Overture (Rain Dance, Book 1) (Rain Dance Series) (42 page)

     
"For about
four years I had lived as a zombie. You know what emotion hit me first?
 
Embarrassment. You know how fucking
awkward it is to get the shit beaten out of you while your family watches?
Eventually Noel cut in. What a hero, right? Said I might have to go to the
hospital. It wasn't an option that time, though. With the damage that had been
done, there would've been no way for them to hide what'd happened to me. They
could say I'd gotten jumped or something, much like they had in the past, but
they wouldn't take that chance so long as I was coherent enough to say
otherwise - now that I was finally starting to talk, at least."

     
The violence
emanating off of Ethan had risen to a point where it was now palpable. Now
certain that it wasn't aimed at me, I took comfort in the fact that he cared
enough to let my past effect him like this.

     
"Fear came
next, once I heard their suggestion. If I were knocked out for a day or two, it
would give them enough time to gather false alibis - just in case. Before I
knew it, I was already running. My stepfather came after me. I was faster, but
unable to think straight, and he ended up chasing me into the woods behind our
house. In losing him, I also ended up getting lost. I didn't care, though.
Since I was feeling things again, I started having
those
kinds of
thoughts. So I was happy to be lost. I ran as far as I could before my body
gave out. Then, after a rest, I walked. When it got to the point where I
couldn't move anymore, I tried to go to sleep. I can't say how long I was out
there - it's blurry. But eventually the cops found me and took me to the
hospital.

     
"My mother
had reported me as missing. They had everything set up to blame my no-good
friends who'd beaten me and left me on my own. Everyone believed them, of
course. They had proof, false as it was. I didn't know what to do. It was only
then that I considered leaving. My parent's good name was safe, so I didn't
think they would have any reason to try and stop me. I would be eighteen soon,
anyway. But it wasn't as simple as it sounded. I had no ambitions. No
friends…Nothing. I was scared of living. Really,
really
scared.
Everything about the real world had become foreign. My anxiety was at its peak,
and I didn't know the first thing about how to function as a normal human
being.

     
"There was
only one thing I wanted. The ocean. I knew that if I went there, I would be
okay." I paused, swallowing. I didn't want to explain why. "But
getting there was an impossibility for me. At that time, I was too scared to
even hop on a bus. A few days later, Noel came to me with a bag of cash. He
told me to leave, to do whatever I had to do to get out of the city before fall
came around. Out of the state, if possible. Despite what his father said, I
didn't see it as him trying to keep me quiet. He was always trying to protect
me - from a distance." Keeping the blanket over my body, I carefully
stretched out my arms and legs, flexing my fingers and toes.

     
"I left
later that day, when everyone was gone. I walked out with the money, my
backpack, and a suitcase. I was terrified and didn't know where to go from
there. I didn't know how to ask for help. I didn't know what I needed to do to
be able to live on my own. Just the idea of any kind of interaction with
strangers…Anyway, somehow I ended up knocking on Dale's door. His mom answered.
When I started crying she dragged me inside, no questions asked. His family never
asked me about what happened, but I assume they came to their own conclusion,
having seen the bruises. School ended shortly after and, like I said earlier, I
spent the summer saving up my own money and getting reacquainted with Dale and
Jillian. They were really helpful with getting me outside. Together, we all got
on a bus and went to the beach. When it was all over, I felt comfortable enough
to live on my own. Well…" I turned to look at Ethan, hoping he hadn't
fallen asleep. "That's about it."

     
Reaching out
his arm, he pulled me against him and tucked my head underneath his chin,
squeezing me tightly. "…I am so sorry you had to go through all
that."

     
It took a
moment before I could fully relax into his hold. Now that he knew everything, I
couldn't help but feel overwhelmingly self-conscious. "On the bright side,
it could've been much worse."

     
He moved to lie
down, bringing me with him. When we were settled comfortably, he brushed my
hair out of my face and looked straight into my eyes. "I want you to
listen to me, understand?"

     
I nodded, my
stomach knotting uneasily.

     
"You are
the most beautiful, most adorable, the sexiest, funniest, strongest, artistic
and creatively talented, most sweetest, purest,
precious
human being
I've ever had the privilege of meeting. There were people - cruel and savage
people who did things to you. But their actions were a reflection of
themselves, not you. I need you to believe me when I tell you - you are
not
disgusting. You are not a whore. You are none of the things they might have
called you. And there is absolutely no reason at all for you to ever feel
embarrassed or ashamed about your past."

     
I sniffed.
"Dammit, you're making me cry again."

     
He wiped away a
tear just before it could fall and kissed my forehead. "Do you believe
me?"

     
Biting my lip,
I answered honestly. "…Getting there?"

     
He nodded.
"It's a start."

     
We were quiet
for the next few minutes, allowing everything that had just transpired to sink
in. That was when I remembered what had started this whole thing in the first
place.

     
"Do you
still think I'm a liar?" I asked nervously.

     
Ethan glanced
down at me, taking a small second before answering. "I think you have a
warped sense of what the truth is. But I understand where it comes from,
now."

     
"…Are you
angry with me?"
     

     
Lightly, he
traced his thumb over my bottom lip, releasing it from the grip of my teeth.
"Of course not."

     
I tore my eyes
away from his face, unsure of whether I should ask or not. "So then…we're
okay? You'll still, like, touch me and…and stuff?"

     
"...And
stuff
?"
He almost smirked. "Depends on what you mean by stuff."

     
"I want
you inside me." I might as well be honest. At this point, I had nothing
left to lose.

     
"I want
inside you, too," he replied. "But not tonight. You look like you're
going to pass out."

     
I yawned
involuntarily, only now realizing how tired I was. "You're right."

     
"Go to
sleep, Kitten." He kissed my forehead again and shifted to a more
comfortable position, still keeping me close.

     
"…Ethan?"

     
"Hm?"

     
"Thank
you. I know it's too soon to tell you what I've felt for a while now, so I
won't, but I want you to know…I like you more than ice cream."

     
I felt his body
still. Even his breathing halted. Whether that was a good thing or a bad thing,
I didn't know.

     
"Goodnight," I ended quietly.

     
A few seconds
later I felt his hand on my face as his thumb began retracing my lip again in a
gentle manner. Leaning in, he gave me a slow, sensuous kiss. But it was more
than that. It was like he was trying to tell me something, almost.
Precious
.
Is that what he was trying to convey? Because that's how his mouth made me
feel. My heart constricted as it cherished the gift he was giving me.
We
were going to be okay.

     
When he pulled
away, I was smiling contently. After placing one last kiss on my cheek, he
settled back and closed his eyes.

     
I woke to
extreme brightness. The sun was shining through the windows and I could feel
its heat on my skin. After a few seconds of blurriness, my vision began to
focus and I was able to see Ethan. He was already awake, studying me with an
unknown expression.

     
"Hmm…How
long have you been staring at me?" I mumbled, hoping I didn't look too
horrific after last night's bawlfest.

     
"Just a
few minutes," he replied softly.

     
I moved closer
into his chest, trying to block out the sharpness of the light. It was an
innocent move, but I was still naked and somehow the close contact of our
bodies caused a slight aching between my thighs. Shocked, I began to worry that
I was starting to become sexually frustrated. After what had happened last
night - hell, after my fucked up past, too - I was amazed that I could even
feel this way at all right now.

     
"Um.
Aren't you…" I began chewing on my lip. "Don't you...I mean…"

     
"What is
it, Kitten," he asked, lifting my head with a finger to my chin.

  
   
"It almost hurts me to be this close to
you." When he frowned, I quickly continued, "I'm afraid I might
spontaneously combust. Does it not bother you at all to be this close to me?"

     
"Oh."
He turned thoughtful for a few moments before smirking. "I always try my
best not to make you uncomfortable, but if you're that curious, all you need to
do is come a little closer." He grabbed onto my hips and shifted my lower
half towards him. I inhaled sharply when I felt his very obvious arousal
pressed up against my bare skin. "This is what you do to me every time you
touch me. Hell, looking at you alone - simply thinking of you, even, turns me
on in ways you'll never know.

     
"Oh…"
After a pause, I subtly rocked my body against his. His grip tightened and he
growled.

     
"Careful,
Kitten."

     
I grinned
impishly.

     
In return, his
own mouth curved into a heartfelt smile, which was followed by a lingering kiss
on my forehead. When he pulled back, there was a small crease between his
brows. "Are you on birth control?"

     
"Implant,
see?" I held out my arm and pressed against the skin where the little
white stick lay underneath. "It's good for almost another two years."

     
He gently
stroked his finger over it. "How long have you been…?"

     
"For about
as long as I've been on my own. It's sometimes scary being a girl my size, you
know? When you have to walk home in the middle of the night, you gotta be
prepared for anything. I don't have the patience for pills or shots, and this
method is ideal if I should ever have to go on the run." It was a major
relief to be able to talk about these kinds of things with him so freely.

     
"How often
did you have to walk home at night?"

     
"Most
nights. I had to get as many hours in as I could."

 
    
"Why didn't you use the money Noel
gave you to get a car?"

     
I looked down,
embarrassed. "I was afraid. Things like apartment hunting and work had
become familiar territories. But the whole process of learning to drive on my
own…and then having to find a car…I know it may seem simple to you, but it was
just one of those things that seemed way beyond me." My throat became so
dry it hurt. I hated thinking about all the things I couldn't do. Not only did
it make me justifiably stupid, but it made me feel like a failure as a human
being.
 

     
"Hey…" He rubbed my head and kissed me again. "I just
hate thinking about how easily something bad could have happened. No one ever
tried anything, did they?"