Pastures New (18 page)

Saffron poked her head around the corner of the door, and looked left and right. This had to be the right place. She was in a studio room, with a mirror at one end, and a series of poles protruding from the floor. She felt an absolute idiot, but was hoping that coming out to Bairstow meant she wouldn’t see anyone she knew. She’d told Pete that she was going to an aerobics class. Well, it was an exercise class, so she hadn’t stretched it too much.

Now she was here, she was beginning to wonder what on earth she was doing. Legends nightclub was the sort of retro eighties place she hadn’t been in – well, since the eighties, when aged fifteen she and her friends had snuck their way into places like this and lied about their age. They would then spend the rest
of the evening sharing a Babycham, which was all they could afford, and dancing round their handbags under the glowing disco ball to Kylie and Bros, awaiting the ritual humiliation of the slow dances, when nine times out of ten Saffron had found herself propping up the wall.

Glancing round the room and realising with a sinking heart that nearly all the women present were younger and more glamorous than her by miles, Saffron had a feeling that ritual humiliation awaited her again. Her cup of happiness was complete when a loud voice she recognised said, ‘Saffron, you come to join the fun then?’

She turned round, and to her amazement saw Edie and Ada giggling their heads off like a pair of schoolgirls.

Oh my God. What were
they
doing here?

‘We try all these classes out, you know,’ said Edie. She had to be seventy if she was a day. ‘We’ve done belly-dancing classes and all.’

‘We widows have to keep ourselves available, if you know what I mean?’ Ada winked conspiratorially at Saffron. The thought of two septuagenarians keeping themselves available (presumably for Harry and co.) was too much to bear, so Saffron smiled weakly and went to stand by the nearest pole.

‘Hey, babe, you came,’ Linda said as she joined her. ‘I’m sure you’ll have fun. You just wait and see.’

Linda started the class with a series of basic moves, showing them how to grip the pole and how to hook their feet around it and swing down it. She made it
look effortless, but all Saffron’s attempts ended in disaster. Every time she tried to swing herself onto the pole she ended up losing her grip. And she just didn’t have the strength in her legs to swing round anything. She was way too unfit and blobby for this. Her hands felt sweaty and sticky, and when Linda demonstrated the more sexy moves, Saffron just felt mortified. What on earth was she doing here?

But, surprisingly, Linda was right about one thing. Despite feeling totally humiliated for the whole class, by the end of the evening Saffron was having fun. And, kind-hearted as she was, Linda couldn’t have been more encouraging, though Saffron felt she was probably the least sexy pole-dancer on the planet. Even Edie and Ada seemed to get the hang of it quicker than she did.

‘It’s all right, babe,’ Linda said at the end of the evening. ‘It gets better with practice. You just wait, by the end of the course you’ll be showing your moves to the rest of the class.’

‘She’s right, love,’ said Edie. ‘Do you remember how rubbish we were at belly dancing to begin with, Ada?’

‘Oooh, I do, I do,’ said Ada. ‘But we got there in the end, didn’t we, Edie?’

‘We did. And so will you. Your young man will be dead proud of you.’

Pete. Cripes. She didn’t want this getting back to him.

‘Er. Could you do me a favour?’ said Saffron. ‘Pete doesn’t actually know I’m here. Would you mind not telling him? It’s a surprise, you see.’

‘Ooh, get her,’ said Edie. ‘Do you hear that, Ada? Her young man don’t even know she’s here.’

‘Well, you’re a dark horse and no mistake,’ said Ada. ‘But it’s okay, love, your secret’s safe with us.’

‘Good,’ said Saffron with relief, and made her way back to the car.

Pete was sitting watching TV when she came in.

‘Good class?’ he asked.

‘Yes, fine,’ said Saffron, going to the kitchen to fix herself a stiff drink. God, she hoped this subterfuge was worth it.

‘Mary, it’s good to see you.’ Amy greeted her mother-in-law at the door, and realised with a jolt that she wasn’t lying. Despite having felt so cross with Mary, it
was
good to see her again. And the absence of so many weeks had worn the edge off her anger. They’d both been so busy, it had taken several weeks to arrange a convenient date for them to meet up, and it was already heading for the end of February.

Bulbs were poking up everywhere. Her first daffodils were about to flower. It was a time of new birth, regeneration, therefore a good point, she felt, to renew her fractured relationship with Josh’s grandmother. And, judging by the pleasure with which Mary greeted not just Josh, but Amy too, Mary felt the same way.

If only every relationship could be renewed in such a way. As Amy walked into the kitchen to put the kettle on, she looked longingly over towards the allotments. Josh had showed no signs of forgiving Ben for what had happened on Christmas Day, so for weeks now all she had seen of Ben was the odd nod and five minutes’
chat on the allotments. She was surprised by how much she missed him. And how much she wanted to see him again.

Despite her insistence to Saffron that Jamie had been the love of her life, and there was no way she could fall in love again, Amy was beginning to wonder if she quite believed that any more. She hadn’t been looking for anything new, it was true, but Ben had come along and lit up her world in a way she hadn’t thought possible since Jamie’s death. But nothing was going to happen. Now or in the future. Because of Josh. There was nothing she could do to change that, so she should lighten up and not worry about it. In other ways her life was becoming a happier one. She should be content with that.

It helped being busy at work. Saffron was finding it difficult juggling her childcare at the moment, as her mum still didn’t seem much better. On several occasions Saffron had ended up taking Ellie out with them to various clients. Although none of them minded, Ellie was getting to the stage where she wasn’t content to sit in the buggy any more, and it slowed them both down as one of them would have to take turns to look after her. So Amy had offered to do the lion’s share of the work till things had calmed down.

‘Are you sure?’ Saffron had asked anxiously. ‘I don’t want to take the piss.’

‘It’s only for a while, isn’t it?’ said Amy. ‘Anyway, you can sit at home and plan a spring marketing campaign to bring in punters. Not that we need it.’

Word of mouth seemed to be doing them lots of
favours, and with the advent of spring they had had a flurry of new clients. Amy didn’t mind as it kept her busy, was paying her a decent wage, and allowed her less time to fret about Ben.

She sighed again as she poured the tea. She would do anything for them to go back to the earlier easy companionship they’d had, when Josh had positively relished Ben’s company. He needed a male figure in his life. It seemed such a shame he wouldn’t let it be Ben.

‘You sound like you’ve got the weight of the world on your shoulders,’ said Mary, coming into the kitchen as Amy sighed once more.

‘I’m fine.’ Amy forced a smile.

‘You know, my dear,’ said Mary as she looked over towards the allotments, ‘you don’t have to be alone forever. I’m sure Jamie wouldn’t want you to be.’

Amy looked at her in surprise.

‘But last time I saw you, I thought –’

‘Yes, well. I think I was perhaps a mite hard on you,’ said Mary. ‘And I think I may have said one or two things to Josh that I shouldn’t have. Please forgive me. I was angry and upset that you had taken Josh away from me. And that you were apparently carrying on with someone new. It made me feel redundant.’

‘Oh, Mary, you couldn’t be further from the truth,’ said Amy. ‘The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. And Ben is a friend, nothing more.’

‘Still, a pretty young woman like you shouldn’t be alone. And Josh needs a dad in his life. Are you sure there is nothing more to this friendship?’

‘Positive,’ said Amy, waving it away. ‘He’s just
someone on the allotments. Josh and I are quite content as we are. We don’t need anyone else.’

Mary looked sceptical.

‘I thought so too, after Jamie’s dad died. And I’ve spent the best part of twenty years on my own, thinking I couldn’t ever find anyone who’d match up, but now …’

Amy looked at her mother-in-law in surprise. Mary was actually blushing.

‘Have you met someone?’ Amy nearly laughed out loud. It seemed so ridiculous to think of Mary, who had always seemed to her to be resolutely single, as having a lover of some sort, but judging by the girlish way Mary was looking at her, it must be true.

‘Well, let’s just say there was rather a nice chap on the cruise. His name is Jim, and we did say we’d stay in touch. I haven’t heard from him yet, so it will probably come to nothing, but whatever happens, meeting Jim has given me a whole new lease of life.’

‘Mary, that’s wonderful news,’ said Amy. ‘I’m so happy for you.’

‘It’s partly thanks to you,’ said Mary. ‘I was stuck in a rut too, feeling that you needed me. When you and Josh left I decided I could either sit down and feel sorry for myself, or go and get myself a life. So I got myself a life. Even if I don’t see Jim again, I might do a bit more travelling. I’ve got a taste for it now.’

‘You go for it,’ said Amy, reaching over and squeezing Mary’s hand and feeling truly thankful that things were working out for her.

‘You know, Amy, you don’t have to wear widow’s
weeds for the rest of your life,’ Mary said. ‘Don’t make the same mistakes I did.’

‘I’ll think about it,’ said Amy, as she took their tea into the lounge, and tried to crowd out the thought that there was someone waiting for her, if only she could persuade Josh of the fact.

‘Bloody Gerry!’ Saffron stormed at Pete as he walked through the door. ‘He promised me he could have the kids for the first week of the Easter holidays, and he’s gone and blown me out once again. He is the limit.’

‘Hi, darling, how was your day?’ Pete came over and gave her a very pointed kiss on the cheek.

‘Sorry.’ Saffron gave him a rueful smile. ‘I’m just so fed up with Gerry mucking me about. How was your meeting? I take it they didn’t fire you?’

Pete had been called to an urgent meeting earlier in the day. There was some restructuring going on in his office, and he had mentioned there might be some redundancies.

‘Nope,’ said Pete. ‘In fact it was the opposite. They’ve opened a new European office in Brussels and they want me to head up the European side of things. It means more travelling, of course, but it’s also more money, bigger office. You know the kind of thing.’

‘Oh Pete, that’s brilliant.’ Saffron forgot all her own worries for a moment. ‘We’ll have to do something to celebrate.’

‘Do you think your mum is up for a spot of babysitting?’

‘Actually, I don’t think she is,’ said Saffron. ‘She’s still sick. I’ve told her if she doesn’t make an appointment with her GP soon, I’ll take her there myself.’

‘Do you think it’s serious?’ Pete looked alarmed. He got on well with Elizabeth and knew Saffron thought the world of her.

‘I don’t know,’ said Saffron, ‘but I am beginning to get a bit worried. And you know what she’s like – she doesn’t like me making a fuss. Anyway, until I know for sure she’s well I’m not going to ask her to babysit for us, so unless we can find someone reliable enough to look after a baby I think any celebrating will need to be done at home.’

‘Well, I’m sure we’ll manage.’ Pete had a twinkle in his eye. ‘Once the kids are in bed, we should be able to think of one or two things to do.’

Saffron laughed. Despite still feeling more like Mrs Blobby than a lap-dancing lovely, Saffron had to admit her pole-dancing classes were having an effect on her libido. There was something about spending an hour hot and sweaty, writhing round a pole, that made her much keener to get into bed when she got home than she had felt, well, forever. It made her feel a bit like Jamie Lee Curtis. All she needed was Pete to quote Italian at her and she’d probably start ravishing him on the kitchen table. Shame he didn’t know any languages …

‘Oh, by the way,’ said Pete, ‘I’m afraid the first business trip is around the start of the Easter holidays – will you be able to manage on your own?’

‘I managed for a good few years before you pitched up,’ said Saffron, ‘so I expect I’ll survive. Now go and get changed while I work out a suitable menu for an impromptu celebration.’

‘So long as it includes oysters,’ said Pete.

‘Why oysters?’

‘Well-known for their aphrodisiacal qualities.’ Pete’s voice drifted down the stairs.

‘Well, gee, we’re all out of oysters,’ Saffron called back, ‘will fish fingers do?’

Ben knocked on Harry’s door. He had tried to ring Harry from the surgery to say that the date for his angiogram had come through and to make sure that he was actually going to go and have it. He’d got no reply, so, trying to pretend that he wasn’t making an excuse just to catch a glimpse of Amy, he’d decided to go round instead.

There was no reply at Harry’s, but he could hear music coming from Amy’s. He grinned to himself. Six p.m. Drivetime. All Request Friday – listeners rang Chris Evans all evening and asked for their favourite tracks. He could hear the faint strains of ‘Born to be Wild’. He wandered over to Amy’s side of the alley. Dare he knock on the door? On the window to the right of the front door, he could just make out the kitchen, where he could see Amy was dancing. She was even playing air guitar. Blimey. He hadn’t had her down for a rock chick.

A spasm of longing and desire came over him. Suddenly he knew, with absolute clarity, that he couldn’t let this relationship die before it had even started. He knew for certain that Amy was the woman he wanted to be with. He’d been on his own long enough. Maybe, now several weeks had gone by, Josh would be prepared to forgive him, and he and Amy could start again. There was only one way to find out. Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door.

Amy was feeling happier than she had done for some time. The visit from Mary had been a success and she had promised to return the favour. Mary’s confession had made her think. Life was about living and taking risks. And doing so involved getting hurt. Maybe she should just go for it. The sun was shining, spring was here, perhaps it was time to lighten up.

So, as Amy was cooking tea, she had cranked the radio right up, and got into the spirit of the tracks people were choosing. ‘Born to be Wild’ was followed by ‘Soak up the Sun’, which, given the mood she was in, seemed appropriate. Amy raucously joined in with Sheryl Crow’s desire to soak up the sun while she still had time, much to Josh’s disgust, who retired to the lounge with Matt, who had come to tea now they were friends again.

‘Mummy, look at this!’

A small body slid across the hall on its knees. Josh and Matt had devised a new game to see who could slide the furthest on the wooden floorboards.

‘Boys, calm down!’ said Amy, pausing in her dancing as she had sudden visions of broken bones.

‘Look, Mummy, look!’ Josh slid even further than Matt.

‘Josh, stop!’

‘Oww!’ Amy watched as Josh, almost in slow motion, crashed his arm right against the door. She ran forward to where he was sitting huddled up, looking a bit dazed. He stared at her in some confusion and then burst into tears. Amy was just wondering what on earth to do now when the doorbell rang. She opened it, and there on the doorstep stood Ben.