Paycheque (38 page)

‘So, do you think this holistic stuff can really work?' Claire asked Derek later when they were settled on her couch with large mugs of steaming, rich hot chocolate.

‘Will's explanation made sense, about circulation being so important,' Derek shrugged. ‘But you're the one who has to have faith – it doesn't really matter what I think.'

‘Maybe I should be ringing another
real
vet.'

‘Will is a real vet. Claire, what you need to do is step back and let someone else take care of things for a while. As much as you'd like to, you can't control everything, you know.'

The comment bit into an already tired and vulnerable Claire. She stared at the remains of chocolate in the bottom of her cup, trying to find a witty retort that belied her hurt. But Derek, sensing he'd gone too far, put his arm around her shoulders.

‘I'm sorry, I didn't mean to have a go at you. It's just that you need to learn to let go of some of the strings – at least loosen them a little. You're like a puppeteer trying to control every aspect of your life and everyone in it. As your friend, I don't like seeing the pressure you put on yourself. Paycheque's been saved. He might or might not race again, but he doesn't seem to be in any major pain. There's nothing to do for now but treat him.'

‘But…'

‘But what?'

‘Why now, when he was doing so well?'

‘Because things happen, Claire. They just do. You can't take it personally.'

‘It's just so disappointing,' she said, putting her cup down and rubbing her hands across her face.

‘I know.' Derek pulled her to him and held her tight. ‘I'm sure it'll be okay. You just need to have faith.'

‘In what?'

‘Life, the universe. The more you try to control, the more
out
of control you'll feel.'

‘So what am I supposed to do? Just give up?'

‘Chill, go with the flow – however else you want to describe it.'

‘But how?'

‘By making a conscious effort to trust yourself, someone else, something else. Take the occasional risk. Follow your heart not your head. Take Bernadette's note for instance – you decided to take a year out and trust it was the right decision.'

‘But that was her idea, not mine.'

‘Claire McIntyre, since when have you done anything you really didn't want to do?'

He was right. It wasn't really about trusting Bernadette at all; Bernadette hadn't known any more than she whether it would be the right decision, but so far it had proven to be.

‘Claire, everything happens for a reason – it's taken me most of my life to figure that out and accept it, but it's true. You might not see it at the time, but later, when the fog lifts, you can usually see it. For me – and I know this is going to sound weird – losing Amy was one of the best learning experiences of my life. I wish she hadn't died, but if she hadn't I would never have the relationship I do with Maddie. She's taught me so much about myself: to take time out to stop and smell the roses, to use an overworn cliché. Listen to me, sounding like I've just stepped out of some hippie commune.' He laughed.

‘I think it's great you can see all this, Derek. I really do. I just don't see how I can change. I am who I am.'

‘I'm only talking about changing some of your ways of thinking, not
who
you are. I happen to think you're great – well except for the control-freakishness.'

‘Jeez, thanks. I feel so much better,' Claire said, scowling. But something inside her had shifted – she couldn't put her finger on what it was, but she felt a little less burdened.

‘I'd better get back soon,' Claire said, checking her watch. She yawned.

‘Claire, it's been a big day. Are you sure you're okay to drive?'

‘I'll have to be, won't I?'

‘Well I could drive you.'

‘I'm going to be there for three hours.'

‘I don't mind waiting and driving you back.'

‘Then you'll only have a few hours before you have to get up for work.'

‘Actually, I've taken the day off – just in case. I rang Carla while I was waiting for Maddie at the hospital.'

‘Oh.'

‘I don't want you driving when you're this tired and distracted – it's not safe. Please, let me help. I'll sleep in the spare room.'

‘All right. But only because I don't have the time or energy to argue.'

‘Good. Come on, let's go,' he said, grabbing his keys from the coffee table and getting up.

When they got back, Claire was pleased to see Paycheque had his head hung over the stable door and his eyes shut. She called to him from well back so he didn't get too much of a fright. He opened his eyes and watched them approaching. But he didn't lift his head. When she got closer she realised he was leaning on the stable doorjamb. He looked as if he'd been drugged. Maybe there really was something to using herbs and acupressure after all. She would never have believed this was the same horse. Lucky the gates were made of steel tubing, and she could access the stable without having to open them. The flickering of his ears – keeping track of what they were doing – was the only sign he was actually awake.

Claire unwrapped the injured leg and began the ten-minute massage. As she did, she spoke quietly, soothing the horse. Derek sat nearby on an upturned bucket, with his elbows on his knees and his chin in his cupped hands, watching her. It was a lot warmer inside the stable, away from the brisk southerly breeze blowing outside. Claire turned to smile at Derek a couple of times but he didn't respond. He seemed totally mesmerised by her hands moving deftly up and down Paycheque's leg. She wasn't surprised to look back a few minutes later to see his eyes shut and his head lolling.

Claire finished the massage, rebandaged the injured leg, and got to work on the pressure points. Having checked that the bandages on his other legs were still secure, she inserted a syringe between his lips to administer arnica. Some of the liquid herbal supplement dribbled out before Paycheque started licking his lips and swallowing. She stood
back and ran through the list of things she'd done, checking them off against what Will had told them was needed every hour for the first day.

‘Good boy, we're done for now,' Claire said, giving Paycheque a pat on his neck. He still wasn't putting weight on his leg but at least he was calm.

Derek snapped to attention. ‘Right, what now?'

‘We have to wait and do two more rounds. Sorry, but I did warn you.'

‘Did you hear me complain? So, are we going back to the house to wait?'

‘No, I don't want to wake the others up. I'm going to just sit and snooze. There's plenty of room.'

Derek and Claire settled themselves on the floor in the sawdust in the far corner of the stable. Derek sat behind Claire and leant against the wall. He wrapped both arms around her and pulled her close. Claire leant back into him with the back of her head against the soft part of his shoulder.

‘As nice as this is,' Derek said after a few minutes, ‘it's not really a workable solution for the next few weeks.'

‘Hmm,' said Claire, on the verge of slipping into a snooze.

‘We could set up the feed room with swags and a heater for whoever is over here. I've got spares at home.'

‘Hmm. Good idea.'

They fell silent and snoozed until they felt and heard Derek's mobile phone vibrate. It was in the top pocket of his shirt, right next to Claire's head.

‘Righto, sleepy head, time for the next round,' he said.

‘I didn't think to set an alarm,' she said, slowly getting to her feet. ‘I was almost asleep.'

‘Lucky I'm here then, huh?'

‘Derek, I really do appreciate everything you're doing.'

‘I know. Now come on. On the hour every hour, Will said – hop
to,' he said, staying put and giving her a playful slap on the back of her leg.

Finally, Claire's third stint was finished and they were able to leave. Aching all over, she longed for a hot bath. But what she needed more was sleep – bed would have to do. They drove in silence until they were almost at her cottage.

‘I'm exhausted. Can't wait to just get into bed,' Claire said.

‘Me too.'

They lapsed back into silence.

‘God, it's freezing in here,' Claire said when they were inside, dumping their keys on the coffee table. ‘I'll just turn my electric blanket on and make up the spare bed.'

She turned to walk out of the room but Derek grabbed her hand and pulled her back so they were face to face. ‘I don't mind sharing if you don't – save you the trouble. Promise I'll keep my hands to myself.'

A ripple of electricity ran through Claire. She smiled at him. ‘Okay. I'm so tired I probably couldn't even unfold a sheet anyway.'

The next morning, Claire was a little startled to wake to heavy breathing beside her. It took her a few moments to remember that Derek had stayed the night. The room was softly lit from the morning light seeping in around the edges of the thick curtains. She leant over to her bedside table to check her watch, careful not to move too suddenly and risk waking her sleeping companion. It was just after seven-thirty. She'd had barely four hours sleep. She had to be at the farm for the nine o'clock stint.
Just half an hour more
, Claire told herself, putting her watch back down. She stayed lying on her side and pulled the quilt back over her shoulder. It was so nice and warm where she was – much better than the forecast three degrees outside.

Derek had stayed fully dressed, and was only under the bedclothes because she'd insisted it was too cold to stay on top with a blanket. When they'd gone to bed, he'd given her a quick hug and pecked her on the cheek, told her to sleep well, and rolled over. Claire had wondered how she'd get to sleep with all the churning going on inside her over Paycheque and having someone in her bed again after
so long. But somehow she had slept soundly. Well she thought she had – couldn't remember waking up or having any dreams.

Now what? How awkward were things about to get? There was movement beside her and the rustling of linen. She flinched slightly as Derek's warm body touched hers.