Oxford Shadows (7 page)

“Do you know how much you mean to me?”

Fire fed his words. His breath brushed against her face, and she enjoyed the citrus scent that the lemonade infused. Closing her eyes, she wished time would stand still as she snuggled in his arms, safe and loved. Well, not technically
loved
, since Rupert had never said the three little words.

“Are you trying to distract me from what happened with Monty?” She kept her eyes shut while his lips caressed an earlobe, the cradle of her neck, the tip of her nose. “It won’t work if we keep on hiding things from each other.”

He suspended his caress, and she had to open her eyes again. “Why?” he said. “Are you hiding something from me right now?”

This was not how she had intended to broach the subject of the concert ghost. But then again, there was no good way. There never would be. She stepped back, introducing a few safe feet between herself and Rupert. She straightened out the creases of her sundress, and the contrast between her honey-colored skin and the light material of the dress struck her. Everything about her stood out from the crowd, when all she wanted was to fit in.

“Remember when I told you something happened during the concert?” The words were no more than a whisper.

His eyes squinted and transformed Rupert her boyfriend into Rupert Vance, the guy she should have kept admiring from a distance.

“You see a lot of dead people. Why would this one matter more than the rest?”

Here we go.
“He threatened Camilla.” The news didn’t ignite any reaction. “He threatened the baby.”

Rupert’s jaw tightened. “Does this have anything to do with Peter?”

She took hold of his hand. “It has nothing to do with Peter. I’ve never seen this man before.”

Rupert spun round and walked away from her while sipping his lemonade.

Her hand dropped to her side and a sense of abandonment wrapped itself tightly around her. She closed the distance between them and placed her hand on his back. “I’ll have to talk to Camilla soon.”

Rupert did a one-hundred-eighty-degree spin and faced her. “You can’t say anything.”

The order crashed on her like a hammer, and she pulled herself upright. “Why not?”

“Because she’ll freak out and I need her to like you.”

“She can’t like me if she’s dead.”

Rupert raised his hands with the palms facing upwards. “You saw something, someone. It might be nothing at all. Let’s not overreact just yet.”

“The last time I had a vision like that I didn’t overreact, and two people died. I’m not letting that happen ever again.” His only response was to roll his eyes, which was enough to tip her over the edge. “Anyway, why do I care if your snobbish stepmother likes me or not?” She used her fingers to signal quotation marks around the word “like” and added, “We aren’t on Facebook anyway.”

“Because I care. That should be enough for you to make an effort.”

“A lovers’ spat?” Monty chimed in, back from his farewell tour.

“All’s good.” Rupert begged her to confirm this with his stare. Madison nodded, but she gritted her teeth.

Rupert and Monty started exchanging posh private jokes, their bodies facing each other, away from her. And just like that, Rupert managed to sink the foundations of her fledgling sense of belonging. With or without him, she wasn’t going to sit still and wait for the body count to rise.

9

“YOU NEED TO TAKE a step back.” Louise sat on the other side of the table in the kitchen she shared with her Ursuline Sisters.

Madison brought the cup to her lips and savored the aromatic taste of the tea her aunt had brewed for her. “From Rupert? Or from my new ghost-whispering career?” She had come straight from the cricket match to confide in her aunt, leaving a sulky Rupert behind but carrying her own insecure heart with her.

“You will never be able to get away from who you are.” The verdict fell from Louise’s lips, so similar to her own, and hit the sore point that never stopped throbbing inside Madison.

Madison had given up trying to escape from her fate the day Pippa died. “Rupert is also part of who I am, of who I want to be.” She failed to stifle her pleading tone.

“But do you mean the same thing to him?”

Madison focused on the amber liquid twirling inside her mug to hide the tears welling up in her eyes.

“You’ve really taken a shine to this boy, haven’t you?”

Louise covered Madison’s hand with hers in a rare gesture of affection. While her mom and grandmother drowned Madison with kisses, caresses and cuddles, her aunt’s definition of PDA was more limited.

“I’ve no idea what to do. If I talk to his stepmom he’s going to get as mad as a mule chewing on bumblebees. If I don’t, and something happens to Camilla and the baby …”

“Tsk tsk. You need to think about yourself.”

Madison shot a harsh look back at her aunt.

“You have to look at the bigger picture,” Louise continued. “The man you saw at the concert and Rupert’s family dilemma are all temporary. Your true calling is to a much greater purpose.”

Her aunt talked as if Madison was meant to take the veil and enter a convent. The idea didn’t register well.

“I thought the ultimate purpose was for me to help others, not myself.” Madison couldn’t keep out the underlying reproach out of her voice. Surely, her nun of an aunt could understand the concept of self-sacrifice.

“You are gifted, Madison. Your duty should benefit your own people first.”

“My people? You mean us, the LeBons?” Madison shuffled, and her seat squeaked. Soon Aunt Louise would quote the Old Testament and tell Madison her middle name was Moses and expect her to part the Red Sea. Or the Mississippi.

Words rested on the tip of Louise’s tongue without spilling over, and Madison took another sip of her tea. The taste was bitter and she grimaced. Since when was Aunt Louise interested in the LeBon family business anyway?

“Some carrot cake?” Her aunt spun the conversation in a new direction.

Madison accepted the offer. Disappointment dragged down her spirit. Everyone around her had their own agendas and nobody had put Madison’s needs in the diary.

The path leading to the Magway family graveyard had an upward slope, but even if it had been flat Rupert would have struggled walking it. He hadn’t attended his mother’s funeral; the affair had been wrapped up by his father within days of her death. Still, Rupert remembered the first time he had returned to the Cotswolds after leaving hospital, the first time he saw Magway without his mother, the first time he laid flowers on her grave. At the time his torso was still tightly corseted to protect his spine and ribcage, every step he took igniting a stabbing pain that rippled throughout every one of his nerves. But eventually he had had to return.

Time had passed. The wounds had healed, slowly. Then Madison had stepped into his life and he had learned how to forgive. He would never forget, but he had accepted that he would just remember instead.

“I’m glad we finally get to pay our respects together.”

His father was all Barbour and jodhpurs today. The hot weather had been a blessing for Monty’s last cricket match before jail, but the drizzle had pushed Pimm’s and cucumber sandwiches aside now. A shiver ran down Rupert’s spine, and he buried his hands in the pockets of the wet jeans that clung around his legs.

“Your mother would be so happy to see us.” His father’s voice trembled. “Our visit has been far long overdue.”

Rupert didn’t comment. He had talked to his mother at every one of his visits to Magway. There had not been one exception, even when he had brought Madison here for the first time. A laugh resonated through his mind as he remembered their tense and silent trip in his Morgan from Oxford. That day he had wanted to spend every second with her, learning about her, and, truth be told, flirting with her. Despite that, he had still come to the graveyard and talked to his mom.

His father took the lead and pushed open the iron gate that led to the closed square where generations of Vances rested. His mom’s grave was a simple stone resting in the corner of the cemetery, with a Celtic cross standing on top.

Rupert kneeled at the foot of the grave and laid a single flower next to the inscription on the stone. With the tips of his fingers, he brushed aside the mildew that had settled on the stone since the last time he had come. His gaze moved upwards to lose itself in the low-hanging rain clouds. Between the sky above and the earth beneath his feet, his mother watched over him.

“There’s something I’d like to know.” Rupert had chewed on this question for days, ever since his father had invited him to walk down memory lane in Magway. He had never discussed emotions with Hugo. Feelings were considered vulgar.

His father stared at him, not prompting him to do anything despite the overhanging silence. His arms crossed over his chest betrayed his concern about what was coming.

“Did you love Mum?”

“Of course I did.” Hugo hadn’t even given the question a second thought before his answer bounced back. “The day my eyes fell on her, I was done. We were at the Turf and she was Bartlett’s date. He was my best friend, but I was ready to sacrifice everything for her to look at me. And talk to me.” He shook his head, his wife’s memory nurturing a smile and causing a shadow in his eyes.

Coach Bartlett, the man who had trained Rupert for the Varsity Race, had never mentioned being involved with Rupert’s mother. The thought of the ex-Marine being in love with his artsy mother made Rupert smile.

His father stepped around the grave to lean against the cross. “I did lots of stupid things. Especially after you were born. I wasn’t ready to be a father. I let your mother down, and I’ll never be able to apologize for it.”

Hugo’s confession broke an all-time record of intimacy. It had taken twenty-two years, but they had connected. Finally.

“I’m sure Mum knows how sorry you are.” If Madison was right, his mother might even be there with them, listening to their words, smiling maybe. “She knows you loved her, and she’s happy you’ve found happiness again.”

A bitter laugh cascaded out of his father. “I hope she is. I won’t screw up again. I’ve learned from my mistakes.”

Hugo closed the distance between him and Rupert to lay his hand on his son’s shoulder. “I want us to be a family again.”

“I want that very much, too.”

“Good. One day you’ll find happiness and have your own family. I know you’ll do a much better job than I have.”

A family of his own. The thought triggered a longing inside Rupert he didn’t think he had in him. “I think I’ve found the person I want to share it with.”

His father withdrew his hand and pressed his lips together. “If you’re talking about that American girl, you’re making a mistake.”

“Why are you so set against her? You’re not giving her a chance to show you how amazing she is.”

“Don’t you realize what that girl must see in you? She comes from an underprivileged background, and you’re made of the material these people read about in magazines.”

“Madison won’t even let me pay for her lunch. I doubt she’s after my trust fund.” Rupert took a step back. God, his father made it hard to turn the page, to love him. “I’m ready to accept Camilla, to welcome the baby. The least you could do is give Madison the benefit of the doubt.”

Tension vibrated between them. Rupert breathed in the air charged with rain and the earthy scent of the countryside, then exhaled. His gaze abandoned the sight of his father to settle on the dedication on his mother’s last resting place. She would have championed Madison, he was sure of it. Unfortunately, her voice couldn’t be heard from beyond the grave.

10

THANK GOD FOR HER quick metabolism. It had saved Madison from those diabolical things called “running” or “yoga.” Until today.

Turning her head toward the light in the shower, she let the water roll over her face, down her neck and her shoulders, and cascade over her worn-out muscles. She had never exercised in her life but the time had now come for her to build up her physical strength. The whole damsel-in-distress thing was getting old. But kicking ass required flexibility … and some cardio. Day one in her new fitness regime was over, and a full tube of Deep Heat waited on the cupboard next to the shower.