Penitence (2010) (26 page)

his arms lightly around my waist. Nothing. I swear. He let go, turned, unlocked my door and opened it. I wasnt buying his act. He was bugged. I got in and he shut the door. The cold interior brought out goose bumps on my flesh. And, in my mind, I kept seeing the menacing black creature slithering all over Britt. Weston got in and started the engine. Hard rock blasted into the cab. He drove with one hand on the wheel, the other scrubbing his jaw. I turned the music down. Whats wrong? Nothing. Seriously. You were all hot and ready back at Starbucks, Weston. Now, youre like not happy or something. Tell me. He didnt say anything. Is it Britt? I hated playing twenty questions with guys. Weston snorted. No. The black spirits? No. Is it because I mentioned Matthias? His dark eyes flashed to mine. Yeah, it is. Silence. Weston, lets chuck the twenty questions and talk. Were capable. Right? He thought a moment, then nodded. Okay. So, tell me. I believe you about Matthias, and the whole everything-you-see stuff. Thats not whats bugging me. Im justI dont knowI think about him Matthiasalways being around and Hes not always around. He isnt here now. Yeah, but I never know when hes going to be here and when he isnt. And, like back there, I said Id take care of you... And you did. You took me out of there. Yeah but, I want to... I want to... He let out a sigh. This sounds dumb. I reached out and slid my fingers into the hair at the back of his collar. He seemed lulled into a daze by the action, but his fingers tightened around the steering wheel. When traffic permitted, her pulled the car over and stopped. Just talk. Tell me. I want to be the one protecting you. Awww. I moved closer, and turned his face to mine, keeping hold of his chin in my fingertips. Thats sweet. I kissed his parted lips. His arms slipped around me in a tight lock. Weston never kissed me that I didnt feel his urgency pour into me with flooding need. I was amazed and flattered he chose to share his feelings and himself with me. That vulnerable trust made me realize how much of Weston was a faade of everything hed grown up thinking he should be. Who he was inside promised to be much kinder, sweeter and more real than the practiced exterior. I want you to need me, he whispered against my cheek. He all but pressed me into the seat with his body, so insistent were his feelings. An echo of panic called out inside of me, challenging me to accept someone so desperate for what I had to offerwhatever that was. Whatever it was, Weston wanted it all, of that I was positive. Give me time. I enjoyed kissing the fullness of his upper lip, staring into his eyes. He closed them. One thing I decided right then: I would never hurt him. He deserved honesty and someone who cared about him. I could give him those two things right now. At least youre honest. Always be honest, kay? His eyes opened, searching mine for truth. I nodded, and tightened my grip around his neck. I hate lying. He held me, his hand stroking my back. Me too. I can deal with anything, as long as I know its the truth. Its the lies that are hard. I know. I love you Zoe. He wanted honesty. I squeezed him tighter and didnt say anything more. Wednesday morning, voices trudged through my brain, making their way to my consciousness like bodies swimming through mud. Mom. Dad. Shouting. My eyes opened. I lay in bed, utterly still. Foreboding pressed down on me, as if forcing my soul deep into the suffocating confines of my mattress and beyond. The feeling was in my room, in the very air I breathed, and it sunk through my skin. Im tired of waiting! Mom yelled. How can you be tired of waiting? What other option is there? You think something is going to come along and change her? She is who she is. If we could afford programs for her, she might improve. Im doing the best I can. What do you want me to do? Get a second job? Take out a second mortgage on the house? We only have so much money we can work with, and Im trying to save for our retirement. Some kind of retirement were going to havethe three of us, Moms shout rumbled the walls. Abria. Mom and Dad rarely argued, but when they did, it was usually about one of us kids. I sat up, rubbed my eyes, threw my legs over the side of the bed and crossed to my door. I opened it a crack so I could listen better. A cabinet slammed. I hated hearing they werent happy, that any of us made them unhappy. I stepped into the hall. Lukes bedroom door was closed. Didnt he hear them yelling? Feel the dread in the air? Youre already working more than I like, Dad shouted back. We cant give more than we have. We have to do more than were doing, thats all I know. We have to! I cant go on living like this. Crash. Bang. Another cabinet door. I cringed. I cant talk about this anymore now, Dad snapped. When I get home Ill be bathing Abria, Mom barked. Chasing after her. So bone tired I wont want to talk about it, let alone live through another moment of it! Another cabinet slammed. Dads heavy sigh rose to the second floor like a dirty cloud of smog. My heart ached. I crept down the stairs so I could see them and stopped. My heart plummeted to my feet. Albert stood in the corner, arms crossed over his chest, his silver-blue eyes waiting for me. Just as horrifying was the sight of the black spirits riding my parents backs. Crazed, wild, vicious, they leapt, slid, then floated in whirring circles, stirring invisible tentacles of rage that snapped out in my direction, pulling my bones with a gravitational draw so strong, I knew Id never be able to fight. I blinked, sure I was seeing things. My heart nearly burst through my ribs, the pounding so fierce. Ah, there you are. Alberts voice wove into my head. What are you doing? I rasped. Mom and Dad turned my way, shocked to see me. Anger still simmered in both of them, their faades like clear teapots filled with boiling water. Were having a discussion, Dad steamed. Music to my ears, Zoe. Alberts arms unfolded. Discontent. Beautiful, isnt it? He wore the black suit, a burgundy shirt and that ghastly rope tie of souls. The sight of him stirred my anger enough that I forgot fear for a second. Still wearing the same hideous suit? Your boss is kinda cheap, isnt he? The charged air shocked with an unseen bolt of choking power that wrapped around my throat and stole my breath. Albert didnt say anything, his grin didnt falter, but his slivered eyes burned with amusement. What did you say? Dads eyes slit. Um. I wasnt talking to you, Dad. Sorry. Who are you talking to then? Dad snipped, clearly irritated. Its about time youre up, Mom bit out. You and Luke are getting lazy. Im sick of it. Her eyes widened after the words plunged from her mouth. Mmm, Albert hummed. Purrrfect. I wanted my parents to stop. Not to buy into Alberts loathing crap. Couldnt they tell something was wrong? Didnt they feel the creepy creatures playing with them? I glared at Albert. Im surprised you brought your low-life friends. I thought you worked alone. Albert lifted both hands in the air and for a moment, terror shook my knees, not sure what he would do next. He waved his hands and the black spirits whooshed together in a whirling tornado of gnashing wretchedness, up through the ceiling until they finally vanished. Dad set fists on his hips. Zoe, who do you think youre talking to? If he only knew, Albert whispered. And, youre right, Zoe. I work alone. They owed me. I swallowed a lump. Sorry, Dad. I looked past him at Albert, grinning from his spot in the corner. You, get out of here! Excuse me? Dad said. Not you. I breathed out, free to inhale at last. Leave my family alone, loser! Louder, Zoe, louder. Albert applauded. Like your mother, with real bite in it. On shaky knees, I took the rest of the stairs down and Dad didnt move from my path. Youre out of line, Zoe. Frustrated, exasperated, I could barely breathe, let alone speak. I wasnt talking to you. She was talking to me, Mom hissed. So that makes it okay, I guess. I wasnt talking to you either, Mom, I glared at Albert, realizing the closer I got, the stronger his evil force. Like a giant oven of heat and fire, scorching kindness and decency and love in the path of its frightening open jaws. Dont argue you guys, please, I plead. Its too late for that, Mom shouted, then slammed another cabinet. Dad headed for the door. Now, Im late! The door thudded behind him. Albert stepped away from the corner hed occupied and into the kitchen, delighted as the Cheshire cat. Ah. Perfect. The beginning of the end, Zoe. Slowly, he came my direction. Watch me. My pores broke open with sweat. I said leave. Mom glared at me. Quit talking to me like that. Alberts laugh filled the air with frightening horror that slipped into my body, gripped me by the bones and wouldnt let go. I couldnt move. What am I going to do? Albert was so much bigger than me. I felt dwarfed in body and soul and completely at his mercy. I heard Abrias giggle upstairs. Albert went silent. His eyes sharpened and he looked her direction. Oh no! Matthias, where are you? Would Albert hurt her? Leave my sister alone, I growled. You spend one quarter of the time I do with her, and then you can tell me what I can and cant do with my child! Mom advanced, wagging her finger. Mom, stay back! Cant you see him? Feel him? But no words left my tongue. Abrias footsteps pattered down the stairs. The minute she entered the area, Alberts face turned stony. I grabbed Abria, scooped her into my arms and held her against my chest, my pulse ready to burst through my veins. Albert closed his eyes and turned his face from her, as if he couldnt look at her, and then he was gone. I blinked. Blinked again. In an instant, he had vanished, and gone with him was the horrible vice hed brought into the house. Disbelief forced me to step where Albert had once stood. I searched empty air for him. Vacant. Negativity evaporated. Relief poured into me like crystal clear water off a rocky ledge. Mom let out a sigh. Im sorry, Zoe. I dont know what came over me. She crossed to me, her eyes glistening. I didnt mean any of what I said. Really. I know. Its okay. My voice was hoarse. Are you all right? Youre whiter than a sheet. Mom pressed her hand against my forehead and cheeks. Wriggling Abria slipped from my arms to the floor. She scrambled on to the table and stood in the middle, reaching for the chandelier. Chan! Chan! Im fine. I reached for Abria, took her in my arms again. Whatever you did, you got rid of that creep, I thought, squeezing her wiggling body against me. She squealed for freedom. I set her on her feet and she scurried up a chair and onto the table again. Mom was hunched over the sink, her shoulders wracked in silent sobs. I crossed to her and put my arms around her, resting my head on her shuddering back. Her sobs intensified for a moment, then went silent. She took a deep breath and let it out. Im sorry you heard that. Its okay. Its not eight oclock and I already feel like my cup is full, you know? Her red-rimmed eyes met mine before shifting to Abria. Weariness shadowed her face, dragging her pretty features into a somber surrender. Want me to get her ready? I have some time. Youre not going to school today? Bradys funeral. I imagine lots of kids will miss schoolor part of it, anyway. Mom wiped her nose with the hem of her robe. I guess I shouldnt feel sorry for myself. I could be Bradys mother. She sniffed, forced a smile. I patted her arm. Maybe thats why I havent seen Luke yet. Hes probably going. Hes Kevins friend. Kevin is Bradys brother, right? I nodded and handed Mom a napkin for her nose. She blew, then crumpled it and tossed it into the trash. Her watery eyes stayed on Abria and she let out a sigh. Let me get her ready, I said. Moms countenance looked alarmingly fragile. Okay, she sounded like a little girl too tired to take another moment of the day, and it was only eight oclock in the morning. Abria jumped up and down on the table, squealing and flapping. Matthias, where are you? For a second, I was pissed he hadnt been there to sweep Abria out of this mess so Mom and Dad didnt have to argue. But then, I was there. I grabbed Abria, squeezing her tight in a covert way to silence and still her, but she only screeched and writhed like a trapped cat. Her hand reached out and her fingernails scraped across my cheek. Ouch! I screamed. Pulsing stripes burned on my face. Whatd she do? Mom ran to us. Her eyes widened. Oh, no. No, no, Abria. Bad girl for scratching Zoe. Mom snatched her from my arms and planted a firm swat on Abrias butt. Stunned for only a millisecond, Abrias blue eyes widened. Come on. I grabbed her from Mom again. Thats okay, Zoe, I can Forget it, Mom. Its no biggie. Moms efforts at trying to cover up her argument with Dad were admirable, but overshadowed by the reality of life. Abria and the challenges she brought, were never going to end and I knew my parents struggled with the endless possibilities. I carried a resistant Abria up the stairs. Lukes door swung wide and he stood in the jamb, scruffy hair standing on end, striped boxers riding low on his hips. His blue eyes peeped open. Whats going on? I chuckled. Fireworks show is over, bud. I continued down the hall to the bathroom. He followed me. What? he asked. I set Abrias bottom on the sink, her feet hanging over the tile countertop as I warmed a washcloth. Mom and Dad. Was that them I heard yelling? He ran his hands down his face, yawned. Yeah. What were they fighting about? Im here, he snorted. I snickered. Yeah. Never mind, its over. I washed Abrias face and she squirmed. What happened to you? Luke nodded at me, his eyes on my cheek. The scratches still stung, and I looked at myself for the first time in the mirror. Three bright gouges striped the left side of my face. Man. I look like Im preparing for war, I cringed. I just need three more on the right side. Abria? Luke passed Abria and I, went into the toilet room and shut the door. Who else? I glared at Abria, her skin smooth and perfect, while I had three lovely red lines running down my face and a funeral to attend. Bradys funeral. Id rather have crawled back in bed and hid under the blankets. You going to the funeral? Course, Lukes voice came from the other side of the door. No amount of concealer would cover the scratches. Questions would no doubt arise as to how I got them. Thanks a lot, Abria, I mumbled, hoisting her on my hip. I carried her into her bedroom. She wrangled out of my arms and made a beeline for the window. I let her climb up, too frustrated to chase after her. The window was locked anyway, and maybe Matthias would show. I could ask him why hed been absent when Albert had made a showing, and ask why Albert had vanished the second hed laid eyes on Abria. Because he cant be in the presence of an innocent. Matthias. Today, he wore robins egg blue from head to toea soft, billowy shirt and slack combination that lit his eyes to sparkling gems. Hello, Zoe.