Paradisal Tragedy (15 page)

Eighteen

Annabella woke up warm. She was wrapped in Travis’s arms as he held her tight to his chest. He was shirtless. She noticed for the first time that he had a scar on his chest, near his heart. It was small and white. As she sat up, she touched the small scar while Travis continued to sleep. He looked so peaceful.

She smiled at the thought that she spent the whole night with him. Sure she spent that one night with him, but she was completely wasted that time, and last night she was sober.

The thought of the previous night with her father came rushing back. She loved her father more than anything else, but how could he be trying tear apart the one good thing in her life.

“If you don’t stop worrying, you’re going to end up having a panic attack,” Travis said, opening his eyes.

“How do you know I was worrying?” Annabella asked him as she climbed out of bed. She was still wearing the clothes she had on the previous day. Travis offered her one of his shirts, but she refused, she wasn’t ready to wear so little clothing in front of him. Of course, she had done that the night he’d brought her home drunk, but her clothes had been drenched that night.

“It’s that cute way your nose scrunches when you’re upset. Come on; tell me what’s on that pretty little mind.” Travis said, sitting up so his back was up against his headboard.

“I don’t want to burden you,” she informed him.

“You’ve got to stop that. How many times do I have to tell you that you’re not a burden?” Travis asked, pulling her over to sit on his lap.

Cuddling her head in Travis’s chest, Annabella began to unravel. “I don’t want him to hate you. You’re important.”

“It’ll work itself out.” Travis told her placing a kiss upon her head.

“Travis?” she asked in a worried tone.

“What is it?”

“Why do you care about me?”

Travis sat in silence as he took in her question. It was the last thing he’d expected her to ask. What kind of question was that? Could she not see all the good she had inside of her? Could she not the see the beauty when she looked in the mirror?

“Annabella, what kind of question is that? You’re smart, funny, kind, selfless, warm, giving, amazing, and beautiful. I’d go a long way to be in your life forever,” Travis told her.

“I don’t feel like I’m any of that,” she said to Travis.

“You are though, and even if it takes the rest of my life, I’m going to show you just how amazing you are. Don’t ever doubt for one second all the good that’s inside of you.”

“Good things in life come at a price; I’m just waiting for mine,” she said.

“What do you mean?”

“Every time something good happens to me, I get something bad in return, so now that you’ve come in my life, I’m waiting for the price.”

“The only price is your happiness, I’m not going to let anything bad happen to you.” He kissed her. She gave into him yet again. She loved the soft kisses he planted on her lips. He was sweet and caring and Annabella couldn’t think of anyone she’d rather be with.

“I think I have to go face my father today,” She told him with regret. The last thing she wanted to do was go home.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“I think maybe it’s better if I go alone.”

“I’m here if you need anything, but do you have to go right now?” He asked, in hopes that they’d still have a little time left to spend together.

“I’m all yours until noon,” she said after glancing at the clock that read eight in the morning.

Moving her from his lap to the bed, Travis deepened the kiss. He began to kiss her neck as she closed her eyes. She never thought she’d be able to make it this far with a guy.

He laced their fingers together as his lips moved away from hers so he could stare at her. Pressing his body against hers, Travis felt the world coming down around him. He and Annabella hadn’t talked about sex. Of course he thought about it, but he wasn’t going to pressure her. But now they were close to it and he wasn’t sure if he should keep going or stop completely.

If it was up to him, he’d want to finally take that step with her. He wanted her in a way that he’d never wanted anyone else before. Travis felt the need to be with her in every way. He slowly pushed her hands over her head and held them there with one hand as his other hand moved gently down her body.

Annabella felt her head begin to spin with emotions. What was happening? How was this happening? She’d dreamt for months and months to be able to be close with a guy this way. She was terrified of where this was going, but at the same time she was happy. She didn’t feel the chains from the past keeping her locked down. She felt like she could breathe.

Was it possible that she could possibly go all the way with Travis? Could she take that step with him the way she’d always hoped she’d be able to do with someone someday? Could she forget that night for just a moment and let Travis make love to her?

She sure hoped so. She wanted to be with him, as close as she could get. It wasn’t a secret that over the past few weeks, Travis had become her safe place and she’d do anything to feel that way forever. All she wanted was to erase
his
touch with Travis’s. But the problem was that no matter how hard she tried, the past always had a way of coming back to bite her.

“God, you’re so beautiful,” he told her. “I need you Bella, but you tell me when you want me to stop.”

“Travis,” she said. She wasn’t sure about anything, but she knew in this moment she didn’t want him to stop.

“Anna… I just want to be with you in every way.”

Anna.
That’s what
he
called her. She couldn’t do this. She had to get out of here. How could she think it would possibly work? Flashes of the night started to hit her like a slap in the face.

***

“God you’re so beautiful, my little Anna.” He told her.

“Please leave me alone. I promise I won’t say anything, but please don’t,” she begged.

“Sweetheart, it’ll be over before you know it. You just have to not scream and I promise not to hurt you,” he promised.

“Please,” Annabella cried again.

“Don’t cry. I know you want this just as much as I do. I love you,” he said to her.

It was hopeless; she was trapped, all alone with him. She could beg until she was blue in face, but in the end she’d never win.h

***

“Stop!” Annabella screamed, coming back to reality in Travis’s room.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, moving to the side of the bed so he was no longer on top of her.

“I can’t do this. I have to go,” she told him.

“What’s the matter?”

“Travis, this was a mistake. How could I ever think I could be with a guy in that way? As much as I care about you I’ll never be able to give you that.”

“I don’t need that, if sex is what you’re talking about. I’m sorry if I pushed you, but don’t go,” he begged, his green eyes begging her to stay.

“I can’t, Travis. It’s not what you did. That was perfect. I wanted it as much as you did,” she said.

“Then what the hell is wrong?” Travis questioned. He couldn’t understand what was wrong with her. He thought everything was going perfect, but the reality was it was only him who’d been enjoying himself. And for that he felt like a dick.

“I can’t do this. I just can’t; I’m not capable of sex, Travis. It’s not in me.” As she spoke, tears began to fall.

“Hey, calm down and talk to me, please,” Travis begged. The truth was she wanted to. She wanted to let it all go, to tell him everything about that night, she wanted to tell him the biggest, darkest secret that’s she’d ever have to live with, but she couldn’t.

“Travis, I care about you so much, and I wish I could tell you everything, but I can’t. If I did you’d never want to be around me again,” Annabella told him.

“That’s a lie and you know it. I care about you so much, more than you’ll ever know. You make me happier than I’ve been in my entire life so why won’t you let me in? No matter what you say, it’s not going to change how I feel about you. Bella, I can’t be without you. We’ve come so far, don’t throw that away.”

“How do you know that? You don’t know my secret.”

“Then tell me,” he challenged, hoping she’d finally open up.

But she didn’t. She gave him a kiss on his cheek and vanished from the house. Travis fell to his knees while he watched the best thing that ever happened to him walk out the door.

***

It had been two weeks since Annabella walked out on Travis, and she was miserable. She couldn’t bring herself to call or text him. She missed him like crazy. He’d tried so hard to get in touch with her, calling, texting, and stopping by. Her father was more than happy to tell him to get lost. Even after all that he wouldn’t give up. When Annabella woke up this morning, the house was empty, but outside the door laid a dozen roses with a letter.

Annabella,

I don’t understand why you won’t talk to me. You’re the best thing that’s walked into my life, and I’m not ready to let that go. You can’t just push me away, not after you told me how much you care about me.

We’re not over, and we’re not going to be. I don’t buy that breakup one bit. I don’t care what I have to do; I’ll make you talk to me. I can’t stay away from you. I just can’t. I need you so much it hurts.

I know you think that whatever this secret that you’re hiding is going to change us, but it’s not going to. You’re always going to be my Bella, my love, my sunshine. Come back to me. If you don’t I’ll just be forced to come to you.

T.

Annabella read the letter for the millionth time. He wasn’t making staying away any easier. She wanted to go back to him, to cry on his shoulder until she couldn’t cry anymore. She wanted to lie in his arms and let him take her pain away, but with all that being said, she couldn’t drag away her darkness.

But how could she stay away from him knowing how much she cared about him? How could she stay away from him knowing how much he cared for her and how much he was hurting? She couldn’t. The only way she’d ever be able to be happy is by letting someone in and she was far from ready to do so. She’d suffer in silence, no matter how much she was killing herself. She did know one thing for certain: she wouldn’t suffer here.

Grabbing her sweater, Annabella ran as fast as she could. She wanted to forget everything. She wanted forget the past; she wanted to just curl up in a ball and forget it all. She ran until she couldn’t run anymore.

Forgetting that night, forgetting the awful person she’d become, forgetting how horribly she’d hurt Travis, she just forgot it all. She found herself in front of Travis’s house with no recollection of how she got here. She knew he was home; both his car and his bike were here. Ever the coward, she turned to run away. But it was too late.

“Bella!” Travis called. Turning around, she saw him standing in a T-shirt and jeans. His eyes were dark. Like he was in pain.

“Hi, Travis.” She smiled.

“Do you want to come in?”

“I can’t.”

“Why haven’t you answered any of my calls or texts?” he asked.

“I’ve been busy.

“That’s a lie,” he told her; he knew her all too well.

“I’m sorry,” she said, not even bothering to deny the fact that she was avoiding him.

“Please come in.”

“I shouldn’t have come,” she said.

“Come inside,” he told her.

“I can’t; nothing has changed. I have to go.”

That was it for Travis; going to her, he tossed her over his shoulder and headed up the stairs. Finally making it to his room, he locked the door and tossed her on the bed.

“What the hell, Travis?” she shouted angrily.

“If you won’t talk to me of your own free will, then I’m going to force you to talk to me,” Travis said.

“We can’t be together, not anymore,” she said, feeling her heart break as she spoke. Unwanted tears poured down her face as she tried to escape. She tried making it to the door but Travis was one step ahead of her, blocking it.

“You’re not leaving. Not until you let me in.” He was no longer being the nice guy. If she wanted to suffer, he was going to suffer with her.

“I can’t Travis. I can’t do this. Please don’t make me,” she begged, going into a full blown sob.

“Talk to me, let me in. Why did you freak out?”

“I can’t tell you, please don’t make me,” Annabella repeated, not wanting to say the words out loud. “I need to get out of here.”

The tears began to fall harder as she realized there was no escape. She fell to the floor and sobbed just as she felt Travis’s arms around her. Rather than welcoming them she punched him, and then repeated it time and again until finally he grabbed her wrists. She felt safe but alone. How could this be, how could he still want her after everything she’d done? How could he for one second still feel the need to be around her?

“Stop it, talk to me. It’s not going to change anything,” he tried to reason with her for what felt like the millionth time.

“Stop saying that! Just stop. You don’t get it Travis. I can’t...” she began but couldn’t find the words.

“Whatever it is, we’ll work through it together. We can get past it.”

“No we won’t! You don’t get it. You don’t get past getting raped!”