Past Imperfect (11 page)

On Tuesday, I had a large arrangement of tiger lilies delivered to her office. She found a pair of fluffy slippers waiting under her desk on Wednesday. Mabry always kicked off her heels when she was working at her desk and her feet got cold. Thursday, I left a picture on her desk that I had framed. It was of us at the Music Farm a month ago. We had gone to see the local band Marytre in concert. And then, on Friday, I left a box of Godiva chocolates with a handwritten note.

Mabry,

I know I agreed to keep this thing between us casual, but things have changed. I won’t apologize for that. You’re in my heart and soul now. I know you’re scared, so am I. But we can do this together. We’re not alone anymore. Now we have each other. I don’t know what the future holds. All I know is that I need you in mine. I want to take care of you. I want to cheer you on. I want to protect you and catch you if you fall. I’ll be the best man you’ve ever had in your life, if you’ll just take a chance on me.
I promise to be careful with your heart.

I love you,

Brad

It’s a gray and rainy Saturday. The weather had already ruined plan A. As I put plan B together in my head, I step out of the shower, grab a towel, and walk into my bedroom. I hear Christy in the kitchen fixing breakfast. I dry off and throw on a pair of dark gray basketball shorts. I’m towel drying my hair as I walk into the living room.

“Hey, I need coffee STAT.” I give my hair one more good scrub with the towel and then drape it around my shoulders. Looking up, my breath stops. Christy stands in the doorway of the kitchen, wearing boxers and a flimsy tank top, with no bra, and her blond hair gathered up into a high ponytail. But she’s not the reason my lungs stop pumping oxygen. Mabry stands right next to her. The hurt in her eyes is the worst thing I’ve ever seen. My heart and stomach plummet. Her eyes fill with water and her bottom lip quivers. To anyone else, it would appear she’s fine, but I know every nuance of her body and its reactions. She and I stand frozen, staring at each other.

“Um… look, Brad, we have company for breakfast,” Christy says.

Not taking my eyes off Mabry I say, “Christy, this is Mabry. Mabry this is Christy.”

“Yeah, we’ve done the intros, already,” Christy informs.

Mabry doesn’t say a word, she doesn’t blink, and she doesn’t take her eyes off of me. “Mabry, what are you doing here?” I ask.

The tears spill from her eyes and run slowly down her cheeks. “I don’t know,” she whispers.

“Look, why don’t I just take my breakfast and head back to my place.” Christy collects her plate and crosses the room.

“It’s fine, you stay. I’m leaving,” Mabry says as she rushes past me and out the door.

I look at Christy. “Go!” she commands.

I rush out the door, stopping long enough to step into my running shoes that I left on the front porch. By the time I make it down the steps to the driveway, Mabry is already at her car that’s parked across the street. She struggles with her keys and umbrella. She keeps pointing the key remote at the car door, but nothing happens. Its battery must be dead. She spots me as I approach, throws her keys at the car, drops her umbrella, and takes off running. Snatching up her keys, I head after her. I’m in really good shape, working out every day, but shit, my girl is fast. I finally get close enough to be able to reach out and grab her arm. She whips around, swinging her other arm toward the side of my face. I grab it just before it makes contact and hold both arms behind her back. I look down into her eyes. The hurt is more intense and now mixed with anger.

She struggles to free herself. Grinding her teeth together, she says in a low voice, “Get your fucking hands off of me, Brad.” Both of us breathe hard and fast.

“I will. But first you have to promise that you won’t run.”

“I’m not promising you shit.”

“That wasn’t what it looked like.”

“How original. What’s next? You were drunk? She’s just a good friend? Or do I get the classic, it didn’t mean anything? I shouldn’t be surprised. I’ve had enough people warn me about you. This was a mistake.”

“What?” My jaw clenches tight as all the muscles in my neck and shoulders tense.

“Coming here.”

I release the grip I have on her wrists. Letting them drop, I then take one step back. I know exactly what she’s referring to. People have told her I’m a player, that I lie and cheat my way through life and use women. I used to be like that, but I’m not anymore. I’ve worked hard to make amends for the pain I’ve caused and move past the mistakes I’ve made. I wish others would stop trying to pigeonhole me to the past.

Even with the drops of rain falling harder and continually sliding down her beautiful face, I can tell the tears haven’t stopped. If anything, they’ve increased.

“We’re not having this conversation out here. Let’s go back to my place so we can talk.” My tone is stern.

She takes one step toward me, places her hands on either side of my bare chest, shoving at it with all her strength. “I’m not going anywhere with you.”

Since Mabry is stubborn as hell, my options are limited. Moving quickly, I dip down, scoop her up, and toss her over my shoulder. Holding her legs in place with my arm, I head back home.

Grabbing on to the waistband of my shorts, Mabry lifts herself up slightly. “Put me down, Brad!”

“No!”

“If you don’t put me down right this second, I’m going to shove your pants down.”

“Go ahead, Sweetness. It won’t be the first time I’ve walked these streets naked.” I continue my steady and purposeful stride back to my place.

Suddenly, I feel something sharp pierce my skin. “Ouch! Did you just bite my ass?”

“Put me down!”

“I’ll put you down once we get to my place.” I feel another sharp pain. “Ouch!”

“Ouch!” Mabry shouts.

“You bite my ass, I pinch yours.”

We play this little game of bite n’ pinch a couple of more times before she finally surrenders, letting me carry her home without any more resistance.

If I’m to be honest with myself, the wall that I spent years building around me started to crack little by little the very first day I met Brad. I was somehow able to push him away to a certain degree, throw some spackle over the crack, and get through my day. But it didn’t take much for the crack to reappear, each time weakening my wall until finally it came crashing down this week.

After Brad and I talked in my office on Monday, I saw him only in passing for the rest of the day. He didn’t flirt with me, he didn’t try to corner me to talk, he didn’t call or text, and he didn’t tell me he loved me. The breakfast told me he wanted to be friends. The lack of contact told me he was moving on. I felt empty, but I knew it was best for both of us. On Tuesday, a beautiful arrangement of tiger lilies was delivered to my office. At first, I assumed they were sent by Brad, but there was no note. I knew he was in court all day. I thought I’d at least see him before heading home, but I didn’t. That night I must have picked up my phone a hundred times to call or text him, but I didn’t. I just sat in my condo and missed him.

When I got to my office on Wednesday, I tossed my purse on the sofa, grabbed the files from my bag that I had been working on all night, and sat down at my desk. As usual, I kicked my heels off. Suddenly, I felt a tickling sensation run across my toes. In one quick movement I shoved away from my desk, jumped out of my chair, made a beeline to the other side of the room, and hopped on to the sofa. I paced back and forth as my imagination ran wild with what type of creature was living under my desk. I knew only one person I could call. I took my phone from my purse, sat on the back of the sofa, and sent the text.

Me: Could you please come to my office ASAP.

In less than three minutes there was a soft knock on my door as it opened. The scent of cinnamon drifted in as gorgeous and concerned eyes met my panicked expression. My anxiety calmed for a moment as I soaked in his figure. He had on a pair of charcoal gray pants, a crisp white button-down shirt, a red and gray silk tie, and polished black dress shoes. Silver cufflinks cinched his sleeves at the wrist, and his class ring from Duke and chunky watch completed the sharp look. He was a conservative lawyer, until you reached the ever present light stubble along his chiseled jawline, his finger-combed hairstyle, and piercing sapphire eyes, then you saw the sexy bad boy. Every part of my body throbbed as I thought about what the sexy bad boy had done to me when he was out of those clothes.

“Mabry, what’s wrong?” he asked as he closed the door.

The sound of his deep voice brought me back to the current dilemma. “There’s something big and furry under my desk. Would you go take a look, please?” I whispered.

I wasn’t positive, but I thought I saw a slight smirk cross Brad’s face. I reached over and picked up one of the large law books from the shelf and held it out to him.

“What the hell am I supposed to do with that? Read to it?” he asked.

“I didn’t want you to approach it unarmed. It’s huge.”

He took the book from me. There was a moment of hesitation before he walked to my desk. With each step he took, my breathing picked up speed and my palms felt clammy. He slowly rounded the desk and crouched down to get a better look underneath, placing one hand at the edge to support himself.

“It’s hard to see anything under here. It’s pretty dark.” He leaned forward slightly. “I don’t see anything, Mabry.”

“Are you sure? It was over in the right corner.”

“Wait a second, what’s this? SHIT!” he yelled.

Suddenly, Brad’s head completely disappeared as his hand slid off the top of the desk and out of sight.

“Oh my god, Brad!” I stood on the sofa, leaning forward, trying to peer over my desk to see if I could spot him.

He jumped up, scaring the hell out of me. My eyes automatically closed, causing me to stumble back, and land sitting on the back of the sofa.

Loud laughter cut through the sound of my rapidly beating heart. When I opened my eyes Brad was leaning back on my desk clutching his stomach. “Holy hell, Sweetness, that was priceless.”

“Stop laughing at me. What was under my desk?” I demanded.

“Are you sure you can handle it?” he asked, sarcastically.

I narrowed my eyes at him. He returned my look with a sexy grin as he reached behind his back. “Here’s the dark menace from under the desk.” In his hands he had a pair of fluffy blue slippers.

“Slippers? Those aren’t mine. Why are they under my desk?”

He walked toward me and knelt down. “They are yours. I got them, so your feet won’t get cold while you’re working.” He ran one hand up and down the back of my leg, lifting it slightly, and then placed the slipper on my foot. I shuddered when the tips of his fingers made contact with my skin. He repeated the same action on the other leg. “Man, I’m really glad you wore a skirt today,” he said under his breath as he stared at my bare leg.

“Me too,” I whispered, breathlessly.

He lifted his gaze to meet mine. His eyes were full of so much warmth, caring, and desire. I wanted him to join me on the sofa, so I could crawl into his lap and feel safe. “What’d you say?” he asked. Hope flashed across his face.

Clearing my throat, I answered, “Thank you. I said, thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I better be getting back to my office now.” We gave each other a slight smile before he left.

The next day, I found a framed picture of the two of us at the Marytre concert. As I stared at it, I realized Brad wasn’t just giving me gifts. He was showing me how much he loved me and wanted to take care of me. No one has wanted to do that for such a long time. The note I received on Friday completely melted my heart. I needed and wanted to be with him. The empty and lonely feeling I experience when I’m not with him is suffocating and unbearable. I decided to do what he asked and take a chance on him, on us. I’m scared, but being with him makes me feel loved, protected, and connected. I haven’t felt any of those things since my mom died and I crave them. I crave him.

When I got to Brad’s this morning the door was slightly open, so I went on in. The sound and smell of breakfast cooking floated through the condo. I walked to the kitchen and I felt my entire world crash down on top of me. I never noticed anything between Brad and Tina other than the usual business-type interaction. There were no flirtatious smiles or looks, so I was convinced I had misheard what she said to him the other day at the office. But there was no denying that I saw a barely dressed blonde making him breakfast as he walked out of his bedroom half naked.