Packed and Ready to Go (35 page)

Carla’s eyes grew large and she placed a hand on her hip.

We agreed to meet at his place at seven and ended the call.

Carla crossed her arms over her chest and stared at me. “What was that all about?”

“
Girl, you need to quit. You’re acting like we’re still in college and trying to decide which guy to take to the dance.”

“
Anyway.” She rolled her eyes. “Dinner, tonight?”

“
I feel like I’ve been living under a shoe. Maybe getting out in public will pull me up.”

She nodded in agreement.

“
Between my father’s death and this, my life has been all red lights. I’m so tired of being sad and crying and wanting something more but settling for less.”

“
Then go out tonight and enjoy your dinner with Marco. Have rambunctious sex with him if that’s what you feel like doing.”

“
What does rambunctious sex feel like?”

“
If you don’t know then you really need it.”

***

Marco walked in the house. “Wow! You look fantastic.” He held my hand above my head and spun me around.

“
You’re being nice,” I said.

“
Cha, bella.
” He leaned in so close I thought he was going to kiss me. Instead, he extended his elbow for me. “We’re going to have dinner at restaurant at Penn’s Landing in Philly. Not because we needed to hide, but because this dinner is to be special.

“
What makes it so special?”

“
You’re going to be a single woman and I don’t have to pretend I want to be your friend anymore.”

“
I…I—What…?”

“
Shh. Don’t say anything. I’m willing to wait as long as it takes, or two weeks, whichever comes first.”

I jabbed his arm and laughed.

“
See, my plan is working, already. You’re laughing.” He helped me in the car, walked to the driver side and started the engine. Chatting with Marco during the drive to Philly was easy.

Once we were seated in the restaurant I said, “Okay, tell me what they’re saying about me at work.”

“
It’s ugly, you know how gossip is.
Sono davvero spiacente
.”

“
Don’t be sorry.
It’s my life. Tell me.”

He shared the details.

“
It sounds like the gossip mills have my story about right. My husband cheated, his mistress confronted me at work, I snapped. That’s pretty much my story.” I took a sip of water and swirled the liquid in the glass.

He rearranged the salt and pepper grinders on the table. “Does that bother you?”

“
Not as much as I thought it would.”

When the server arrived at our table Marco ordered a bottle of wine, then sat back in his chair. “You know I can’t be objective here. I think you should have left Walter a long time ago. So you’ll understand if I don’t try to give you any guidance as you go through this thing. If it frees you up and makes room for me, then I’m all for it.”

“
I need somebody to listen.”

“
I’ll always listen. You can even lay your head on my shoulder.” He reached for my hand and caressed my fingers. The warmth from his palm penetrated my heart. The ice around my heart melted. Was it cheating to want Marco so much when I had unfinished business with Walter?

We lingered over dinner, stretching it out until I released a string of uncontrollable yawns. Even though I didn’t want the night to end, I couldn’t keep my eyes open.

“
Time to get you home.” He paid the check and led me out of the restaurant.

During the drive I tried to stay awake. I realized I hadn’t made it when Marco shook my shoulder.

“
Time to wake up sleepy-head.”

We were at his house, in the garage.

“
I’m sorry. I guess I wasn’t very good company on the way here, was I?”

“
You were great company.” He leaned over, his mouth inches away from mine. I focused on his lip, wishing and wanting. My heart picked up speed, accelerating beyond my control. Placing his mouth over mine. His warm, thick tongue immediately woke me up. My body came to life at the core as I placed my hand on the back of his neck to draw him closer. Suddenly the interior of the car felt warm.

After a full minute he pulled away. “I couldn’t wait another minute.” His eyes searched my face. “You get it, don’t you?”

“
I get it.” My voice sounded thick and sweet.

“
If not now, Tracy, then when? Haven’t you been living on hold long enough?”

“
I need to be fair to you, but I need to be fair to myself this time too. I need to make sure I’m not with you because I’m sad, depressed rebounding, or just plain stupid.”

“
If that’s important to you, I’ll wait. But I’d want you even if you were doing it for any of those three reasons. You know that, don’t you?” His eyes held a warm yearning.

“
I know, and that’s what makes you so incredibly sweet.”

“
I think we’d better get you to bed before…” He got out of the car and walked around to open my door.

“
Thank you for dinner, it was a lovely evening.” He held my hand and searched my eyes. This couldn’t be happening. I should have been broken up over my failed marriage. Instead, I wanted to fall into Marco’s arms. When he released my hand, I rushed off to my room. Leaning against the closed door, I took a deep breath. My mouth watered. My body screamed for attention.

The light knock on the door startled me. “Can I come in?”

I stepped back, closed my eyes and bit my lip. “Marco, if I open that door I can’t be responsible for anything I say or do.”

He cracked the door and slipped inside. “I’ll responsible enough for the both of us.”

He pressed his tongue between my lips. My heart fluttered and threatened to stop as he gathered me in his arms.

Chapter Twenty-Nine – Walter

The narrow couch dug into my back. A sharp pain slid across my chest, forcing me to sit upright. I rubbed my breastbone with my fingertips, coaxing the spasm to release me.

After trying to fall asleep for several hours, and dialing Tracy’s phones though the night, I gave up. I swung my legs off the couch. My shoes sat side by side next to the couch like mates are supposed to.

I dropped my head and rubbed my face hard, much harder than I intended. The discomfort was a distraction.

A thin film of perspiration covered my body. This was bad. The anger in Tracy’s voice and eyes were new to me. Even after the second time I cheated, she cried, never had she yelled. I wrung my hands then stared into my empty palms.

Without my permission everything was changing. My personal belongings from my desk were packed in boxes and stacked at the door. The office was hardly recognizable after all my years of employment. Beverly needed to be thanked for packing up my items. She would be glad to see me go. Another woman I failed to please.

I had to start over again, find another job. It wouldn’t be easy at my age. But Tracy was patient. She’d give me time to look around until I found the right fit.

I shrugged and stood up on stiff legs. I felt old, like a grizzly senior.

It wasn’t like Tracy not to answer the phone. Her voice and the directness of her eyes made me believe she was capable of getting through the night without me. Waiting for her to change her mind was my best plan of action.

I woke Sasha while my anger festered.

“
Why are you calling in the middle of the night, Walter?”

“
Why didn’t you pick up when I called earlier?”

“
Where are you? I thought you’d be coming here.”

“
I’ll bet you did.”

We fell silent. Exhaustion and anger circled my brain like sharks.

“
Why, Sasha?” I asked when she didn’t volunteer any information.

“
Because you wouldn’t. Because you couldn’t,” she hissed.

“
Dammit, Sasha. I don’t fucking believe you did this. You had no right. What the hell were you thinking going to Tracy like that?” I walked around the room, making sure to avoid the boxes.

“
I was thinking about our child. I was thinking about getting… getting this done, over. Don’t you see…it’s really better now that it’s out in the open? I—we don’t have to sneak around anymore. We can go out in public, have a meal in a restaurant.” She paused. “What choice did I have, Walter? What choice did you leave me? I’m different from Tracy. I can’t live on promises.”

“
You were only thinking about yourself and what you wanted,” I shouted.

“
Is that what you think?” Before I could respond she rushed on. “If I was thinking only of myself, then who were you thinking about? Who were you thinking about?”

I bit my tongue. I didn’t know what to say to make her see the damage she caused. The fight drained out of me. For a moment neither of us said anything. It was an uncomfortable silence.

“
It’s late, Walter and I’m tired. Let’s talk in the morning.”

“
Sasha, do you ever think about anyone other than yourself?”

“
Yeah, I think about the baby on the way. I want you to do the same.”

Outside, someone lay on their car horn and tires screeched. Even in this early morning hour, life moved on.

In a voice that was more conciliatory, Sasha asked again, “Where are you?”

“
In my office.”

“
Why are you there so late?”

“
Tracy put me out.”

“
Why didn’t you come here? I don’t understand—why would you go there and not here?”

“
Sasha, I—”

“
Walter, why didn’t you come here? What’s going on?”

“
Look, I need some time.”

“
Walter?”

I hung up. Never had I been angry with her. She called me back. I ignored the ringing phone and stretched out on the couch again.

Light came through the slits in the office blinds, crossing the floor in thin ribbons. I couldn’t block out the light. Instead of sleeping, I stared at the ceiling. What could I say to Tracy to get her to forgive me this time? I couldn’t picture a life with us all intertwined: Tracy, Crystal, Sasha, and the new baby. I could see bits and pieces, but the puzzle never came together.

I pushed off the sofa, showered in the corporate bathroom, and dressed. I didn’t want the whole office to know I slept on my couch. Beverly stepped in my office and closed the door.

“
I don’t know if you heard yet.” She sat like there were thorns in the chair. “I’m going to be the admin assistant for Thompson effective next month.” She looked pained.

“
Thompson!” Her betrayal socked me. I couldn’t tolerate the little weasel of a man. “Thompson’s name was on my list, he’s being let go, too.”

“
Joe decided to promote him. He’s the new Vice President of Sales and Marketing.”

“
I guess he’s better at the political game than I am.” I tried to hide my discomfort. “Beverly, sorry about that, but I guess it could be worse. You could be out on the street like me.”

“
He’s not so bad. He never works late and his offices will be in the new wing with the new furniture.” She shrugged one shoulder. Beverly didn’t approve of my choices. She’d be quite delighted to know Tracy kicked me out of the house. “Besides, you’ll get a nice little package plus all the executive perks. You won’t have to work again if you don’t want to.”

“
Yeah, but…” I didn’t know how to respond. “This might be my last week in the office. I don’t see a need to hang around.”

“
I’ll call and make arrangements to have your boxes sent to your house.”

“
Give me the number and I’ll handle the arrangements.” She gave me a quizzical look. I didn’t want her to know where my belongings would end up.