Paint Me True (25 page)

He just chuckled.

T
he following day, when I checked my email, Len was on. My heart lifted. He hadn’t blocked me, and I knew better than to think that might have been an oversight. This was Len. It wasn’t like he didn’t know how to block me. He’d given me a chance. Now I just had to not blow it.

I took a deep breath and pulled up a text window to send him a chat. I had to sound nice and not desperate.

Edunmar
: Thanks for talking to me the other day.

I stared at that line. Too much? Too little? If I made a mistake, it was better that it be writing too little. That I could adjust as I went along. If I said too much, he’d block me. I hit the button to send the text.

And then I turned away. Only, the moment I did, plink as a response came in. I turned back around.

Hodgehog
: I heard your aunt died. I’m really sorry about that.

I looked at the clock. It was ten in the morning, which meant it was two where he was. I debated whether or not to reply at all. I wanted to, but I had to be careful. No gushing.

Edunmar
: Yeah, not a good day.

I deleted that. Wrong tone.

Edunmar
: Thanks.

That was better. I sent that one.

Hodgehog
: How long you staying in England?

Hope ignited in my chest. He wanted to know when I’d be home?

Edunmar
: I’ll be home next week.

Hodgehog
: Well, have a good trip.

Now was the tricky part. I took a deep breath.

Edunmar
: I would really like to see you again.

When he didn’t reply for a moment, I forged ahead.

Edunmar
: But it’s up to you, of course. I’ll see you at church, at least. I’m signing off. Have a good day.

There, I thought. Not too desperate, was it?

Hodgehog
: Have a good night.

I turned away from the computer and found Louisa standing in the doorway of the office with a sheaf of papers on her hand.

“Right,” she said, “I’ve got Nora’s Will here.”

I didn’t bother to ask her how she found it. Louisa, I’d decided, was like a force of nature. Opposing her or trying to contain her would just wear me out.

“And I talked to my solicitor. It’s quite clear that Nora intended you to be her sole heir.”

“But can I change the distribution of the estate?”

“Theoretically-”

“If I just refuse to inherit, will my cousins automatically inherit everything?”

She lifted an eyebrow. “I don’t know, but you will need a solicitor to sort all of this out.”

“Fine, can yours do it?”

“Do you know how much is at stake here?”

“I don’t care.”

“Thirty million pounds.”

“Mmm.” I shrugged.

I heard the front door open and Johnny’s kids come tumbling in. He herded them on through the kitchen and out into the backyard, where they hollered and shrieked and ran around. Keeley, Johnny, and Bea’s voices all stayed in the kitchen. The sound of chairs scraping let me know they’d sat around the table.

“You want tea?” Keeley called out to us.

“Herbal tea,” said Johnny.

“Thanks. Sure.” I got up. “It’s better if they don’t even know.”

“Not possible. The Will’s a public document.”

“Well, fine. Whatever. Tell me what I have to sign and let’s be done with it.” I moved past her and went to join my cousins in the kitchen.

“So I wanted to ask you,” said Keeley, when I walked in, “about this gene I should be tested for.”

“Yes, would it affect my girls?” Johnny asked.

“Everyone should get tested,” I told them. I launched into my lecture about what the BRCA mutation was and how bad the family cancer legacy was. I told them about how many relatives I’d lost and how unusual Nora had been, living as long as she did.

My cousins listened, asked questions, and in the end thanked me for explaining it to them. Louisa sneaked into the room and took her seat at the end of the table.

“So,” said Keeley, “you’re an artist?”

I nodded.

“Nora’s got a lot of paintings. Did you help her choose them?” asked Johnny.

I gestured at the walls. “If you mean these, I painted all of them.”

The three of them looked around in surprise. “All of these?” said Louisa. “They’re lovely!”

“Thanks.”

“That,” said Johnny, “would explain why Mum has so much religious art on her walls. I did wonder.”

“I had no idea,” said Keeley. “I’ve just seen you drawing those animal pictures for the kids.”

“Yeah...” I shrugged. “I’ve just been letting myself go lately and drawn whatever’s really inside. Turns out it’s a bunch of talking animals and cartoon stuff. So much for artistic greatness.”

The four of them laughed.

“These paintings here are all yours now, unless you want me to take any of them. I don’t mind if they’re not your thing.”

“We might need you to provide extra copies of the ones we both want,” said Johnny, and his sister nodded in agreement.

“Okay, speaking of paintings, I’ve got some that I don’t know what to do with. Hang on.” I went upstairs and got the three paintings of Paul. I kept them against my chest as I went downstairs so that the others couldn’t see what they were of. “Sooo, to make your mother get treatment, I bribed her and... I didn’t know. She wanted so badly to remember her marriage as the perfect love story, I helped her create those memories. I didn’t realize she was working to believe something that wasn’t quite that way.” I laid the three paintings on the table.

Johnny put his head to one side.

Keeley frowned.

Louisa leaned in and looked them over. “I’d quite like one of these,” she said.

“Yes, me too,” said Keeley.

“Really?” I said.

“It’s how I’d prefer to remember my father,” said Johnny. “You’ve made him look so handsome.”

“But still like himself,” said Keeley. “When I look at these, I think of how he did love us, and that’s what I want to remember about him.”

“Well,” I said, “they’re yours. I hope you’ll let me come visit sometimes and paint pictures of the kids and all that-”

“Oh
would
you?” Bea’s voice startled me a little. She sat so quietly, I’d forgotten she was there.

“Would you really?” said Johnny.

“Yeah, of course. It’s what I do.”

“That would be lovely,” said Keeley. “I’m so bad about getting photos, but imagine how posh I’d look with paintings of the family on my walls.”

“I know, sounds like the kind of thing nobility does,” agreed her brother.

“Me too,” said Louisa. “Can you make prints?”

“Of course.”

“That is extremely generous,” said Johnny.

“I’m no good at knitting them sweaters or hats or anything like that. I’m a bad Mormon auntie.”

Louisa cracked up at that. “I did look up how to make casseroles after the first munch and mingle at church.”

“Oh don’t start,” said Keeley. “I can’t even cook.”

A month ago, I never would have thought I’d be here, talking and laughing with my cousins. I didn’t realize how much family I had on this side of the pond, or how much I’d miss them.

“So are you moving back to the States?” said Johnny. “Or are you going to live here?”

“Um, what?”

“Our last fight with Mum was when she made you her heir.” Keeley said it matter of factly, like she didn’t even mind anymore.

I looked at Louisa who only shrugged.

“I won’t be inheriting,” I said. “Louisa’s going to help me get a lawyer to fix all that.”

“Fix it how?” said Johnny.

“To have you guys inherit instead of me. You’re her children.”

“Oh, you can’t just cut yourself out entirely,” said Johnny.

“You’re the one who looked after her all these years,” said Keeley. “She adored you.”

They exchanged a look, though, that made it clear they weren’t against the idea of getting some of the money for themselves.

“I don’t want any money – hey!” I turned to Louisa. “That’s why you were asking me nosy questions about how much I make? You thought I’d talked Nora into making me her heir?”

“I didn’t know you, dear. Just knew you were a gospel painter who spent rather a lot of time around her.”

“How much do you make?” asked Keeley.

“It depends on the year, but seriously, it doesn’t matter.”

“It can’t be that much,” said Louisa.

“Look, I house sit for my stepmother. I don’t pay rent or anything like that. I’m fine.”

But my cousins exchanged a knowing look. They knew what it was like to be poor.

“You’re not cutting yourself out entirely,” said Johnny.

“We’ll go in thirds,” agreed his sister.

“It’s my decision,” I said.

“We’ll sic Auntie Lou on you if you don’t agree,” said Johnny.

Louisa smiled, accepting the challenge.

I looked up at the ceiling. “Do what you want.” Even though I was the only person with legal rights in this situation, they’d gotten the upper hand.

I
n the end they did split everything three ways. Louisa got a lawyer who did all the paperwork and told me where to sign. Johnny got the house in Oxford. Keeley got the one in the south of France that I didn’t even know about. Bea had a somewhat dazed expression on her face as all of this unfolded. I learned that she’d never met Nora before, nor known about Johnny’s past. She’d expected to live on government benefits for the rest of her life, and now she and Johnny were looking into what private schools to send their children to.

The rest of my stay was like a whirlwind. Johnny made it clear that my room and my studio in the Oxford house would remain as they were, and I was most welcome there. It seemed like an odd prospect, now that Nora was gone, but if he wanted to put forth the effort to become close, the least I could do was reciprocate. I promised to visit again just before Christmas.

It felt odd to pack my things and close this chapter of my life. I boarded the plane for Portland with a couple of things I’d never had before: Friendships with my English cousins and financial security.

I
arrived back in Portland in the evening and caught a cab home. Carrie’s house was just as I’d left it. Hattie was an impeccable house-sitter. Everything was dusted and vacuumed and there was a fresh carton of milk in the fridge.

It also felt bigger and emptier than it had before, which surprised me. I’d thought it might feel small after Nora’s mansion, but the last days I’d spent there, it had been so full of people and laughter and life. Now my little house echoed with silence. I’d already decided to ask Carrie if I could buy it from her. I knew how badly she wanted to sell it.

On the voicemail were two messages. One was from Chris asking if I was back in town and wanted him and his companion to come visit. The other was from Rachel, the Relief Society president. She wanted to know if I could teach a lesson two weeks ago, and I cringed when I heard it. I hoped she’d found someone else without too much trouble.

It was nine o’clock on Saturday night. I’d see Len at church in twelve hours. I wasn’t ready. I had an image of myself bursting into tears the moment he walked into the chapel.

So, I took a deep breath and called his cellphone. Colin had coached me and I willed myself to do this right.

“Hello?” he picked up after the first ring. This was a good sign. He could see my number on his display, so it wasn’t like he didn’t know who it was.

“Hi,” I said.

“Hey, Eliza.”

“How’ve you been?”

“All right. I’d ask you the same, but I know you’ve had better months.”

“It all ended pretty well, actually.”

“That’s good.”

“So, listen, I don’t want to harass you, but I do want to see you again.” I bit my lip. Did saying I didn’t want to harass him count as not harassing him?

“Yeah...”

“I’ve missed you.”

“I know you’ve been through a lot-”

“No, listen. Yes, this month has helped me realize a few things, and no, it hasn’t made me desperate to grab onto the nearest guy and never let go. It’s hard to call you like this, because I know I didn’t treat you very well. It’s embarrassing.”