Pep Talks (Pepper Jones #4) (4 page)

Frankie places his hand on my arm. “Pepper, you’re white as a sheet, let me walk you up.”

I shake my head. “No, you should go back to your place. Maybe Jace is there. Maybe he fell asleep by accident or something. Check his room.”

Frankie watches me cautiously as I climb out of his car. My body won’t stop shaking as I make my way up three flights of stairs. All I can think is that Jace is most likely in the hospital. Hurt. Broken.

I can’t lose him. I just can’t. He’s my best friend. Family. And the love of my life. I can’t even imagine a world without Jace Wilder in it. 

A surge of panic and pain hits me as I reach the landing, and I have to clutch the wall not to stumble backward and fall down the stairs.  But just as I start to lose my balance, firm, strong arms catch me around the waist and hold me in place. 

The familiar scent of laundry detergent and pine body wash assaults me and the relief is so bone deep that I do actually lose my footing, collapsing.

“Jace,” I whisper. “You’re here.”

“I’m here,” he murmurs, and a new scent hits me. Liquor.

I turn to face him. His eyes dart over my face, confusion and something else showing in him.

“Have you been drinking?” I don’t even try to fight the accusatory tone in my voice. What the hell? I thought he was dying or something.  And he was drinking? My previous pain and desperation are quickly replaced by red-hot fury.

Jace blinks, as if in a trance. When a couple of girls race pass us in the stairwell, giggling, Jace lifts me up off my feet. “Let’s go to your room to talk.”

“I can walk fine.” I resist his hold and break free, fishing my keys out of my pocket as we enter the common area of our suite.  Lexi is sitting on the couch with Gina. Both look up from reading their textbooks when we come in. I smile tightly without saying a word, heading straight to my room.

Jace follows me and when we’re alone in my room, I spin to face him.  “First you need to call Frankie,” I order harshly. “We were about to call the police.” Okay, so we hadn’t actually discussed calling the police, but he needs to realize how worried we were.  Terrified, in fact.

“Can I use your phone?” he asks.

I hand it over to him, watching him closely as he scrolls through my contacts and finds Frankie. Though I’m eager for an explanation, if Frankie was half as worried as I was, he deserves to know Jace is here, in one piece.

I watch Jace carefully as he talks to Frankie. He apologizes, but he doesn’t sound especially guilty, and offers no explanation. Frankie must not push him, because the phone call ends in less than a minute. 

As soon as he’s off, I cross my arms and let loose. “What the hell, Jace? Where have you been? First, you’re a no-show at lunch with no explanation, then I find out from Frankie you ditched practice without telling a soul.” I’m yelling and I’m sure my roommates can hear, but I couldn’t care less. He’s just standing there, hardly showing any emotion. He’s put up a wall, I can see that immediately. He hasn’t done this to me in a long time. And I’m determined to break through it.

“Frankie and I drove around town looking all over for you. I was about to start searching the hospital and the jail. I thought you were dead!” Okay, so I’m being a bit dramatic. I realize I’m even crying now. A complete and total hot mess. But does he have any idea how scared he had me? And he just shows up with liquor on his breath, completely unharmed?

Jace’s wall is still there when he approaches me. He doesn’t have far to go in my tiny dorm room. But when he says, “I’m sorry,” it doesn’t make me feel any better. I want his comfort more than anything, but he’s still rigid, giving away nothing.

“Well? Are you going to tell me what’s going on? Where you’ve been and why you didn’t tell anyone?” I still sound hysterical. His closeness would normally calm me but with the way he’s acting, he might as well be a brick wall.

“I went to the library after my morning class,” he says calmly.  “I didn’t have another class for a while and I thought I’d stop by and bring some coffee to Annie before meeting you for lunch.”

Immediately, I tense at that name.
Annie.
His mother. He’s been calling her “Mom” for a long time now, but she’s Annie again. This can’t be good.

“She wasn’t at the library. The other librarian said she didn’t show up for work and wasn’t answering her phone. So I went to Annie’s apartment.” He is so matter-of-fact, like he’s relaying someone else’s story. “It was locked but I have a key. When I went in, everything was gone. It was empty.” His voice cracks slightly, and that tells me he’s not entirely numb. But mostly, I’m shocked by what he’s just said.

“Empty?” I repeat, unsure I’m understanding correctly.

“Empty. A few things in the fridge, and that’s it.”

“When was the last time you saw her?”

“Sunday morning. We had breakfast. She was a little distant, but I didn’t think much of it.”

“So what did you do when you saw her place was empty? Did you get in touch with her?”

He shakes his head. “While you were looking for me, I was looking for her. I’m sorry I didn’t call. But, um, I broke my phone.”

He’s looking down at his feet sheepishly, but I still ask. “How did it break?”

“I threw it against the wall at Annie’s place,” he admits.

This doesn’t surprise me, but it does send another round of pain through me on Jace’s behalf, knowing how upset he must have been to find Annie’s place empty. I don’t mention that he could’ve found another means to reach me, Frankie, or his coach.

His excuse isn’t good enough for me to instantly forgive him, but I can’t even imagine what he’s thinking and feeling right now. All I know is that I hurt so much for him. His mother just abandoned him. Again. After rebuilding his trust. The pain I feel for Jace cuts me deep, but I stand strong for him.

“Where did you look?” I ask quietly, gently, like my voice might send him over the edge. God, and I was yelling at him a moment ago. 

His head snaps up and for the first time since he found me in the stairwell, emotion flashes across his face. Anger. Fury. It’s utterly unfiltered rage, and it has me gasping in shock. And fear.

“I went to the fucker’s office,” he bites out. It takes me a second to realize he means Lance, whom we haven’t spoken of since we met him over two weeks ago. “First thing I saw were the photos of his wife and kids on his desk, on the walls, all over the office. And his fucking wedding band.” As quickly as the emotions flashed, he has detached himself again. I don’t doubt that the anger is simmering just beneath the surface. I’m almost afraid to hear the rest of this story.

“I asked him where Annie was but he acted like he had no idea what I was talking about. I pressed hard, but I think he was telling the truth.”

I skim Jace up and down now, but see no signs of physical violence. Still, I have to ask. “Did you hurt him?”

“I threw a few punches where it counts. He’ll be hurting for a few weeks but I’m holding off with the threat to tell his family about his affair. I need to keep that to hold over him.”

“Jace! You could get in serious trouble for assault. You could lose your scholarship.” You could lose everything, I want to tell him. All because of his mother.

He doesn’t react. “That’s what I mean. He won’t press charges because then I would tell his wife about the affair. Or she’ll figure it out from the charges on her own.”

This is messed up. Jace was calculated. He went to some virtual stranger’s office and beat the crap out of him. He expects no repercussions. Or he simply doesn’t care. It’s the possibility of the latter that really has me worried. If he destroyed his phone and threw punches, that means he really lost it.

“He told me Annie found out he was married two days ago, on Monday.” She left because of that? She abandoned her only son, for a second time, because she had an affair with a married man? I knew she was a weak and selfish person. I
knew
it.

“I’ve been trying to find out where the fuck she went all day. All I can think is she relapsed, was ashamed to admit it, and is hiding out. I have to find her before it’s too late.”

“Too late for what?” She’s gone, Jace. It’s already too late.

“A relapse is okay, she can still get back on track. But she needs help or else she’ll fall back into that lifestyle. If I find her, she might still have her apartment, her job.” Jace might still be able to forgive her, keep the relationship they’ve been building for over a year now. 

“Maybe she’ll come back.” But I don’t really mean it. She’s gone. I am certain of it.

“If I don’t hear from her tomorrow, I’m filing a missing person’s report,” Jace announces.

“I was about to do the same for you,” I blurt, still angry. Maybe it’s mostly directed at his mother, but I hate that she can make him completely forget everything else in his world. That she has that power over him. I know that he’s trying to forget the world around him because he’s protecting himself. Because if he takes his focus off finding her, he will feel so much hurt it might break him. He’s in denial that she’s really gone, and I’m not sure how to deal with that.  Do I help him stay in denial? I’m really scared what will happen when he comes out of it.

Jace doesn’t stay. He doesn’t want my comfort. I’m not even sure why he came in the first place. He simply leaves, saying he needs to get back to his apartment and call his coach. I know I shouldn’t be hurt by his coldness, that this is how he’s coping, but I wish he would let me be there for him, like he always is for me. It feels like rejection in the worst way. Like I’m not enough.

Logically, I know that there is nothing like a mother’s love. Gran explained this to me once. Even though my own mother is dead, I still had her love, and in a way, I still do. She never gave me up voluntarily. I try to crack open a book, knowing that getting behind on my school work the very first day of college classes is a bad idea, but I can’t focus.

Instead, I poke my head into the common area of our four-bedroom dorm suite to see if anyone’s around. Lexi and Gina have put their books aside and are watching TV. I join them on the couch, a bowl of popcorn between them.

“Want some?” Lexi offers me the bowl and I gladly take a handful. I try to pass it back, but neither girl wants any and I end up eating the rest of it myself. They’re watching a reality show. Not my thing, but better than homework. It’s not doing much to distract me from the anger burning inside me.  I just can’t believe Annie would disappear like this without telling Jace. It’s messed up.

“The yellow house is having people over tonight, if you guys want to go do something,” Gina suggests. Though I’m beat from the first day of classes and the emotional drain of searching for Jace, hanging out with the cross country guys sounds like a great way to get out of this funk.

Caroline opts to get started on her homework, but Gina and Lexi aren’t in the mood to study either. I don’t know if it’s because they’re sophomores, and more confident that they can get their schoolwork done eventually, or if they are just the type of people who rarely do homework. Either way, I’m happy to be going somewhere that will get me out of my own head.

Gina is the only one of us with a car, and while we could easily walk to the yellow house, we opt for laziness. I like that none of us bother changing out of our casual clothes or putting on makeup. I know this isn’t a party or anything, but it’s still a bunch of guys, and most girls would take a few minutes to stare at themselves in the mirror first.

When we get to the house, we find that we aren’t the only ones still in denial that classes have started. The house isn’t packed, but it’s more than just the cross team here. Lexi heads straight for the fridge and helps herself to a beer. “Want one?” she asks. 

Without thinking, I say sure. It’s been a long day, and it’s not like I’ll be making this a habit. Besides, everyone else in the house seems to have a drink. Gina goes for water though, and I notice Lexi scrutinizing her. Before I can determine what Lexi is thinking, a loud group of girls passes through the kitchen. 

My body tenses when I recognize two of them. One is tall and slim, with unmistakable frizzy black hair. Her soft blue eyes land on me before quickly darting away. Her name is Lizzie Valentine and she was with Frankie the night we discovered Savannah in Jace’s dorm room. She was a key witness in the police report, and was one of the reasons her former teammate got expelled from UC and pleaded guilty to several crimes against me. I’m not sure what happened to her after that. I never saw her again with Frankie, and he never mentioned her.

But it’s a different girl who makes me clench the bottle of beer in my hand and stand up straighter, preparing myself for a confrontation.  The last few times I saw her, she was wearing pigtail braids. Now, she sports a single dark brown braid down her back. Her name is Veronica Finch, and Savannah was her best friend.

Despite everything Savannah did to me, Veronica still blames
me
for Savannah’s expulsion and jail time. She made this clear when I ran into her at a coffee shop last spring. When she turns our way, she sneers at me, but doesn’t slow her pace on the way to the living room. 

“Do you know them?” Gina asks me.

I shake my head. “Not exactly.”

“Oh come on,” Lexi calls me out.  “Veronica Finch hates you because her crazy-ass friend stalked you and your boyfriend. She and Savannah were on a psycho world-domination mission. Or Brockton domination. Most know Veronica’s cray-cray, but some of her teammates probably still side with her because they were bummed to lose Savannah. For all her psycho, she was a sick soccer player.”

Gina watches my reaction, and I sigh, defeated. Gina puts an uncharacteristically gentle arm on my shoulder. “Don’t worry about it, you’ve got your own team to stick up for you now.”

And with that reassurance, we head into the living room area. I’m relieved it’s mostly familiar cross teammates hanging out. Lexi points out a half-dozen guys who are on the soccer team, but aside from them and some soccer girls, there are no new faces. 

Veronica knows I’m here, but she must think better of confronting me when we’re essentially on my territory. Instead, she’s spotted Brax Hilton and she begins making her way over to him. Brax doesn’t notice her because he’s grinning at Lexi heading in his direction.