Overture (Rain Dance, Book 1) (Rain Dance Series) (24 page)

     
I tilted my
head to the side. "Really? After what I did to you yesterday?" I
moved to sit on the floor in front of him. Once I positioned myself
comfortably, I crossed my arms over his knees and rested my chin on top of them
so I could look up at him. "What can I do to make you trust me?"

     
"I just
said that I
do
trust you."

     
I shook my
head. "You
want
to trust me. It's alright. Maybe over time you
will."

     
He gazed at me,
his eyes searching. I smiled at him as warmly as I could, glad that he had
mentioned his issues when it came to women. There was a story there, I was sure
of that. I wouldn't pry, though. The point was that I understood it might take
time for me to earn his trust. There were obvious problems with that, though.
Could I even be considered an honest person without mentioning anything about
my past?

     
"I've
never done this before, so it's very likely that I'll make mistakes. But I
won't betray you," I promised. "Now tell me, what do you need to know
in order to feel comfortable with the situation?"

     
He let out
another sigh and ran his hand through my hair. "How long have you been
living with him?"

     
"Just over
two months now."

     
"What made
you two decide to live together? You aren't from here. If you guys are old
friends, then neither is he. Did you both just decide to pick up and come to
Seattle?"

     
"I'd been
living alone for a couple years, slowly making my way up the states. I was
already living nearby when Coops got a major job offer here. Since we'd both be
living in the same state again, he invited me to live with him. He said I could
house sit while he was gone. He's a construction project manager, so a lot of
his time is spent away for days or even weeks on end. I think he just wanted a
friend to start out with. He'd never been here before and leaving California
couldn't have been easy - having to say goodbye to all his friends and
family…And after spending weeks away on various job sites, it's sometimes nice
to come home to a familiar face and a non-dusty home. Also, I think maybe he
wanted to check-in and make sure I was okay. I spent a summer living with him
and his family a while back, you know. We may not actually be related, but it
definitely feels that way. He's been looking after me and Jillian since we were
kids." After pausing, I glanced up at Ethan. "I told him about you.
About us."

     
"And what
did this
Coops
have to say?" he asked, almost broodingly.

     
"He's very
non-judgmental. He knows who I am and trusts my judgment. Though he thinks that
maybe you're just trying to get into my pants by giving me the job."

     
He frowned.
"And what did you say to that?"

     
"I told
him the truth, naturally. Of course you want into my pants. I want you there,
too," I grinned.

     
Ethan leaned his
head back and let out another exasperated sigh. He was quiet for a minute or
two before he spoke again. "He's seen you in your nightgowns."

     
"Only in a
few basic ones. I don't like showing off in front of men, even if they are
near-family." I thought back to when we first moved in together. "It
was a bit weird at first. I'd never had a roommate before. But he made it
easy."

     
"How long
do you plan on living with him?"

     
"I don't
know. I wanted to wait until I was at least sure that he was okay on his own
here. A few months, maybe. I was hoping to save up some more money - you know,
for my savings. Thanks to your little obsession with me, I'm pretty much
set."

     
"…I
am
obsessed with you," he said with a grimace. "You're in my head
practically every moment of the day. If I'm not actively thinking about you on
my own, there's always something, no matter how small, that just reminds me of
you again."

     
"Maybe you
just need to get laid?"

     
"Ah, such
enlightening advice coming from a virgin."

     
"Maybe I'm
speaking from personal experience," I shrugged, surprised by my own
boldness.

     
Ethan put his
fingers below my chin and lifted my face to look at him. "Why haven't you
been with anyone yet?" he asked quietly.

     
I swallowed. "…No
one ever interested me in that way. Until you came along, just the thought of
being physically intimate…It scared me." I sighed and leaned my head
against his knees. "Also, I always felt like I already belonged to
someone. I didn't know who, but for that person I would have waited
forever." I realized that I was babbling a bunch of gooey nonsense to a
guy. "Ah, listen to me…" I chuckled. "I know it's silly. I
am
realistic, though. I know that sometimes shit just happens."

     
He reached down
and lifted me up onto his lap, softly kissing my forehead. "It's not
silly."

     
I wrapped my
arms around him and relaxed into his embrace.

     
"Why did
they call you Baby?" he asked suddenly.

     
I tried not to
squirm. "Um…My father."

     
He waited for
me to continue.

     
I sighed and
went on, "It was after I'd just moved. No one really knew me yet. We were
supposed to bring in some of our own pictures for a school project. The only
ones I had were the ones that my father had taken. He labeled every single
one…'Baby eats cake,' 'Baby crying,' 'Baby taking a tumble.' For some reason,
everyone thought it was funny and took it as me not having a real name at all.
I'm not sure who started it, but it caught on quickly. Even the teacher started
using it."

     
"Is there
a reason your father called you that?"

     
I fidgeted a
little bit. "I don't remember why, but he nicknamed me after Baby
Sinclair."

     
"Who?"

     
I shook my
head. If he didn't know then more power to him.

     
"So when
did Baby became Babydoll?" he asked grimly.

     
"Later on,
after I explained what Baby stood for. Coops said that, if anything, I was more
of a Babydoll." I was used to it now, but be it Baby or Babydoll - both
were extremely embarrassing nicknames. I hated having to explain to Ethan. I
only allowed it from Dale and Jillian because I couldn't get them to stop.

     
"Hm. And
what does Coops mean?"

     
"It's
Cooper. I just shortened it to Coops."

     
He stared at
me, waiting.

     
"Short for
Special Agent Dale Cooper. Because cherry pie is his favorite."

     
"...Have
you ever actually seen any shows that didn't involve the horrors of the
supernatural?"

     
I scoffed.
"I'll have you know that my all-time number one favorite TV show has
nothing to do with the spooky-natural."

     
"And what
show might that be?"

     
"…
That
Girl
."

     
After an
extended pause, he chuckled. It was warm and deep, and somehow filled my
stomach with butterflies. "I can see why. So…will I have to share you now
that your dear old Coops has returned?" he asked.

     
"Not at
all. I'll miss having you on my couch, though."

     
"Guess
it'll be my place from now on. Will you be coming over tonight? Or do you need
to throw your roommate a welcome home party?"

     
"Dale will
probably be sleeping for the rest of the day. But I do think I should go home
today. I looked it up this morning…"
Just after the shower incident.
"Apparently, individual space is extremely important. It's unhealthy to
spend so many days in a row together. Especially on the first week."

     
Leaning in, he
gently took hold of my earlobe with his teeth and tugged slightly.
"Alright. When will I see you again, then?"

     
"M-Monday,
when you come to visit me in here, I guess."

     
He stilled.
"…You expect me to stay away from you for the entire weekend?"

     
"We
already spent four nights together. That's already one more night than the max
amount that 'together-folk' like us should be spending together."

     
"Where
exactly are you getting these numbers from?" he asked, kissing my neck.

     
"I don't
r-remember exactly. Anyway…I also need to know that I can be away from
you."

     
After leaving a
lingering kiss on my jaw, he pulled his head back to study me. "Why
exactly?"

     
Ignoring the
loss of his lips on my skin, I tried to think of a way to explain. It was best
that I told him as much as I could before time went on and he realized that
something was wrong.

     
"Having
been alone for much of life, I tend to…
cling
to certain things, you
know?" I explained. "I rely on whatever gets me through the day. Like
music, for example. You could say that I've become dependent on it. I've never
been able to go more than a few days without it. I did, once, and it wasn't
pretty. But you, being an actual living individual with a life of your own…You
aren't a constant. I don't want to become dependent on you, so if we're going
to be spending days in a row together, I need to know that I can handle the
days we're apart."

     
He was quiet
for a moment before he spoke in my ear. "I suppose that makes me a twisted
individual. I don't want you to be okay when you're not with me."

     
"…Have you
ever felt that way about anyone before?"

     
"No."
His voice was almost inaudible.

     
Perhaps I
should've been worried. I'm sure a normal person would have been. I couldn't
bring myself to feel that way, though. It wasn't that he wanted me to hurt. He
just wanted me to need him - in the same way he needed me, I assumed. It wasn't
healthy, but I couldn't argue, because deep down inside I felt the same exact
way. It wasn't enough for him to simply want to spend a few days in a row with
me. I had to know that he needed me like he needed the air to breathe. Because
only then would he truly become a constant. Only then would I know that we
would be okay - that he wouldn't leave me. It was the only way we were
guaranteed a chance at a future. It was messed up, but that didn't stop it from
being true.

     
"I guess
neither one of us is very healthy," I murmured against his shoulder.

     
After I washed
my face free of paint and rinsed off my brushes in the bathroom sink, I headed
back into the mural room to finish cleaning up. Once I had put everything away,
I carefully inspected the walls. I wasn't sure if I would be working the next
two days or not. I guess I'd just have to see how I felt tomorrow morning. It
would probably be good to take a break for a day or two. But at the same time,
I was also eager to finish as quickly as possible.

     
I'd told Ethan
that I would be getting home on my own. He tried to argue, but I was adamant
about it. It may have been nothing to him, but even something as simple as a
ride made me feel weird. So long as he wasn't coming over, I didn't see much
point in him dropping me off.

     
I ended up staying
until there was no more brightness to help light up the room. Instead, the sky
was now a strange mesh of dark gray and cerulean blue clouds. Since I'd mostly
been filling in the chalk lines with color, I hadn't needed too much light
today. But if this kind of weather persisted, it might do me some good to start
coming in earlier.