Peggy Klaus (2 page)

GUYS HAVE THE EDGE … BUT EVEN THEY GET IT WRONG

In 2002, the
Wall Street Journal
devoted a column to my “Bragging Rites and Wrongs,” a series of workshops about self-promotion I delivered to businesswomen across the country. The coverage resulted in an avalanche of response. My phone didn’t stop ringing for weeks.

Many of the calls came from men. Why hadn’t I included them in my workshops? Although I’ve coached an equal number of males and females, and find that bragging is difficult for both genders, the majority of women with whom I work struggle with this issue far more than men do. It’s a well-researched fact that women are terrible self-promoters. Told by parents and society at large “Don’t be a show-off,” “Don’t upstage your brother,” “Don’t talk about your accomplishments—it will make your boyfriend/husband look bad,” women are less likely to draw attention to themselves and take ownership of their successes. They tend to attribute their accomplishments to other people, their families, or a work team. That’s all very nice, but it’s those who visibly take credit for accomplishments who are rewarded with promotions and gem assignments.

I often joke that men are born with the brag gene. But as one male remarked, “Oh no, it’s not that we’re born with this gene. We got it because by the sixth grade, we were already looking for dates. So we
had
to boast to separate ourselves from all the other boys.” While men tend to brag more than women, and do so more comfortably, even they get it wrong. (Yes, more often than not, they are “one of them.”) A common complaint I hear is that men alienate others by being too heavy on the “Me! Me! Me!” messages. Many also embellish their accomplishments to such an extreme degree—some call it flat-out lying—that it calls their credibility into question. (Certainly women can be guilty of this, too.) Some men have also grown up with the same self-limiting advice given to women. The response from men following the
Wall Street Journal
story convinced me that they are equally in need of bragging advice.

BRAGGING IS AN ART

The purpose of this book is not to teach you to make a lot of pretentious noise. It’s to teach you to master the art of bragging, using the same techniques that have turned the thousands of professionals and executives I have coached into skillful self-promoters.

But for most of us, mastering the art of bragging is easier said than done. The problem we have with self-promotion is this: We think it’s necessary to choose between remaining obscure or sounding obnoxious, like “one of them.” Fortunately there is a bragging middle ground—an artful way of communicating and turning the spotlight on yourself that will not only feel natural and comfortable to you, but to those on the receiving end as well.

At its core, bragging is a very individual form of self-expression and communication. A good self-promoter sneaks up on you, grabs your attention, and wins you over—without your even knowing he or she is doing it. Good self-promoters have a way of connecting with others. They exude a contagious energy, coming off as confident about where they have been and where they are going. They know their stuff. Before even uttering a word, they take the emotional temperature of an audience, whether facing one or a few hundred. They speak with sincerity from both head and heart. They are exceptional storytellers, because they continually work at keeping their stories fresh. They’re able to think on their feet, because they’re always well prepared. They are masters at turning negatives into positives and are often funny, even self-deprecating at times. But most important, and this is key, they express themselves best by being themselves. Conveying authenticity is at the heart of good self-promotion. This book will teach you how to become a master of artful bragging.

HOW THIS BOOK WORKS

You are living in the Age of the Entrepreneur, even if you don’t work for yourself. The workplace is no longer a safe and secure haven for anyone or any career—job security is virtually nonexistent. People are shedding jobs and careers at an unprecedented rate. The only sure thing is that no one is going to look after your best interests except you. And if you don’t speak up for yourself, who will? Jobs and bosses will come and go. So the best way to thrive in this environment is to start thinking like an entrepreneur and to start bragging about your most valuable product:
you!

Good self-promotion starts with recognizing and reconciling the myths that keep you from talking about yourself and realizing your goals. Chapter 1 covers these myths, showcasing missed opportunities and the value of tooting your own horn with examples of good and bad bragging dialogues.

Are you one of those people who can only think of the right things to say about themselves
after the fact
? Then read on.

Good self-promotion is very individualized, and one-size-fits-all solutions don’t work. In Chapter 2, you’ll find my “Take 12” questionnaire, a self-evaluation tool keyed to helping you unearth your personal and professional history, identify your strengths, accomplishments, and personality traits, and zero in on the things that make you
you
. I’ll introduce you to the concepts of brag bites and bragologues, memorable sound bites and brief marketing monologues about yourself that can be drawn on in a moment’s notice—and used to your advantage—in any situation without coming off as pushy or disingenuous.

Most of the remainder of the book is devoted to demonstrating how you can connect the dots to develop a unique and effective communication style best suited to your particular situation. Filled with tales of real-life bloopers and home runs, these chapters will show you how to translate your story into easy-to-use brag bites and bragologues that will successfully promote you wherever you go.

Chapter 3 focuses on the basics of business bragging in and out of the office. It’s filled with schmoozing and cruising stories from the corporate world that show you how to maximize every encounter from elevator fly-bys to conversations with higher-ups at networking events to dealing with credit theft, which runs rampant in the corporate world.

Chapter 4 shows you how to use the latest technology to further your cause—how to harness voice mail and e-mail for “techno-brag” when dealing with clients or with colleagues and bosses who are away from the office. This chapter addresses the challenges and opportunities of being kept in mind when out of sight or off the site.

Chapters 5 and 6 focus on turning job interviews into job offers and performance appraisals into promotions and salary increases. “With more people in and out of the workforce for a variety of reasons, Chapter 7 is dedicated to those without “real” jobs who want to leverage networking as well as casual cocktail chatter to plant seeds for future opportunities. Chapter 8 provides examples of using your personal history to give your company credibility or to obtain funding when you’ve decided to brave it on your own.

“But … bragging is egocentric, disgusting, obnoxious, self-aggrandizing, and just plain wrong.”

Okay, so tell me how you really feel! This definition sounds very black and white, with no room for a middle ground. Listen to someone brag artfully, and I think you may just change your mind. In fact, I know you will.

Before you hit the bragging trail, dump everything you ever learned in Presentation 101! Chapter 9 teaches you my trademark “brag nags”—key communication techniques that make for more dynamic bragging in any situation and with every audience. You’ll learn how to take the emotional temperature of the listener, how to be authentic at all times, and why you need to act like your best self, even on rainy days.

Chapter 10 wraps it all up with a humorous author’s confession and, before I send you on your way, my Twelve Tooting Tips.

Once you learn to apply the techniques that have transformed my clients over the years, you’ll see bragging in an entirely new light and discover a way to sell yourself hat doesn’t set you back, but actually sets you free.

Happy bragging!

Peggy Klaus

Berkeley, California

October 2002

Bragging Dictionary

Brag:
To talk about your best self (interests, ideas, and accomplishments) with pride and passion in a conversational manner intended to excite admiration, interest, and wonder, without pretense or overstatement—in other words, without being obnoxious.

Brag bites:
Snippets of impressive information about one’s best self, expressed in a brief, quotable manner. They function as memory insurance so that people will remember something compelling about you. They can be dropped into conversations as single gems or woven together to create longer bragologues.

Bragologues:
Ranging from a thirty-second elevator pitch to a three-minute monologue, information about one’s self that is conveyed in a conversational, storylike fashion that’s memorable and elicits interest, excitement, and/or admiration.

Brag bag:
A collection of all the information about one’s best self that can be easily accessed: accomplishments, passions, and interests—the colorful details that describe who one is personally and professionally.

Brag bomb:
A complete failure in tooting one’s own horn, typically a result of misreading one’s audience, bad timing, and/or a lack of preparation.

Brag nags:
Friendly advice on how to deliver your bragging with style.

Bragging “buts”:
All the excuses and issues that are cited as reasons for not bragging.

CHAPTER 1

Bragging Myths We Live and Die By

It ain’t bragging if you done it.

—D
IZZY
D
EAN

Myth #1: A JOB WELL DONE SPEAKS FOR ITSELF

It’s not my father’s workplace anymore, or even the one many of your mothers may have entered in the 1970s or ’80s. The days of job security in exchange for loyalty and hard work are long gone. For most, this isn’t news. Yet many of us fail to recognize the value of self-promotion in maneuvering today’s volatile and unpredictable workplace. Given the constant changes—mergers, management shifts, downsizing—you simply must let people in the organization know who you are and what you are accomplishing. Otherwise you’ll be passed over for promotions, in succession planning, or when the company is determining the best performers during layoffs.

Even if you’re an ace at keeping your boss up to speed, remember, he or she might be gone tomorrow. You need to cover all your bases and stand out in the eyes of your boss’ boss and that boss’ boss and all the bosses right up to the big boss. “Your mission is made even more challenging when you consider what the Information Age has wrought: people who are overwhelmed by the daily onslaught of e-mails, voice mails, faxes, phone calls, and meetings upon meetings. They have little-to-no time or any real need to pay special attention to you.

Planting for the Future

As important as those on the inside of your company are for your survival, those on the outside are just as significant: recruiters, industry associates, personal friends and acquaintances, even your competitors. Even seemingly stable companies can collapse overnight. Just look at Enron and Arthur Andersen, among many others.

Good self-promoters know this: They’re always planting seeds for the future. Karen, forty-two, a division head for a major global food corporation, is a good example. At an informal gathering, when asked how long she had been in the business and what she did, instead of the typical “I’ve worked with my company for fifteen years and run its dairy division,” she responded:

Who ever thought I’d be in the food industry, especially after my mom forced me all those years to eat Cheez Whiz? [Everyone at the table erupted with laughter.] It must have been fate, but after I graduated with my MBA from Columbia, I got a call from a friend who told me about a few interesting openings. I began working for my company in 1985 in brand management, working my way up to marketing director. Two years ago, one of the company’s other divisions was really in the hole and they gave me the assignment of turning it around. I didn’t really know where to start, so I began talking to people on the floor. A lot of them had great ideas. From there, I got everyone involved and formed teams to pull in the various disciplines and put together a strategic vision. Today, I am the proud head of a dairy division that is number two in profitability worldwide.

Smart self-promoters show up prepared. They value face time with others and are always ready with stories about themselves that break through the verbal clutter. They know that positive regard from others isn’t going to “just happen” on job interviews, at performance appraisals, during presentations, or at networking functions. And it’s unlikely to “just happen” by marching into the CEO’s office and asking for an appointment to discuss how wonderful you are. It’s not going to happen unless you make it happen, and the crème-de-la-crème opportunities to self-promote are going to come your way when you least expect them.

Myth #2: BRAGGING IS SOMETHING YOU DO DURING PERFORMANCE REVIEWS

April 5, 2002: I am on a plane bound from New York to San Francisco and the thirty-something guy sitting next to me just blew it: He missed a golden opportunity to sell himself and his company.

We had struck up a conversation and were happily chatting away about living in San Francisco when I asked him, “So what is it that you do?” “I’m a management consultant,” he replied. He didn’t continue, so I tried to engage him more by asking, “What’s your specialty in management consulting?” “Telecommunications,” he responded, followed again by dead silence. I took on the exercise of seeing if I could pull out some more information asking, “Who do you do it for?” He named one of the top five management-consulting firms, then stopped cold. I was just about to ask another question when something inside me snapped. I thought to myself, I’m not asking a fourth question. I’ve done enough digging. He’s not making it interesting or fun for me to talk with him.