Packed and Ready to Go (37 page)

Her relationship with Anthony was growing stronger. She was giddy with that new relationship excitement. I prayed her happiness would last her a lifetime. Time is only good for aging wine; time alone does nothing to nurture a relationship.

I took my time getting to the restaurant. Keeping Walter waiting wasn’t ever done; nothing made him angrier than waiting on others. But if he left the restaurant before I got there, then he could talk to my lawyer. God knows I’d waited on him for years. I slowed my pace and relaxed my shoulders.

I prepared a speech in my head. This was my moment and I planned to purge my soul.

I sashayed into the restaurant on my four-inch heels, my shoulders back, my head high, and an air of confidence reminiscent of my college persona. Walter was already seated at a booth along the wall of the restaurant. A glass of wine sat in front of him. I took a deep breath and pushed past my anxiety.

I slid into the booth, with my back to the door. Exhaustion showed in Walter’s face, dark coloring puddled under his eyes. Salt and pepper stubble peppered his chin. Impeccably dressed as usual, but there was something missing from his arrogant air. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but that was no longer my concern. I only had to focus on me. I only had to make myself happy. I suppressed a big whoop as that realization settled over me.

“
You’re late,” he said, without hiding his annoyance.

I ignored him. “I’ll have a glass of iced tea and a Caesar salad,” I said to the server who rushed to the table.

“
I’ve been trying to get in touch with you.” Walter balled his fingers into a fist.

“
I know.”

“
No one would tell me where you were.” He released his fingers and placed them on the table. “Look, I know you’re upset and you have every right to be. But we’ve been through more than this. We can get over this and have a happy life. You know we can.” He clenched his fingers again.

“
Walter, I don’t want to be married to you anymore.”

“
But…all those years, you can’t walk away from them.”

“
I didn’t, you did. And every time you did, I forgave you. But not this time.” I smacked the table. Walter sat back. “It’s over.”

“
No, not yet.” He rubbed his chest. “I can’t do it, Tracy. I can’t raise a child. I’m too old.” He ran his hand over his close-cropped hair. “I’ve lost my job. I need you, Tracy. Please understand.”

“
Tell me something, Walter. A few months ago, when you didn’t come home, were you really called into a meeting?”

He dropped his eyes and shifted his fork. “Of course I was. Remember, I left you the message?”

I shook my head. “You’ve made your bed, Walter, get comfortable.”

“
Is it because you don’t believe I was in a meeting?”

“
According to your Ms. Sasha, you spent several nights with her, playing house. She even told me about a trip to Paris and to the emergency room.”

His face turned gray. “You’re being mean. That’s not like you.”

“
No I’m not. What you’ve done is mean. I’m finally seeing my marriage—what I thought was a marriage—with fresh eyes.” I restrained my anger. “What did you think when you were making that baby? They need a father. They deserve a father, so forget what you want and step up.”

“
I can’t do it, Tracy. I can’t.” He dropped his head. “These should be my golden years, I don’t want to do parent-teacher conferences and all that stuff again. I’m miserable just thinking about it.”

“
Walter, I don’t know what to tell you. Our marriage is over. It’s been over for years. There’s no going back. This is your problem, you’ll figure it out.” We sat in silence for several moments.

“
Where have you been? I went past the house several times.”

“
I’m staying with Marco.”

His eyes narrowed. “Are you fucking him?”

“
Now let me see,” I taunted. “That’s none of your business.” I stirred sweetener into my iced tea. “If I was, what would you say? What would you do?” I placed my chin in the palm of my hand and leaned forward. “What would you have to say about that, Walter?”

He didn’t respond.

“
That’s what I thought.” I sat back.

“
Tracy, I’m really sorry, but think about what you’re saying, what you’re doing. We’ve been through tougher times. We’re both too old to start over again.”

Poor Walter was still trapped in his own haze. Thinking he loved me or wanted me. My haze vanished when I stopped the pills. I had no compassion or empathy for him. I took a deep breath and slowly released it. I could move on without looking back. “Maybe you’re too old, but I feel like my young self again. Maybe better than I’ve felt in years.”

He reached for my hand, but I placed it in my lap. I looked around for our server to cancel my salad. What I needed to say was said in the time it took to drink a glass of iced tea.

“
Walter, I’ve filed for divorce. I’ll have my lawyer call yours. You can keep your pension and I’ll keep mine. Everything else we’ll split down the middle.” Never had so few words felt so liberating. I wasn’t daddy’s little girl or Walter’s wife.

“
But Tracy…”

“
We get together with Crystal tomorrow. You can tell her… Well, you might want to work on that story.” I reached for my wallet, extracted twenty dollars and laid it on the table. “I think this should take care of my salad and tea.” As I stood, he poised his mouth to say something, but I turned away from the booth and walked out.

Jacki Kelly has written dozens of short stories and several books. She lives in the North East with her husband and one loveable dog. She loves hearing from her readers so please contact her.

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