon. I would continue to ignore anything
that could potentially make me lose sight of myself - like unnecessary
feelings. I would not regret my choice to hold onto him for as long as I could.
But I could not lie to myself…Sooner or later, I
would
lose him. Instead
of having to deal with the pain later, when I was sure it would do the most
harm to me, I would deal with it now. And when our time came to an end, I would
be ready for it.

     
You child.
You've only known him for how long?

     
I didn't care.
I cried as if I hadn't cried in years, not holding back. I curled up on the
shower floor and wailed. My eyes burned from both my tears and the stinging of
the falling water. I struggled to breathe. My body heaved to the point where I
almost thought I might throw up. It didn't matter. I was safe in the water. I
was safe now that I was alone. For however long, I mourned for Ethan and any
possible future that we might've had.

     
Half an hour
later, I found myself pulling tea bags out of the freezer. I looked like shit
and needed to hide the extreme puffiness on my face. The redness was finally
gone, luckily, but I now felt a major headache coming and I knew I was going to
have to pop some pills.
Aspirin, of course. What else?
If the tea bag
trick didn't work, I would just have to pray that makeup would.

     
When I got my
face to look somewhat decent, I took a deep breath and grinned at my reflection
before loudly shouting, "CHEESE!" In an instant, I went from extreme
weariness to just plain old ridiculous, which was much preferable.

     
After quickly
downing a bowl of Lucky Charms, I put on some Andrea True Connection and went
to pick out the day's outfit. I wasn't feeling particularly colorful. In fact,
more than anything, I just wanted to blend in as much as possible. I settled
for a long-sleeved, button-up white blouse with a thick black bow. Having
actually checked the weather today, I knew it would be cold, so I traded my
usual stockings for a black pair of tights. I tucked the blouse into a matching
pleated skirt and slipped on my black suede oxford heels. Then I tidied my
bangs and pulled the rest back into a chignon. In the end, I looked fashionably
business-like, with perhaps a hint of schoolgirl - a combination I liked very
much.

     
Since the shoes
were comfortable enough for walking long distances, I decided I would hoof it.
I was still singing along to my happy disco music when I neared the building.
And lo and behold, as though the heavens had timed it, I arrived just in time
to see Ethan exiting the entrance door with Douglas at his side.

     
I ignored the
small pang in my gut, a small remnant of earlier's shower incident. Instead, I
focused on how wonderfully delicious and collected Ethan looked. He walked with
the authority and confidence that only a man of his upbringing and position
would allow. But the instant his eyes took notice of me, his face softened.

     
When we were in
hearing range of one another, I removed my headphones and said my hellos.
"Mr. Desmond. Hello, Douglas."

     
Ethan gave a
sort of amused scowl, but Douglas of course replied, "Miss Myers."

     
Stopping, Ethan
glanced at the man and gestured behind me. With a simple nod and a smile, the
auburn-haired man continued walking to the Porsche parked on the street.

     
"And how
has the rest of your morning been?" Ethan asked, turning his attention
back to me. When he looked at me, it was as though I was the only person he saw
- as if the rest of the world ceased to exist. Whether this was true or not, I
didn't know. But it made me feel good inside. Funny how only last week I had
found his gaze way too intense to handle.

     
"Productive," I answered. "Ever since we started lazying
about, I've been putting off my workouts."

     
His face became
thoughtful. "Come to think of it, so have I. Perhaps we should consider
more body stimulating activities that don't involve sitting in front of the
television or screaming abuse at cards."

     
"Hmm…I
don't know. My preferences are rather singular when it comes to physical
activity."

     
"I see.
So, exactly what kind of workout did your preferences lead you to this
morning?"

     
"That's
between me and my hubby." I held up my iPod and waved it, watching as his
eyes narrowed. "I hope your morning has been just as interesting."

     
"I doubt
that."

     
"Well,
there's always another day." I went around him and started walking
backwards towards the building. "You shouldn't leave Douglas waiting. I'm
sure you've got meetings to go to, right? Cats to conquer and all that?"