Owned By Fate (14 page)

Chapter Fifteen

Wednesday afternoon in Bryant Park was unusually busy. The crisp fall weather had gone on hiatus, replaced with unseasonably warm temperatures. Businessmen were sprawled out on the lawn eating hot dogs purchased from street vendors. Tourists, mangled maps in their hands, wound among the suits on their way to the library or a Broadway show.

Nearby where Caroline sat on a shaded bench, someone had music blasting though his headphones, the distant, tinny noise tunneling past her eardrums to assault her fuzzy brain.

She stared down at her untouched smoothie, unable to remember where she’d procured it or even paying for it.
At this very moment, I could be a smoothie fugitive.
A slightly hysterical laugh bubbled from her throat, cut off when a passing woman sent her a strange glance.

Eliza plopped down next to her unannounced. “You going to drink that?”

Wordlessly, Caroline handed it over, the movement lethargic. She was so damn tired that responding verbally required too much energy. How many nights had it been since she’d slept? A hundred? One? She knew the precise answer, but acknowledging it made her feel sick and angry and confused. Not to mention a thousand other emotions for which she couldn’t account. To keep her mind from returning to painful thoughts, she focused on the blaring music, letting the obnoxious sound ramp up her ever-present headache even more, until the pulsing ache in her temple drowned everything out.

“—roline!”

Her head jerked up when Eliza’s frantic voice broke through her carefully constructed haze. “What?”

“
What
? I’ve been calling your name, zombie.” Eliza’s fingers plowed through her blond hair. “A couple of tourists thought we were doing performance art.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Not exactly Shakespeare in the Park.”

Caroline looked down at her empty hands. “Wherefore art thou, smoothie?”

Eliza made a sound of disgust. “You gave it to me. I drank it.”

“Really?” She felt the corners of her mouth quirk up. “Was it
As You Like It
?” Before the ridiculous pun had fully left her mouth, Caroline doubled over with laughter. At first, it felt glorious, releasing
any
part of what had been pent up inside her for days, but it very quickly started to hurt. Her chest felt weighted down, bright lights pricked behind her eyes, and before she knew it, her laughter had turned to giant, racking sobs.

Never in her life had she cried like this. What was left of her functioning brain recognized that fact, and it terrified her. When her mother passed away, they’d known it was coming and had months to prepare. She’d been more resigned than anything. This,
this
felt like a mutiny on her senses. She couldn’t withstand it or stop it. It just kept coming.

This
would
pass. She had to be positive of that fact. As soon as her body gave in to the demands of sleep, she would wake up replenished. A new woman. Time healed all wounds. Clichés, clichés, more clichés. She had everything she wanted at this very moment. The final piece of her Ponzi scheme expos
é
had fallen into place, and her father was handing over the magazine to her. She was on her way to a fucking Pulitzer if she played her cards right. As soon as she figured out how to focus and speak again, she would be fine. Time. She just needed
time.

Eliza put an arm around her shaking shoulders and drew her close on the bench, hissing at a teenage passerby who stopped to gape. Why? Oh, right. She was crying hysterically in public. “You have to tell me what’s wrong, Ro. This is getting out of control.” The distress in her friend’s voice forced Caroline to make an attempt at calming herself. “I-I… Should I call Oliver? Your dad?”

“No,” Caroline said quickly, swiping at her wet cheeks. “I’m fine, I swear. Just need some rest. It can’t feel like this forever. It won’t.”

“
What
won’t? You have to talk to me.” Understanding dawned on Eliza’s face, and she slumped a little. “Oh my God, it’s Jonah. Isn’t it? The club owner.”

Caroline’s breath left her in a rush. No one had said his name out loud in days, and it felt like she’d been nailed in the stomach by a two-by-four. She struggled to pull herself together. Jonah had just been a phase. A stupid, ill-advised phase that needed to be put behind her now.
Right
now
.
“Yes. Fine. It’s…him. But please don’t make me talk about it. I
can’t
, Eliza.”

“Okay,” Eliza said soothingly, a frown marring her brow. “We won’t talk about him. But this can’t go on, Ro. You’re…Honey, you’re losing weight. You’re not yourself.”

“I know.” Thankfully, her voice sounded steadier, even if the rest of her didn’t. “Look, I just need—”

A familiar tune distracted her, cutting off her speech. When she felt vibrating in her pants pocket, Caroline realized it was her cell phone ringing.
Probably the office.
How long had she been gone? She pulled out the device, glanced down at the screen—

And felt the world shift. Jonah was calling her.

“It’s Jonah,” she murmured, knowing the joy exploding in her chest was a very bad, very dangerous thing. Energy practically sizzled in her veins. Traitorous, silly feelings. “Why is he calling me?”

“Don’t answer it,” Eliza said urgently. “If he’s the one doing this to you—”

Caroline shot to her feet, ignoring her friend’s curse. Nothing short of an apocalypse could have prevented her from answering. Maybe if she just talked to him one more time, it would provide the closure she needed. So she could sleep and move on with the almost guaranteed success heading her way. Yes, that was all she needed. “Hello?”

“Sweetheart.”

Tears blurred her vision. Caroline knew at that moment she’d made a colossal mistake in answering. With one husky endearment, he’d set her right back to where she’d started. The dark place she’d been in since driving away from him Saturday night.

With determination, she rung out the greedy sponge inside of her that had soaked up his voice. “Jonah.”

A long pause. “I know I shouldn’t be calling you like this.”

She waited. “But?”

“Caroline, I—” In the background, she could hear him pacing. Slowly, she sank back down onto the bench. “Gabby’s mother agreed to the meeting.”

“That’s great,” she breathed, genuinely meaning it.

“Yeah,” Jonah agreed, obviously trying to temper his excitement. She felt it anyway. It reached out and touched her through the phone. “The timing, however, is less than ideal. She drove here spur of the moment and is waiting for me at my lawyer’s office as we speak.”

Caroline absorbed that calmly. “Okay. Do you…need something?”

“Come with me.” When she didn’t,
couldn’t
respond, Jonah continued in a slightly more subdued tone. “Every aspect of my life needs to appear stable. I have the income, the brand-new apartment…but it will help my cause if someone speaks on my behalf. Someone to help prove I’m capable of a healthy relationship. One that doesn’t exist inside the four walls of my club.”

She commanded her lips to move. “I don’t understand. You want me to pretend we’re together?”

“No. I need someone on my side,” he clarified. “I need someone intelligent and professional to align herself with me. There’s no one better than you.” There was a long pause. “You said you thought I would be a good father.” He cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Did you mean it?”

Caroline wanted to answer him, but the rare vulnerability in his voice momentarily choked her. She ignored Eliza’s rapt concern beside her. Could she actually do this? In her present state, seeing Jonah again seemed like a horrible idea. She knew it with dead certainty. Yet the thought of being with him, just for the afternoon, made her feel alive for the first time in days. One thing she knew for certain, if she could help Jonah gain visitation rights with his daughter, she needed to do it. How could she live with herself otherwise?

“Is it— Will it be confidential?”

“Of course. No one will ever know you spoke on my behalf.”

She heard the edge in his voice and understood it. Her cheeks suffused with heat,
guilt
. Again, her unfair treatment of him made it so she couldn’t speak.

Jonah sighed. “Listen, I wouldn’t ask unless I had no other choice.”

Caroline bobbed her head in acknowledgment, then remembered he couldn’t see her. She started to speak, to tell him
of course
she would do it, but he cut her off.

“If you do this for me, I’ll…” Silence echoed so long, Caroline had to check the phone to make sure the call hadn’t been dropped. Finally, he spoke again. “If you do this for me, Caroline, I’ll…let you go.”

Her heart dropped, then shot back up into her throat to beat furiously. “Let me go? W-what does that mean?”

This time, he spoke with crushing resolve. “It means next time I see you out on a date, I’ll look the other way. It’ll be none of my damn business. It means I don’t ever show up at your office again. I won’t call you or send you gifts.”

Yes. This was it. It had to be. He was setting her free of this prison she’d been locked in for weeks. If she helped him, he would release his hold on her. This was the solution. Finally. Right?

“Yes or no, Caroline. I’m out of time.”

“Yes
.
”

“I’ll text you the address.”

He hung up.

…

Jonah stared down at the cell phone in his hand. What the hell had he just done? Already he felt an emptiness in his chest, a vicious cavity that had once been occupied by the chance that Caroline would give him more of her time. He’d just been given what he wanted, but in the form of an end point. One he’d freely given.

No, not freely. Nothing ever came free.

He’d regret this decision for a long time. Maybe forever. He’d always wonder if he’d just tried a little harder, given her a little more time, she would have eventually seen him. Not the man who built his livelihood on other people’s sexual proclivities. The man underneath, the one he’d never wanted to show another soul until she showed up. It figured that the one time he wanted to expose himself, it would be to someone who couldn’t,
wouldn’t
accept what she saw.

In a few minutes, he would walk into the most important meeting of his life. Nothing had prepared him for this. He didn’t know how to love a child or even be around one. His parents had left him in the care of a man with no parental skills to practically raise himself. The few times his uncle had tried to bond with him, there had been a six-pack of Coors Light and fishing magazines involved.

But he knew one thing for damn certain. If
he
didn’t believe he could help raise a child, then he wouldn’t be able to convince anyone else of it, either. That’s why he’d agreed to release Caroline from the hold he’d placed on her. One he already missed and selfishly wanted to snatch back. No. He couldn’t do it to himself—or her—anymore. He’d reached the point where being around her and knowing she didn’t find him good enough was equal to the pain of being without her. There wouldn’t be any getting her out of his system and there wouldn’t be any convincing her he had what it took to be her man.

Fuck, it hurt to even think it. To know he could feel this much for her, could want to give her everything, all the while knowing she didn’t want it. How was such a thing possible?

He wouldn’t change Caroline’s mind, so he had to focus on what he
could
change. A child’s life. His own. Because he knew the kind of man he was, even if Caroline couldn’t see it. He knew he would kill himself making up for the shitty childhood he’d had, replacing it with a good one for Gabby.

Jonah leaned up against the hallway wall, just outside the office where the meeting would take place. When his lawyer had called him, after his disbelief had worn off, he’d had an image of Caroline and himself, walking with Gabby. Laughing. Just being together. He wished he’d never thought it now, because the image was seared on his brain like it had been branded. Even knowing today would be the last time he saw Caroline, he could still feel his blood singing with anticipation. The driving need to get eyes on her. But he wouldn’t let the hope bloom. Not this time. She’d chosen being cut loose over seeing him again. God, she’d even sounded eager.

Distract. He would need to distract himself from thoughts of her. Focus on one thing at a time. The meeting. Keeping his business thriving. At one time, his work alone had been enough to sustain him. Would it ever be again?

He didn’t have a choice.

The pinging of the elevator had him pushing off the wall. But it wasn’t Caroline who made her way down the hallway toward the meeting room. It was Gabby’s mother, Renee. One look at her face told Jonah he had his work cut out for him.

Chapter Sixteen

I’ll let you go.

Caroline stared at her reflection in the steel elevator door. The girl looking back at her was wide-eyed and pale, definitely not someone equipped to inspire confidence in Jonah or help his cause. Propelling herself into action despite her overwhelming fatigue, Caroline made quick use of the hairbrush and lipstick in her purse, deciding she couldn’t do any better on such short notice. At the very least, it served to distract her.
I’ll let you go. I’ll let you go.

The door slid open soundlessly, and she exited into an air-conditioned lobby, her heels clicking on the black marble floor. A smiling receptionist stood as Caroline approached, a look of expectancy on her face. “Ms. Preston?”

She bobbed her head. “Yes.”

The receptionist indicated a brightly lit hallway at the opposite end of the chicly decorated waiting area. “Second door on the left. You can go right in. They’re expecting you.”

Caroline murmured a thank-you as she crossed the waiting area, then paused to take a deep, calming breath outside the conference room. On the other side, she could hear muffled voices, Jonah’s being one of them. Just knowing he was so close made her pulse dance against her will. She wished like hell her head was clear, wished she didn’t feel like everything around her was moving in slow motion. Even her depth perception felt off, as though she could reach through the fogged-glass door if she could gather enough strength to attempt it.

Before her nerves could drag her under the surface, Caroline pushed open the door.

Her gaze sought Jonah first where he sat just inside the door, to her left. He looked so strong and capable, yet the rigidity of his shoulders told a different tale. Relief swept across his features when he saw her, but they quickly transformed with alarm. His gaze tracked down her body, then back up to search her face.

If she could have gone on looking at him all day, she worried she might have done it. The urge to crawl into his arms and sleep for twenty-four hours made her dizzy, his nearness soothing like a healing balm. Warming her from the inside. How long had she been this cold?

Just a little longer and you’ll be free.

Slowly, he rose to his feet, as did the lawyerly looking man sitting beside him. “Caroline?” Her name sounded like a question, but she chose to ignore it. She knew she didn’t look her best, knew Jonah was probably second-guessing his decision to ask for her help in the first place. Caroline tried to communicate through a look that she wouldn’t let him down, but judging from the way he continued to stare at her, she didn’t think he understood.

His genuine concern was physically painful to witness. After everything, after her judgment, criticism, and rejection, he still seemed to care about her. Through the haze of her exhaustion, a voice rang in her head.
You don’t deserve it.
When Caroline noticed the lawyer shift nervously beside Jonah, she shook herself. She dug deep and woke up the die-hard professional from her fetal position on the floor.
Get through this meeting, and then you can crash and burn. You owe him.

Caroline forced a smile onto her face as she reached into her purse and pulled out a business card. She slid it across the table toward a pretty dark-haired woman she assumed to be Renee. Beside her sat a lawyer who tugged at his collar, looking far outside his comfort zone.
No challenge there.
She turned back to Renee, whose posture radiated resentment, and smiled wider.
This is where the challenge lies.

“I’m Caroline Preston. Lovely to meet you.” She briskly stuck out her hand, which Renee reluctantly shook. “I’m very sorry I’m late. Crosstown traffic is a killer.”

To her left, she heard Jonah’s lawyer sigh in relief. While Renee scrutinized her “award-winning financial journalist” business card curiously, Caroline took the seat on Jonah’s right. Before she could question herself, she reached over and laid her cold hand on top of his warm one, squeezing a little. His face registered surprise, but he turned over his hand and linked their fingers, worry still marring his brow. Worry for her? Worry over her saying something to hurt his chances, possibly on purpose? She didn’t know, and there would be no opportunity to question him.

Jonah’s lawyer cleared his throat. “We were just about finished here, Ms. Preston. Although no formal decisions have been made yet. If there is anything you can add, we would be grateful. Anything about Mr. Briggs that might help Ms. Joyner come to a decision?” He glanced pointedly at Renee’s lawyer. “Without having to go through any further legal channels, that is.”

Oh boy, she’d clearly walked into some thick tension.
Ease it, then make your case.
“Yes, I do.” Caroline squeezed Jonah’s hand and addressed Renee, who she could see was genuinely looking out for the best interest of her daughter. A week ago, she’d been of the same mind as Renee. If she could go back in time and convince herself of Jonah’s strength of character, what would she say? “Ms. Joyner, I appreciate the position you’re in here. You’re obviously a wonderful mother who loves her daughter. I like to think that someday when I have my own daughter, I’ll be as cautious and protective as you.”

Something in Renee’s expression softened, the tension ebbing ever so slightly from her body.

Caroline nodded. “Furthermore, you’re the one who raised Gabby from birth. You have a bond with her, and you’ve earned the right to be discerning. Maybe it’s something that three men in suits have a difficult time understanding, huh?”

Renee’s mouth tilted at the corners, telling Caroline she’d struck a chord.

“You’re also probably wondering who the heck I am. I have no right to tell you how to make decisions for your daughter. You don’t even know me.”

She could practically feel Jonah’s lawyer’s faith lessening with every word. Jonah’s grip, however, was sure and solid in hers, his confidence and trust in her visceral.
Why?
Caroline wanted to shout at him.

“I’m here because you have doubts about Jonah’s character.” She waited for Renee’s stiff nod. “I know because I made the same mistake once. Before I knew him as a man who puts the needs of others before his own.” Her gaze connected with Jonah’s and held. “As a man who keeps his word.”

For some reason, her words caused his mouth to tighten fractionally, although she couldn’t fathom why. She turned back to Renee, who watched them with interest.

“A man who would fight this hard just for the chance to know his daughter should be commended, not condemned. Not by me or anyone else.” Caroline softened her voice. “He deserves a chance. You’re the only one who can give it to him.”

Renee looked down a moment, then raised her head. She opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by a high-pitched giggle coming from outside the conference room door. Her eyes went wide. “I— That’s Gabby. My boyfriend was supposed to take her for ice cream, but—”

The conference room door flew open, and a whirlwind of sandy blond hair entered. A thin, harried-looking man jogged after her, followed by the receptionist.

“I’m sorry, they just—”

“You were supposed to—”

“We did. She wanted to come and sit
quietly
in the waiting room, but then—”

Renee pushed back her chair and stood. “Why would you do that? You know—”

“Are you him?” Everyone stopped talking at once when Gabby, wearing a chocolate-stained jean jacket, addressed Jonah from across the table. Caroline had to hold in her gasp when she got a good look at Gabby. Everything from the stubborn set of her chin to her soulful brown eyes screamed
Jonah
. For the first time since Gabby’s arrival, Caroline glanced over at Jonah to find his attention arrested by his newly arrived daughter, sitting as though moving would cause him to shatter into a million pieces. Her heart clenched hard at the sight.

“Yeah,” he finally answered. “I’m…him.”

“The one who wants to see me?”

Jonah smiled hesitantly and gave a slow nod. “Yeah, I—”

Gabby, now balancing on one wobbly leg, sighed impatiently. “Is there a park near your house or anything?”

“I don’t know.” His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. “But if there’s not, I’ll build you one.”

With that, he had her undivided attention. Watching Jonah curiously, she rounded the table to stand in front of him. “No way. You can’t do that.”

“Oh no? Watch me.”

Gabby frowned, her freckled nose crinkling. “You smell like licorice.”

Jonah reached into his pocket and withdrew a package of Red Vines. As he tore the plastic end open, he looked at Renee for permission. After a tense beat, she nodded. Jonah handed Gabby a piece of licorice before taking one out for himself. As they both bit into the red candy, Gabby smiled, and Jonah looked like he’d just won the lottery.

Caroline had to remind herself to breathe. If she lived to be one hundred years old, she didn’t think she’d ever again have the privilege of witnessing something as pure and magnificent as Jonah meeting his daughter for the first time. And knocking it clear out of the fucking park. Part of her wanted to jump up on the conference table and cheer. Another part of her wanted to fall down on the floor and weep until sleep overtook her.

A stubborn voice in her head continued to plague her, though. Loudly and incessantly.
Walk out of here, go home, move on. You’ve got it all, and he doesn’t fit into the perfect picture. This is not where you belong.

She clung to that belief like a lifeline. Maybe because it felt like all she had left.