Pastures New (25 page)

‘So Dave keeps texting to say he wants to come over, and I just don’t know what to do-ooo …’ she wailed, while Saffron chopped veg. Saffron had been tuning most of it out. She was used to Caroline. When they had been in business together barely a day had gone by without some kind of crisis or other – usually to do with a man.

Most of Caroline’s problems, in Saffron’s view, were entirely of her own making, and the entire time Saffron had known her, she had dated one man while flirting with others, ever searching for that elusive alternative better bet. As far as Saffron was aware, no one had ever ditched her, apart from the mystery man she’d been seeing just before she went away, and the shock had been enormous. Saffron had had to deal with the fallout for days, before Caroline, in typically impulsive style, had stung her parents for large amounts of dosh and pushed off to California to ‘find herself’, as she put it. The real reason, Saffron had gleaned at the time, was to show her erstwhile lover what he was missing. He was meant to drop everything and follow her, but he couldn’t have obliged, because the next thing she had heard via one scrappy email months ago was that Caroline had a new man in the shape of Dave Behind the Bar. From the few parts of Caroline’s monologue she had bothered to listen to, it sounded like she had behaved in exactly the same manner to Dave Behind the Bar as well.

‘And then there’s Ben,’ said Caroline.

‘What about Ben?’ said Saffron.

‘There’s unfinished business there, you know,’ Caroline laughed.

‘What – you and Ben?’

‘Didn’t I ever tell you?’ Caroline said. ‘He and I were together.’

‘Ben was … what – when?’

‘Before I went away,’ said Caroline, ‘and I can still feel the chemistry between us.’

‘You can?’ Saffron was astounded. As far as she was concerned Amy and Ben were rapidly becoming an item. She hadn’t taped Ben for a two-timer. She shook her head. Nope, Ben was as straight as they came. This must be one of Caroline’s many sad little fantasies. Saffron frowned. But would she have made that up about her and Ben? It didn’t seem likely. And unless Ben had sworn Pete to secrecy, even Pete didn’t know about it.

‘What do you think I should do?’ Caroline demanded, as if suddenly aware that her tale wasn’t reaching a terribly sympathetic audience.

‘Erm –’ Damn! Saffron knew that whatever she said, it would be the wrong thing. She was saved by the doorbell. It was Gerry, pitching up unexpectedly to pick the kids up. He looked exhausted and incredibly dishevelled. If she hadn’t been so irritated that he’d got his dates muddled again, she might have felt sorry for him.

‘Gerry, the kids aren’t here,’ she said. ‘They’re both out at parties. I can drop them off to you later if you like.’

‘Oh no, sweetheart.’ Gerry looked decidedly shifty. ‘I’m on the way somewhere myself. I just called on the off-chance.’

‘Do you want to wait and see the kids?’

‘I could hang around for a bit, I suppose,’ said Gerry, which wasn’t the response Saffron was hoping for. Reluctantly, she led him into the kitchen. With Caroline here she couldn’t even grill him about the mysterious woman who had been cancelling her jobs. She paused and had a sudden and startling thought. Suppose Caroline was the mystery woman? No, that was daft. Caroline had been abroad when the calls started. And anyway, why would she sabotage her own business? Dismissing the thoughts for the time being she introduced Gerry.

‘Gerry, you remember Caroline,’ said Saffron.

‘And how could I forget the lovely Caroline?’ Gerry took her hand and held it to his lips.

‘Ooh, Gerry,’ Caroline batted her eyes, unable to resist the flattery, ‘you don’t mean that.’

‘Of course I do,’ said Gerry, in a manner that was evidently intended to be gallant. ‘Every man around these parts mourned when the divine Caroline left us behind.’

‘What are you like, Gerry?’ said Caroline. ‘I bet you say that to all the girls.’

By now Saffron was beginning to feel like a spare part in her own kitchen. Caroline was preening and plumping herself like a French hen, and Gerry looked as though all his Christmases had come at once. She was relieved when eventually Caroline decided it was time to go. Not only was she spared more confidences she could do without, but instead of waiting for the kids, Gerry rather unsubtly found himself in need of running an urgent errand and left several minutes later.
God, her ex-husband and her ex-business partner. Now there was a marriage made in heaven.

Wondering idly what had happened to Maddy, who hadn’t been mentioned the entire time Gerry had been there, Saffron shook her head. Caroline also seemed to have shaken off her trauma about DBtB and Ben fairly quickly too. Well, good luck to them. None of it was any of her business, thankfully. And so long as they kept out of her hair, they were welcome to do as they pleased.

The Magpie was heaving, and Ben spent several minutes scanning the room before he spied Pete in the corner, with the Guys, Bill, Bud and Harry.

‘I hereby call this meeting of Operation Intruder to order,’ Pete said portentously over a pint of lager, as Ben sat down.

Fired up by his enthusiasm at Amy’s suggestion to stake out the allotments, Pete had decided that this was reason enough to go for an impromptu drink on Monday evening.

‘Funny how this meeting just
has
to take place in the pub,’ had been Saffron’s snorting response. She and Amy had both decided that it wasn’t worth arranging for a babysitter for the sake of playing SAS games on the allotments.

‘So what’s the plan?’ said Ben. ‘Stay out in the allotments all night? I know the weather’s a bit warmer, but it’s still cold.’

‘We’ll take it in shifts,’ said Pete.

‘We’ve got a party Friday night,’ said Clive. ‘So we’ll go first.’

‘We’re free around eight,’ offered Bill and Bud.

‘I’ll do an early shift too,’ said Harry. ‘As it was Amy’s idea, I said I’d babysit for her while she takes a turn.’

‘So that’s settled then,’ said Pete. ‘Who’s for another pint?’

Just then the bar door dramatically burst open as Caroline made an entrance.

‘Don’t look now, but I think your lapdog has followed you,’ Pete said to Ben. Ben had brought Pete up to speed with the situation with Caroline and he’d spent the last few days poking fun at Ben’s predicament.

‘What’s she bloody doing here?’ Ben had left Caroline apparently happily ensconced in front of
EastEnders
. He wearily raised a hand to greet her, but she swept right past him in a swirl of Gucci Envy and went to the far end of the bar, where, to Ben’s amazement, Gerry was waiting to greet her.

‘Bloody hell,’ said Pete, his jaw open, ‘that woman never ceases to surprise me.’

‘I didn’t know Maddy and Gerry had split up,’ said Ben.

‘I don’t know that they have,’ said Pete. ‘I’m sure Saffron would have mentioned it.’

‘That’s going to make for fun in the hen coop,’ said Charles, nodding in Caroline and Gerry’s direction.

‘Put your claws away,’ said Pete. ‘Whatever they get up to, it’s none of our business. Now, what about that drink?’

Saffron scooted out of Legends. She felt she was finally getting the hang of this pole-dancing thing. Linda had actually complimented her on the routine she’d worked out this week. And, incredibly, Saffron was beginning to notice a difference in her shape. She wasn’t exactly svelte, but certainly less blobby. It was a very good reason for still coming to the classes.

Saffron felt bad that she hadn’t got round to telling Pete about them, but somehow, the longer it went on, the harder it was to say. It was a guilty pleasure she took once a week, sneaking out and pretending for an hour that instead of someone’s mum, or someone’s wife, she was a sexy young thing whose body still held appeal. It was stupid really. It wasn’t as if Pete didn’t tell her he loved her. But it felt like a long time since he’d told her she was sexy. The pole-dancing lessons were making her feel like she still had some booty to shake. But she ought to tell Pete about them. She didn’t like keeping things from him. She would. Soon.

‘What are you doing here?’ Maddy accosted her in the foyer of the club.

‘Erm, I’ve been out for a drink with some friends.’ Bloody hell. Of all people to run into.

‘That’s funny,’ said Maddy, ‘I’ve just been working behind the bar. I didn’t see you in there.’

Oh God. How bad could this get?

‘I didn’t know you worked here.’ Saffron’s voice came out in a squeak.

‘I’ve just started,’ said Maddy.

Gerry not keeping you in the manner to which you’re accustomed? was Saffron’s uncharitable thought, but
she decided it was politic not to say it. Her overwhelming desire was to get the hell out of there, before Maddy put two and two together.

Maddy snapped her fingers. ‘There’s only one reason anyone comes in here on a Wednesday night. Don’t tell me you’ve been coming to pole-dancing lessons?’

Saffron felt herself turn beetroot.

‘Well, well,’ Maddy cackled raucously. ‘I didn't know you had it in you!’

‘Look, do me a favour,’ said Saffron, hoping she didn’t sound too grovelling. ‘Please don’t mention this to Gerry. Pete thinks I’m at an aerobics class, and I’d rather he didn’t know.’

‘Oh it’s all right,’ Maddy said with a smile. ‘Gerry’s the last person I’d tell anything at the moment. Your secret’s safe with me.’

‘Oh God, Amy, what am I going to do?’ said Saffron dramatically, as she and Amy sorted out Linda’s pots. The crisis of meeting Maddy had resulted in her confessing all to Amy. Once Amy had stopped hooting with laughter, she had been doing her best to reassure Saffron that all would be well. ‘Pass me those petunias, would you, they’ll go nicely here, next to this freesia.’

‘You never know, Maddy might not tell Gerry,’ said Amy, who was arranging marigolds and pansies in another pot.

‘She did say he was the last person she’d tell, and Pete did see Gerry with Caroline in the pub the other
day. I’m wondering if they’ve split up. But I can’t risk it,’ said Saffron. ‘So it’s better if I don’t go at all. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.’

‘You could tell Pete,’ said Amy. ‘Wouldn’t he find it funny?’

‘I could,’ said Saffron, ‘but then I’d have to tell him I’ve been lying to him for the last three months. And that wouldn’t be very funny at all.’

‘Why didn’t you just tell him to start with?’

‘Why? Why? Why? That’s what I keep asking myself,’ said Saffron. ‘What do you think, these pink busy lizzies, or some more purple petunias?’

‘Petunias, definitely,’ said Amy. ‘And you haven’t answered my question.’

‘Well, to begin with, I was too embarrassed. Then after I’d finished the first course, I don’t know, I got hooked. And after that I had this mad idea I’d work out a routine for him and surprise him on his birthday. And now, it’s gone on so long I just don’t know
how
to tell him. So I think it’s probably better to draw a line under this episode and forget about it.’

‘If you say so,’ said Amy. ‘But I still think you should tell him.’

‘Anyway, listen to me wittering on,’ said Saffron. ‘How are things with you and Ben?’

‘Good, I think,’ said Amy. ‘Well, they would be if I ever got to spend any time with him alone. If I go round there Caroline is always hanging about, and if he comes to me she’ll suddenly turn up like a bad penny. It’s making me a bit twitchy. Ben says it’s all
over between them, but she is living in his house, and she is very pretty.’

Saffron thought briefly about what Caroline had said to her. Should she tell Amy? But then again, Caroline had been spotted in the pub with Gerry. It was probably nonsense anyway. There was no need to upset Amy, not when things were going well for her at last.

‘I’m sure Ben can see through that,’ said Saffron. ‘Anyway, Pete reckons she was all over Gerry in the pub on Monday.’

‘Caroline and Gerry?’ Amy fell about laughing. ‘Oh dear, what is Maddy going to say about that?’

‘I don’t know and I don’t care,’ said Saffron.

‘Talking of Maddy, did you get anything out of her about the phone calls?’

‘To be honest, I was so embarrassed, all I could think of was to get out of there as fast as possible,’ admitted Saffron. ‘It didn’t even cross my mind.’

‘I tell you what, though.’ Amy looked thoughtful. ‘It might be quite handy that she works at Legends. Do you think Linda would be up for a spot of sleuthing?’

‘I think Linda would think that was a hoot,’ said Saffron, getting up. ‘I’ll go and ask her now.’

Linda seemed to find the idea of being an undercover agent hilarious.

‘What do you want me to do, exactly?’ she asked.

‘I don’t know really,’ said Saffron. ‘Just get friendly
with her, I suppose, and see if she lets slip anything useful.’

‘It’ll be a laugh, doll,’ she said. ‘I’ll go into the bar after my Wednesday class and get chatting to her. See what I can find out.’

‘That would be great,’ said Saffron. ‘I’m sure she’s the one stirring up trouble. I can’t think who else it would be.’

‘You leave it with your Auntie Linda,’ said Linda. ‘Are you sure you’re going to give up coming to my lessons? It seems a shame. You were just getting the hang of it.’

‘I’m sure,’ said Saffron. ‘I’m so busy it’s been quite hard fitting it in, anyway. It’s probably better I stop now.’

‘Oh well,’ said Linda. ‘If you ever want to come back, you know where I am.’

‘I’ll bear it in mind,’ Saffron replied.

‘Do you actually imagine you’re going to catch anyone?’ said Saffron dubiously as she packed Pete a flask of hot tea.

‘Oh ye of little faith,’ said Pete. ‘You know I’m just dying to prove myself your hero.’

‘You know you are anyway,’ Saffron laughed.

Although there had been no further signs of entry, it had been decided to stake out Saffron’s shed on Friday night. The weather had turned warmer, and there was a general consensus that it could be a laugh.

The Guys claimed to have some rockets left over
from Guy Fawkes Night, and were threatening to shoot them at whoever came near the place, but thankfully Ben and Pete had put the kibosh on that.

‘So who else is going?’ Saffron wanted to know. She had no intention of doing any staking-out herself – far too cold and muddy – but she was touched that people had rallied round.

‘The Guys said they’d do the early stint, so they’re there now, and then Harry said he’d do a turn. Bud and Bill are, and so’s Ben.’

‘So I really don’t need to come,’ said Saffron with relief.

‘No need at all, fair wench,’ said Pete with a grin, ‘this is Man’s Work.’

‘Oh give over,’ said Saffron, hitting him with a tea towel. ‘You probably won’t find anyone anyway.’

‘Probably not,’ said Pete, ‘but you have to allow us boys to release our inner SAS man somehow.’

Saffron waved him down the path, laughing. Though she was still unnerved about the idea of someone camping in their shed, the thought of all the men she knew going all Ray Mears on her was highly amusing.