Past All Forgetting (23 page)

'She's quite a pretty thing,' Mrs Prentiss said abruptly. 'Perhaps everything will work out for the best.'

'In this best of all possible worlds.' Janna hid her pain under a mask of irony.

Her mother leaned towards her. 'It will be all right,' she said emphatically. 'Believe me, Janna, he wasn't right for you—a rolling stone—never settled for five minutes, and wanting to drag you round the world in his wake—a child like you.'

She stopped abruptly, two bright spots of colour clearly visible in her cheeks, and her hand crept up slowly to cover her mouth.

'Mother,' Janna stared at her, a feeling of incredulity beginning to steal over her. 'What are you talking about?'

'Nothing.' Mrs Prentiss stood up, reaching for her coat with hands that she tried and failed to keep steady. 'I—I must just hang this up…'

'Later.' Janna detached the folds of material from her mother's nerveless fingers and motioned to her to sit down. Her voice was very gentle. 'What makes you think Rian ever wasted to take me round the world with him? He never told me so. Did he tell you?'

Mrs Prentiss' mouth was trembling. 'I did it for the best,' she whispered. 'You must believe me, Janna, I did it for the best. You were so young. You couldn't have known what you wanted.'

'What did you do, Mother?' Janna persuaded.

Her mother gave a long, quivering sigh. 'Wait here,' she said tonelessly. She was only gone from the room a few minutes. When she returned, she was holding an envelope. She handed it to Janna, who saw to her amazement that it was addressed to herself. She had never seen Rian's handwriting, yet she knew instinctively it was from him. She stared at her mother. 'When did this come?' she asked.

'Look at the postmark.'

Janna complied. 'August?' she exclaimed. 'But it's almost December! You've had it nearly five months.'

Mrs Prentiss shook her head. 'Seven years,' she said quietly. 'You were out when it came, so I opened it. You were still a child. I had a right to see who was sending you letters—at least I told myself I had. I—I was afraid it was from him, when I saw the London postmark.'

Janna extracted the single sheet of paper from the envelope and unfolded it.

It wasn't a very long letter. 'Janna,' it began uncompromisingly, 'I wanted to see you before I left, but it wasn't possible. You must never blame yourself for what happened at the party. There had been trouble brewing between my uncle and myself for some time. You were just the catalyst. I was angry for a while, then I remembered how young you were and how frightened. Anyhow, I can't be angry with you for long. There was another row before I left Carrisbeck. I told my uncle I was going to return in a year's time and marry you. He was furious and said that if I did any such thing, I would never see a penny of his money, or get the house either. Well, sweet witch, will you wait a year for me? I can't promise you much of a life. We may not have a permanent home for some time. It will be hotels and living out of suitcases. The paper is sending me back to Vietnam in two weeks' time. If I haven't heard from you by then, I'll know that you really were too young all the time. Rian.'

Janna lifted her head dazedly and looked at her mother.

'You kept this from me,' she murmured. 'You kept it all this time. But why? I don't understand.'

'Because you were so young—too young to decide whether or not you wanted to go with a man like that. I was afraid for you.'

Janna stared down at the letter again. 'And so he went to Vietnam thinking I didn't want him—that it had all been a schoolgirl's escapade, and he met Kim,' she said in a low voice.

Mrs Prentiss gave an angry sob. 'It didn't take him long to forget about you, and turn to her. You were well rid of him, Janna.'

Janna shook her head, still disbelievingly. 'He never mentioned the letter,' she said, half to herself.

'No.' Mrs Prentiss produced a handkerchief and dabbed convulsively at her eyes and mouth. 'He promised he wouldn't mention it to you. I never meant to either—unless it was some time in the future, when you were safely married to Colin.'

'When did he promise you this?'

Mrs Prentiss looked down at the floor. 'He came here one night—with some library books. You'd left them somewhere and he found them and brought them here. He— he wanted to speak to you then, but I told him that you were happy with Colin. That you'd had a slight tiff, but it was all over and that you would soon be back together again. I said that you were going to be married just after Christmas and live at the Hall.'

'I see,' Janna said numbly.

Her mother bent her head. 'I don't expect you do,' she said. 'One day you'll have a daughter of your own, and then you'll know. It's been so hard all these years, pretending I knew nothing, hoping and praying that he wouldn't turn up. I was so thankful when you met Colin and seemed to be settled. But all
he
had to do was show his face and you were after him.' She gave a sigh of great bitterness. 'But it's over now, isn't it?' she said. 'We can forget about it—can't , we, Janna, and start to live our lives again?'

'Yes.' Janna looked at her mother's white, pinched face and forced a little smile. 'It—it's over.'

Facing her class the following Monday morning was not the easiest thing Janna had done in her life, but at least she knew the worst now, she told herself. She was no longer striking at shadows. She could not believe that Lucy or any of the children knew the whole story, but undoubtedly they believed that she had preferred Fleur to Lucy in order to please her boy-friend, and had thus behaved unfairly.

She was cool and brisk with them all, taking them unhurriedly through the timetable but making sure at the same time that they were all constantly occupied and had no opportunity to hatch any mischief.

By the time a couple of days had passed, her policy had paid off, and the majority of the children were their old selves again. Or maybe they were just tired of Lucy and her self-importance, Janna thought.

Fleur too seemed a different child since Kim San's arrival in Carrisford. Her small face was alight, and she fairly bubbled with excitement and pleasure.

'My mother says we shall stay here and not go away for a long time,' she confided to Janna one break time. 'When the hostel is open, we shall work there and cook food and make beds for all the people who come to walk and climb.'

'And where will you live?' Janna asked. It hurt, but she had to know.

Fleur considered for a moment. 'Rian is making an apartment for us. It will be very nice. There will be a little room for me to sleep in, and a big room where my mother and father will sleep.' A big smile transfigured her face. She lifted it to Janna confidentially. 'They are going to be married—my mother and father. It will happen very soon now.'

'That's wonderful,' Janna forced herself to say. Inwardly she prayed that the ceremony would be delayed until after she had left the area. Mentally, she was counting the days. She had not dared tell her mother that she would not even be spending Christmas in Carrisford. Mrs Prentiss was so patently eager to make amends, and was busily planning all kinds of festivities. It seemed cruel to destroy her hopes, yet it had to be done. Janna had written away to a country hotel offering house parties for single people and had been offered a last-minute cancellation which she had thankfully accepted. When the holiday period was over, she would see what she could do about finding herself a job, trying Liverpool or Manchester first, she had decided.

She had not attended the Christmas Ball at the Town Hall, but her parents had gone. Her mother had little to say about it the following morning, except to complain that the disco which had played for one half of the evening had given her a headache. Janna guessed that the sight of Colin spending the entire evening at the Morrises' table had also provoked her mother's discontent, but at least Mrs Prentiss had stopped openly complaining about this, and seemed to have resigned herself to the fact that Colin was now firmly attached to Beth.

Janna had not dared ask if Rian had been there with Kim San, but guessed from her mother's very reticence that he probably had been.

There were times when she wondered what course her life would have taken if it had been she and not her mother .who had intercepted the post that fateful day seven years before, but she found the question almost too painful to contemplate.

Equally painful was the long article on Carrisbeck House which had appeared in the
Advertiser
, giving details of Rian's plans for the hostel and adventure courses that would be offered there. Janna had had to admit it was an excellent piece of public relations work—the tone of the article was thoroughly approving, and it revealed that the planned hostel had the backing of a well-known national foundation offering grants and awards for such schemes.

The next edition of the newspaper had carried a piece about Sir Robert and his opposition to the hostel, but this was fairly muted now, as if Sir Robert had to devote all his energies to sorting out the troubles at the engineering works, and had no time for such trivialities. Janna guessed that Rian would obtain his planning consent without too much trouble. Perhaps that was the only remaining barrier to his marriage with Kim San, she thought unhappily. He would want to know that he had a career locally to support his family with, and once permission was given for the hostel conversion, he would have few further problems.

She was standing in the market square a few days later, staring into a shop window, trying to find inspiration for some Christmas presents, when she felt a light touch on her arm. Turning, to her surprise she found Kim San smiling at her. It cost a great deal to return her greeting with any kind of warmth, but Janna managed it.

'You are better now?' the melodious voice asked. 'I have been so wishing to meet you, Miss Prentiss. Fleur has told me of your many kindnesses.'

'It's nothing,' Janna protested awkwardly.

Kim San gave her a calm stare. 'It is a great deal,' she pronounced. 'This is a small town. I also come from a small town. In my town there are many warm hearts, but also some cruel tongues. I think the same may be true of this place.'

'Perhaps.' Janna gave a little shrug.

Kim San studied her perceptively for a moment, then smiled. 'It is very cold,' she said. 'Would you like to have some coffee with me?'

Janna hesitated, but she had no real reason to refuse. Besides, she was not proof against Kim San's gentle charm, so she agreed, imagining that they would go to the nearest cafe. But at that moment an all too familiar car drew up at the kerb beside them and Rian looked out through driver's window.

'Oh, Ri-an,' Kim San greeted him. 'It is good that you have come. Here is Miss Prent-iss who will have coffee with us.'

Janna did not dare look at Rian. She could not meet his eyes. She stared down at the pavement wishing with all her heart that it would open and swallow her.

Silently he got out of the car and came and opened the doors for them. Fleur was bouncing around excitedly on the back seat. 

'Oh, Miss Prent-iss!' she greeted Janna with something approaching rapture. 'Soon it will be Christmas, And next week I shall be in your play, and after that there will be the wedding. Will you be at the wedding, Miss Prent-iss?'

Janna wanted to reply, to say something light and amusing by way of excuse, but no words would come.

Kim San turned from the front seat and smiled at her. 'I hope you will come,' she said. 'We should be most pleased to see you there. Afterwards there will be a small party at the house—is that not so, Ri-an?'

'Yes,' he said shortly, and swung the car up the hill, towards Carrisbeck House.

Janna shrank back against the seat murmuring something inadequate about not being sure of her plans, and was aware of Rian directing a cynical glance at her in the driving mirror.

Surely he couldn't expect her to be there? she thought wretchedly. Knowing how she felt about him—aware of his own feelings—he would not want to submit her to such an ordeal.

The car swept into the drive, and drew up before the front door. Kim San led the way up the steps, and Janna followed, feeling miserably that she was an interloper. She had hoped she would never have to set foot in this place again, or meet its master face to face, yet it seemed that she was to be spared nothing.